'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

[Hibbyradge]

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A photographer was killed in a freak accident today. Whilst trying to take a group photo a giant lump of cheddar fell on him.
Bystanders said people did try to warn him.....

😂😂😂

[rodhibs55]

Guy walks into the doctor.
He has a cucumber up his nose
A carrot in his left ear and
a banana in his right ear.

What's the mater with me he asks the doctor?

Doctor replies - You're not eating properly.

[Bangkok Hibby]

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A photographer was killed in a freak accident today. Whilst trying to take a group photo a giant lump of cheddar fell on him.
Bystanders said people did try to warn him.....

Haha, took me a second 😂😂😂😂😂

[AltheHibby]

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Haha, took me a second 😂😂😂😂😂

Took me literally a minute or more of thinking the joke was stupid. Turns out the stupidity was on my end of the phone.

[Hiber-nation]

What do you call a pig that's lost it's voice?

Disgruntled.

[Scouse Hibee]

Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

[Hibrandenburg]

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Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

I read that in Bernard Manning's voice.

[sleeping giant]

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Q - Where do you get mercury from?

A - H G Wells

Ooft. :

[Northernhibee]

Bugs Bunny is a very difficult person to track down. Couldn't get him on the phone, text or e-mail. In the end I had to use his WhatsApp, Doc.

[J-C]

I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". She said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

[J-C]

My mate took his Grandad to one of those fancy Health Spa's, where tiny little fish eat all the dead skin.

It cost him £35, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral.

[Peevemor]

.

[Moulin Yarns]

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.

Ringo has let himself go a bit. 😉

[AltheHibby]

I asked Vincent van Gogh to bring me back a six pack of beer. He only brought three.

It's my fault for forgetting he only hear half of what I say.

[Future17]

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.

Would Yoda's line not be "All you need love is"?

[Peevemor]

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Ringo has let himself go a bit.

Ringo Starr Wars!

[Radium]

https://twitter.com/sfmnemonic/statu...882835971?s=21


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[c31]

My mate said, "Why is there a shirt and tie on the telly?"
I said, "It's a smart tv."

[J-C]

I work as a salesman and yesterday I knocked on someone's door. A young boy, about 10 years old answered with a glass of whisky in one hand and a cigar in the other. "Are your parents in young man?" I asked. "Does it ****ing look like they're in", he replied.

[J-C]

My wife's been missing a week now and the police said to prepare for the worst, so I'm going round all the charity shops to get her clothes back.

[c31]

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
“ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.” 😂😂😂

[Just Alf]

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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
“ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”

My wife didn't think this was funny!


:rofl:



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[AltheHibby]

Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

It was the least I could do for him.

[Future17]

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Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

It was the least I could do for him.

[Hibrandenburg]

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Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

It was the least I could do for him.

yep, ticks all the boxes in the thread title.

[AltheHibby]

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yep, ticks all the boxes in the thread title.

Thank you. But to be fair, I spotted it on Twitter.

[CmoantheHibs]

Just checked my home insurance and apparently if my duvet gets stolen during the night I’m not covered.

[Northernhibee]

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Thank you. But to be fair, I spotted it on Twitter.

It’s the least you could do for them.

[Hibbyradge]

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Thank you. But to be fair, I spotted it on Twitter.

You get dogs on Twitter?

[AltheHibby]

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It’s the least you could do for them.

🤣 I didn't even realise what I had said.