'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

[Hibbyradge]

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Still trying to work it out.....

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That was before they broke up, obvs...

[Hibrandenburg]

Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch for lunch. I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?

"The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"

[Keith_M]

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

[Killiehibbie]

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

I guess you'll tell me later?

[Hibrandenburg]

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Don't answer his questions on a football forum?

[Hibbyradge]

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How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Put them in suspense and keep them there.

Simple.

[Scouse Hibee]

Guy walked into a pub with a steering wheel hanging from his belt and ordered a pint. The barman said “do you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your belt”
The guy replied “yes it’s driving me nuts”

[WoreTheGreen]

Man goes to doctor and says “I’ve got a bit of a embarrassing problem
When I go for a s..t it comes out like chips
Doc drop your kegs and bend over before grabbing a big pair of sisores
The man it’s terrified and hears snip snip
Right that’s you cured
Great doc what did you do
Doc replied I cut 6 inches of your string vest

[AltheHibby]

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Guy walked into a pub with a steering wheel hanging from his belt and ordered a pint. The barman said “do you know you have a steering wheel hanging from your belt”
The guy replied “yes it’s driving me nuts”

Another guy goes to the doctor wearing nothing but clingfilm around his nethers. The doctor says "I can clearly see your nuts"

[Moulin Yarns]

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Another guy goes to the doctor wearing nothing but clingfilm around his nethers. The doctor says "I can clearly see your nuts"

Both 'jokes' are the low hanging fruits of humour 😉

[Keith_M]

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I guess you'll tell me later?

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Don't answer his questions on a football forum?

You see, it works!

[AltheHibby]

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Both 'jokes' are the low hanging fruits of humour 😉

Only if you have short legs. Or you're me.

[WoreTheGreen]

Guy goes to a fancy dress party totally naked
Apart from a bit of sandpaper wrapped around his c..k
Host asked what have you come as
Naked guy answered Dick Emery

[AltheHibby]

The man that invented the Ferris wheel never met the man that invented the roundabout.

They moved in different circles.

[Keith_M]

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Whilst driving through Wales with my pal, we stopped off at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch for lunch. I asked the waitress, "Could you settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?

"The waitress replied, "Burr gerr King!"

Your joke has been nicked by Tam Cowan and was in yesterday's Daily Record




'Meanwhile, a village with the longest name – Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob – can now get the fastest broadband: a gigabit a second.

Tell you what’s even more impressive – my old Kirkcaldy correspondent Wee Jimmy visited the legendary Welsh village a few years ago and, while eating his lunch one day, he asked a member of staff: “How exactly do you pronounce this place?”


And the lassie said: “BURGER KING…” '


https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/opinio...-just-25426945

[Hibrandenburg]

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Your joke has been nicked by Tam Cowan and was in yesterday's Daily Record




'Meanwhile, a village with the longest name – Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrob – can now get the fastest broadband: a gigabit a second.

Tell you what’s even more impressive – my old Kirkcaldy correspondent Wee Jimmy visited the legendary Welsh village a few years ago and, while eating his lunch one day, he asked a member of staff: “How exactly do you pronounce this place?”


And the lassie said: “BURGER KING…” '


https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/opinio...-just-25426945

I got it from a Welsh mate who can pronounce the stations name, it does get rather moist when he does it though.

[weedgiehibbie]

Tis better to have loved a short person than never to have loved a tall.

[c31]

My budgie escaped from its cage and mated with my dog.
I've got a couple of puppies going cheep if anyone's interested

[Alfiembra]

Ever noticed how the some of the greatest Formula1 drivers their surnames are the the same as Scottish towns?

Stirling Moss
Lewis Hamilton
Eddie Irvine
Ayr Toon Centre.

[Keith_M]

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Ever noticed how the some of the greatest Formula1 drivers their surnames are the the same as Scottish towns?

Stirling Moss
Lewis Hamilton
Eddie Irvine
Ayr Toon Centre.

Yeah, the guy that posted it the first time

[weedgiehibbie]

Novak Djokovic is the first player to be knocked out of a Grand Slam tournament after missing only 2 shots

[Hibrandenburg]

I've been conducting a scientific study about the effects of alcohol on how people walk, the results are staggering.

[Bridge hibs]

Paddy says to his Wife, my bum hole is on fire, what do you think is wrong, his Wife says, ring sting, Paddy replies, **** off, how the hell would he know !!

[c31]

I have a new girl friend. She works at a factory making wheelie bins.

Not sure what day to take her out.

[Hibrandenburg]

Stallone: I'm making a new film about composers, I'll be playing Beethoven.

Van Damme: I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Nope, not saying it.

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[Scouse Hibee]

I think my tennis coach fancies me, I’m crap at tennis but she keeps calling me love.

[Speedy]

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Stallone: I'm making a new film about composers, I'll be playing Beethoven.

Van Damme: I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Nope, not saying it.

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[Moulin Yarns]

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Stallone: I'm making a new film about composers, I'll be playing Beethoven.

Van Damme: I'll be Mozart.

Schwarzenegger: Nope, not saying it.

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I'll be Rimsky-Korsakov.

[Radium]

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[Hibrandenburg]

Two scientists walk into a bar, the first asks for a glass of H2o, the second says he'd like a glass of H2o too. The second scientist dies.

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