Depression and anxiety

[Dalianwanda]

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I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

"Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me." Your worth doesn't come from these things mate. You are worth way more than any of these (I've missed out contribute to society/look after the family because that doesn't stop because of your current thoughts on it)...Thing is all of these things you have very little control over, like so many of us if we put our worth on these we are putting who we think we are on an ever shifting base. These things come and go in various forms, you are still here. When your not thinking about these things that you equate to your value (what you think your all about)....where do you go?

Im guessing of we go back 5 years, 10 years, 15 years you would see you worth in different ways? How we think about ourselves tells us nothing about ourselves. How we see ourself restricts rather than frees....But its what most of us have been told to do

Have a look in the eyes of your child for a couple of mins....with no want, judgement, need, don't connect with any thoughts just look into their eyes...just breath and connect...without delving into thought is it possible to feel worthless then?

I'll keep this short as you may not be in the space to give it a go yet & I don't want to sound preachy :-)

Goes without saying if you ever fancy a chat just drop me a note....Im around most of the time as only have a few bookings on...

[McD]

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I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

many have said things far more eloquently than I could, I echo their words, you’re far from worthless mate, if I can lend an ear then please give me a shout

[Sylar]

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I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

Nah, categorically not. You're a dad to a young kid and a partner. A son, a friend to many, an exceptional poster on here, and possibly even a sibling. You're not defined by your job and your successes/failures therein. You speak passionately on here about helping your colleagues, and fellows in the industry, highlighting just how compassionate a chap you are. That the sector is being pounded once more by the Government doesn't reflect your failings, or your colleague's failings. One or two maybe, that failed to stick to the rules, but I think most elements of society would agree that the current situation is unfair and punishing.

Pretty sure you became a dad around the same time I did, and I've always paid attention to your posts and engagements on here, partly for that reason. We've never met in person but you're genuinely one of the great guys on this site as far as I'm concerned, and you'll see through to the other side. Remember, there are a bunch of outlets if you need to speak to someone and the language in your last post is a little alarming, that perhaps it's something worth considering. If you ever want someone on here to chat to, I'm more than happy to ping you my mobile number and be a neutral and supportive ear if it would benefit you.

Head up, sir. You're far from worthless.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Head up, PB. You’re my favourite poster on here and you’ve actually taught me a lot about life purely by your posts.

You offered me an ear a few weeks back and I’m here to return the favour.

Chin up, fella.

[bawheid]

One of the best posters on here. Clearly a good man. Clearly a good colleague. Clearly a good dad. Clearly a loving partner. Clearly not worthless.

[jonty]

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Head up, PB. You’re my favourite poster on here and you’ve actually taught me a lot about life purely by your posts.

You offered me an ear a few weeks back and I’m here to return the favour.

Chin up, fella.

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One of the best posters on here. Clearly a good man. Clearly a good colleague. Clearly a good dad. Clearly a loving partner. Clearly not worthless.

This PB.

And this is for all my hibs.net family - never, ever feel like people would be better off without you. Its the exact opposite. Just by being there, you fill a space in peoples hearts.

[Pretty Boy]

Thank you for all the kind words and advice. Thanks also to those who have PMd me, I will reply.

Truth is I have been feeling pretty crap for a while. I've been trying to power through but everything has come to a head over the last couple of days. The mix of alcohol, a couple of pretty awful conversations and a few goodbyes yesterday was the trigger for a bit of an outburst. I've not been sleeping well and when I do sleep I am quite often waking suddenly with panic attacks.

Going to the football has always been a bit of an outlet for me and I'm missing that more than I realised. I drive or walk past Easter Road every day going to and from work and I just feel so sad when doing so. I also get a lot out of running but with organised races off the table I'm finding it hard to get out and get motivated.

I'm planning on taking a step back from social media and the like for a while. It's an environment so full of conflict at the moment and constantly arguing isn't doing me any good. I really need to learn to walk away sometimes rather than always having to have my say.

Anyway thank you all once again. This thread has been a godsend for many people over the years and it really is home to some wonderful people.

[Mibbes Aye]

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Thank you for all the kind words and advice. Thanks also to those who have PMd me, I will reply.

Truth is I have been feeling pretty crap for a while. I've been trying to power through but everything has come to a head over the last couple of days. The mix of alcohol, a couple of pretty awful conversations and a few goodbyes yesterday was the trigger for a bit of an outburst. I've not been sleeping well and when I do sleep I am quite often waking suddenly with panic attacks.

Going to the football has always been a bit of an outlet for me and I'm missing that more than I realised. I drive or walk past Easter Road every day going to and from work and I just feel so sad when doing so. I also get a lot out of running but with organised races off the table I'm finding it hard to get out and get motivated.

I'm planning on taking a step back from social media and the like for a while. It's an environment so full of conflict at the moment and constantly arguing isn't doing me any good. I really need to learn to walk away sometimes rather than always having to have my say.

Anyway thank you all once again. This thread has been a godsend for many people over the years and it really is home to some wonderful people.

Best wishes to you. I have no doubt you are smart enough to know that talking and sharing is a help, whether that is Samaritans or Breathing Space or whatever. It sounds really trite but feeling able to share how you feel, in a safe way, is incredibly powerful.

Social media is funny. At its best it is a massive force for positive change. At its worst it is toxic and poisonous.

Easter Road should be a positive, sorry it is not. I don’t wish to sound patronising but if you are passing it regularly then make a point of thinking about a particular positive match, goal or experience when you do so.

[Scorrie]

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Thank you for all the kind words and advice. Thanks also to those who have PMd me, I will reply.

Truth is I have been feeling pretty crap for a while. I've been trying to power through but everything has come to a head over the last couple of days. The mix of alcohol, a couple of pretty awful conversations and a few goodbyes yesterday was the trigger for a bit of an outburst. I've not been sleeping well and when I do sleep I am quite often waking suddenly with panic attacks.

Going to the football has always been a bit of an outlet for me and I'm missing that more than I realised. I drive or walk past Easter Road every day going to and from work and I just feel so sad when doing so. I also get a lot out of running but with organised races off the table I'm finding it hard to get out and get motivated.

I'm planning on taking a step back from social media and the like for a while. It's an environment so full of conflict at the moment and constantly arguing isn't doing me any good. I really need to learn to walk away sometimes rather than always having to have my say.

Anyway thank you all once again. This thread has been a godsend for many people over the years and it really is home to some wonderful people.

Hope it all gets better for you. I’m sure it will. One thing I did when I really struggle was knock alcohol on the head. Made a huge difference in reducing anxiety and slept better as well. That may help? There’s some really good alcohol free beers out there now if you still want the taste of a pint (like me!) Take care

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.

[stu in nottingham]

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Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.

I think writing about your feelings and experiences and feelings can be very therapeutic. Some of my clients write a journal recording these things. I have a blog which has been going for over thirteen years now with hundreds of articles over the years and interaction from readers. There are stats available to you too that tell you about hits, readers and so on so you know what hits the spot so to speak.

Blogs are quite easy to create and if you have fairly rudimentary IT skills such as navigating the internet and using Word you can easily make one for yourself. Signing up walks you through it. I use Wordpress.com as a free host (Wordpress.org is a paid scheme and more sophisticated). Plenty of other good ones are available.

You can make your blog public for all to read or keep it private for your own thoughts.

https://stuartfrew.wordpress.com/

[Pedantic_Hibee]

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I think writing about your feelings and experiences and feelings can be very therapeutic. Some of my clients write a journal recording these things. I have a blog which has been going for over thirteen years now with hundreds of articles over the years and interaction from readers. There are stats available to you too that tell you about hits, readers and so on so you know what hits the spot so to speak.

Blogs are quite easy to create and if you have fairly rudimentary IT skills such as navigating the internet and using Word you can easily make one for yourself. Signing up walks you through it. I use Wordpress.com as a free host (Wordpress.org is a paid scheme and more sophisticated). Plenty of other good ones are available.

You can make your blog public for all to read or keep it private for your own thoughts.

https://stuartfrew.wordpress.com/

Thanks, Stu. I was hoping to catch your attention with my post above so thank you for commenting.

Have you monetised your blog or attempted to? It’s obviously not the be all and end all, health before wealth etc but at a time when money is tight I’m looking at avenues to create a side income.

[stu in nottingham]

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Thanks, Stu. I was hoping to catch your attention with my post above so thank you for commenting.

Have you monetised your blog or attempted to? It’s obviously not the be all and end all, health before wealth etc but at a time when money is tight I’m looking at avenues to create a side income.

I haven't attempted to make an income from blogging myself as it's just a pleasure and hobby for me but there's a lot of information about it out there for those who would like to. I think some of the usual conventions around encouraging interest in your blog would also apply. Things such as:

• Making your own circle of friends, aquaintances and family aware of it to begin with.
• Reading other blogs widely and commenting on them
• Posting regularly, every day content if possible
• Choosing a regular and recognisable theme

Over the years I've receeived a huge amount of hits/reads simply from placing the blog's address in my siganture on Hibs.net ro instance. Overall I think there have been approximately 757,000 the last time I looked. All blog's hits took a decrease some years ago when Google images decided to present their search results differently, meaning the user didn't have to access the blog site to see the image. My own hits went from around 350 a day to around 80-100 at that time,

Another point is that you can host multiple blogs for different purposes on the same host site such as Wordpress or elsewhere. For example, I had a private one for research purposes whilst carrying out an ethnographic study on education.

I think the heady heights of blogging reached a peak a few years ago to be superceded by micro-blogging such as Twitter etc. It has stabilised now though and found it's level.

Back in the beginning I attended a talk at a book festival by a very successful first-wave blogger and learnt some good tips. A memorable one was to always assume that anything you write will get back at some point to the person you're talking about. I've always borne this in mind when writing!

It's old information now but still worth a glance:
https://troubled-diva.com/2007/07/01...mentary-links/

[McD]

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Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.

You'll have ups and downs mate, try not to give yourself too much of a hard time when you have a dip. It takes time to recover when you've invested yourself into a relationship so fully (which is a credit to you, even if it doesnt feel like it).

Really glad to hear about the job front, thats great.

[Dalianwanda]

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Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.

I keep a bit of a journal but I dont read it back...It helps me keep a bit of daily structure on all the things I want to focus on & tick off my vitamins, breathing, exercise, mood & manifestations etc..Again the actual journal itself isnt the release, its me just allowing acceptance of the moment...that writing that down is 'enough'..I could accept without doing that but I kinda enjoy a decent pen on some nice paper..I used to do a blog on the website and wrote a monthly article for a magazine..just by putting it out there you never know who you could affect in a positive way ( look at this thread and people sharing & the difference its made for others)...It does sound like you have something others woudl benefit from & I think you know that but might jst be overthinking it now rather than just writing for the fun of it..

If you are writing dont get too caught up in what others might think & just write...you can always rewrite chop things or add things...Once you get it down you'll get a feel for how open you want to be. Is it a blog is it a book...Does the blog become the creator of the book....go with what feels right. Do try & think who might be interested in reading it (not who wont) get clear on that & write to them..what part of your story could help them & how? Again I would do this once Ive got most of what I initially want to share down.

Thats brilliant news re the job front.....stop trying to shake it off re the break up..Thats just keep your attention on it..Just notice the thoughts and feelings that show up & us much as possible just allow them....

[Keith_M]

I don't have anything to add in the way of advice to those who've posted on here how much they're struggling but...


I just wanted to wish everybody well and remind them that there are people out there that really care about you.

I've struggled myself in the past and that's the main thing that kept me going.

[tricky]

Some brave folk on here and wish everyone well

If anyone finds themselves stuck for something to do during the day in Edinburgh check out Street Soccer Scotland ( my work ) for free mental health friendly community football sessions and access to other opportunities, pm me any time anyone that may be interested

[Pedantic_Hibee]

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

[matty_f]

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alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

Excellent read, mate - very much looking forward to seeing it develop.

[Peevemor]

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alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

I won't comment on what you're going through - but I wish I could write as well as that.

[stu in nottingham]

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alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

It's a great intro, well done mate. Will look forward to following your thoughts hrough the blog.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

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I won't comment on what you're going through - but I wish I could write as well as that.

Thank you, mate, that really did put a smile on my face.

It’s off the cuff writing, I’m “better” that way and more honest. My writing, much as in my life, seems to work better when it’s spontaneous as opposed to being planned.

Thank you Matty and Stu as well, that’s very encouraging for me.

[Jones28]

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https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

Great first go mate. I really hope you find this to be the release you’re looking for 👍🏻

[RitchieHibs]

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https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

Certainly entices a reader in. Has a good style of writing. Interesting and thoughtful.

[McD]

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https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

followed. Great start to it mate, as you’ve mentioned it reads spontaneously, which is a good place to be I think, not overly filtering, just writing what you’re thinking and feeling


good luck pal

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress...february-2019/

[Jones28]

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I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress...february-2019/

Well done mate, you've triumphed over your self doubt with that piece.

[Pretty Boy]

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I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress...february-2019/

That was a tough read, it hits a bit too close to home in parts.

Well done on writing it and sharing your story. It can't have been easy but it's a great thing you are doing, for yourself and others.

[stu in nottingham]

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I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress...february-2019/

Wonderfully well written. I know you won't underestimate how words like those can help others.

By coincidence, that same date of 5th February a few years ago was the day my late partner decided to take her own life. I'm so glad you got through it.

[olivebuzzer]

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https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

. Thanks for posting bri. Also thanks to stu,matty,prettyboy and all who post on this thread. You guys need to know how much these posts help me and no doubt many others.