Depression and anxiety

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Originally Posted by patch1875

Yep.

****my rag the mail getting pelters for thinking his huge wages have some relevance.

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I'm wondering if they do.

Perfectionism, and the striving for excellence, are a contributor to depression. The fact that AL is paid stupid amounts of money puts a pressure on him, an expectation to perform like a superhero every week. Some people are resilient enough to deal with not being able to do it, some not.

We've seen evidence this season of our manager being a perfectionist. I can't help thinking that that is a contributor to his own depression.

Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

Anyone have any tips for dealing with post night out anxiety? I know it's brought on myself and the answer should really be to not drink but when I do find myself having a night out or even enough wine at dinner with the family, the next morning my anxiety kicks into overdrive. Anyone experience similar or have any advice to lessen the severity?

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Anyone have any tips for dealing with post night out anxiety? I know it's brought on myself and the answer should really be to not drink but when I do find myself having a night out or even enough wine at dinner with the family, the next morning my anxiety kicks into overdrive. Anyone experience similar or have any advice to lessen the severity?

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I try and do something to take my mind of it. Go for a walk or a swim. If your staying in the house try reading a book or watching a film. I find reading or watching a film tends to make me fall asleep and when I wake up I tend to feel better.

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Anyone have any tips for dealing with post night out anxiety? I know it's brought on myself and the answer should really be to not drink but when I do find myself having a night out or even enough wine at dinner with the family, the next morning my anxiety kicks into overdrive. Anyone experience similar or have any advice to lessen the severity?

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Acceptance goes a long way to calming the mind..Just accepting that your experiencing a feeling which you labelling as anxiety. Don't resist it or it'll stick around just notice it for what it is an energy thats produced because of conscious or unconscious thinking. Once you accept is and embrace it it will move itself. If you think of it as a bad thing and something that needs to be fixed your mind will go crazy trying to think of ways to calm down. It has the right intention but goes a long way about helping you feel good. If you do nothing with anxious thoughts they will move on if you do nothing with the anxious feeling it will move on.

One of the posters here has mentioned going for a walk swim etc..Id agree..It works because you stop resisting what is happening (to give you the anxious feeling) and allow new thought to pop into your head on the walk (or listening to music, or chatting to mates or watching Hibs etc)...New thought new feeling..

Not everones cup of tea but I'm going to recommend a few books that could potentially help (what works for one may not work for another due to our unique processing of information)...But here you go:

Somebody Should Have Told Us - Jack Pransky (One of my favourite books, simple to read. No techniques but gives a simple approach to understanding our relationship with our thoughts)
Clarity - Jamie Smart (Another simple read about 3 principles & inside out understanding)
Dare - Barry McDonagh (I've had a few chats with Barry to do with work & love this book...It gives you an approach to deal with anxiety specifically)
Mind Calm - Sandy Newbigging (I've worked with Sandy for years & I teach the programme in Ireland & Edinburgh....Simple to read & apply & loads of support material on his website)

Hope that helps..

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Originally Posted by lord bunberry

I try and do something to take my mind of it. Go for a walk or a swim. If your staying in the house try reading a book or watching a film. I find reading or watching a film tends to make me fall asleep and when I wake up I tend to feel better.

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Originally Posted by Dalianwanda

Acceptance goes a long way to calming the mind..Just accepting that your experiencing a feeling which you labelling as anxiety. Don't resist it or it'll stick around just notice it for what it is an energy thats produced because of conscious or unconscious thinking. Once you accept is and embrace it it will move itself. If you think of it as a bad thing and something that needs to be fixed your mind will go crazy trying to think of ways to calm down. It has the right intention but goes a long way about helping you feel good. If you do nothing with anxious thoughts they will move on if you do nothing with the anxious feeling it will move on.

One of the posters here has mentioned going for a walk swim etc..Id agree..It works because you stop resisting what is happening (to give you the anxious feeling) and allow new thought to pop into your head on the walk (or listening to music, or chatting to mates or watching Hibs etc)...New thought new feeling..

Not everones cup of tea but I'm going to recommend a few books that could potentially help (what works for one may not work for another due to our unique processing of information)...But here you go:

Somebody Should Have Told Us - Jack Pransky (One of my favourite books, simple to read. No techniques but gives a simple approach to understanding our relationship with our thoughts)
Clarity - Jamie Smart (Another simple read about 3 principles & inside out understanding)
Dare - Barry McDonagh (I've had a few chats with Barry to do with work & love this book...It gives you an approach to deal with anxiety specifically)
Mind Calm - Sandy Newbigging (I've worked with Sandy for years & I teach the programme in Ireland & Edinburgh....Simple to read & apply & loads of support material on his website)

Hope that helps..

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Thanks for the swift responses and advice guys. I'll definitely aim to try and take my mind off of it rather than sitting wallowing in my own self destructive thoughts. I'll also give a few of those books a read Dalianwanda, cheers for the suggestions. Since I had a few panic attacks last year I've struggled with anxiety, in particular my desire to try new things and adventure to new areas. As soon as I venture out-with my comfort zone my thoughts turn negative. Something I never used to have a problem with and something i'd desperately like to solve. A type of agoraphobia almost.

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Thanks for the swift responses and advice guys. I'll definitely aim to try and take my mind off of it rather than sitting wallowing in my own self destructive thoughts. I'll also give a few of those books a read Dalianwanda, cheers for the suggestions. Since I had a few panic attacks last year I've struggled with anxiety, in particular my desire to try new things and adventure to new areas. As soon as I venture out-with my comfort zone my thoughts turn negative. Something I never used to have a problem with and something i'd desperately like to solve. A type of agoraphobia almost.

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No worries, any questions just give me a shout...By the way dont try & take you mind off things (if you try & resist thoughts then the thought your resisting will stick around)..Just notice your resisting, accept it and get on with things..New thought will then pop in all by itself without even trying :-)

We all have negative thoughts, I have some completely mental ones now and again..The thing is with most of these we just brush them off as crazy thoughts, luagh them away....Some though we can believe as real & bad and thats when problems can be created...What ever the thought & feeling is its just a thought, its just an emotion..If your feeling **** then thats a sign your thinkings off course a bit..(I've heard it described as the rumble strip on the motorway)..Your emotions are a good indicator of your thinking, nothing to do with the situation your thinking about...

As I say any questions gimmie a shout...

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Anyone have any tips for dealing with post night out anxiety? I know it's brought on myself and the answer should really be to not drink but when I do find myself having a night out or even enough wine at dinner with the family, the next morning my anxiety kicks into overdrive. Anyone experience similar or have any advice to lessen the severity?

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I once found myself unexpectedly in a room with John Reid, the former Labour MP and Cabinet Minister. It was just prior to something that I was finding incredibly traumatic and my anxiety was in overdrive - and it was obvious.

He said to me that I should contemplate two things. Firstly the vast number of galaxies, stars and planets in the Universe. Secondly the almost infinite stretch of time and the generations and billions of human beings who had lived and died. Then he said I should think about the thing I was worrying about and my wider non-specific anxiety or depression and consider how much any of it really mattered in the more vast sweep of things. Really, he said, there are very, very few things that you can't find a way to cope with, recover from or use to strengthen you despite how fearful they may think they are making you.

I asked him what he meant by 'they may think they are making you'. He said that in many cases what people were anxious or depressed about was not ultimately the thing that they thought they were worried about or depressed by, it was their fearing it or being depressed about it that had come to be their focus and quite often the original source of the worry was quite manageable compared to the monster that their own fear had become. His answer was to place all of this in the context of a Universe spectacularly larger than ourselves and to accept that most things didn't ultimately matter and just weren't as important as we persuaded ourselves they were.

I found it helpful at the time and have ever since.

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Originally Posted by One Day Soon

I once found myself unexpectedly in a room with John Reid, the former Labour MP and Cabinet Minister. It was just prior to something that I was finding incredibly traumatic and my anxiety was in overdrive - and it was obvious.

He said to me that I should contemplate two things. Firstly the vast number of galaxies, stars and planets in the Universe. Secondly the almost infinite stretch of time and the generations and billions of human beings who had lived and died. Then he said I should think about the thing I was worrying about and my wider non-specific anxiety or depression and consider how much any of it really mattered in the more vast sweep of things. Really, he said, there are very, very few things that you can't find a way to cope with, recover from or use to strengthen you despite how fearful they may think they are making you.

I asked him what he meant by 'they may think they are making you'. He said that in many cases what people were anxious or depressed about was not ultimately the thing that they thought they were worried about or depressed by, it was their fearing it or being depressed about it that had come to be their focus and quite often the original source of the worry was quite manageable compared to the monster that their own fear had become. His answer was to place all of this in the context of a Universe spectacularly larger than ourselves and to accept that most things didn't ultimately matter and just weren't as important as we persuaded ourselves they were.

I found it helpful at the time and have ever since.

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Thanks a lot for the support and kind words DW.

That's some great advice ODS, it's completely true that the thought of being anxious itself is far more crippling than the catalyst of the anxiety ever was or will be. I'll try and take it on board next time any intrusive thoughts float by.

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Anyone have any tips for dealing with post night out anxiety? I know it's brought on myself and the answer should really be to not drink but when I do find myself having a night out or even enough wine at dinner with the family, the next morning my anxiety kicks into overdrive. Anyone experience similar or have any advice to lessen the severity?

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You are not alone mate, after a few beers, not a skinfull either, I normally wake up to an anxiety attack, its a horrible feeling, up to the toilet, wretching, pacing the bedroom. Mind goes into overdrive, like I say, its not after a bender, prob kicks in after I go over 6 pint bottles of lager or similar strength. I know its all in the mind but when it kicks in it totally ruins my weekend. I suppose in one sense it has made me physically fitter
due to reducing my alcohol intake

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Originally Posted by happyhibbie

You are not alone mate, after a few beers, not a skinfull either, I normally wake up to an anxiety attack, its a horrible feeling, up to the toilet, wretching, pacing the bedroom. Mind goes into overdrive, like I say, its not after a bender, prob kicks in after I go over 6 pint bottles of lager or similar strength. I know its all in the mind but when it kicks in it totally ruins my weekend. I suppose in one sense it has made me physically fitter
due to reducing my alcohol intake

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Sounds familiar! Worst one happened to me recently after a stag do, tried to sleep the next day but it felt as though I was spinning around in circles which caused a panic attack as I thought I'd never be able to sleep again. Turns out I was just hyperventilating from anxiety and causing dizziness to myself. Despite often suffering anxiety in day to day life, after drinking thoughts which are completely irrational and wouldn't usually bother me tend to induce panic. You're right though, it's definitely a hint to quell the consumption as it's not doing any favours to us.

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Sounds familiar! Worst one happened to me recently after a stag do, tried to sleep the next day but it felt as though I was spinning around in circles which caused a panic attack as I thought I'd never be able to sleep again. Turns out I was just hyperventilating from anxiety and causing dizziness to myself. Despite often suffering anxiety in day to day life, after drinking thoughts which are completely irrational and wouldn't usually bother me tend to induce panic. You're right though, it's definitely a hint to quell the consumption as it's not doing any favours to us.

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One of the byproducts that the liver creates when processing alcohol is acetaldehyde. It's thought to be a main cause of a lot of the symptoms of a hangover, including heightened anxiety.

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Originally Posted by Mr White

One of the byproducts that the liver creates when processing alcohol is acetaldehyde. It's thought to be a main cause of a lot of the symptoms of a hangover, including heightened anxiety.

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Interesting! I didn't know that, cheers.

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Interesting! I didn't know that, cheers.

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I'm no expert by any means but I did a bit of reading up on it a few years back after noticing how anxious I was the day after a few drinks. There wouldn't be any harm at all imo in reading up on some of the neurotransmitters involved in anxiety and the things that can affect them if you feel inclined. I found it helpful to attempt to understand some of the processes going on at a chemical level in the brain.

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Originally Posted by Mr White

I'm no expert by any means but I did a bit of reading up on it a few years back after noticing how anxious I was the day after a few drinks. There wouldn't be any harm at all imo in reading up on some of the neurotransmitters involved in anxiety and the things that can affect them if you feel inclined. I found it helpful to attempt to understand some of the processes going on at a chemical level in the brain.

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Totally, also interesting to note that before I suffered depression & anxiety I could enjoy a good session & morn after was just the usual sore head & yucky feeling which disappeared after a paracetamol & a couple o pints of water. Now its a totally different experience & certainly has me thinking about what Im consumming, its just not worth it.

Dear posters,

My behaviour on .net has often been childish and selfish and when it came to this (excellent) thread I seemed to hog the attention.

I have changed so much mentally that I feel like "me" again. It took a large dose of antipsychotics and antidepressants but after years of struggle I am doing a lot better.

I used to write stupid Blog posts acting as if my problems were more important than other peoples and for that I apologise.

My Mother died on March 15th 2017 and my best friend died 3rd of May 2017. Obviously I am gutted but I am sincerely grateful that it happened during a time when I was doing so well. If this had happened a few years back I don't think I could have handled it.

So a huge thanks to everyone on this thread for keeping it going!

Andy

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Originally Posted by Stranraer

Dear posters,

My behaviour on .net has often been childish and selfish and when it came to this (excellent) thread I seemed to hog the attention.

I have changed so much mentally that I feel like "me" again. It took a large dose of antipsychotics and antidepressants but after years of struggle I am doing a lot better.

I used to write stupid Blog posts acting as if my problems were more important than other peoples and for that I apologise.

My Mother died on March 15th 2017 and my best friend died 3rd of May 2017. Obviously I am gutted but I am sincerely grateful that it happened during a time when I was doing so well. If this had happened a few years back I don't think I could have handled it.

So a huge thanks to everyone on this thread for keeping it going!

Andy

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Glad you are in a better place mate, no need to apologise for anything, we all deal with our issues in different ways. Glad this thread has helped you as it has really helped me too.

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Originally Posted by Stranraer

Dear posters,

My behaviour on .net has often been childish and selfish and when it came to this (excellent) thread I seemed to hog the attention.

I have changed so much mentally that I feel like "me" again. It took a large dose of antipsychotics and antidepressants but after years of struggle I am doing a lot better.

I used to write stupid Blog posts acting as if my problems were more important than other peoples and for that I apologise.

My Mother died on March 15th 2017 and my best friend died 3rd of May 2017. Obviously I am gutted but I am sincerely grateful that it happened during a time when I was doing so well. If this had happened a few years back I don't think I could have handled it.

So a huge thanks to everyone on this thread for keeping it going!

Andy

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Originally Posted by wpj

Glad you are in a better place mate, no need to apologise for anything, we all deal with our issues in different ways. Glad this thread has helped you as it has really helped me too.

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I echo the sentiments of wpj, hopefully its all up from here for you Andy. Agreed that even just reading this thread has helped me through some of my lowest moments. The advice and support given my posters on here is fantastic.

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Originally Posted by Liam89

Sounds familiar! Worst one happened to me recently after a stag do, tried to sleep the next day but it felt as though I was spinning around in circles which caused a panic attack as I thought I'd never be able to sleep again. Turns out I was just hyperventilating from anxiety and causing dizziness to myself. Despite often suffering anxiety in day to day life, after drinking thoughts which are completely irrational and wouldn't usually bother me tend to induce panic. You're right though, it's definitely a hint to quell the consumption as it's not doing any favours to us.

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Hyperventilation is the thing that gets to me the most, drains me. It used to be the anxiety that sparked the hyperventilating now it's the opposite way about, it comes from no where and has the ability to ruin my whole day.

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Originally Posted by pacoluna

Hyperventilation is the thing that gets to me the most, drains me. It used to be the anxiety that sparked the hyperventilating now it's the opposite way about, it comes from no where and has the ability to ruin my whole day.

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I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I can find myself manually breathing which causes me to feel physically symptoms which trigger and intensify anxiety. I'm sure you've heard it before but I try to slowly take a few deep breaths only expanding my tummy rather than my chest which I find helps a lot. There's a lot of great breathing tips and exercises available online which are really helpful. Of course, it's easier said than done.

https://www.google.de/amp/www.indepe...781.html%3famp

I first saw this on Facebook and some of the comments are absolutely atrocious. People can be such utter ****s.

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Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg

https://www.google.de/amp/www.indepe...781.html%3famp

I first saw this on Facebook and some of the comments are absolutely atrocious. People can be such utter ****s.

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I'm not a fan of her music, but that's absolutely heartbreaking to watch. I truly hope someone can get to her and intervene, as it's very clear she's not in a good place at all.

As for the comments on the article, nothing really surprises me about the low condition of human beings anymore. There's some truly cancerous masses that walk amongst society.

When Chester Bennington killed himself after years of mental health problems, some of the response and vitriol from not just trolls on the internet but musicians he'd played alongside in the past, was absolutely sickening.

Hope all of the posters on this thread are doing well just now, as it's been a while since anyone posted anything :aok:

Now that this thread has been updated once again I'm going to say its the best thread theres ever been on .net. Its not my thing but, I feel it would be inspirational if it was fed to a wider audience, whether its related charities, fbook or twitter or other fans sites its a very important and impressive thread.

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Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg

https://www.google.de/amp/www.indepe...781.html%3famp

I first saw this on Facebook and some of the comments are absolutely atrocious. People can be such utter ****s.

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I think a lot of it is still as a result of ignorance. That's a possible explanation not excusing btw.

A lot of it seems to be the usual 'what does she have to be depressed about?' or 'other people with her condition still work so why can't she?' It's like saying some people with a heart condition still work and cope so why can't everyone. If nothing else it shows there's still plenty work to do to remove the stigma of mental health and raise awareness.

I hope Sinead O'Connor gets the help and support she deperately needs. She's not someone I always agree with but she's generally passionate and worth listening to.

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Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg

https://www.google.de/amp/www.indepe...781.html%3famp

I first saw this on Facebook and some of the comments are absolutely atrocious. People can be such utter ****s.

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Sinead is a mouthy woman with strong left wing beliefs. The favourite target of your standard misogynist online troll so its hardly surprising a few of them have come out of the woodwork to feed. The best thing is to filter out the ***** and concentrate on the (still majority) supportive things that have been written instead. Its a hard thing to do when Sinead, or just the person reading about her online, has negative thoughts, admittedly. Its easy to think nobody understands, when in fact theres a lot more empathy and understanding out there than there used to be.

In terms of her music, THAT song is spellbinding in my opinion, one of the best cover versions of all time.

I'm sick of it to be honest. I tired. Tired that whenever I'm in a good place my bipolar ****s me up. Tired of fighting it day in day out. I'm right at the start of an episode and the only thing I think about is how ****ing tired I am of this ****. Wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when it's past. But Cannae sleep. Pissing people off with my **** it attitude and seem to be looking for an arguement. It's so tiring. For them, for me, for everyone. It's pish.

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Originally Posted by Mikey09

I'm sick of it to be honest. I tired. Tired that whenever I'm in a good place my bipolar ****s me up. Tired of fighting it day in day out. I'm right at the start of an episode and the only thing I think about is how ****ing tired I am of this ****. Wish I could just go to sleep and wake up when it's past. But Cannae sleep. Pissing people off with my **** it attitude and seem to be looking for an arguement. It's so tiring. For them, for me, for everyone. It's pish.

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Not sure if this will help.

I used to "fight" my depression. Did everything I could to stave off what, in hindsight, was inevitable. All that achieved was a longer and deeper depression, with a feeling of failure that I'd not been able to "beat" it.

That pattern continued for years, and then I developed a new approach. When an episode was on its way, I didn't run away. I let it happen. Just gave in to it, whilst using little management tools to help avoid its worst effects.

The result is that my episodes are shorter, and less intense, and I have a greater feeling of control. In short, i treat my condition as a friend, rather than an enemy .

It isn't a cure, but it's the most effective tool I've got to reduce the pain.

Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod

Not sure if this will help.

I used to "fight" my depression. Did everything I could to stave off what, in hindsight, was inevitable. All that achieved was a longer and deeper depression, with a feeling of failure that I'd not been able to "beat" it.

That pattern continued for years, and then I developed a new approach. When an episode was on its way, I didn't run away. I let it happen. Just gave in to it, whilst using little management tools to help avoid its worst effects.

The result is that my episodes are shorter, and less intense, and I have a greater feeling of control. In short, i treat my condition as a friend, rather than an enemy .

It isn't a cure, but it's the most effective tool I've got to reduce the pain.

Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

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i get what you mean Crops. I just feel every day is a battle and I'm probably scared to give in to it. Scared what happens if I didn't do what I do just now. But as I said in my previous post it's just exhausting. Been sitting up since 3 this morning with a million things going through my head. Meant to be working at 8am but it's gonna impact on that too which then then makes me feel worse as I need my work to keep my mind off it. I'm rambling and apologise if I'm not making much sense. Wish I could just sleep till it was over.

Just on the subject of anxiety's link with alcohol for a moment, there is a lot of information out there including this fairly basic text from Drinkaware's site:

https://www.drinkaware.co.uk/alcohol...l-and-anxiety/

In general, my understanding is that it's possible that long term use or abuse of alcohol can cause a rewiring of the brain. The body gets used to alcohol dealing with anxious feelings an individual might feel and so when the alcohol is not present it struggles to deal with the anxiety using its own resources. Often this means that people drink to self-medicate their anxiety and so this sets up a vicious cycle of anxiety-alcohol-sobriety-alcohol.

Well done to all on maintaining this excellent thread, good to see.

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Originally Posted by Mikey09

i get what you mean Crops. I just feel every day is a battle and I'm probably scared to give in to it. Scared what happens if I didn't do what I do just now. But as I said in my previous post it's just exhausting. Been sitting up since 3 this morning with a million things going through my head. Meant to be working at 8am but it's gonna impact on that too which then then makes me feel worse as I need my work to keep my mind off it. I'm rambling and apologise if I'm not making much sense. Wish I could just sleep till it was over.

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Hope you managed to get through the day OK. Forgiveme for what may seem ignorant, or if it's been covered before. When you begin to feel an 'episode' coming on, does physical exertion do anything to help, ie press ups til you nearly canny breath or lifting weights that are on the verge of too much?

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Originally Posted by beensaidbefore

Hope you managed to get through the day OK. Forgiveme for what may seem ignorant, or if it's been covered before. When you begin to feel an 'episode' coming on, does physical exertion do anything to help, ie press ups til you nearly canny breath or lifting weights that are on the verge of too much?

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My routine has worked for me, with varying success, for a long time but the past few months I've had so many episodes. I seem to come out of one episode and straight into the next. It's exhausting. Maybe it's time to think about medication again. I don't know. I'm in a real "**** everything" attitude. I'm angry, irritable and a ****ing nightmare to live with. I'm giving it till Friday and then it's a trip to the doctor. To answer your question, no, not much is working just now and that's not the norm.

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Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod

Not sure if this will help.

I used to "fight" my depression. Did everything I could to stave off what, in hindsight, was inevitable. All that achieved was a longer and deeper depression, with a feeling of failure that I'd not been able to "beat" it.

That pattern continued for years, and then I developed a new approach. When an episode was on its way, I didn't run away. I let it happen. Just gave in to it, whilst using little management tools to help avoid its worst effects.

The result is that my episodes are shorter, and less intense, and I have a greater feeling of control. In short, i treat my condition as a friend, rather than an enemy .

It isn't a cure, but it's the most effective tool I've got to reduce the pain.

Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

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Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

Easy to say now of course.

The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)

I really find it helpful reading all these posts. I'm going through a pretty rough patch at the moment after a really long period of feeling like things were on the up. It often feels like there is no light at the end of the tunnel and that's the part I find the most difficult to deal with. Sometimes I know that doing certain things will help, but it can be hard to motivate myself to get things done.

A key thing for me lately has been trying to identify my triggers whenever I feel an anxiety episode begin to manifest itself.

Sometimes that's easy, but sometimes I fixate on symptoms of a bigger problem, rather than trying to work out what's really bothering me. Displacement, I believe it's called.

I became a father 4 months ago, and my world is a wonderful place just now...most of the time. But feelings of inadequacy, feelings of irritation whenever I can't soothe my daughter, feelings of all out rage (where I leave the room) have made appearances. This was all well over and above my normal manifestation of anxiety, so a quick trip to my doctor and I was diagnosed with PTSD (our daughter's arrival into this world was pretty traumatic and we thought she was lost shortly after delivery, resulting in both of them being wheeled away and me being left with very little answer). That, blended with my anxiety makes it problematic for me to try and deal with her when she's upset, as I get pretty easily worked up too, and I constantly find myself feeling like a failure, or getting really angry at myself for feeling the way I do.

Realising that this isn't my fault, and that it will pass is one thing. Composing myself into the moment is probably the biggest challenge I've faced in a very long time!

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Originally Posted by barcahibs

Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

Easy to say now of course.

The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)

---

Superb post, thanks. I agree with every word, and wish i'd written it myself.... swine :greengrin

The other thing I will add is that, although I would gladly "cure" my depression tomorrow, there are a lot of positives to my experience. Without it, I wouldn't have made changes to my diet, my exercise regime, my attitude to life, and my spiritual life. All of these are changes for the better, and I thank my depression for pushing me into them.

That "celebration" of the positivity of our situation is at the heart of the work I do as a hypnotherapist; recognising the "small victories" in our lives, and building on them as an example of how life isn't all crap, and that there are means of thinking differently. It doesn't cure things, of course, but it helps in bringing back that balance that we lose when the black dog comes to stay.

The black dog, of course, doesn't have to be nasty and vicious. It can be warm and cuddly. :agree:

Back here again.. after coming off my meds about a year and a half ago things were slowly progressing with the help of counseling through my work (nhs) The theory being that I'd built up a self preservation system through a few traumas until the sudden passing of my parents in a short period of time that over flowed the cup so to speak. I was slowly beginning to to come to terms with the previous traumas and accept that they did me no harm long term.
Unfortunately my brother was suffering depression unknown to myself and thought that the world would be better off without him at the weekend, if only he'd talked about it..... Going on a selfish note, I'm feeling absolutely nothing, I've lost the last of my birth family and not an emotion. The self preservation has kicked in again I suppose, don't know what to do!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by I'm_cabbaged

Back here again.. after coming off my meds about a year and a half ago things were slowly progressing with the help of counseling through my work (nhs) The theory being that I'd built up a self preservation system through a few traumas until the sudden passing of my parents in a short period of time that over flowed the cup so to speak. I was slowly beginning to to come to terms with the previous traumas and accept that they did me no harm long term.
Unfortunately my brother was suffering depression unknown to myself and thought that the world would be better off without him at the weekend, if only he'd talked about it..... Going on a selfish note, I'm feeling absolutely nothing, I've lost the last of my birth family and not an emotion. The self preservation has kicked in again I suppose, don't know what to do!!

---

Genuinely gutted to hear whats happened to you. The passing of loved ones is always a traumatic time. When I'm feeling it most, I make a point of going for a quiet walk usually to the beach or somewhere off the beaten track and let it all out, the frustration, the why, the anger and end up crying my eyes out at how much I miss them the family that have passed on until there's no more tears to give. It helps me tremendously but folk are different and it may not be the answer for others. Feel for you mate.

Humbled again by this thread. Best wishes to all of you and hope that things get better if you're down there just now.

Thanks folks, the PM was carried out yesterday so I can start to do all the finalising of things today, I think that may bring out the realisation of what's actually happened. Better out than in as they say!!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by I'm_cabbaged

Thanks folks, the PM was carried out yesterday so I can start to do all the finalising of things today, I think that may bring out the realisation of what's actually happened. Better out than in as they say!!

---

I always try and look for "small wins" in these situations. Obviously, I don't know you, but it seems that you are in some sort of control at this moment; clear enough to be strong, to know your mind, and to put your thoughts down here.

In your past, dark, days, could you have done that? I'm guessing not. If that's correct, you've made progress, and you need to recognise that and give yourself credit.

As you say, there's probably a lot of emotion to come out. ....and, yeah, allow yourself to express that.

Take care [emoji106]

Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by barcahibs

Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

Easy to say now of course.

The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)

---

Outstanding post, wise and 100% true, every word.:top marks

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by barcahibs

Totally agree with this. I wasted so much energy over the years on fights that, with hindsight, i couldn't possibly win.

Its an argument i use a lot but... When you see someone in a wheelchair does anyone think "oh if only they were a bit tougher and fought their illness/disability more they could get up and walk"?

Friend of mine recently passed away from lung cancer. Did anyone look at him near the end and think "quitter"?

You can't brute strength "fight" depression.

You can make yourself resistant. You can equip yourself with tools that will make the journey easier, that's the kind of fighting that works.

Best lesson I ever learned is that no matter how dark you feel, no matter how endless the struggle feels when you're in its grip, it WILL pass.

When you're at your lowest you have to cling on to the fact that you WILL feel better than you do right now.

For me (and obviously with the usual caveats that I'm not amedical professional) the way through was to recognise it, treat the symptoms (embrace it to a certain extent), lean o the support around me,and wait it out.

The bouts are shorter and farther apart.

I WILL feel depressed again in the future. And it WILL pass.

Easy to say now of course.

The other weapon I've found is nature. Being outdoors in greenspaces makes a huge difference. Our bodies and minds need to spend time outside. We evolved out there, we spent 200,000 years becoming so perfectly adapted to the outside that we became the dominant species on the planet - and then we shut ourselves inside.

If you compress all of Human history into a 24hour period then the industrial revolution happened about 90 seconds ago. We started to live predominantly indoor lifestyles about 20 seconds ago.

The other 23 hours and 58 minutes were spent outside, in amongst nature and greenspaces.

I work in this field now and the power of it is pretty incredible.. And it's pretty much free of cost :)

---

:agree: Absolutely.

To all brothers (and sisters) on this thread I can only offer this.

I have two approaches. One is to try to cope with it before, during and after its here by doing all the things CWG mentioned in his last post. They don't stop it but they do mitigate it to some extent. The other is to almost try to remove myself from the immediacy of it when it's here with what is almost a mantra - this is just a phase. It is just a phase, you always come out the other side sooner or later and if you are able to fasten on to that you can almost look at yourself going through it from a distance. So it gets to be in you while it is there, but the crucial thing is it doesn't get to be you completely. It's a short term guest.

My dad died in October last year. Not long afterward a close relative was murdered. I had to organise two funerals, ID a body, deal with the aftermath (including a still ongoing legal dispute on inheritance). I didn't want anything to do with it in the case of the latter but there was no choice. I don't think I've ever felt so low and on many, many days I have struggled to get out of bed. I'd like to tell you some heroic story but I don't have one. It's just trying to cope.

I suppose there's a slightly quirky funny-ish bit. Dad was a high-functioning alcoholic who caused family mayhem and deep, deep emotional distress. I miss him a lot - don't ask me to explain how or why - it doesn't seem rational to me. Mostly it is just a gnawing ache of the heart and a strong sense that an irreplaceable central cast member in my life is gone. From time to time it is more acute and once or twice there have been tears at my desk. But I've been seen in tears at my desk so frequently since 21 May 2016 that I've actually had people ask me if I'm watching Cup Final clips again.

So there are days when Dad dies and there are days when Hibs win the Cup. I hope every supporter of every club has something as God-given as that to help lift them up.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by One Day Soon

To all brothers (and sisters) on this thread I can only offer this.

I have two approaches. One is to try to cope with it before, during and after its here by doing all the things CWG mentioned in his last post. They don't stop it but they do mitigate it to some extent. The other is to almost try to remove myself from the immediacy of it when it's here with what is almost a mantra - this is just a phase. It is just a phase, you always come out the other side sooner or later and if you are able to fasten on to that you can almost look at yourself going through it from a distance. So it gets to be in you while it is there, but the crucial thing is it doesn't get to be you completely. It's a short term guest.

My dad died in October last year. Not long afterward a close relative was murdered. I had to organise two funerals, ID a body, deal with the aftermath (including a still ongoing legal dispute on inheritance). I didn't want anything to do with it in the case of the latter but there was no choice. I don't think I've ever felt so low and on many, many days I have struggled to get out of bed. I'd like to tell you some heroic story but I don't have one. It's just trying to cope.

I suppose there's a slightly quirky funny-ish bit. Dad was a high-functioning alcoholic who caused family mayhem and deep, deep emotional distress. I miss him a lot - don't ask me to explain how or why - it doesn't seem rational to me. Mostly it is just a gnawing ache of the heart and a strong sense that an irreplaceable central cast member in my life is gone. From time to time it is more acute and once or twice there have been tears at my desk. But I've been seen in tears at my desk so frequently since 21 May 2016 that I've actually had people ask me if I'm watching Cup Final clips again.

So there are days when Dad dies and there are days when Hibs win the Cup. I hope every supporter of every club has something as God-given as that to help lift them up.

---

Reading all the comments here it's amazing how many people are suffering some sort of anxiety/ Depression type condition.
I have battled it for about 15 years on and off . Much worse over the last few years.
Reading all the comments of help is refreshing as I can relate to so many of them.
I have gone on medication for the fist time as my downs were lasting to long and I felt people were getting bored with my strange behaviours of being very remote and quite not wanting to be part of the fun or conversation.
Often just staring as if in a different world.
I spoke again with the doctor and explained how I was feeling and the medication has certainly helped me combined with me withdrawing from things or positions that I know raise my anxiety levels.
It's not easy especially as it meant leaving the work I was involved in but it was the only way forward .
People generally are very supportive I have not told everyone a selective few but you always get the ones that sneer or laugh at the condition but I now just smile and pitty them and hope they never have to deal with the anxiety attacks I get .
Good luck to you all with however you are trying to deal with your issues.


Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by I'm_cabbaged

Back here again.. after coming off my meds about a year and a half ago things were slowly progressing with the help of counseling through my work (nhs) The theory being that I'd built up a self preservation system through a few traumas until the sudden passing of my parents in a short period of time that over flowed the cup so to speak. I was slowly beginning to to come to terms with the previous traumas and accept that they did me no harm long term.
Unfortunately my brother was suffering depression unknown to myself and thought that the world would be better off without him at the weekend, if only he'd talked about it..... Going on a selfish note, I'm feeling absolutely nothing, I've lost the last of my birth family and not an emotion. The self preservation has kicked in again I suppose, don't know what to do!!

---

So sorry to hear about you losses, wishing you well at this very difficult time. You are not alone.

Good article here. Not the first to suffer, nor the first to speak out., but still well worth a read.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41599714

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Hibs Class

Good article here. Not the first to suffer, nor the first to speak out., but still well worth a read.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/41599714

---

I was just going to post this. Hopefully it will be of help to someone.

I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.

That must've been a difficult one to post SDG, I hope it all works out fine in the long run.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.

---

Must have been a terrible experience for you. Sadly it’s a time of year that can be very difficult for those struggling with their mental health. Trying to put a face on and join in all the fun and laughter when you struggling can really take it’s toll. Hopefully your Dad is taking the 1st steps towards getting the help he needs.

The best advice I can give with regards to supporting him is just be there when you can. It doesn’t have to be big deep chats or constantly asking how he is or anything. Sometimes just having someone else around to make a cup of tea or whatever can be a huge help. It’s a real reassurance to know someone is there if you want to talk or to sit with you quietly if you don’t.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY

That must've been a difficult one to post SDG, I hope it all works out fine in the long run.

---

Thanks mate yeah it's certainly been the toughest day of my life. Hopefully today's reached the lowest it can possibly go and it can only get better.

The whole thing just seems surreal, it hasn't really sunk in yet.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Pretty Boy

Must have been a terrible experience for you. Sadly it’s a time of year that can be very difficult for those struggling with their mental health. Trying to put a face on and join in all the fun and laughter when you struggling can really take it’s toll. Hopefully your Dad is taking the 1st steps towards getting the help he needs.

The best advice I can give with regards to supporting him is just be there when you can. It doesn’t have to be big deep chats or constantly asking how he is or anything. Sometimes just having someone else around to make a cup of tea or whatever can be a huge help. It’s a real reassurance to know someone is there if you want to talk or to sit with you quietly if you don’t.

---

Thanks mate, I really appreciate that. You're spot on about this time of year. It can often be the loneliest time of the year for a lot of people. He's also felt guilty as he can't really afford to buy many presents for anyone that he usually buys so that has added to his problems.

I'm conscious of being too overbearing and smothering him when he's home. I don't want to do that but it will be hard as I'll be dreading leaving him on his own.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

Thanks mate yeah it's certainly been the toughest day of my life. Hopefully today's reached the lowest it can possibly go and it can only get better.

The whole thing just seems surreal, it hasn't really sunk in yet.

---

Try and keep your head up and follow your own advice about talking to someone to help you navigate your way through it.

Sorry to hear what you have been through SDG, sounds like a horrid time, I went through the same with my Dad with the job aspect, he found himself unemployed(through choice) after a long career and high powered job, he felt like no one would want him at his age and felt useless

He took on few different jobs completely different from what he was doing before and didn't really like any of them but he stuck at it and now has a job he is in total love with

There is hope out there and I'm glad your Dad is getting the help he needs

All the best to your dad.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HUTCHYHIBBY

Try and keep your head up and follow your own advice about talking to someone to help you navigate your way through it.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by patch1875

All the best to your dad.

---

Thanks guys, it's greatly appreciated.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mon Dieu4

Sorry to hear what you have been through SDG, sounds like a horrid time, I went through the same with my Dad with the job aspect, he found himself unemployed(through choice) after a long career and high powered job, he felt like no one would want him at his age and felt useless

He took on few different jobs completely different from what he was doing before and didn't really like any of them but he stuck at it and now has a job he is in total love with

There is hope out there and I'm glad your Dad is getting the help he needs

---

Thanks for this mate, it sounds very similar circumstances. After about 7 months of searching, he finally got a job a few weeks ago but quickly realised that there was a lot more to it than he first realised and he didn't feel that he had the required skills to do the job so packed it in after two weeks. This really knocked his confidence and he now feels "unemployable". The recruitment agency he was working with have also cut ties with him since he left which made it worse.

I know that there will be a job out there for him, maybe not on the same salary but that's not the be all and end all. It's all about restoring his self belief again though which will take time. Hopefully once he starts to speak about his feelings and gets the help that he needs, he will realise that there are jobs out there for him to do, even at the age he's at.

It's the usual alpha male attitude that my dad has though which is prevalent in a lot of men and I think that's one of the main causes of suicide rates being higher in men. There's an assumption that men must provide the goods for the family and when that doesn't happen, their pride and self worth is hit.

I'm glad to hear that your dad is in a much better place now and hopefully the same will happen with my dad over the coming weeks and months.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.

---

Sorry to hear that SDG, I can only imagine what a traumatic experience that must have been for you personally. Good to hear your Dad is responsive to the efforts being made to help him and I sincerely hope he manages to turn things around positively. Stick in mate, your support will be invaluable to your Dad's recovery. Best regards to you and your family at this difficult time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Scouse Hibby

Sorry to hear that SDG, I can only imagine what a traumatic experience that must have been for you personally. Good to hear your Dad is responsive to the efforts being made to help him and I sincerely hope he manages to turn things around positively. Stick in mate, your support will be invaluable to your Dad's recovery. Best regards to you and your family at this difficult time.

---

Thanks a lot mate, I genuinely appreciate your kind words.

That's awful SDG. I'm really sorry to hear that. I have had some experience of this too.

There will be a protocol that the health people will go through with your dad and the family, I'd just say get all the help that is offered to you. Never say no to help because you don't want to be a nuisance. Ignore any stigma you might feel, it's not important. Also dont fall into the trap of blaming yourself at any point. This will be very traumatic for you even if you don't realise it straight away and you need to look after yourself and don't give yourself a hard time.

Good luck to you and the family :aok:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by hibsbollah

That's awful SDG. I'm really sorry to hear that. I have had some experience of this too.

There will be a protocol that the health people will go through with your dad and the family, I'd just say get all the help that is offered to you. Never say no to help because you don't want to be a nuisance. Ignore any stigma you might feel, it's not important. Also dont not to fall into the trap of blaming yourself at any point. This will be very traumatic for you even if you don't realise it straight away and you need to look after yourself and don't give yourself a hard time.

Good luck to you and the family :aok:

---

Thanks mate much appreciated. I know we have had our differences over the years but it's at times like this that you realise what is truly important in life.

I am really keen for there not to be any stigma attached to this and for it to all be out in the open. Keeping it bottled up isn't good for anyone and it's what lead to this in the first place.

I wish more people would open up about mental health, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

There is a part of me that is questioning my role in it all if i'm honest and i've been asking myself if I could have done anything differently or helped more to prevent it from getting to this point.

I have no first hand experience of anything like this and to be honest i'm quite scared of the road ahead. I'm more than happy to take any help or guidance that is offered to me and the family.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

Thanks mate much appreciated. I know we have had our differences over the years but it's at times like this that you realise what is truly important in life.

I am really keen for there not to be any stigma attached to this and for it to all be out in the open. Keeping it bottled up isn't good for anyone and it's what lead to this in the first place.

I wish more people would open up about mental health, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

There is a part of me that is questioning my role in it all if i'm honest and i've been asking myself if I could have done anything differently or helped more to prevent it from getting to this point.

I have no first hand experience of anything like this and to be honest i'm quite scared of the road ahead. I'm more than happy to take any help or guidance that is offered to me and the family.

---

I think that's a natural reaction to such a shock. Hopefully you get the chance to speak to some of the professionals helping your dad over the coming days who might be able to give some advice on things you can do to help him going forward.

Today must have been an awful experience for you. I hope in time you both look back at it as the beginning of a massive improvement in your dad's life. All the best SDG.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Mr White

I think that's a natural reaction to such a shock. Hopefully you get the chance to speak to some of the professionals helping your dad over the coming days who might be able to give some advice on things you can do to help him going forward.

Today must have been an awful experience for you. I hope in time you both look back at it as the beginning of a massive improvement in your dad's life. All the best SDG.

---

Thanks a lot mate, much appreciated.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.

---

Really sorry to read that SDG - I understand that finances can drive people to irrational acts at this time of the year, as raging commercialism compels people to do things they wouldn't normally. Combine that 'expectation' with financial concerns, a decreasing sense of self-worth and independence and it's easy to see why this particular time of the year is a dark experience for people like your dad who are going through mental health changes. In the coming days, in addition to your dad, do make sure that YOU are OK. It can be a horrifically unsettling and imbalancing experience and you might well find you'll need support too.

I can't really give you any long-term advice on supporting someone through it I'm afraid, as I've been fortunate to not have anyone in that situation in my own life. Having said that, I've intervened with a stranger's efforts to take their own life and ended up being in contact with them for a wee while afterwards - just chatting to them about their day to day comings and goings, positive stories and things that they enjoyed doing was my tactic, and over the short period of time I spoke with this person after their almost experience, I noticed a lightening in them. Talking is sometimes enough, and factor in talking about things they enjoy to remind them about the good things in life has to be a good starting point - there'll be a time for the more in-depth stuff, but even then, sometimes it's best left to the professionals that can deal with it more readily. You might find your dad won't want to talk about it with those he loves, as it'll have been a deeply upsetting experience for all concerned.

I was actually intending to post something wishing everyone well for the holiday period and seeing everyone was doing OK, but your post stopped me in my tracks a little. I read Matt Haig's book a wee while back, 'Reasons to Stay Alive', and he discussed coping with Christmas in one of the chapters - he introduced me to an artistic concept, chiarascuro, which is the balance between light and shade, especially at this time of year. The lights, the tinsel, the merriment, the expectation of socialising and being 'on point' and outwardly happy is often at complete loggerheads to the darkness of mental illness, and that can be a total destabiliser at this time of the year. It's important to recognise that, not just in yourself, but in the way you interact and impose expectation etc on others.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sylar

Really sorry to read that SDG - I understand that finances can drive people to irrational acts at this time of the year, as raging commercialism compels people to do things they wouldn't normally. Combine that 'expectation' with financial concerns, a decreasing sense of self-worth and independence and it's easy to see why this particular time of the year is a dark experience for people like your dad who are going through mental health changes. In the coming days, in addition to your dad, do make sure that YOU are OK. It can be a horrifically unsettling and imbalancing experience and you might well find you'll need support too.

I can't really give you any long-term advice on supporting someone through it I'm afraid, as I've been fortunate to not have anyone in that situation in my own life. Having said that, I've intervened with a stranger's efforts to take their own life and ended up being in contact with them for a wee while afterwards - just chatting to them about their day to day comings and goings, positive stories and things that they enjoyed doing was my tactic, and over the short period of time I spoke with this person after their almost experience, I noticed a lightening in them. Talking is sometimes enough, and factor in talking about things they enjoy to remind them about the good things in life has to be a good starting point - there'll be a time for the more in-depth stuff, but even then, sometimes it's best left to the professionals that can deal with it more readily. You might find your dad won't want to talk about it with those he loves, as it'll have been a deeply upsetting experience for all concerned.

I was actually intending to post something wishing everyone well for the holiday period and seeing everyone was doing OK, but your post stopped me in my tracks a little. I read Matt Haig's book a wee while back, 'Reasons to Stay Alive', and he discussed coping with Christmas in one of the chapters - he introduced me to an artistic concept, chiarascuro, which is the balance between light and shade, especially at this time of year. The lights, the tinsel, the merriment, the expectation of socialising and being 'on point' and outwardly happy is often at complete loggerheads to the darkness of mental illness, and that can be a total destabiliser at this time of the year. It's important to recognise that, not just in yourself, but in the way you interact and impose expectation etc on others.

---

Thank you very much mate, I appreciate the time you have taken to write such a detailed and thoughtful reply to my post.

Thanks to everyone who has replied to me, I genuinely appreciate everyone who has taken time to show concern for me and wish me and my family well.

I am going to take the advice of anyone who is willing to give it to me. There is no quick fix to this and not something that paracetamol and a plaster will sort out.

He is currently in hospital, I've no idea how long someone is normally kept in after a suicide attempt but from a selfish point of view, it's almost easier to cope with while he's in there. The real hard work starts once he's home and we have to look after him ourselves.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.

---

I am so sorry for what your father, you and your family have gone through with this experience. I wish for you all a better future.

Some on here may remember that I lost my partner when she took her own life three years ago last February. There was great kindness shown to me at that time from the people of this site and it pleases me to see that you are receiving similar from our friends here.

Filled with great grief and trauma at that time, I set to understanding how to survive myself as I frankly, wasn't clear that I wanted to. In a call to the Samaritans they referred me to a charitable organisation that dealt specifically in suicide bereavement. This organisation communicates via phone calls and email and may be of use to you. I am sure the Samaritans could signpost you to them.

In addition, after a while I registered as a member of the site below for suicide survivors. It has, among other things, forums with people who have had similar experiences to yours and mine. It's US based but as we know, a universal problem. You may find it helpful:

http://www.allianceofhope.org

I'd like to say also, please feel free to drop me a line via pm any time. Not only do I have personal experience but also deal with the subject of potential suicide in my own work counselling people with addictions.

All the best mate.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stu in nottingham

I am so sorry for what your father, you and your family have gone through with this experience. I wish for you all a better future.

Some on here may remember that I lost my partner when she took her own life three years ago last February. There was great kindness shown to me at that time from the people of this site and it pleases me to see that you are receiving similar from our friends here.

Filled with great grief and trauma at that time, I set to understanding how to survive myself as I frankly, wasn't clear that I wanted to. In a call to the Samaritans they referred me to a charitable organisation that dealt specifically in suicide bereavement. This organisation communicates via phone calls and email and may be of use to you. I am sure the Samaritans could signpost you to them.

In addition, after a while I registered as a member of the site below for suicide survivors. It has, among other things, forums with people who have had similar experiences to yours and mine. It's US based but as we know, a universal problem. You may find it helpful:

http://www.allianceofhope.org

I'd like to say also, please feel free to drop me a line via pm any time. Not only do I have personal experience but also deal with the subject of potential suicide in my own work counselling people with addictions.

All the best mate.

---

Thanks a lot mate, I really appreciate the help and guidance on where to get some support.

I remember reading your post about your partner and to be honest it was part of the reason that prompted me to write my own post on here. Your words then were very inspiring, even although at that time I had no personal experience of what you were going through.

Although I thankfully still haven't lost anyone to suicide, I came very close yesterday and mental health awareness is something that I am going to pay much greater attention to going forward.

Thank you for your kind words, all the best to you and your family and I'll take a look at the information you have referred to in your post.

Cheers pal.

That must have been an awful experience SDG. Hopefully your father is recovering well, best wishes.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stoneyburn hibs

That must have been an awful experience SDG. Hopefully your father is recovering well, best wishes.

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Thank you mate. I went this evening to see him and although he was far from "normal" he was certainly looking a lot better than he was yesterday. He was making eye contact with us throughout which he didn't do yesterday and there was a clear acceptance that he needed to get better and he needed to keep communicating with us to allow him to get better. There was also no attempt at apologising tonight which I was glad to see.

There's a long road ahead for all of us but I left tonight feeling a bit more hopeful than I did yesterday and hopefully it will allow me to sleep better tonight as I didn't manage that last night.

This thread always makes me sad but proud at the same time. SDG I really hope things work out for you all. Your dad is getting support which is the main thing at the moment. It can be an awful time of year and without wanting to go into details it's not going to be a great Christmas for me. I do have a lovely time planned for just after Christmas though which is helping. A long walk on Christmas day and watching Royston Town on boxing day will see me right. To all who post or look at this thread have a good one and if you need to talk make sure you do. There are many who can and will help.

Thinking of you & your family SDG, my Dad tried similar many years back via a cocktail of alcohol & anti depressants. We were kids at the time & had no understanding of my Dads situation, he was a drinker & we probably accepted thats the norm, not good for kids to witness. Throughout his life he had his ups & downs, sadly, mostly downs.

Thankfully he is at peace now, no more torment. As we grew into adulthood we all tried to support our Dad, we needed to know at what piint if his life, and more importantly WHY did you feel the way you did, why didnt you tell us, we were your beloved kids, you brought us into this world but you were somewhere else, fighting demons, we didnt know because you didnt tell us.

Until his death he kept it to himself, perhaps childhood trauma, his Father died when my Dad was only 7 yo, or perhaps something in early adulthood. His comfort was his bottle of vodka, whatever ate him from the inside, whatever tormented him for all those years were sadly taken with him, we will never know.

SDG, keep talking to him mate, show him your love, communication can be a release & a comfort to you all.

Aw the best bud, stay strong.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wpj

This thread always makes me sad but proud at the same time. SDG I really hope things work out for you all. Your dad is getting support which is the main thing at the moment. It can be an awful time of year and without wanting to go into details it's not going to be a great Christmas for me. I do have a lovely time planned for just after Christmas though which is helping. A long walk on Christmas day and watching Royston Town on boxing day will see me right. To all who post or look at this thread have a good one and if you need to talk make sure you do. There are many who can and will help.

---

Thanks a lot mate I really appreciate your time. I'm sorry to hear of your personal situation and I hope that it improves for you over time. Christmas can be a brilliant time of year but if you're having any problems at all then they can be exacerbated at this time of year and you often don't want to share those concerns with anyone as you don't want to spoil their own celebrations.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by happyhibbie

Thinking of you & your family SDG, my Dad tried similar many years back via a cocktail of alcohol & anti depressants. We were kids at the time & had no understanding of my Dads situation, he was a drinker & we probably accepted thats the norm, not good for kids to witness. Throughout his life he had his ups & downs, sadly, mostly downs.

Thankfully he is at peace now, no more torment. As we grew into adulthood we all tried to support our Dad, we needed to know at what piint if his life, and more importantly WHY did you feel the way you did, why didnt you tell us, we were your beloved kids, you brought us into this world but you were somewhere else, fighting demons, we didnt know because you didnt tell us.

Until his death he kept it to himself, perhaps childhood trauma, his Father died when my Dad was only 7 yo, or perhaps something in early adulthood. His comfort was his bottle of vodka, whatever ate him from the inside, whatever tormented him for all those years were sadly taken with him, we will never know.

SDG, keep talking to him mate, show him your love, communication can be a release & a comfort to you all.

Aw the best bud, stay strong.

---

Thanks so much mate, your situation must have been so difficult to cope with but thanks for sharing it.

It's the shock of not knowing before it's too late or almost too late that really eats away at you which you have alluded to. It's the guilt of thinking that my dad didn't feel like he could tell anyone in the family how bad he truly felt that is really getting to me just now. All the petty arguments we have had lately, have they contributed to what happened the other day?

I've been asking deep questions of myself over the past two days and wondering whether anything I've done could either have made things worse or meant that he didn't feel able to confide in me.

My dad has never been good at communicating his feelings, it's always been a criticism everyone in the family has thrown at him. He took responsibility for this last night when we spoke to him and said that the importance of talking has been drummed into him by the doctors who are currently treating him.

I'm trying to keep talking to him about normal things, I know there is a long road ahead and that things will likely never be the same again. Maybe in some ways that's not a bad thing, since the "same" almost lead to my father's death.

My head's a complete mess just now but reading this thread has genuinely helped. I don't know any of you personally but I can feel the genuine concern shown by everyone who has replied so far and your words of comfort are certainly helping me to cope and process everything.

Thank you once again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

It's the shock of not knowing before it's too late or almost too late that really eats away at you which you have alluded to. It's the guilt of thinking that my dad didn't feel like he could tell anyone in the family how bad he truly felt that is really getting to me just now. All the petty arguments we have had lately, have they contributed to what happened the other day?

I've been asking deep questions of myself over the past two days and wondering whether anything I've done could either have made things worse or meant that he didn't feel able to confide in me.

---

It's important for you to understand that these feelings of guilt are very common in others where suicides and attempted suicides are concerned, you are by no means alone nor peculiar in those thoughts. In completed suicides there can even be feelings of relief, say for someone who was really suffering. Of course that in itself can cause guilt too. Other feelings are commonly those of anger, shame, fear and avoidance etc. it's a strange cocktail of feelings which is unlike other situations

A suicide bereavement counsellor in a phone call in the days after said to me that there are two questions survivors (i.e. close ones) always ask themselves after the event, one is 'could I have done more?' the other being simply 'why?' Of course in completed suicides these questions can never be answered for obvious reasons. I found myself doing this too. When emotions calmed I realised there was nothing more I could have done. I think you will too with your father.

Quite often, people with suicidal feelings don't want to burden or worry others with them and so don't talk about them. A majority of people who have suicidal feelings do not actually want to do, more accurately they don't want to live the life they are leading and this is why they should seek support by talking. Equally they should seek support as actively feeling suicidal is often temporary, say if someone has been struggling to cope with problems in their life for some time.

I think there is a big point here and that is to allow your father to speak about it in his own time, when he feels able. Your role is to be there when he is ready to talk and not feel you have to promote the dialogue. Give him a 'safe space' to talk. It will be clear to you when he is ready.

Unhelpful responses to someone who has tried to take their life include dramatising the event, criticising, panicking, being angry and making the person feel guilty or selfish.

Helpful things to say are words such as 'I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad, I'm so glad you're still here' and 'Tell me what I can do to support you because I want to help you'. Make sure they know that you're always there for them and that they can always talk to you.

We are all here for you, mate. Take care.

Stu

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stu in nottingham

It's important for you to understand that these feelings of guilt are very common in others where suicides and attempted suicides are concerned, you are by no means alone nor peculiar in those thoughts. In completed suicides there can even be feelings of relief, say for someone who was really suffering. Of course that in itself can cause guilt too. Other feelings are commonly those of anger, shame, fear and avoidance etc. it's a strange cocktail of feelings which is unlike other situations

A suicide bereavement counsellor in a phone call in the days after said to me that there are two questions survivors (i.e. close ones) always ask themselves after the event, one is 'could I have done more?' the other being simply 'why?' Of course in completed suicides these questions can never be answered for obvious reasons. I found myself doing this too. When emotions calmed I realised there was nothing more I could have done. I think you will too with your father.

Quite often, people with suicidal feelings don't want to burden or worry others with them and so don't talk about them. A majority of people who have suicidal feelings do not actually want to do, more accurately they don't want to live the life they are leading and this is why they should seek support by talking. Equally they should seek support as actively feeling suicidal is often temporary, say if someone has been struggling to cope with problems in their life for some time.

I think there is a big point here and that is to allow your father to speak about it in his own time, when he feels able. Your role is to be there when he is ready to talk and not feel you have to promote the dialogue. Give him a 'safe space' to talk. It will be clear to you when he is ready.

Unhelpful responses to someone who has tried to take their life include dramatising the event, criticising, panicking, being angry and making the person feel guilty or selfish.

Helpful things to say are words such as 'I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad, I'm so glad you're still here' and 'Tell me what I can do to support you because I want to help you'. Make sure they know that you're always there for them and that they can always talk to you.

We are all here for you, mate. Take care.

Stu

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Wow, Stu. Very intelligent and inspirational post, as usual.:top marks

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hibsbollah

Wow, Stu. Very intelligent and inspirational post, as usual.:top marks

---

It's a part of my job and also I had to learn the hard way by experience but thank you mate.

I care for and feel protective of the people in this community, as so many others do. We're family. People here stepped forward for me and were fantastically kind when I needed support and a little propping up and we don't forget these things.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by stu in nottingham

It's important for you to understand that these feelings of guilt are very common in others where suicides and attempted suicides are concerned, you are by no means alone nor peculiar in those thoughts. In completed suicides there can even be feelings of relief, say for someone who was really suffering. Of course that in itself can cause guilt too. Other feelings are commonly those of anger, shame, fear and avoidance etc. it's a strange cocktail of feelings which is unlike other situations

A suicide bereavement counsellor in a phone call in the days after said to me that there are two questions survivors (i.e. close ones) always ask themselves after the event, one is 'could I have done more?' the other being simply 'why?' Of course in completed suicides these questions can never be answered for obvious reasons. I found myself doing this too. When emotions calmed I realised there was nothing more I could have done. I think you will too with your father.

Quite often, people with suicidal feelings don't want to burden or worry others with them and so don't talk about them. A majority of people who have suicidal feelings do not actually want to do, more accurately they don't want to live the life they are leading and this is why they should seek support by talking. Equally they should seek support as actively feeling suicidal is often temporary, say if someone has been struggling to cope with problems in their life for some time.

I think there is a big point here and that is to allow your father to speak about it in his own time, when he feels able. Your role is to be there when he is ready to talk and not feel you have to promote the dialogue. Give him a 'safe space' to talk. It will be clear to you when he is ready.

Unhelpful responses to someone who has tried to take their life include dramatising the event, criticising, panicking, being angry and making the person feel guilty or selfish.

Helpful things to say are words such as 'I'm sorry you've been feeling so bad, I'm so glad you're still here' and 'Tell me what I can do to support you because I want to help you'. Make sure they know that you're always there for them and that they can always talk to you.

We are all here for you, mate. Take care.

Stu

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by hibsbollah

Wow, Stu. Very intelligent and inspirational post, as usual.:top marks

---

I would just like to echo these sentiments.

Outstanding post and definitely a source of great comfort to me at this extremely difficult time.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

I'm coming on to this thread after my own personal experience earlier today.

This morning, I witnessed my dad dripping in blood, being taken away in an ambulance, just a short while after he had attempted to take his own life.

This is something which is completely out of character for him, there's absolutely no previous history of mental illness with him or anything that would raise concerns about suicide or self harming. I am aware that he had been feeling down recently, he was made redundant back in April from a really good job which he had been doing for many years and has struggled to find work since. At his time of life (almost 60) his employment opportunities are limited and preparing for interviews for the first time in almost 25 years has been really daunting for him. Meanwhile the money he did have is fast running out and I just don't think he has been able to cope with the fact that he has been the breadwinner all these years and suddenly he's relying on others to help him out - his pride and self worth have taken a real battering.

Although he has been feeling noticeably down, no-one in the family had any inclination that he was about to attempt to end his life.

Fortunately the attempt this morning was unsuccessful and he is currently in hospital receiving psychiatric help and he does appear to be receptive to this, which can only be a good thing.

I just wanted to put this down here as I have read this thread with interest although I never really had anything meaningful to contribute to it previously due to my lack of personal experience with this type of illness.

I guess that I just wanted to reiterate what others have said earlier on the thread which is that if anyone is reading this and feeling similar to my dad, please speak to someone. It doesn't have to be anyone in particular, just anyone that you can trust and feel you can talk to. I feel so fortunate to still have my dad tonight as the circumstances could so easily have been much more tragic. Please do not bottle these emotions up, there's always a solution to financial problems and people who can help you. Please never think that you are a burden or that you have let anyone down by not being able to provide a certain standard of living.

Thanks for reading this, if anyone could provide me with any help on how to support someone who is recovering from a suicide attempt then I would really love to hear from you and would genuinely appreciate the help.

---

So sorry to hear this, what an awful experience for you. I hope he's doing ok and receiving the help he needs to get back on his feet again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 21.05.2016

So sorry to hear this, what an awful experience for you. I hope he's doing ok and receiving the help he needs to get back on his feet again.

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Cheers mate, yeah it's been a tough time for the family to say the least.

My dad got home last Friday and has been making progress every day. He's opening up about the issues which caused him to do what he did last week which has really helped him and we have spoken about various things as a family which, again, has helped us all.

I still have my moments and Christmas Day was a very challenging day for us all but we are slowly coming to terms with what's happened and finding a way to overcome the problems my dad was facing so that we can try to do all that we can to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

Cheers mate, yeah it's been a tough time for the family to say the least.

My dad got home last Friday and has been making progress every day. He's opening up about the issues which caused him to do what he did last week which has really helped him and we have spoken about various things as a family which, again, has helped us all.

I still have my moments and Christmas Day was a very challenging day for us all but we are slowly coming to terms with what's happened and finding a way to overcome the problems my dad was facing so that we can try to do all that we can to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

---

So glad to hear of the steady progress. It's heartening to hear that your dad and all the family are talking meaningfully. I can very much understand your Christmas Day experience, it's a time when emotions, feelings and memories are often heightened for many, let alone those like your family who have very recently been through such a critical situation. It might be said that returning to a normal routine is a friend in these situations Please remember to be kind to yourself also.

I'm sure your father will have been offered some professional support. Perhaps he may not feel (nor indeed be ready) to talk to a professional so close after the trauma. In the future though it is worth considering that it can be very helpful talking to a professional, whether that simply be a GP or referral to a counsellor or other practitioner who is removed from the situation. Again, it is a safe place for your dad to talk about whatever he feels the need to, without the fear of upsetting family members.

My best wishes to your family.

Happy New Year to all who use this thread or know someone who suffers from depression and or anxiety. Thanks to all for sharing, it means a lot 😊

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Originally Posted by wpj

Happy New Year to all who use this thread or know someone who suffers from depression and or anxiety. Thanks to all for sharing, it means a lot [emoji4]

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Back at you, mate [emoji4]

Sent from my SM-A510F using Tapatalk

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

Cheers mate, yeah it's been a tough time for the family to say the least.

My dad got home last Friday and has been making progress every day. He's opening up about the issues which caused him to do what he did last week which has really helped him and we have spoken about various things as a family which, again, has helped us all.

I still have my moments and Christmas Day was a very challenging day for us all but we are slowly coming to terms with what's happened and finding a way to overcome the problems my dad was facing so that we can try to do all that we can to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

---

One of my best mates has suffered with severe depression for years and at the start of last year attempted to take her own life. Thankfully she was found in time and taken to hospital. Like you, I was totally devastated and struggled to know what to do for the best.

It's a long road mate but she's now doing a lot better and seeing things far more positively. Don't get me wrong she still has her dark days now and again (as I guess we all do) but definatly in a far better place. I'm sure with the right support and treatment your dad too will get to the light at the end of the tunnel as well.

Keep strong.

Tomorrow marks my first day back after the New Year, and it's likely to be a little bittersweet.

On the one hand, I'm glad to be through the back of the holidays and pretty ever-present family for the past 2 weeks (it's been especially rough this year, as our wee one is 8 months old and the jewel in the family just now). Family really aren't intended to be 'enjoyed' in such a persistent concentration, and I always find myself glad when the holiday season is done.

On the other hand, it's back to early starts, the dark commute, the having to play nice with others I don't ordinarily engage with. Don't get me wrong, I really love my job and I work in a positively challenging environment (well, positive apart from the constant attacks on social media regarding our 'political alignment'), but something about the return to routine has me thoroughly uncomfortable this evening.

Small potatoes compared to some of the other issues being discussed on here over the Holidays, but my entire body has been buzzing today as my anxiety ramps up again!

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Originally Posted by Sylar

Tomorrow marks my first day back after the New Year, and it's likely to be a little bittersweet.

On the one hand, I'm glad to be through the back of the holidays and pretty ever-present family for the past 2 weeks (it's been especially rough this year, as our wee one is 8 months old and the jewel in the family just now). Family really aren't intended to be 'enjoyed' in such a persistent concentration, and I always find myself glad when the holiday season is done.

On the other hand, it's back to early starts, the dark commute, the having to play nice with others I don't ordinarily engage with. Don't get me wrong, I really love my job and I work in a positively challenging environment (well, positive apart from the constant attacks on social media regarding our 'political alignment'), but something about the return to routine has me thoroughly uncomfortable this evening.

Small potatoes compared to some of the other issues being discussed on here over the Holidays, but my entire body has been buzzing today as my anxiety ramps up again!

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Not small potatoes at all mate. Really struggling this week after a family get together which was great. Work is knocking the crap out of me and I am counting down the hours until the weekend. Got a footie session booked with my wee girl which is my main focus this week. Hope things get better for you.....

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Originally Posted by wpj

Not small potatoes at all mate. Really struggling this week after a family get together which was great. Work is knocking the crap out of me and I am counting down the hours until the weekend. Got a footie session booked with my wee girl which is my main focus this week. Hope things get better for you.....

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That’s a very important point you make about giving yourself something to focus on. I’ve been going through an extended rough spell, and I alway find that giving myself something to look forward to helps a bit. For me it has to be something that doesn’t involve a lot of interaction with people other than my family( I’ve not made the last few hibs games despite having a season ticket). Planning even the smallest of things to do at the end of the week helps me enormously.

It will be a tough month for many, January always is ,as people say
going back to work
Dealing with debit over Xmas
Just dealing with people again all normal things for most but enough to boost the anxiety/ Depression of others.
It's fantastic that this thread is here and I would urge people to use it to share there issues.
We can help each other as you are amoung understanding people who have been through many things .
Please don't try and deal with these things yourself . Once you talk to someone you make the first huge step towards a better life.
I'm lucky I have a great doctor I speak to every few months it keeps me going along with the pills [emoji38][emoji38]
Were here to help [emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172]


Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by Greenworld

It will be a tough month for many, January always is ,as people say
going back to work
Dealing with debit over Xmas
Just dealing with people again all normal things for most but enough to boost the anxiety/ Depression of others.
It's fantastic that this thread is here and I would urge people to use it to share there issues.
We can help each other as you are amoung understanding people who have been through many things .
Please don't try and deal with these things yourself . Once you talk to someone you make the first huge step towards a better life.
I'm lucky I have a great doctor I speak to every few months it keeps me going along with the pills [emoji38][emoji38]
Were here to help [emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172][emoji172]


Sent from my SM-G903F using Tapatalk

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Well said, Greenworld :aok: Sometimes talking, even to strangers can ease a bit of the burden. Threads like this let people know that they aren't alone and it's not uncommon to feel the way they do. Mental health affects so many of us - whether it be suffering yourself or know a loved one who is.

We need to get more people talking about mental health. Although it's getting better, there still is a stigma around the subject and people feel ashamed to talk about it. I know that for me, it sometimes felt that telling people would just make you a a burden on them or that people might think your just attention seeking. This is not the case, there are so many people and organisations out there that genuinely want to listen and help but we need to completely eradicate the fear of speaking out. I sadly know a young man who took his life a few years back, nobody knew he was depressed, he never spoke to anyone, everything seemed absolutely fine. I just wish he'd opened up to someone - it could have potentially saved his life.

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Originally Posted by lord bunberry

That’s a very important point you make about giving yourself something to focus on. I’ve been going through an extended rough spell, and I alway find that giving myself something to look forward to helps a bit. For me it has to be something that doesn’t involve a lot of interaction with people other than my family( I’ve not made the last few hibs games despite having a season ticket). Planning even the smallest of things to do at the end of the week helps me enormously.

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Well I went to my wee girl's first footie session and she absolutely loved it! didn't quite understand everything but she's like her dad in that aspect. Booking a block of lessons now so it will be my focus for a few weeks at least. She scored a "penalty" ran the full length of the hall with her arms in the air to hug me, probably a booking but the most golden moment for me to hold onto to in a long time.

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Originally Posted by wpj

Well I went to my wee girl's first footie session and she absolutely loved it! didn't quite understand everything but she's like her dad in that aspect. Booking a block of lessons now so it will be my focus for a few weeks at least. She scored a "penalty" ran the full length of the hall with her arms in the air to hug me, probably a booking but the most golden moment for me to hold onto to in a long time.

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That's a memory to cherish right there... brilliant :thumbsup:

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Originally Posted by wpj

Well I went to my wee girl's first footie session and she absolutely loved it! didn't quite understand everything but she's like her dad in that aspect. Booking a block of lessons now so it will be my focus for a few weeks at least. She scored a "penalty" ran the full length of the hall with her arms in the air to hug me, probably a booking but the most golden moment for me to hold onto to in a long time.

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Excellent stuff.

I was wondering if anyone on here had any knowledge of how a suicide attempt would affect home and car insurance policies.

My dad has become fixated over the past week or so with the possibility that he may not be legally allowed to drive, that his car insurance is now invalid and today he's also now saying that his home insurance is invalid.

I don't believe that any of this is actually true, especially with the home insurance, but he is adamant that both policies are at risk because he attempted to take his life.

I've had a quick look online and whilst it looks like a mental health problem could potentially increase premiums on car insurance, it's by no means a clear cut decision and the provider often needs to prove that the driver is an increased risk to other road users due to medication etc before they can increase someone's premiums.

My dad has been told by mental health home visitors and also a mental health consultant that there is nothing about his mental state or anything in any medication that he has been prescribed that makes him unable to drive but he's now got it in his head that he wouldn't be insured in the event of an accident due to the fact he attempted suicide. He's gone and phoned DVLA today and told them that he has a notifiable medical condition (which he hasn't) and now they have sent out forms that he'll need to complete.

The same goes for his home insurance. He believes that because of his suicide attempt, the home insurance is now invalid because the provider could look at it and say that he might decide to do it again and this time it could involve burning the house down.

Is anyone able to provide any links to evidence that proves he doesn't have anything to worry about because I'm at my wits end regarding this and I just don't know what to say to help him.

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Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

I was wondering if anyone on here had any knowledge of how a suicide attempt would affect home and car insurance policies.

My dad has become fixated over the past week or so with the possibility that he may not be legally allowed to drive, that his car insurance is now invalid and today he's also now saying that his home insurance is invalid.

I don't believe that any of this is actually true, especially with the home insurance, but he is adamant that both policies are at risk because he attempted to take his life.

I've had a quick look online and whilst it looks like a mental health problem could potentially increase premiums on car insurance, it's by no means a clear cut decision and the provider often needs to prove that the driver is an increased risk to other road users due to medication etc before they can increase someone's premiums.

My dad has been told by mental health home visitors and also a mental health consultant that there is nothing about his mental state or anything in any medication that he has been prescribed that makes him unable to drive but he's now got it in his head that he wouldn't be insured in the event of an accident due to the fact he attempted suicide. He's gone and phoned DVLA today and told them that he has a notifiable medical condition (which he hasn't) and now they have sent out forms that he'll need to complete.

The same goes for his home insurance. He believes that because of his suicide attempt, the home insurance is now invalid because the provider could look at it and say that he might decide to do it again and this time it could involve burning the house down.

Is anyone able to provide any links to evidence that proves he doesn't have anything to worry about because I'm at my wits end regarding this and I just don't know what to say to help him.

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(Disclaimer - I don't know what I'm talking about, so take this advice with caution).

His concerns are in many ways reasonable. Someone should be able to answer his questions with some knowledge, I cannot.

The problem is that there MIGHT be news that he doesn't like. How able is he to accept that right now? Having been in a bad place, having done what he has done, the last thing he might need is for it to seem like his problems are escalating by his policies being affected (they may or may not be).

I would be speaking to whichever health professionals you are in contact with about the fact that he has these concerns. He is effectively escalating problems (reasonably or otherwise) in his own head, which isn't a good thing, and I think you need to take serious professional advice on what you can and can't/ should and shouldn't say to him.

I know it sounds simple and dismissive, but his full focus needs to be on getting better - he has been/ still may well be, seriously mentally ill. People can recover from mental illnesses, so even if for example he is not allowed to drive for now, if he gets better he should be allowed to drive in future. I would be very surprised if a suicide attempt meant a permanent ban from driving.

What he is describing sounds to me like a "fear of catastrophe" - that his actions might bring about a disproportionately large reaction - I think the escalation of a suicide attempt to possibly being denied insurance as he is a risk of burning the house down is an over-escalation. I think that thinking he may be permanently be banned from driving is probably an over-escalation.

I have no basis in fact for this, but I suspect certain insurance premiums may go up. No big deal. Collectively you may have to choose a luxury somewhere that you have to do without in order to pay these premiums - as I say, in the grand scheme of things, unimportant. What IS important is that you still have your Dad, and what is most important is his recovery.

Again I have no basis for this - he may not be allowed to drive for a while. No big deal. He may have to make slightly different travel arrangements until he recovers, then he'll be fine again.


I must stress though - I think this escalation of matters in his head is a symptom, is a warning sign and I would urge you to speak to a health professional asap to get proper advice from someone who knows what they are talking about (I do not).

(Once more I must stress - the stuff I have said about insurance etc is opinion only - I have no knowledge of how insurance policies work, and I don't have much knowledge of mental illness either, other than anecdotal stuff I've picked up along the way.)

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Originally Posted by Smartie

(Disclaimer - I don't know what I'm talking about, so take this advice with caution).

His concerns are in many ways reasonable. Someone should be able to answer his questions with some knowledge, I cannot.

The problem is that there MIGHT be news that he doesn't like. How able is he to accept that right now? Having been in a bad place, having done what he has done, the last thing he might need is for it to seem like his problems are escalating by his policies being affected (they may or may not be).

I would be speaking to whichever health professionals you are in contact with about the fact that he has these concerns. He is effectively escalating problems (reasonably or otherwise) in his own head, which isn't a good thing, and I think you need to take serious professional advice on what you can and can't/ should and shouldn't say to him.

I know it sounds simple and dismissive, but his full focus needs to be on getting better - he has been/ still may well be, seriously mentally ill. People can recover from mental illnesses, so even if for example he is not allowed to drive for now, if he gets better he should be allowed to drive in future. I would be very surprised if a suicide attempt meant a permanent ban from driving.

What he is describing sounds to me like a "fear of catastrophe" - that his actions might bring about a disproportionately large reaction - I think the escalation of a suicide attempt to possibly being denied insurance as he is a risk of burning the house down is an over-escalation. I think that thinking he may be permanently be banned from driving is probably an over-escalation.

I have no basis in fact for this, but I suspect certain insurance premiums may go up. No big deal. Collectively you may have to choose a luxury somewhere that you have to do without in order to pay these premiums - as I say, in the grand scheme of things, unimportant. What IS important is that you still have your Dad, and what is most important is his recovery.

Again I have no basis for this - he may not be allowed to drive for a while. No big deal. He may have to make slightly different travel arrangements until he recovers, then he'll be fine again.


I must stress though - I think this escalation of matters in his head is a symptom, is a warning sign and I would urge you to speak to a health professional asap to get proper advice from someone who knows what they are talking about (I do not).

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I’m not sure you’re right on this one mate. I’m pretty sure there’s no questions around mental health when insuring a car. I think it would be up to a medical professional to decide whether you unfit to drive. Unless your doctor has specifically told you not to drive, then any insurance company won’t ask you otherwise.

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Originally Posted by lord bunberry

I’m not sure you’re right on this one mate. I’m pretty sure there’s no questions around mental health when insuring a car. I think it would be up to a medical professional to decide whether you unfit to drive. Unless your doctor has specifically told you not to drive, then any insurance company won’t ask you otherwise.

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I honestly don't know the finer details of it.

But - I would have thought that it is technically possible for a health professional to decide someone is unfit to drive - I get the feeling that this is one of the situations that SDG's Dad is concerned about. This is something that MIGHT (might not) happen. Is he in a fit place to deal with that news, if it is the case?

I would have thought that a suicide attempt alone would not be enough to justify a ban from driving on medical grounds - but I would have thought that you would have to have a green light from a professional to drive a car again afterwards (I have no idea how this would be worked out, but this is not a unique situation and I'm sure that these are questions health professionals in these circumstances will face regularly).

I don't know where normal concerns re finances end, and obsessive behaviour starts so I was just a bit concerned when SDG mentioned that his Dad now seems to be "fixated" on this issue. Given the history, and the fact that SDG's Dad is still in recovery, it just struck me as a bit of a warning.

I do think that this is one to deal with with the health professionals first, whilst some anecdotal stuff on hibs.net is all well and good.

They should be able to give him appropriate advice on the technical issues regarding how insurance, getting back behind the wheel etc works, but more importantly give him advice on how best to communicate any of this with his Dad.

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Originally Posted by lord bunberry

I’m not sure you’re right on this one mate. I’m pretty sure there’s no questions around mental health when insuring a car. I think it would be up to a medical professional to decide whether you unfit to drive. Unless your doctor has specifically told you not to drive, then any insurance company won’t ask you otherwise.

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Coming at it from a different view I have been cleared to drive by Swansea but have chosen not to as I have a condition where I can black out or take a dizzy turn. While I may put myself in danger but I am more concerned with hurting others. I was surprised to get the all clear to be honest but they must have their criteria. I'm not sure depression or anxiety would make someone a threat on the roads to be honest but would recommend a professional opinion. Sounds like your dad still needs support and that means you do too to cope with a massive situation, hope I'm not sounding like an arse as I genuinely hope you can all get it. Can't recomend this thread highly enough.take care......

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Originally Posted by Smartie

I honestly don't know the finer details of it.

But - I would have thought that it is technically possible for a health professional to decide someone is unfit to drive - I get the feeling that this is one of the situations that SDG's Dad is concerned about. This is something that MIGHT (might not) happen. Is he in a fit place to deal with that news, if it is the case?

I would have thought that a suicide attempt alone would not be enough to justify a ban from driving on medical grounds - but I would have thought that you would have to have a green light from a professional to drive a car again afterwards (I have no idea how this would be worked out, but this is not a unique situation and I'm sure that these are questions health professionals in these circumstances will face regularly).

I don't know where normal concerns re finances end, and obsessive behaviour starts so I was just a bit concerned when SDG mentioned that his Dad now seems to be "fixated" on this issue. Given the history, and the fact that SDG's Dad is still in recovery, it just struck me as a bit of a warning.

I do think that this is one to deal with with the health professionals first, whilst some anecdotal stuff on hibs.net is all well and good.

They should be able to give him appropriate advice on the technical issues regarding how insurance, getting back behind the wheel etc works, but more importantly give him advice on how best to communicate any of this with his Dad.

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I suppose the responsible thing to do would be to seek advice from your doctor about things like driving, but I’m fairly sure that as far as insurance is concerned there’s no premium to pay. Having suffered from depression for many years, I don’t remember any questions regarding the issue. Like you though I’m not 100% sure.

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Originally Posted by wpj

Coming at it from a different view I have been cleared to drive by Swansea but have chosen not to as I have a condition where I can black out or take a dizzy turn. While I may put myself in danger but I am more concerned with hurting others. I was surprised to get the all clear to be honest but they must have their criteria. I'm not sure depression or anxiety would make someone a threat on the roads to be honest but would recommend a professional opinion. Sounds like your dad still needs support and that means you do too to cope with a massive situation, hope I'm not sounding like an arse as I genuinely hope you can all get it. Can't recomend this thread highly enough.take care......

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I’m guessing you’ve quoted the wrong post there mate :greengrin

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Originally Posted by lord bunberry

I’m guessing you’ve quoted the wrong post there mate :greengrin

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Quite possibly, just giving my current experience but in a ro1undabout way have also contributed to the question 😎

But yes I meant to quote SDG 😊

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Originally Posted by lord bunberry

I suppose the responsible thing to do would be to seek advice from your doctor about things like driving, but I’m fairly sure that as far as insurance is concerned there’s no premium to pay. Having suffered from depression for many years, I don’t remember any questions regarding the issue. Like you though I’m not 100% sure.

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There is a wide spectrum of different types of mental illnesses and of different severities out there.

I wouldn't have thought that many forms of depression would affect someone's ability to, or liberty to drive.

But we don't know what SDG's Dad's diagnosis might be - certain forms of manic depression, schizophrenia, severe OCD etc might affect someone's safety to drive. I wouldn't have thought a suicide attempt alone would be a problem, but we don't know what else is involved here.

I have had countless types of insurance policy over the years and I cannot remember what questions were asked for what. I do know though that I have been asked about mental health in the past, so it is not beyond the realms of possibility (in my opinion) that a mental health issue could lead to someone being denied the liberty to drive a car.

I think that SDG needs proper professional help regarding first of all the facts - are his Dad's fears accurate or reasonable, and what is actually the case, but also how to speak to him if they are not.

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Originally Posted by Smartie

There is a wide spectrum of different types of mental illnesses and of different severities out there.

I wouldn't have thought that many forms of depression would affect someone's ability to, or liberty to drive.

But we don't know what SDG's Dad's diagnosis might be - certain forms of manic depression, schizophrenia, severe OCD etc might affect someone's safety to drive. I wouldn't have thought a suicide attempt alone would be a problem, but we don't know what else is involved here.

I have had countless types of insurance policy over the years and I cannot remember what questions were asked for what. I do know though that I have been asked about mental health in the past, so it is not beyond the realms of possibility (in my opinion) that a mental health issue could lead to someone being denied the liberty to drive a car.

I think that SDG needs proper professional help regarding first of all the facts - are his Dad's fears accurate or reasonable, and what is actually the case, but also how to speak to him if they are not.

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I agree with almost all of that. The point sdg was making though was that his dad thought his insurance would go up. I don’t think it will. You’re either fit to drive or your not.

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.

To clarify a couple of things, my dad has been diagnosed with severe anxiety. He doesn't have depression, schizophrenia or anything like that.

He's been told by a consultant and a member of the home visit team that he is fine to drive but he's constantly looking online. He's now moving on from the fact that he's not unfit to drive to now saying that his suicide attempt has basically invalidated his current car insurance and so is actually not covered if he's in an accident.

It's almost as if he's wanting someone to tell him that he can't drive. He keeps saying that the onus is on him to decide if he's able to drive which is a huge responsibility for him.

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Originally Posted by Sir David Gray

Thanks to everyone who has replied so far.

To clarify a couple of things, my dad has been diagnosed with severe anxiety. He doesn't have depression, schizophrenia or anything like that.

He's been told by a consultant and a member of the home visit team that he is fine to drive but he's constantly looking online. He's now moving on from the fact that he's not unfit to drive to now saying that his suicide attempt has basically invalidated his current car insurance and so is actually not covered if he's in an accident.

It's almost as if he's wanting someone to tell him that he can't drive. He keeps saying that the onus is on him to decide if he's able to drive which is a huge responsibility for him.

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From my own experience I would say that he’s looking for someone to take the lead and tell him not to drive. It’s really hard for a son to take the bull by the horns and tell your dad what to do. It’s almost like a passing off the baton of life. It took me ages to assume the role, and at times it’s still not something I’m comfortable with, but it’s probably something you need to do mate.