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Not sure if you're in the Edinburgh area but would you consider contacting such as the below for support? Penumbra, linked on the front page are the people who deal with self-harming I think.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org.uk/wordpress/
Quote:
Originally Posted by stu in nottingham
I’ve donated to them through give as you earn for years now. Must be 12 years anyway
Being able to open up is the main thing. Sounds like you can do that. Tried Samaritans?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mibbes Aye
Aye, ages ago I emailed them a few times but I stopped after things got better back in March.
I'm bad at opening up face to face, not good at that at all.
A lot of counselling and therapy services have reverted to either telephone or video counselling during the pandemic. I don't think that certain services will necessarily revert straight back to working in person either when things become considered 'safe'. It appears to be going that way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
There are very good things about telephone counselling and research shows it to be effective too. Quite a few people feel anxious at the thought of face-to-face work whereas speaking on the telephone can feel less challenging for them. Maybe the current situation could work in your favour.
I'm only doing online sessions now, and the results are arguably better than face-to-face. Clients feel more comfortable in their own environment, they don't have to travel, and they don't have to deal with the anxieties of the hoops they have to jump through in a face-to-face situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by stu in nottingham
You've taken a huge step in opening up here, to people you don't know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
Hermit, I’ve PM’d you which you’ll hopefully get in good time but thought I’d share the load on here in case it helps others or makes them realise that they’re not alone.
I’m currently in a similar situation just now where a woman has directly/indirectly systematically destroyed me.
Mental health is something I’ve had from an early age, the furthest I can trace it back to would be when I was around 7/8 years old. It was something I never fully understood until I had an almighty crash in Feb 19 where I broke down in work and was whisked away to my GP by my boss. (I spoke about this at length on a Longbangers podcast).
I’d had years and years of suicidal thoughts, sometimes six or seven times a day. Didn’t matter if I was having a good day or not, it just always appeared on my horizon. To be honest, I thought this was pretty normal and that everybody suffered it and that allowed me to rationalise it.
I had a little daughter who was 18 months old when I finally left a toxic relationship and it was horrible coming to terms with not seeing her everyday. I moved out the house and went back to my mothers and focused on seeing her as much as I could. This was in the October of 2018 and as above, come the February all my problems came to the surface and I just broke down.
I had a similar phase back in 2012 when my partner and I split (we lived in Southampton at the time and I ended up moving back to Scotland leaving behind my son who was 5 at the time). That took me fully 18 months to adapt to the situation and in that period I used women, I used drugs, I drank to excess and caused a lot of worry and stress to a family who saw me hitting the self-destruct button.
Fast forward to Feb 19 and after seeing the GP, I was prescribed fluoxetine which resulted in me having some of the darkest weeks I’ve ever experienced (I came off then in Nov 19 and don’t want to go back on them again). I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t watch the telly, I had panic attacks, I spent hours staring at the ceiling, I wouldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t even look at my daughter and my mother had to care for her whilst I laid on a bed feeling empty and numb.
There was one morning when I woke up and said enough is enough and I dragged myself up. I read a book called Miracle Morning which allowed me to establish a morning routine that involved going for a walk/run, having breakfast, meditating, visualising a happier future, writing a journal and repeating positive affirmations throughout the day.
The results of this were extraordinary, I soon began to like myself, physically I was in the best shape of my life, I had the confidence inside that I only ever showed externally (I am the epitome of the sad clown) and I began to really push on.
November of 2019 saw me meet the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my life. She was everything I had ever wished for and literally ticked every box I had drawn up on my next relationship wishlist.
My family immediately loved her, we were just perfect. Six weeks into the relationship she surprised me with a new year trip to Venice which was magical. I began staying at hers more and more to the point I was there full time unless I had my daughter in which case I’d nip back to my old dears.
Come late March and with the two of us being so in love, I introduced my daughter to her which was a huge step but it was the right move. I can’t overstate how perfect the relationship was, it was effortless and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were just perfect together, a comment echoed by everyone around us who admired and envied us.
Come lockdown and with my partners business having to close due to COVID-19, we created a side business together which took off to such an extent that we agreed I would leave my job to focus on it full time with her and integrate it with her business. Again, everything was bliss. We had money, we could buy what we wanted, we done the garden, bought what we wanted and continued to spend our days and nights together in perfect harmony.
Four weeks ago when I was due to get my daughter she mentioned it would maybe be good for me to spend the weekend at my mothers so I could spend it purely with my daughter and she could spend it with her two (who I grew very fond of with the feeling being mutual).
The weekend turned into three days, then four days and then a fifth and so on. All I was told was that she needed time as her head was all over the place. It was suggested that I looked at getting my own place as there wasn’t enough space for us all and that I should also look to pursue my own career again. I was a bit taken aback given what we’d built together but I could see the merits in it in a sense. All the while, excuses were made for me not to return home which caused me concern.
This went into a week, then two weeks and then suddenly the phone calls stopped and the texts were few and far between. Eventually I got a text saying it was best if we called it a day as she wanted to be on her own.
I’m still numb, I still walk about in a daze. I can’t fathom it out. I was told I was perfect, a gentleman and that I had done absolutely nothing wrong but she just needed to be on her own.
Literally went from hero to zero overnight. The most perfect relationship you could ever imagine just vanished overnight. Gone. And with that my number has been blocked and we have no contact.
Dealing with a split is hard enough, doing it when you never saw it coming is worse and doing it when the relationship itself was absolutely perfect just adds to the confusion of it all.
It’s been the most devastating few weeks of my life. My family have had to watch me in an unimaginable pain. They can’t understand it, nobody saw it coming and to say they are disappointed in my ex partner who they absolutely adored is an understatement. I took off over a week ago and ended up walking for miles, finding myself alone in the woods crying my eyes out and thinking of the most pain free way to end it all.
Every day just feels like a bad dream. Ironically when I’m awake she isn’t there but in my dreams each night she features heavily.
I’ll probably never know the reason why, I know I’ll never understand why but it’s a situation that has left me effectively homeless, unemployed, no income and two kids to pay for.
This is rock bottom. I get the odd spurt of activity and go for a walk or lift the weights or make a decent breakfast but generally I just sit in silence, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes regularly.
I’ve tried to get back into the morning routine but I can’t seem to do two days on the trot. One minute I think I’m ok and then suddenly it hits me like a thunderbolt and I’m left stunned by it all. It just doesn’t make sense.
I had two bad break-ups before as there were kids involved but in a sense the writing was on the wall and deep down I knew it was the right thing. This split has absolutely knocked me for six. I wasn’t prepared for it, nobody was. A few weeks on and I still can’t work it out.
I hope the above, for anyone else feeling *****, gives you a wee bit of comfort in the sense that you’re not alone.
One thing is for sure, and as relayed to me by those around me, the world is a brighter place when I’m in it. I just need to find my spark again.
I'm not posting anything meaningful here other than to say the above is probably the most personal, powerful text I've ever read.
All the best PH.
That is the bravest thing I’ve ever read anywhere and anytime PH.. I wish you the best in your life . I have nothing to add other than huge respect . You deserve better [emoji120]✊️
Very powerful post PH.
I'm not sure where you are based but if you ever need any motivation to or company on a walk/run then feel free to drop me a PM.
Anyone is entitled to register at a doctor even during lockdown, where I work has been doing it but more digitally. Contact the health board if you need a Gp, they will designate you to one. Any probs then drop me a text.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
Wow PH, that's just heart-breaking. All I can say is that I hope time helps to ease your pain; you're grieving for someone who has suddenly removed themselves from your life.
So you've presumably been kicked out, but you're getting messages from her telling you she still loves you? :crazy:Quote:
Originally Posted by 90+2
This is the bit that stands out for me, PH.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
In my dark times, I always tried to look forward to that bit where I was "rock-bottom". When I got there (and it was sometiomes difficult recognising exactly where that was), I knew that it couldn't get any worse, and that things had to improve from there. And they always did.
That's probably not a lot of comfort to you at the moment (my stock answer in your situation would have been "aye ****ing right"). But, similar to HC, it's a huge step to share your story with strangers on a public board.
It’s usually been the catalyst for me as well, CWG.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
Thanks to you guys above for your kind words as well. I wrote it all in a hurry without a second look at it (I’m not sure why I wrote it in a hurry as it’s now 12.39pm and my day is done already).
Hitting rock bottom I generally start the healing process but this time just feels different. I know all the things I need to do; occupy myself, speak to people, read the right books, listen to the right things, treat myself well, learn to love myself, exercise, drink plenty water...I know that’s what I should be doing and I know I will feel better for it. In effect I have done a lot of that albeit in fits and starts. As mentioned, I suddenly just get hit with another wave of pain and it absolutely breaks me.
I won’t lie, my heart is absolutely well and truly broken. It’s made me question who I can trust in life, how can I ever let anyone in again. I’m hopeless at being single, I’m a far better person when I’m in love. And all I’ve ever wanted is that family unit; to be in love with someone and raise the children and just live a happy life full of contentment. The past ten months showed me that being in love is just the greatest feeling in the world. It sparks that inner joy in you and transcends across all aspects of your life.
Now? It just feels mind-numbingly numb. It’s pain, like an agonising pain that just deflates any sense of wellbeing.
I have a love for my daughter like no other. Of course, I love my son who is about to turn 14 however he lives down south and although we are in almost daily contact, I see him about six weeks of the year and truth be told we are best mates as well as being father and son. My daughter however, who just turned three, is just the absolute apple of my eye. It actually hurts how much I love that little girl, she’s just my princess.
Yet the love for her, for my son, for my family and friends wouldn’t stop me from ending it all. And when I was lost in the woods recently, the aforementioned wouldn’t have stopped me. The only thing that did stop me was the love my daughter has for me. As parents we love our kids unconditionally however it’s mutually reciprocated with my daughter. She absolutely adores her daddy, constantly peppers me with kisses and cuddles, is always well behaved (she’s a wee terrorist with her mother), she always says to people “this is my daddy”, when we are in company she naturally gravitates towards me and wants me to pick her up and hold her and well, she’s just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She’s my angel. It was that and that alone that persuaded me to kibosh my aimless walk and head for “home”.
I just want to be happy. And for what I bring to the world as a person (I know I’m likeable and well loved), is it too much to ask? I gave that woman my absolute heart and soul and treated her like a princess, and I got that back in return in spades.
To have that demolished overnight has just completely broken me in two. And despite possessing all the tools I know I need to pick myself up, the sheer pain of it all rides roughshod over any ambitions to pick myself up. I know that time is a healer, but I think this one is going to take its time.
I’m flying to Turkey tomorrow for a week, just by myself, to just get away from everything and everyone (my daughter is down south for the week so I wouldn’t have seen her this weekend anyway) and I hope it will be a week of relaxing, getting the head straight, the mindset right and getting a bit of sun on my back. My biggest fear is that I’ll be thousands of miles from those closest to me, alone and feeling miserable. Ive never travelled alone. In fact, I’ve been abroad twice in the last 8 years and they were weekend breaks.
To those of you who are in relationships and love your partner, I hope the above will spark a wee light in you to give them a big kiss when you see them next and treasure what you’ve got as I wouldn’t wish this **** on my biggest enemy; I wouldn’t even wish this on my ex despite her being the architect of this pain.
The same here and I agree with you about the results. I've read a few sources saying it actually has better results. I've been doing telephone consulations and occasional Zoom sessions for the past six months since lockdown began. Prior to this, maybe 50% of my work was carried out via the telephone. I was asked to give a talk about ttelephone counselling to colleagues last year as there had been some resistance to it, mainly framed as the loss of seeing visual cues and clues.. That resistance has now passed on to video counselling to a degree. I really think 'telehealth' needs to be embraced.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
I'm informed that DNA rates are slightly lower and certainly, it seems that some of the best client feedback I receive is from telephone clients. It's convenient for some clients who would find it difficult to attend F2F sessions otherwise, parents at home providing childcare, shift workers, even those who cannot attend in office hours can have a session in their lunch break at work. For the type of clients I sometimes see, money for travelling can be an issue.
For the practitioner it's time-efficient and it's easy to work hands-free and utilise materials whilst talking.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ay-in-good-way
I know im not the only one on here to have recovered from crap mental health by running. Great news today that Parkrun will be restarting this weekend in England, guidance for Scotland to follow. Even if you dont think its for you, give it a try just once. Edinburgh Parkrun is at Cramond along the seafront, but running by yourself or in a group competitively or just for fun can give your whole system a boost.
My brother's wife is coming down to Devon to take me home to Cambridge, my ex wife doesn't want me to see my daughter cos I'm a liability. She will be here soon, my bro is on this site so will see this probably. I have been really struggling for ages, my physical health is close to deteriation but I need to get better. I'm at my mum's house and everybody thinks I'm in a total state. Today I sat next to my dad's grave stome, (Aye, in Devon, long story) I totally get the kids thing, I miss my wee girl I'm an older guy, I'm 54 she's five. It breaks my heart I can't see her or spend time with her. That's who I live for. I get random messages from her mum's phone, they keep me going. Sorry if this comes across as negative. Going for a walk in the lovely Devonshire country side.
Irrespective of what your ex wife thinks you are, you are your daughter’s father and should be able to see her.Quote:
Originally Posted by wpj
Yea, I will see her soon. Just need to get my S!the togetherQuote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
My brother will read this and I know he and his wife will look after me. I'm very lucky. Could be a few days I'm Liverpool. My family are everywhere.
The anguish and distress that has been shared on this thread has truly humbled me, I really don’t know what to say, the courage of those that have posted is remarkable it really is. You speak to people on message boards that you have never met, sometimes you disagree, you might even have a dig at them and you have absolutely no idea of what sort of place they are in or how they feel and how you can impact them.
I can offer no advice or personal experience but I sincerely applaud you guys for being able to share your experiences and hope that somehow with help you eventually manage to find true happiness in your lives. I have never felt so overwhelmed emotionally just by reading a post, HC & PH in particular, you guys please don’t ever give up.
Some powerful reading here. I'm just glad you're all here to share. I've had my ups and downs like anyone in life, especially during childhood but nothing like what you guys have as adults. I hope you all manage a way to channel your obvious talents and powerful thoughts into something positive that gives you joy.
I'm now unable to type. This awful IL mess is a daily battle.
I am functioning g but not really
One step at a time.Quote:
Originally Posted by wpj
Haha I only have one functional leg. I enjoy hopping though. Two heart attacks and a stroke have broken me pretty much. I do rock a green cane! Big up to all who post here. The Devon sunshine has been a major boost to my health. I was born here and became a Hibee, my dad worked in dockyards and we went to Scotland. My dad was an Argyle man so I chose Hibernian, a lifetime passion that to this day I love.
@ Pedantic Hibee
Now I know people on this board know me personally and I work with some of them and if any of this was ever repeated I would be very disappointed in them, I know this is a public message board but its taken me a long time building up to post this so please keep this private and confidential. Thank you.
Before my son came along we had a great relationship, always had fun, going out, going on holidays etc and generally just enjoyed each others company. It was after my son was born that the problems started. We had to buy a house and fast, the problem was we had never actually lived together before that at apart from me staying at her flat a few days at a time because at the time I still stayed with my folks.
We found a house and put our savings together and got enough for a deposit, we moved in early Feb 18 less than a month before my son was born. It was a complete shock, a game changer becoming a parent, both of us didn't have a clue although she coped far better than me. I made a right shop front of it. I just continued to go to every Hibs game home and away and just totally left her to it. I never interacted with with my boy, never helped her out and and continued to do the football and nights out. She then suffered from post natal depression and anxiety which put her off work for 6 months, I still didn't help though, I still continued to play the single mans game (I never ever cheated though) by going out all the time etc. Eventually she cracked, she asked me to change and move out for a bit in Oct 19. I convinced her to let me stay on the pretence that I would change and I did for a short period of time before I soon slotted back into my old ways of football and drinking. She asked mr to go and see a councillor with her on Tuesday and do you know what I did? I went to Preston v Man City in the Carabao cup, I drove down to preston to an EFFING football match instead of going to see about sorting our relationship. Madness, absolute madness.
Eventually in Dec 19 she asked me to move out for a short period of time, I went to my parents in January this year and ended up staying there until the end of February. During that time at my folks I was so mad with myself and upset of course as I thought that it was over. I stepped up my game, did absolutely everything she ever asked of me in regards to looking after my son, spending time with him and even paying off her credit card to ensure she was debt free, made sure she always had a full fridge and freezer etc. Between January and March I had crammed about 18months of bonding into 3 months and I was delighted that my son would shout daddies home when I came round to the house. I was also determined to win her back and get our relationship back on track. Covid didn't not help though as lockdown restrictions severely hampered my plans.
Around the middle of March this year I finally convinced her that I was a changed man and she let me come back, initially it was only going to be a few days at a time to build up to getting back together permanently which was fine with me but then something unthinkable happened that absolutely knackered the whole thing. I got hospitalised with a very rare condition called Erythema Multiforme Major.
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/erythema-multiforme/ Google the images and you'll see how horrific it was. Got some light permanent scarring on my hands and arms.
I was bedridden for a whole week before I was eventually admitted to hospital as I just couldn't move, every time I stood up I was going to collapse, I couldn't eat or drink either, I was covered in a horrible painful rash all over my body apart from my head. Whilst in hospital I collapsed whilst getting a chest X-ray done and I tell you if thats how you go you do not feel a thing. I woke up on the floor with about 6 people around me someone shouting his blood pressures dropping lets get him moved quickly. I lost 3 stone in 2 weeks as I never ate anything other than some of the hospital meals and drank water. Being in hospital with no visitors was tough, I never even had a toilet in my room, I had one window and a bed pan. I was in the covid holding ward. I even had 2 biopsies taken from my elbow but they still couldn't work out what caused this virus to start. Got 3 covid tests and all were negative. I was released at my request after 5 days but I should have stayed in as I was still ill and small things like standing up and going upstairs put me out of breath. It took me over 2 months to get my strength back and put on a bit of weight so that I looked normal again. All this was during strictest lockdown as well so I couldn't leave the house or see anyone.
After I recovered my partner was how shall we say all frosty again, totally different to when just before I got ill when we were getting on great. I tried my best to please her but nothing worked, I did everything I could around the house, taking my boy out so she could get rest etc. I just plodded along for a few months trying to be the best dad and partner I could until one day I couldn't take the cold shoulder anymore and I just cracked and asked her what the problem with me was. She told me she didn't love me and couldn't forgive me for not being there for the first 18 months of my boys life. I totally get that but I thought I'd made amends by stepping up and being a great dad and partner. I even changed my shifts at work so I am at home everyday instead of being away to London upto 6 nights a week and in doing so I done myself out of 10k a year in overtime. I didn't care about the money though as I was there for my boy. I even jacked in the football and season ticket so I could spend days with my boy.
So we had split and we agreed to both still live together as renting another place just wasn't an option for either of us. It started out fine and we really got on great to be honest, still no chance of rekindling though. I slowly but surely defended into a darker and darker place, I just couldn't bear not being a couple and being there living together. It is really tough and I slowly started thinking worse case scenarios and of course it was all in my head. Started thinking about ending it all and then the self harming started. It doesn't even hurt, my arms look like they've been attacked by a cat. Cuts everywhere. When I went off grid the other week of course I considered suicide. Was I really going to do it? I think I was until I was sat with Definitely Maybe on in the car staring down the pier in the storm and Live Forever was on. The line 'We'll see things they'll never see' struck at me because if I stay alive I've got the chance to see things they'll never see with my boy. My suffering would be over but it would be only the beginning of suffering for my boy and family and friends so I started my car and drove off and headed back towards home.
Im still very deeply hurt and madly in love with my boys mum. That is not going to change anytime soon, I pray that in the future if I get help and cut out the self harming nonsense then her feelings MAY change. I'm 36 today and we had a blazing row earlier after which I apologised for my outburst and I did ask her to let me know in the future if her feelings change and she kind of hinted a wee bit that if I get help and get sorted then who knows what could happen. I'm 100% not interested in anyone else and of course I'm not thinking for 1 minute that its dead cert we will get back together but its something for me to work towards. I'm absolutely head over heels for her. She is the mother of my child, an amazing woman and I have no doubt that I will love her until the day I do die.
Thats my story so far. I'm away for a lie down now.
HC, I saw you 'come back' post on the other thread a minute or so after you'd posted it, I was over the moon you were back but I'm struggling myself so didn't post.
I've just read the post above and really appreciate the massive struggle you've shared, you are not alone, your post has helped me a bit tonight and I want you to keep in mind many of the .net community can help with chats and stuff and even you posting the above has helped me.
Take care mate.
Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
Wow. What a post, HC. Likewise, there’s people on here who know me and I would hope they would respect my wishes too.
You’ve got a woman there who loves you and wants the best version of you for her, for your boy and most importantly for you.
Reading between the lines, you’ve got it in you too. You know you can do it. It’s the putting the wheels in motion that is the toughest part. I know that feeling all too well.
Ultimately, and selfishly speaking about myself, I know I’ll never get that perfect woman back (even after the pain she’s caused, she is still perfect in my eyes) but I need to get better for myself and for my children because it’s the very least that I and my kids deserve.
You’ve got a good chance there of rekindling with your boy’s mum but even if you didn’t, you need to bounce back and be happy as yourself and happy for the laddie. Learn to love yourself. When you’re in a good place the world seems a nicer place and nice things and nice people come into your life.
I don’t know if you’re much of a reader but the Miracle Morning was a big help to me when I read it last year. Strangely enough, the 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins is also a simple yet fantastic book.
Huge respect for speaking up. I know how difficult it is to do so but it’s also quite cathartic in a way.
If you had one hour left to live, what would you spend it talking about? Whatever it is and whoever those people are, prioritise them but most importantly, prioritise on you and bouncing back.
I’m with you every step of the way 💚
Just read your post above HC.
I had a mate in a similar situation a couple of years ago. His partner fell out of love with him and asked him to leave the home he shared with her and their daughter. He was in bits, hit the bottle, was out his face every weekend and half the week as well, was eating crap, piled on weight and was a mess. He was basically battering himself and was thus prevented from seeing his daughter which restarted the whole cycle.
Eventually he worked his way through that and started going to to gym, eating a bit better, shaving every other day, drinking less and he started to look good. It wasn't for anyone except himself and his daughter because he knew she needed him. At 1st there was a bit of hostility from his ex and an attitude of 'why wouldn't you do this for me?'. However she slowly came round and he sees his daughter regularly again, looks great and is in a good place physically and mentally. There was no fairytale ending as far as his relationship went but things are amicable now, his ex has even told him she is proud of him.
Hang in there and focus on you and your relationship with your son, he needs his daddy and the rest will take care of itself in time.
Everything I tried to say, but delivered far more eloquently.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Boy
I've posted on this very page before its comforting in a way knowing that ther eis other guys out there who have the same illness and there is a page on here where we can discuss without being judged.
I've suffered with depression for as long as I can remember however since 2012 I've since been diagnosed with PTSD depression anxiety and OCD, I've got arthritis of the spine and lumber disc disease so one fuels the other, 2 years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life I walked away from a 10 year relationship at that point we were behaving issues with our daughters own mental health I had just taken on a new role and the pressure was getting far too much, I asked for a 2 week break and was granted that complete understanding, however during that 2 weeks my life fell apart I lost my job where I was living so became homeless and lost her for good, I've lived in homeless b&b in my car temp homeless accommodation however for the last year I'm now in my own wee house and do some work here and there I even met someone yet since covid I've had no contact and that's been her who stopped, yes she was in an unhappy relationship but I was allegedly the best thing in her life and if she lost me it would drive her crazy, no contact from her actually allowed me to focus on who and what I wanted and needed and that wa smy ex and daughter back in my life full time, I've had 3 failed suicide attempts the most recent was in dec, I had a great day with my ex and my daughter came home took some pills cleaned my house ran a bath took more pills then took more pills, my ex called I was out of it she had no opinion to call the police they attended noticed the letter I had wrote and was admitted to the royal ed, there is issues still ongoing in the background I'm.praying and hoping that I get the outcome I need and want if not everything is gone again, I cry every day but the positive is I have absolutely no medication in the house at all not even ibuprofen I haven't had a touch of alcohol in 6 years, the thought of losing the people I love and care about greatly scares me to death but at the same time I think their life would be better without me in it if only i could see into the future then at least i know what action i can take.
I hope everybody else on here finds the strength.
As I've said to a friend your stronger than you realise and loved, cared for needed and wanted more than you will ever know yet I never feel that for myself
Sent from my SM-A705FN using Tapatalk
Ffs, very moving stuff (the post you refer to Dave). I thought I had a problem or two but, perhaps not. 😢Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveF
What a thread this is.
A lot of interesting posts, just shows that anyone can be impacted by mental health with things that are happening and nobody should be afraid to talk about it.
Ive been through a **** storm the last couple of years with my now thankful ex, I've told family and a lot of close friends about the things that were going on but to try and explain everything has been difficult as I didn't think I would be believed.
The bottom line is she was an abuser,not physically. Had me isolated from friends, putting me down at every opportunity, the behaviour id encountered was nothing like I have ever experienced.
Gas lighting me regularly, lying to me a lot, never knew what gas lighting was until I started looking into her behaviour then I uncovered the dark murky world of narcissistic abuse.
I was being treated like something on the sole of her shoe, everyone told me to leave and walk away but I didn't and stupidly thought she would change, i thought if I tried harder with things then the behaviour would improve, it didn't.
My mental health took an absolute battering, stopped going to games (even though I had a fully paid season ticket) stopped socialising and became withdrawn, regularly making excuses about why I could meet up with family/friends.
The only thing I did do was work more and more, I felt for me that this was my coping mechanism to try and deal with everything that was going on (burying the head in the sand)
I work in an office Monday to Friday and also do deliveries for a retailer in my spare time, I found I was doing my day job then going out basically every night delivering as well sometimes 6/7 nights a week.
I done this for well over a year and in the end I was absolutely burnt out, had nothing left to give. I wasn't tidying up, cleaning or looking after myself properly and my head was absolutely fried.
I had seen a Councillor a couple of times in an attempt to untangle the mess and get me thinking straight. i started to think a bit clearer and thankfully at the beginning of the year I finally found the courage to kick her into touch after 8 1/2 years, been a hard lesson to learn and I've learned a lot about myself while "in recovery" I still do get a few days where I am absolutely drained but the "head in a vice" like feeling that I had has lifted.
Hands down, the worst thing I have every experienced in my life but I am in a far better position now than what I was
There's no shortage of people here for you mate.Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigHibee
Powerful post, Craig. The mother of my daughter was similar although not to the extremes you had to endure.
I’m glad you managed to break free of it. As much as you can have family and friends telling you to leave, it’s difficult to see the bigger picture when you’re in the relationship and especially if it’s someone you love. You convince yourself that you can “fix” them but it rarely happens.
Glad you’ve recovered and are in a better place.
thanks mateQuote:
Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY
thanks mateQuote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
i was completely oblivious to the abuse to start with it was just subtle things then i started to latch on with some of the stuff that was going on such as having conversations with her then her denying she said certain things or "that didn't happen"
i'm definitely in a far better place than i was, just ran myself into the ground with it all and thankfully found the way out. it is easy for folk to say "just leave", i've said that to friends in the past when they've been having relationship issues however, i think until you are in the same situation you don't realise how difficult it can be.
Went down to the local medical centre today to try and register with the surgery. Got told I wasn't allowed to be in the building and I will have to phone a 0300 number to register, told them I needed to speak to a GP urgently but every time I phone the number all I get is a recorded message saying theres a high amount of calls and then the call gets cut off. Having to jump through hoops to get to see a GP when I really need to, this is not helping at all. Getting royally pissed off with this.
On the plus side My Adidas Kölns have just arrived so thats cheered me up a bit.
https://services.nhslothian.scot/Men...s/default.aspxQuote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
I don't know if this will helpp you
Sent from my SM-G975U1 using Tapatalk
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenworld
Thanks but they're not doing walk ins just now which is ideally what I need because of shift work. Been trying to call the surgery every 30 minutes or so and I still cant get through, still get the same high volume of calls message. :grr:
Phone your MSP. If people are saying it's possible but you are getting nowhere, let them earn their money and help a constituent out. Long shot, but you never know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
I've read many of these recent posts, and have been truly heart broken for each of you. I wouldn't normally have thought to share my story, but I will, to hopefully give some hope to anyone. Its not as hard hitting as what others have shared, but I am further down the line from it now.
A good few years ago, I was in a long term relationship, and in a job that I hated, where in hindsight I was really struggling mentally, and was in some regards being bullied by people higher up the structure.
Because of what was happening at work, my relationship was the positive in my life, even though again with hindsight it was falling apart as well. She wasn't nasty or abusive, but I was slowly and steadily being shut out of my own relationship. At the time we both lived with our respective parents, and had previously spent so much time together, but this was becoming rarer and rarer. I'd be suggesting going for a meal, going to the cinema, hell even just spending time together watching tv, and would always get pushed away. More than once, she told me she couldn't fit me for 3 weeks or more.
At the same time, she was suddenly going out with her pals all the time (hence why she couldn't fit me in), at one point I even found out she'd been out on night out when she'd told me she was getting an early night. During all of this, it was made clear that this was my problem, i was basically getting shrugged at when I asked why I couldn't see her, and told i'd have to wait until she'd had time with her pals.
I moved into my own place, asked her to move in, said she wouldn't need to pay a thing, I'd even drive her to work every morning, and she shut the conversation down every time I spoke about it.
My friends were all asking why I was accepting being treated this way, that I was better than that and deserved to be treated better, but I kept making excuses for her. We'd argue, often about how I was feeling, but I always defended her to friends, even when they were spelling it out to me.
It came to a head right before a christmas, where after a blazing row, we suddenly calmly talked about taking a break. Comically, this led to a period of time where I felt we were closer than we'd been for a long time, talking every day, making time for each other (rather than me having to beg and chase for any time). In the March, we'd made arrangements to meet in town and have a meal. We'd barely had the food put down when she just calmly says I don't want to be with you, don't want us, don't want to see you or talk to you.
I was stunned, I don't remember how I got home that night. I tried to find out why, and was either ignored or told she couldn't tell me. Several mutual friends dropped me like a stone (I was never abusive, violent, I didn't/don't drink, never cheated. I'm not perfect by any means, but I wasn't a bad partner).
I went off the rails, and started being out all the time, had brief things with several women, would arrive home in wee hours and be back out for work shortly after. I had all sorts of dark thoughts, suicide was a regular thought, and has revisited from time to time. Things at work got worse, I stopped giving a **** about it (which is not me at all), it was made clear that my work would never be considered good enough (it was but I was a target) and ultimately chose to leave. Self confidence and self esteem were in the toilet, I'd lost almost all the structure and anchors of my life.
I spent several months struggling to make mortgage payments, before finding another job, until I joined the company I'm still with now, and within 6 months found a job that I love. The exact same day I started with the company, I met someone who was , and now have a wee girl who's just over a year old.
When I read this back, it seems pretty pathetic, and nothing compared to some other's experiences, I hope though that someone may read this a take some hope that things can get better.
Apologies for the lengthy post
I agree. The MSP is Colin Beattie and if its the Riverside Practice in Musselburgh you're meaning HC, he is fully aware of the problems they've been having there with people being unable to get through on the phones.Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveF
Powerful read, very open and frank. And no need whatsoever to apologise for you feeling it was a lengthy post. Better to say what you feel than hold something back.Quote:
Originally Posted by McD
Love is a powerful drug. You get blinded to all the things normal thinking people would do.Quote:
Originally Posted by McD
No matter what people say you are wired differently and totally ignore all the advice and comments.
The journey you have been through is horrible but so recognizable.
Your not a alone ,your story is more common than you think .
Delighted you have moved on stay strong [emoji172]
Sent from my SM-G975U1 using Tapatalk
My partner and kids are registered with Riverside and she can never get an appointment. I'm with the Inveresk practice (based in the same building) and never have any problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiber-nation
Registration forms online at https://invereskmedical.org.uk/homepage/registering-with-the-practice/
Not sure re the rules for registering mind you.
HC - would calling NHS24 help, maybe they can help get things moving.
Such humbling, heartfelt stories and ones where we can all learn from each others' experiences.
I hadn't intended to go into a long story but many of the raw emotions being expressed here feel so familiar from my own past. One or two here will possibly recall that I lost my partner to suicide. it was six years ago now and life hasn't by any means been easy at times, especially in those earlier years afterwards.
Sue had a shocking death that was totally traumatic. After some years of struggling with a personality disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) she could take no more, God bless her, and took herself to a multi-storey car park in Nottingham city centre, positioned herself on the ledge and according to witness accounts rolled over the edge and into eternity.
I had been at work that day. The city traffic was gridlocked on my journey home to the suburb I live in. I had no idea of the reason why until the police arrived at my home shortly after me to rush me to the hospital, blues and twos blazing, slenderly hanging on to iife. She passed on shortly afterward through her internal injuries and I performed the most difficult task of my life in identifying her afterwards. The nurse forwarned me that she 'didn't look pretty'. I went in that room and said my goodbyes to Sue. The image of her broken face flashed back to me so many times in the weeks and months afterwards. It just wouldn't leave me.
I went home that night in a state of shock, refused to stay with friends, slept in my own bed, cried myself to sleep and woke up crying bitter and uncontrollable tears. My sister and some friends came to the house the next day. Sue had been taking multiple medications for her problems and the house had become full of the stuff. I asked a friend to take it all out of the house because I wanted to die myself and didn't trust myself with it. I know that the amount of suicide survivors in the first year of losing someone attempting suicide themselves is quite high and yes, I certainly wanted to die and could not, did not, want to see a future.
It hadn't just been the pain of a sudden and traumatic death. The three years before that had, I have to say, been an absolute living hell every single day, trying to live with the abuse I received daily. Emotional, financial and even physically at times.
So I relate this story - not as some horrible top trumps kind of tale to say 'look at the rubbish that happened to me'. I relate it in support of my brothers here. It is to reassure you in some small way that life DOES go on. Life is not always a bowl of cherries that is for sure but after some time I found fulfilment in my life - from helping other in my case. I was previously involved in carrying out psychological research. These days, whatever abilties I may have are focused in supporting others who are going through tough times. I'm not going for sainthood here - it's very good for my well-being too. I am probably happier or at least more content than in many years.
The big message I want to relay to all my friends here, met and unmet, is to persevere and understand that if you do, good things can and will happen. I was down and out for the count. I was done and over and couldn't envisage a future. I clung on by my fingernails for some reason, maybe its just my nature or the way I was brought up, and. you know, life is fine, it really is.
I sincerely wish you lads the same. it can happen, believe me.
Agree with that. They can and will help I think.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibby70
Number is 111.
https://www.nhs24.scot/our-services/...ho-to-speak-to
Quote:
Originally Posted by stu in nottingham
I remember that time Stu, where you were able to share some of what had happened, and articulate your struggles. I'm so glad that you've been able to find some happiness and/or contentment
Piece in the EEN today.
https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.c...e-help-2966807
Quote:
The bravest thing anyone can do in this toxic masculine world is say ‘Hey, I need some help’
In a very personal piece to mark World Suicide Prevention Day, Evening News reporter Jacob Farr shares his story of how he got the help he needed
I was stuck in a monotonous existence, working in a financial call centre drudging through phone calls from pensioners on their last legs, inputting figures on spreadsheet after spreadsheet.
It’s fair to say I had given up on life, I felt there was no purpose or meaning, and that I ultimately had nothing to offer the world.
The feeling was the same when it came to friends and family, one of being a burden and a struggle they could be relieved of if I would just take the final plunge.
I won’t go into the details of the various schemes concocted to end my life, but instead I’d like to speak about how those days are in the rear view mirror and what led to me getting here.
My childhood was at times traumatic but it was as a whole, relatively happy. It was not until I became a teenager that I began to fall into the darkness.
From 17-25 I struggled, having attempted to take my own life as a teen.
I got good enough grades to get into Kent University to study Classics, having been indoctrinated with a fascination of history and society by both parents.
I did OK academically but I never felt like I belonged. A boy from Cleri doing Classics just never added up. This led to an Imposter Syndrome that still sticks to my skin today.
After graduating I really struggled. Jumping between jobs I was constantly having The Black Dog take chunks out of my consciousness, with the feeling of not belonging hanging over me.
But it all turned around gradually in a process that took patience and understanding.
When my partner moved in with me in 2016, my healing really began.
Through having the support in-house, she encouraged me to contact the doctors, to attend appointments and even drove me to my CBT sessions – not to mention buying a dog to keep me company when I was signed off from work.
I cannot express how important seeking help was in my recovery, something as simple as attending an appointment could have drastically positive effects for my self esteem.
My friends and family were also always by my side listening and picking me up when I was emotionally or financially unstable.
Through that extremely lucky foundation I was able to become more open, and that allowed my honesty to flourish and blossom, which meant I could better process my feelings of self-loathing.
Antidepressants just never seemed to work for me, but instead physical exercise in the form of losing golf balls and cutting out alcohol consumption was revolutionary – as was opening up to other men about how I felt in spaces like Andy’s Man Club.
I began writing a lot, becoming infatuated with current affairs and developing my own website. The pet project led to me securing a dream job with the Evening News, a paper I grew up reading.
And tomorrow night I will be sitting on my settee in a virtual JPI Media awards ceremony not giving a hoot if I win Community Journalist of the Year, but instead celebrating the fact I always held on to tomorrow. And so should you.
To anyone out there in a similar position, please do not give up, no matter how dark it may seem at the time, open up to those around you and seek help.
Message from mental health charity SAMH
If you or someone you know cannot keep yourself safe, please seek help immediately.
You can go to any hospital Accident & Emergency department. Call 999 and ask for an ambulance if you can’t get to A&E, or tell someone and ask them to contact 999 for you.
If you need some support right now, but don’t want to go to A&E, you can call NHS 24 on 111. You can also call the Samaritans on 116 123, they’re open 24 hours and are there to listen. If you’d prefer to text someone, Shout is a volunteer-run, 24/7 crises text service, free on all major mobile networks, for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. Text SHOUT 85258.
While SAMH doesn’t have a crisis or listening service, our Information Team can help connect you with support and information. Our team are available Mon-Fri, 9am - 5pm (except on Bank Holidays) on 0344 800 0550.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peevemor
Terrific article, thanks for sharing
Thanks very much mate, it's appreciated.Quote:
Originally Posted by McD
I think it's important for people to see and understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel, through all the pain and when things can feel desperate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stu in nottingham
Very welcome mate, its always stayed with me the sheer emotion behind your words and experiences, and the bravery to not just share what had happened, but to open up about how you were feeling, and the depth of that. I suspect that you've empowered others on here to do the same
I agree about that importance, that's really why I shared my life events earlier in the thread also, to maybe give a bit of hope to anyone who is feeling incredibly low and desperate as you said. Life can start to improve and you can find some kind of peace and happiness
Thank you to all who have shared. It lets me know that I am not alone in struggling and that there are ways to get to a better place. Many days it’s hard to see how it can be done and often there is no rhyme or reason to why I am having a bad day.
My second full day on holiday in Antalya and I have to say it’s done wonders for my state of mind. Generally just sat by myself listening to music in 37 degree heat. You could argue that I’m bored but when I think about, I’m just sat there without thinking any negative thoughts. There’s no real positive thoughts either in fairness but I’m largely on a lounger just staring ahead and, dare I say at peace.
Time and money permitting, I’d recommend it to those who just need to get away and spend a bit of time on their own.
Fingers crossed I fly back to Edinburgh with a renewed sense of vigour.
There are some incredibly courageous posts on this thread; enormous respect to all. I hope sharing your problems has proved cathartic in some small way. I don't think we realise how common such problems are; we are still supposed to present a stiff upper lip and not discuss such heavy issues, which isn't helpful, as it further stigmatises the vulnerability we all experience at some point. A crisis can hit anyone at any time and it's essential to have an outlet to a sympathetic ear. I hope of all you currently experiencing deep anguish will find a solution. In the meantime keep posting on here, without fear of being judged, if you think it might help in some small way.
Hermit crab, it's good to hear from you again. Pedantic Hibee, thanks for sharing your story. I found it very powerful.
I live with my dad so, there's almost always someone else in the house, he's been away on a fishing trip for the best part of a week, it turns out that being alone in the house with only your own thoughts for company isn't much fun. Living by yourself must be a massive trigger for depressing folk.
At least he'll be back tomorrow.
Loneliness is a huge issue which is rarely considered. It's a problem which affects the elderly (widows and widowers) on a large scale, but isn't confined to them. Ironically, it's the big cities, where people are most numerous, that can be loneliest, because often the sense of community that exists in smaller places isn't present. It's easy to get lost amongst a huge crowd. This sense of isolation has been exacerbated for many recently, due to lockdown.Quote:
Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY
You and your da can get your bets oan the morra :agree:
The thing with loneliness is there is some studies that suggest it is more prevalent among the young than the elderly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibernia&Alba
I think social media excaberates that in a lot of ways. So many people give the impression of having the perfect life that it creates a false sense of reality that is impossible to measure up to. In an age of remote everything, amplified by an ongoing lockdown, it's so easy to become disconnected and excluded from society.
I worry about the looming mental health crisis that is on the horizon. I think we sometimes downplay how much of a lifeline pubs and clubs, community centres, churches, libraries and so on are for people who are otherwise alone.
I've been humbled reading this thread the last few days.
Truely hope every brave soul that has shared their horrible experiences with us can somehow keep finding some sort of light in their mental struggles.
It takes a lot to share what you have.
Peace and love to fellow Hibbies.
Interesting point which may well have merit, as online 'friendships' (and he we are on .net) are no substitute for real human relationships based upon mutual understanding. However, and conversely, they can offer an outlet for some who lack such relationships, thus helping them in a way which didn't exist in the pre-internet era. I suppose it's a double edged sword, sometimes negative and sometimes positive, depending on the person.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Boy
PB - you're final paragraph rings true for me, I don't have a lot of experience of living on my own, one thing I will say though is, it's not much fun.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Boy
I hope he has a few tips when he returns.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibernia&Alba
I'm going to have a Northern Soul YouTube frenzy after this Watford game is finished, should cheer me up a bit. 😎
What better way to give yourself a lift, Hutchy?Quote:
Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY
Keep The Faith
I'm now onto 80s foreign tunes! Opus, Kaoma etc! 😀Quote:
Originally Posted by stu in nottingham
Scorpions not cheering me up much. Might be time for Joe le taxi.
Brother Louie then bed time!
Ayy that's so good to hear PH! Sounds like bliss, particularly during this time that the UK starts getting chilly again. Really positive stuff that travelling/holidays are something you now know you're able to enjoy independently too, IIRC you said you hadn't really done it before, significant marker that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
Take care and have fun! Very jealous. 😁
That's interesting, I function better on my own. That's not to say I sometimes get lonely but mostly I prefer my own company.Quote:
Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY
I have posted on here my health issues both mental and physically. The last few months has been really tough but family and friends have (literally as I live in Cambridge) gone out of their way to help. I have also had loads of support from NHS, social services, GP, and many more so while I do live alone I haven't been lonely.
Long story short there will be major changes over the next year or so, mostly positive but there will be challenges that go with that which I will deal with as and when, I have to!
Biggest thing I am dealing with is not having seen my wee girl (5) for months now and that's really tough. Even the facetime sessions appear to have stopped. I will try again, everyday, you all take care
W
There's a wee series on BBC4 the now called: 'Mindful Escapes: Breathe, Release, Restore'
I've just watched episode 2, and found it a relaxing way to spend 30 minutes. It uses images from the natural world, with commentary from a mindfulness practitioner. Thought it wouldn't do any harm to bring it to the attention of those using this thread.
Had a good couple of days where I was just pretty much in the moment. Wasn’t looking ahead or behind, nothing negative or positive; just chilling by the pool listening to music.Quote:
Originally Posted by Vault Boy
Until last night where my mate messaged a screenshot of my ex who is now back on tinder. So much for needing to be on her own and be single for a long while! I won’t lie, my heart stopped when I saw it. Disbelief, pain and then anger. It went through me like an absolute knife to the point I had friends and family phoning me constantly to make sure I’m ok given in thousands of miles from home on my own.
Women can be ****ing despicable sometimes. It’s actually disgusting behaviour.
That sounds like EXACTLY what you need right now PH. It's very mindfulness-like. Maybe you can pursue something that provides a similar feeling to a degree now you're back home, using those methods?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
That is a horrible thing for you have to tolerate at this time, I'm really sorry. I'm certain your friend meant well but maybe sending you a screen grab of that is not very helpful at this time. It would be unnatural that you didn't want to see it, out of curiosity. I think the great temptation is to look at these things over and over and it can be really punishing. A little like staying connected on social media. I wonder if you would feel able to delete this and ask that no more information about that is forwarded to you?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
Anger took over. I’m well shot off her. My mates are well meaning, one of them has already tried to set me up with someone to dull the pain 🙈Quote:
Originally Posted by stu in nottingham
It hit me extremely hard last night and this morning but I’ve let it pass. It is what it is, I now know I can do so much better than her. Absolute fraud.
Good for you mate. Yes, I know people mean well. Listen to yourself on this, you've more than shown here that you can and will deal with this situation.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
If someone is suicidal can they check themselves into hospital for treatment or would they get turned away?
Don’t know HC. Samaritans would - tel number: 116123.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
Hope you are OK big man ....
If they presented at A&E they would be assessed and seen. Some A&Es have an emergency psychiatric team on site, otherwise they should be able to call in a crisis team.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
111, The Samaritans, Calm etc are other options.
You will never be turned away If you express suicidal feelings. Here we have mental health crisis teams which are comprised of mh nurses, a psychiatrist , social workers and so on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
This sounds similar.
https://services.nhslothian.scot/MentalHealthAssessmentService/Pages/default.aspx
Please don’t hesitate if you feel you need help HC. Here to talk also if you need it mate.
Firstly, thanks to the admin team for their support with posting this.
I have been both saddened and humbled to read the increasing number of stories in this thread. It’s important we keep talking as there is still too much stigma surrounding this topic.
I am embarking on 45km walk across 4 days during September starting on the 18th as part of Lloyds Banking Group’s “Walk The Talk” fundraising initiative to help raise money for our charity partner, Mental Health UK. The walk will include climbing 3 Munros on Saturday in the Cairngorms.
My team expect to raise thousands of pounds for the charity and I have set a personal goal of £750 which has already been surpassed.
Mental Health UK is here for anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They are made up of four organisations based in each of the four nations of the UK, working together to improve mental health. Charity Registration No. 1170815
It’s tough at the moment and we are all living in strange times. Please do not feel obliged to donate, but if you are supportive and financially able to your contribution will be greatly appreciated. LBG will double whatever I raise through matched giving.
I have personally seen first hand how this charity has supported members of my team with their own mental health and wellness challenges.
Cheers and look forward to keeping you updated on how I tackle the 45km!
https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/rossvincent90
Ross
Hope you have got or are getting the help you need.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
I'm assuming you mean yourself HC (apologies if not) and there is good advice from others posted above. A hospital would not turn you away; they have a duty of care to all patients who present themselves. I really hope you can start to feel better soon; it must be hell. Keep in touch on here, if you can, and let us know how you're getting on. All the best.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
I'd deliberated over posting this, due to the incredible bravery and subsequent support posters have been giving. It'd been such a powerful read the last few days and I would encourage anyone and everyone to continue sharing
I mentioned last week I was awaiting results from Vitamin D test that I done independently after listening to an incredible podcast on the impact it can have.
Results come back that I have a deficiency, almost half of what the professionals deem to be a "normal" level. As such I've significantly upped my dose and probably haven't been feeling as lethargic - that is one of the key drivers for my depression so i'm hopeful that it continues in such a manner.
I'd recommend the test to anyone that either doesn't know their level or should you display the symptoms of a deficiency
Where did you get the test done?Quote:
Originally Posted by GreenNWhiteArmy
https://www.cerascreen.co.uk/Quote:
Originally Posted by Smartie
they have an app you can download where you can obtain your detailed results
Perhaps some here have come across fellow Hibby, Darren Phil Thomson's story, interviews and videos. I felt this was a pretty brave and open one talking about depression, anxiety and suicide in a very open way. I think it deserves a hearing here. He can also be found on Facebook and the Inside Easter Road Facebook page. Well done Darren.
<strong>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kmkl...cidKNqC_2L8njE
I’m lying here like I do every night thinking of ways to die, I hate myself.
Talk it out. I will listen/read and so will others. It is better for sharing though it isn’t a guarantee to make things better. But it definitely won’t make things worse, I am convinced of that.Quote:
Originally Posted by lord bunberry
PM if you prefer but I get the sense there is something really cathartic for folk just sharing how they feel on here. Nobody will be judging or hamfistedly offering ‘solutions’.
Talk to someone mate, anyone.Quote:
Originally Posted by lord bunberry
The Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123
Let it all out, mate. Speaking up makes a world of difference.Quote:
Originally Posted by lord bunberry
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mibbes Aye
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jones28
Thanks for the replies. This whole pandemic thing is really getting me down and the thought of more lockdowns makes things worse. Strangely at the beginning I coped really well, but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Work is really quiet and finding a new job that’s right for me is difficult, I don’t want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Sometimes I just need a win, something good to happen in my life to give me a lift. Reading this thread definitely helps, thanks and best wishes to everyone who’s contributed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pedantic_Hibee
One day at a time. Just make sure you make tomorrow 👍🏻Quote:
Originally Posted by lord bunberry
I would say your previous post was a win. Being very honest about how you are feeling in a very public forum. That's a big thing to do, and something many people could not manage.Quote:
Originally Posted by lord bunberry
Quote:
Originally Posted by lord bunberry
Not sure if it will help at all but I think that many of us are feeling the same way at different stages of this pandemic. Some days I'm up and others I'm down and often it's really hard to work out why. I think maybe the strange mixture of sort of suspended animation combined with the completely open-ended nature of the whole thing is what is really difficult to accept. It's like the most concentrated form of uncertainty there is. And when almost every day is very similar it just becomes more and more disorienting. Even my usual mantra of Eat Move Sleep isn't shaking this, though I'm finding that escaping into books and reading for escapism is helping a bit.
Good post. I have fluctuated with being up and down, mostly up, but sometimes it feels challenging. Routine has helped, but we are under strict instructions to only work from home for the foreseeable and it is weird. We always did a percentage of home working anyway, but that was mixed with travel across Scotland with work. Trying to instill a five-day routine at home is difficult, especially when work is peaks and troughs - very concentrated spells of being busy, a couple of days when there is nothing much going on.Quote:
Originally Posted by One Day Soon
I think your point about the uncertainty is key. I am firmly believing that we are on the up-slope of a second wave. I think restrictions will come in, or back in. I think they will have an impact but I think that we will hit a third wave after Christmas and New Year. Some possible amelioration as we move into the early months of 2021 but we all know Scotland can have very cold snaps all the way to April, and they exacerbate the virus. Plus increased public weariness of complying with public health advice, which is entirely to be expected.
I think the need and demand for emotional and psychological support, whether formal or informal will go through the roof as we hit December and January.
The thing I find hardest about this whole situation is the feeling that it is both totally out of my control and that I feel uninformed.
On the 2nd point it's often said we should listen to the experts, the problem being there are hundreds of experts and many of them have different interpretations of the science and countless ideas about how this will all play out. You can read multiple takes that all seem to make sense but all completely contradict each other at the same time.
On the 1st point I posted the other day about feeling under constant stress at the moment. My job is hanging by a thread and I do appreciate I am in a better situation than some but it's still a huge worry. I am also approaching the point where I am going to have to have a difficult conversation with my fiance about our wedding in April. She is still in denial about the whole thing whilst I have resigned myself to it not happening. Every time I try to raise the subject it just ends up in a tense conversation that is shut down immediately and then things are frosty for a while afterwards. Add to that I'm somewhat aware of the threat of the virus itself to the health if myself and my family (although I do find myself surprisingly rational about it). I then feel guilty that it isn't my primary concern and that I find myself worrying more about money, a job and so on.
I find it increasingly hard to sleep, I am irritable and argumentative and I'm withdrawing into myself. I daresay I am one of many feeling like this.
I think you are right.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Boy
My sympathies about the wedding situation - the preparation is a psychodrama at the best of times, let alone in current circumstances.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Boy
That's grim PB. The chances of a wedding going ahead in April on a normal basis are I think very slim. No problem if you are looking at postponing something that is just about you such as a holiday or whatever but getting that one nailed when there is a fiance in denial involved will be tricky. I get you completely on the withdrawing into yourself - me too. As for becoming more argumentative I daresay there are some on here who would think I already was just that pre-covid but I have no doubt I am now on a much shorter fuse irritation wise.
Perhaps the most worrying thing is the extent to which almost everything seems in my head to have been drained of urgency. It's a bit like trying to drive a car with the steering wheel removed half of the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Boy
:agree:
You are indeed.
It's a very difficult time for a lot of people and quite a lot of my colleagues are showing visible signs of stress (snapping at people on our Zoom meetings, followed by a later apology, being a regular occurrence). That's from people whose jobs aren't at risk so it's much worse for those that don't know if they'll still have a job by the end of the year.
Regarding the wedding: I really feel for you mate and I hope the two of you can sort something out.
My niece had to cancel her wedding arrangements, after putting in a lot of planning, and it must have been a real disappointment. They decided to go ahead at a later date with very limited numbers and plan to have a big reception on their first anniversary next year.
Can I just say thank you to everyone who replied and got in touch after I posted the other night. My struggle is constant and I know that many of you feel that struggle, but this thread shows that we don’t have to face it alone. We won’t always be on top form, but we can certainly help each other when we’re not.