Depression and anxiety

[GreenNWhiteArmy]

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I've recently started taking Vitamin D supplements on recommendation from my GP.

I had a mole removed last year and after biopsy it turned out to be an early stage melanoma. Thankfully it was caught very early and is unlikely to present any issues going forward. I did have a full examination by a dermatologist though and I have over 100 moles and was advised to 'keep and eye on' 5.

I was told that from now on I have to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight, use high factor sun cream for any exposure for even a short time and to eep covered up when in the sun.

Vitamin D deficiency is pretty rife in Scotland anyway so I asked my GP about it and he recommended taking about 30 micrograms a day. I can't say I've noticed a huge difference in how I feel but I'm planning on upping the dose slightly in the winter so I'll see how that goes.

If you dont notice a difference rapidly it may be that you're not taking enough. As i said in a reply to a previous poster, there appears to be a common misconception with Doctors around what is a defficiency. 20 mins of sunlight equates to a ridiculously high volume of IU (well in to the tens of thousands, I cant remember what) but give it a listen if you get a spare hour as it may help you out.

I'll share what the results say about my levels when they are rec'd

[Mibbes Aye]

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I think I’m now ready to put my thoughts down in writing having threatened to do so last year.

[lapsedhibee]

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30 microgram is only around 1200 IU though aint it? The supplement i take is 1000IU and is the standard in supplement format (I think)

Yes. The NRV for Vitamin D is 5 micrograms, or 200 IU.

NRVs are set for 13 vitamins and 14 minerals for the purposes of food labelling and are EU guidance levels on the daily amount of vitamin or mineral that the average healthy person needs to prevent deficiency.

[Jones28]

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I think I’m now ready to put my thoughts down in writing having threatened to do so last year.

There’s only friends here mate 👍🏻

[wpj]

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There’s only friends here mate 👍🏻

Echoed, this thread is such a comfort

[stu in nottingham]

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I think I’m now ready to put my thoughts down in writing having threatened to do so last year.

Disclosing problems to others is a very personal matter, most definitely. I find my clients range over the whole spectrum of not telling a soul to telling everyone they know about (in their case) their addiction problems. I've concluded that's it's sometimes good to disclose when there is likely to be a positive effect from doing so, such as emotional support for instance.

Opening up can help a person gain a bit of perspective about their problems and find solutions you've been unable to alone. I think sharing experiences definitely can help us feel less alone too.

if you should choose to write a few words PH you'll see with the evidence of eight years of people posting on this great thread that people here only want to help and support others. Wish you well.

[The 90+2]

I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

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I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.

What’s the reasons given for you not seeing the kids? Could you look into getting a lawyer involved?

[Hermit Crab]

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I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.

Im struggling. I've stupidly cut my arms to **** over a period of weeks. Coping mechanism. I don't know how much more I can take, I don't have a GP, wasn't allowed to register with a new surgery during Covid (at least that what I was told). She, unintentionally or not has utterly destroyed me and each day is mental torture.

[Pretty Boy]

I'm not sure if it's entirely relavent to the posts above but I have a mate who has, very bravely, recently told a a few of us he has been receiving help from the group linked below:

https://www.mankind.org.uk/help-for-victims/

They can offer emotional support and practical advice for men who have been on the receiving end of physical or mental abuse from a current or ex partner.

[stu in nottingham]

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Im struggling. I've stupidly cut my arms to **** over a period of weeks. Coping mechanism. I don't know how much more I can take, I don't have a GP, wasn't allowed to register with a new surgery during Covid (at least that what I was told). She, unintentionally or not has utterly destroyed me and each day is mental torture.

Not sure if you're in the Edinburgh area but would you consider contacting such as the below for support? Penumbra, linked on the front page are the people who deal with self-harming I think.

http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org.uk/wordpress/

[Hermit Crab]

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Not sure if you're in the Edinburgh area but would you consider contacting such as the below for support? Penumbra, linked on the front page are the people who deal with self-harming I think.

http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org.uk/wordpress/

I’ve donated to them through give as you earn for years now. Must be 12 years anyway

[Mibbes Aye]

Being able to open up is the main thing. Sounds like you can do that. Tried Samaritans?

[Hermit Crab]

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Being able to open up is the main thing. Sounds like you can do that. Tried Samaritans?

Aye, ages ago I emailed them a few times but I stopped after things got better back in March.

I'm bad at opening up face to face, not good at that at all.

[stu in nottingham]

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Aye, ages ago I emailed them a few times but I stopped after things got better back in March.

I'm bad at opening up face to face, not good at that at all.

A lot of counselling and therapy services have reverted to either telephone or video counselling during the pandemic. I don't think that certain services will necessarily revert straight back to working in person either when things become considered 'safe'. It appears to be going that way.

There are very good things about telephone counselling and research shows it to be effective too. Quite a few people feel anxious at the thought of face-to-face work whereas speaking on the telephone can feel less challenging for them. Maybe the current situation could work in your favour.

[CropleyWasGod]

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A lot of counselling and therapy services have reverted to either telephone or video counselling during the pandemic. I don't think that certain services will necessarily revert straight back to working in person either when things become considered 'safe'. It appears to be going that way.

There are very good things about telephone counselling and research shows it to be effective too. Quite a few people feel anxious at the thought of face-to-face work whereas speaking on the telephone can feel less challenging for them. Maybe the current situation could work in your favour.

I'm only doing online sessions now, and the results are arguably better than face-to-face. Clients feel more comfortable in their own environment, they don't have to travel, and they don't have to deal with the anxieties of the hoops they have to jump through in a face-to-face situation.

[CropleyWasGod]

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Aye, ages ago I emailed them a few times but I stopped after things got better back in March.

I'm bad at opening up face to face, not good at that at all.

You've taken a huge step in opening up here, to people you don't know.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Hermit, I’ve PM’d you which you’ll hopefully get in good time but thought I’d share the load on here in case it helps others or makes them realise that they’re not alone.

I’m currently in a similar situation just now where a woman has directly/indirectly systematically destroyed me.

Mental health is something I’ve had from an early age, the furthest I can trace it back to would be when I was around 7/8 years old. It was something I never fully understood until I had an almighty crash in Feb 19 where I broke down in work and was whisked away to my GP by my boss. (I spoke about this at length on a Longbangers podcast).

I’d had years and years of suicidal thoughts, sometimes six or seven times a day. Didn’t matter if I was having a good day or not, it just always appeared on my horizon. To be honest, I thought this was pretty normal and that everybody suffered it and that allowed me to rationalise it.

I had a little daughter who was 18 months old when I finally left a toxic relationship and it was horrible coming to terms with not seeing her everyday. I moved out the house and went back to my mothers and focused on seeing her as much as I could. This was in the October of 2018 and as above, come the February all my problems came to the surface and I just broke down.

I had a similar phase back in 2012 when my partner and I split (we lived in Southampton at the time and I ended up moving back to Scotland leaving behind my son who was 5 at the time). That took me fully 18 months to adapt to the situation and in that period I used women, I used drugs, I drank to excess and caused a lot of worry and stress to a family who saw me hitting the self-destruct button.

Fast forward to Feb 19 and after seeing the GP, I was prescribed fluoxetine which resulted in me having some of the darkest weeks I’ve ever experienced (I came off then in Nov 19 and don’t want to go back on them again). I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t watch the telly, I had panic attacks, I spent hours staring at the ceiling, I wouldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t even look at my daughter and my mother had to care for her whilst I laid on a bed feeling empty and numb.

There was one morning when I woke up and said enough is enough and I dragged myself up. I read a book called Miracle Morning which allowed me to establish a morning routine that involved going for a walk/run, having breakfast, meditating, visualising a happier future, writing a journal and repeating positive affirmations throughout the day.

The results of this were extraordinary, I soon began to like myself, physically I was in the best shape of my life, I had the confidence inside that I only ever showed externally (I am the epitome of the sad clown) and I began to really push on.

November of 2019 saw me meet the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my life. She was everything I had ever wished for and literally ticked every box I had drawn up on my next relationship wishlist.

My family immediately loved her, we were just perfect. Six weeks into the relationship she surprised me with a new year trip to Venice which was magical. I began staying at hers more and more to the point I was there full time unless I had my daughter in which case I’d nip back to my old dears.

Come late March and with the two of us being so in love, I introduced my daughter to her which was a huge step but it was the right move. I can’t overstate how perfect the relationship was, it was effortless and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were just perfect together, a comment echoed by everyone around us who admired and envied us.

Come lockdown and with my partners business having to close due to COVID-19, we created a side business together which took off to such an extent that we agreed I would leave my job to focus on it full time with her and integrate it with her business. Again, everything was bliss. We had money, we could buy what we wanted, we done the garden, bought what we wanted and continued to spend our days and nights together in perfect harmony.

Four weeks ago when I was due to get my daughter she mentioned it would maybe be good for me to spend the weekend at my mothers so I could spend it purely with my daughter and she could spend it with her two (who I grew very fond of with the feeling being mutual).

The weekend turned into three days, then four days and then a fifth and so on. All I was told was that she needed time as her head was all over the place. It was suggested that I looked at getting my own place as there wasn’t enough space for us all and that I should also look to pursue my own career again. I was a bit taken aback given what we’d built together but I could see the merits in it in a sense. All the while, excuses were made for me not to return home which caused me concern.

This went into a week, then two weeks and then suddenly the phone calls stopped and the texts were few and far between. Eventually I got a text saying it was best if we called it a day as she wanted to be on her own.

I’m still numb, I still walk about in a daze. I can’t fathom it out. I was told I was perfect, a gentleman and that I had done absolutely nothing wrong but she just needed to be on her own.

Literally went from hero to zero overnight. The most perfect relationship you could ever imagine just vanished overnight. Gone. And with that my number has been blocked and we have no contact.

Dealing with a split is hard enough, doing it when you never saw it coming is worse and doing it when the relationship itself was absolutely perfect just adds to the confusion of it all.

It’s been the most devastating few weeks of my life. My family have had to watch me in an unimaginable pain. They can’t understand it, nobody saw it coming and to say they are disappointed in my ex partner who they absolutely adored is an understatement. I took off over a week ago and ended up walking for miles, finding myself alone in the woods crying my eyes out and thinking of the most pain free way to end it all.

Every day just feels like a bad dream. Ironically when I’m awake she isn’t there but in my dreams each night she features heavily.

I’ll probably never know the reason why, I know I’ll never understand why but it’s a situation that has left me effectively homeless, unemployed, no income and two kids to pay for.

This is rock bottom. I get the odd spurt of activity and go for a walk or lift the weights or make a decent breakfast but generally I just sit in silence, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes regularly.

I’ve tried to get back into the morning routine but I can’t seem to do two days on the trot. One minute I think I’m ok and then suddenly it hits me like a thunderbolt and I’m left stunned by it all. It just doesn’t make sense.

I had two bad break-ups before as there were kids involved but in a sense the writing was on the wall and deep down I knew it was the right thing. This split has absolutely knocked me for six. I wasn’t prepared for it, nobody was. A few weeks on and I still can’t work it out.

I hope the above, for anyone else feeling *****, gives you a wee bit of comfort in the sense that you’re not alone.

One thing is for sure, and as relayed to me by those around me, the world is a brighter place when I’m in it. I just need to find my spark again.

[DaveF]

I'm not posting anything meaningful here other than to say the above is probably the most personal, powerful text I've ever read.

All the best PH.

[bigwheel]

That is the bravest thing I’ve ever read anywhere and anytime PH.. I wish you the best in your life . I have nothing to add other than huge respect . You deserve better ✊️

[Pretty Boy]

Very powerful post PH.

I'm not sure where you are based but if you ever need any motivation to or company on a walk/run then feel free to drop me a PM.

[oconnors_strip]

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Im struggling. I've stupidly cut my arms to **** over a period of weeks. Coping mechanism. I don't know how much more I can take, I don't have a GP, wasn't allowed to register with a new surgery during Covid (at least that what I was told). She, unintentionally or not has utterly destroyed me and each day is mental torture.

Anyone is entitled to register at a doctor even during lockdown, where I work has been doing it but more digitally. Contact the health board if you need a Gp, they will designate you to one. Any probs then drop me a text.

[Jones28]

Wow PH, that's just heart-breaking. All I can say is that I hope time helps to ease your pain; you're grieving for someone who has suddenly removed themselves from your life.

[Jones28]

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I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.

So you've presumably been kicked out, but you're getting messages from her telling you she still loves you?

[CropleyWasGod]

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This is rock bottom .

This is the bit that stands out for me, PH.

In my dark times, I always tried to look forward to that bit where I was "rock-bottom". When I got there (and it was sometiomes difficult recognising exactly where that was), I knew that it couldn't get any worse, and that things had to improve from there. And they always did.

That's probably not a lot of comfort to you at the moment (my stock answer in your situation would have been "aye ****ing right"). But, similar to HC, it's a huge step to share your story with strangers on a public board.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

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This is the bit that stands out for me, PH.

In my dark times, I always tried to look forward to that bit where I was "rock-bottom". When I got there (and it was sometiomes difficult recognising exactly where that was), I knew that it couldn't get any worse, and that things had to improve from there. And they always did.

That's probably not a lot of comfort to you at the moment (my stock answer in your situation would have been "aye ****ing right"). But, similar to HC, it's a huge step to share your story with strangers on a public board.

It’s usually been the catalyst for me as well, CWG.

Thanks to you guys above for your kind words as well. I wrote it all in a hurry without a second look at it (I’m not sure why I wrote it in a hurry as it’s now 12.39pm and my day is done already).

Hitting rock bottom I generally start the healing process but this time just feels different. I know all the things I need to do; occupy myself, speak to people, read the right books, listen to the right things, treat myself well, learn to love myself, exercise, drink plenty water...I know that’s what I should be doing and I know I will feel better for it. In effect I have done a lot of that albeit in fits and starts. As mentioned, I suddenly just get hit with another wave of pain and it absolutely breaks me.

I won’t lie, my heart is absolutely well and truly broken. It’s made me question who I can trust in life, how can I ever let anyone in again. I’m hopeless at being single, I’m a far better person when I’m in love. And all I’ve ever wanted is that family unit; to be in love with someone and raise the children and just live a happy life full of contentment. The past ten months showed me that being in love is just the greatest feeling in the world. It sparks that inner joy in you and transcends across all aspects of your life.

Now? It just feels mind-numbingly numb. It’s pain, like an agonising pain that just deflates any sense of wellbeing.

I have a love for my daughter like no other. Of course, I love my son who is about to turn 14 however he lives down south and although we are in almost daily contact, I see him about six weeks of the year and truth be told we are best mates as well as being father and son. My daughter however, who just turned three, is just the absolute apple of my eye. It actually hurts how much I love that little girl, she’s just my princess.

Yet the love for her, for my son, for my family and friends wouldn’t stop me from ending it all. And when I was lost in the woods recently, the aforementioned wouldn’t have stopped me. The only thing that did stop me was the love my daughter has for me. As parents we love our kids unconditionally however it’s mutually reciprocated with my daughter. She absolutely adores her daddy, constantly peppers me with kisses and cuddles, is always well behaved (she’s a wee terrorist with her mother), she always says to people “this is my daddy”, when we are in company she naturally gravitates towards me and wants me to pick her up and hold her and well, she’s just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She’s my angel. It was that and that alone that persuaded me to kibosh my aimless walk and head for “home”.

I just want to be happy. And for what I bring to the world as a person (I know I’m likeable and well loved), is it too much to ask? I gave that woman my absolute heart and soul and treated her like a princess, and I got that back in return in spades.

To have that demolished overnight has just completely broken me in two. And despite possessing all the tools I know I need to pick myself up, the sheer pain of it all rides roughshod over any ambitions to pick myself up. I know that time is a healer, but I think this one is going to take its time.

I’m flying to Turkey tomorrow for a week, just by myself, to just get away from everything and everyone (my daughter is down south for the week so I wouldn’t have seen her this weekend anyway) and I hope it will be a week of relaxing, getting the head straight, the mindset right and getting a bit of sun on my back. My biggest fear is that I’ll be thousands of miles from those closest to me, alone and feeling miserable. Ive never travelled alone. In fact, I’ve been abroad twice in the last 8 years and they were weekend breaks.

To those of you who are in relationships and love your partner, I hope the above will spark a wee light in you to give them a big kiss when you see them next and treasure what you’ve got as I wouldn’t wish this **** on my biggest enemy; I wouldn’t even wish this on my ex despite her being the architect of this pain.

[stu in nottingham]

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I'm only doing online sessions now, and the results are arguably better than face-to-face. Clients feel more comfortable in their own environment, they don't have to travel, and they don't have to deal with the anxieties of the hoops they have to jump through in a face-to-face situation.

The same here and I agree with you about the results. I've read a few sources saying it actually has better results. I've been doing telephone consulations and occasional Zoom sessions for the past six months since lockdown began. Prior to this, maybe 50% of my work was carried out via the telephone. I was asked to give a talk about ttelephone counselling to colleagues last year as there had been some resistance to it, mainly framed as the loss of seeing visual cues and clues.. That resistance has now passed on to video counselling to a degree. I really think 'telehealth' needs to be embraced.

I'm informed that DNA rates are slightly lower and certainly, it seems that some of the best client feedback I receive is from telephone clients. It's convenient for some clients who would find it difficult to attend F2F sessions otherwise, parents at home providing childcare, shift workers, even those who cannot attend in office hours can have a session in their lunch break at work. For the type of clients I sometimes see, money for travelling can be an issue.

For the practitioner it's time-efficient and it's easy to work hands-free and utilise materials whilst talking.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...ay-in-good-way

[hibsbollah]

I know im not the only one on here to have recovered from crap mental health by running. Great news today that Parkrun will be restarting this weekend in England, guidance for Scotland to follow. Even if you dont think its for you, give it a try just once. Edinburgh Parkrun is at Cramond along the seafront, but running by yourself or in a group competitively or just for fun can give your whole system a boost.

[wpj]

My brother's wife is coming down to Devon to take me home to Cambridge, my ex wife doesn't want me to see my daughter cos I'm a liability. She will be here soon, my bro is on this site so will see this probably. I have been really struggling for ages, my physical health is close to deteriation but I need to get better. I'm at my mum's house and everybody thinks I'm in a total state. Today I sat next to my dad's grave stome, (Aye, in Devon, long story) I totally get the kids thing, I miss my wee girl I'm an older guy, I'm 54 she's five. It breaks my heart I can't see her or spend time with her. That's who I live for. I get random messages from her mum's phone, they keep me going. Sorry if this comes across as negative. Going for a walk in the lovely Devonshire country side.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

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My brother's wife is coming down to Devon to take me home to Cambridge, my ex wife doesn't want me to see my daughter cos I'm a liability. She will be here soon, my bro is on this site so will see this probably. I have been really struggling for ages, my physical health is close to deteriation but I need to get better. I'm at my mum's house and everybody thinks I'm in a total state. Today I sat next to my dad's grave stome, (Aye, in Devon, long story) I totally get the kids thing, I miss my wee girl I'm an older guy, I'm 54 she's five. It breaks my heart I can't see her or spend time with her. That's who I live for. I get random messages from her mum's phone, they keep me going. Sorry if this comes across as negative. Going for a walk in the lovely Devonshire country side.

Irrespective of what your ex wife thinks you are, you are your daughter’s father and should be able to see her.