Spouse behaviour. Opinions wanted

[speedy_gonzales]

I can understand you not being happy, there's an element of dishonest/secretive behaviour. There's also this 3rd party, do you judge their intent on what your wife says or how you would act yourself?
I'm not suggesting all men are dogs, but there's a few out there.

I went through a similari-ish thing a couple of years ago. My partner was a senior engineer with an Edinburgh based consultancy, she was head hunted by an ex-colleague that knew her fairly well. They went for coffee more than once and when I asked how the "interview" was going she conceded they mostly just talked on a social, not professional level.
I suggested the other guy was at it, what she heard was "I think you're cheating!",,,,I had to convince her that not all men (or women) see a wedding band as a problem!
In the end I basically said I wasn't happy and could live with being paranoid & jealous if that's what it was.
Turns out it wasn't, the guy made it clear there was no job on the table and he was definitely fishing.
It wasn't all bad though, wife got a bit of a wake up call and approached her own work for a pay rise, ended up getting an Associates position, she's now too busy to see me never mind anyone else ;)

[stuart-farquhar]

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I can understand you not being happy, there's an element of dishonest/secretive behaviour. There's also this 3rd party, do you judge their intent on what your wife says or how you would act yourself?
I'm not suggesting all men are dogs, but there's a few out there.

I went through a similari-ish thing a couple of years ago. My partner was a senior engineer with an Edinburgh based consultancy, she was head hunted by an ex-colleague that knew her fairly well. They went for coffee more than once and when I asked how the "interview" was going she conceded they mostly just talked on a social, not professional level.
I suggested the other guy was at it, what she heard was "I think you're cheating!",,,,I had to convince her that not all men (or women) see a wedding band as a problem!
In the end I basically said I wasn't happy and could live with being paranoid & jealous if that's what it was.
Turns out it wasn't, the guy made it clear there was no job on the table and he was definitely fishing.
It wasn't all bad though, wife got a bit of a wake up call and approached her own work for a pay rise, ended up getting an Associates position, she's now too busy to see me never mind anyone else ;)

Glad it worked out.

My wife works till 9 most nights often later.

I'd never heard of this guy. She says things like " he doesn't fancy me" How does she know? Ive asked her but she never said.

I said she should maybe drop him. No. I said I was very uncomfortable with this..Nope. I said i felt threatened and she said go if you want to i will be fine on my own.
It's all a bit surreal. Typing it out makes me uncomfortable.

I'm around and at home a lot so do domestic stuff. I have this picture of me loading the dishwasher or something while they work and play. Maybe its me!!

[Hibee87]

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Glad it worked out.

My wife works till 9 most nights often later.

I'd never heard of this guy. She says things like " he doesn't fancy me" How does she know? Ive asked her but she never said.

I said she should maybe drop him. No. I said I was very uncomfortable with this..Nope. I said i felt threatened and she said go if you want to i will be fine on my own.
It's all a bit surreal. Typing it out makes me uncomfortable.

I'm around and at home a lot so do domestic stuff. I have this picture of me loading the dishwasher or something while they work and play. Maybe its me!!

My opinion on the comment of 'Go if you want to, I will be fine on my own' suggests to me she wants out, but wants you to be the one to do it. Im sorry for what your saying as to me she clearly doesnt care about you or your feelings if you have found this secretive meeting out but she refuses to see how it looks from your perspective.
Obviously im no expert and could be wrong, but I suggest sitting down and chatting with her, dont get angry, even if she does and try to sort things out. If she has no interest in sorting things out or talking then im afraid if it was me I would tell her its maybe time up.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

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My opinion on the comment of 'Go if you want to, I will be fine on my own' suggests to me she wants out, but wants you to be the one to do it. Im sorry for what your saying as to me she clearly doesnt care about you or your feelings if you have found this secretive meeting out but she refuses to see how it looks from your perspective.
Obviously im no expert and could be wrong, but I suggest sitting down and chatting with her, dont get angry, even if she does and try to sort things out. If she has no interest in sorting things out or talking then im afraid if it was me I would tell her its maybe time up.

I concur, particularly if no kids are involved.

[Pete]

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My opinion on the comment of 'Go if you want to, I will be fine on my own' suggests to me she wants out, but wants you to be the one to do it. Im sorry for what your saying as to me she clearly doesnt care about you or your feelings if you have found this secretive meeting out but she refuses to see how it looks from your perspective.
Obviously im no expert and could be wrong, but I suggest sitting down and chatting with her, dont get angry, even if she does and try to sort things out. If she has no interest in sorting things out or talking then im afraid if it was me I would tell her its maybe time up.

Agree.

No time for a long answer but your wife should be respecting your feelings a bit more if she loved you.

Ask yourself honestly if you're being too posessive and if you aren't, you need to start laying down some ultimatums yourself.

No matter who you are you don't deserve to be messed about and you have to respect yourself. Life will go on if it doesn't work out.

[Alfiembra]

I think it's time to get a bit smarter about the whole situation.


If I was in your position there are several things I'd try.


Ask her out for a romantic date or weekend away, see how ready she is to spend time with you. But as I say try and be smart about it, don't make it at a time you know she would have a ready excuse for not going. And if she does keep fending you off ask her what are her reasons for it. Are they plausible, the more convoluted and outrageous they sound the more likely there could be something going on.


Ask her about holidays "where are we going this year?"


If she says she's just going round to her pals tell her "I could do with a bit of fresh air I'll drop you off" or "I'll come too" and see what sort of reaction you get.


I also find women are thick as thieves with their pals and she will be getting all sorts of advice good and bad from them.


Hope you can resolve things and get an outcome that suits you.

[stuart-farquhar]

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I think it's time to get a bit smarter about the whole situation.


If I was in your position there are several things I'd try.


Ask her out for a romantic date or weekend away, see how ready she is to spend time with you. But as I say try and be smart about it, don't make it at a time you know she would have a ready excuse for not going. And if she does keep fending you off ask her what are her reasons for it. Are they plausible, the more convoluted and outrageous they sound the more likely there could be something going on.


Ask her about holidays "where are we going this year?"


If she says she's just going round to her pals tell her "I could do with a bit of fresh air I'll drop you off" or "I'll come too" and see what sort of reaction you get.


I also find women are thick as thieves with their pals and she will be getting all sorts of advice good and bad from them.


Hope you can resolve things and get an outcome that suits you.

I've tried a fair bit of that. Will maybe have a final go.

[snooky]

I'm no Marjorie Proops but, the negative tone in her responses is speaking volumes to me.
Line in the sand time.