Quote Originally Posted by Phil D. Rolls View Post
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One way I know I'm going down is when I start to post excessively on here, and get into arguments where I go OTT in criticising others.

Towards the end of last year, I picked up on the fact I felt constantly angry. Things didn't go too well over Christmas, but having lived with Depression long enough, I was able to spot that it was me that was the problem instead of everyone else. To be honest the thoughts I was having about other people were so off the mark, they were bordering on hallucinogenic.

Went to see my GP as soon as I could after new year. Held my hands up, and admitted I wasn't coping, and that I could sink further.

She gave me Paroxetine, and it is doing the job. I am seeing much more humour than I used to, and being more balanced when negative things happen.

The lessons are: never be frightened to admit when you are going backwards - Depression is always there, look for patterns in your behaviour that are repeating themselves; if you want to get better, medication can work for you; see your recovery as a set of waves breaking on the shore, each one goes forwards then back, but each one goes further forward and less back than the previous one did.
I've not posted on this thread before but you may have read my article on depression and football etc that I posted on the site previously.

Anyway I keep myself to myself a lot more than I have ever done. It's easier.

I note that you say "Depression is always there" how very true. It's like a constant drain on my life both physically and mentally.

I don't open up to many people, I do get angry though. Especially with my parents, I feel bad but other times I feel like they have done nothing to help me through this.

I am back at work after six months off but I am so tired and I honestly just want to cry all the time.

I feel so lonely yet I feel like I am becoming more of a loner, if you get what I mean?

It doesn't matter what I do, everything just feels so hard. One step forward, seven back and repeat.