Depression and anxiety

[EI255]

I haven't posted much here for a while. I have had two heart attacks and last month I had stroke. I have lost my ability to write and read. So, anxiety and depression is kicking my ass. I have just lost my job sue to ill health, im trying to get back o track but like I say, depression and anxiety is brutal. Thank god for spell change cos I can't write anymoreFeel for you mate. Hope things start to improve for you. Once Hibs start winning again I'm sure it'll help you on your way. Take care buddy.

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[StevesFamau5]

3 weeks ago I decided to quit the antidepressants and try to focus on getting to grips with my anxiety and short temper.

The first week was horrific, sweats, nightmares, brain zaps and all round sick feeling (I assume this must be something that people coming off drug abuse feel like) but now it's almost week 4 and I have noticed a marked difference.

I have more energy and drive to better myself than before. I have been doing more around the house and even managed to find the drive to exercise at home.

However the downsides are showing up badly. I am constantly anxious and nervous, the feeling of dread is increased and I have an overwhelming feeling of pure worry. I have piled on the weight because I have my appetite back as well so my self confidence is at a low.

In short does anyone have any experience with this or similar situations? I could really do with a bit of advice.

Cheers folks.

Stay safe

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[wpj]

3 weeks ago I decided to quit the antidepressants and try to focus on getting to grips with my anxiety and short temper.

The first week was horrific, sweats, nightmares, brain zaps and all round sick feeling (I assume this must be something that people coming off drug abuse feel like) but now it's almost week 4 and I have noticed a marked difference.

I have more energy and drive to better myself than before. I have been doing more around the house and even managed to find the drive to exercise at home.

However the downsides are showing up badly. I am constantly anxious and nervous, the feeling of dread is increased and I have an overwhelming feeling of pure worry. I have piled on the weight because I have my appetite back as well so my self confidence is at a low.

In short does anyone have any experience with this or similar situations? I could really do with a bit of advice.

Cheers folks.

Stay safe

Sent from my VOG-L09 using Tapatalk

I can only speak for myself, im on loads of drugs for various things. I take setraline for my mental health but everytime I go to hospital i get a whole bunch of new pills. Today I found out I have an overactive thyroid due to taking cardiology drugs, I would recommend taking whats prescribed for you. The health professionals know best. Also if you can access any therapy go for it. There's loads of online help as well, don't do it alone. This is a great thread and there are loads of people who you can contact via pm. Your not alone, stay safe too.

[Mibbes Aye]

3 weeks ago I decided to quit the antidepressants and try to focus on getting to grips with my anxiety and short temper.

The first week was horrific, sweats, nightmares, brain zaps and all round sick feeling (I assume this must be something that people coming off drug abuse feel like) but now it's almost week 4 and I have noticed a marked difference.

I have more energy and drive to better myself than before. I have been doing more around the house and even managed to find the drive to exercise at home.

However the downsides are showing up badly. I am constantly anxious and nervous, the feeling of dread is increased and I have an overwhelming feeling of pure worry. I have piled on the weight because I have my appetite back as well so my self confidence is at a low.

In short does anyone have any experience with this or similar situations? I could really do with a bit of advice.

Cheers folks.

Stay safe

Sent from my VOG-L09 using Tapatalk

I took anti-deps for a while. Came off and it was easy for a while, then the anxiety etc kicked in again.

Waking up at four in the morning, retching when thinking about work or serious personal stuff, all the kind of thing that won’t be unusual to those who have posted on here.

I think all you can do is talk. On here perhaps, get it out. Or talk to people you feel close to and feel they understand. If that’s not available to you then phone Samaritans, if it is a good listener then you will hopefully get benefit.

It is hard, because coming of meds is psychological, emotional, physical and chemical. It is challenging for sure.

[wpj]

I took anti-deps for a while. Came off and it was easy for a while, then the anxiety etc kicked in again.

Waking up at four in the morning, retching when thinking about work or serious personal stuff, all the kind of thing that won’t be unusual to those who have posted on here.

I think all you can do is talk. On here perhaps, get it out. Or talk to people you feel close to and feel they understand. If that’s not available to you then phone Samaritans, if it is a good listener then you will hopefully get benefit.

It is hard, because coming of meds is psychological, emotional, physical and chemical. It is challenging for sure.

Can absolutely echo that. Like I say this thread and some of the posters have been really helpful, its essential not to suffer alone

[wpj]

Hi All
How are things for you all? Currently going through a rough patch, i think isolation has affected me more than I realised it would. I live in Cambridge and j never realised how much contact I had in town, market etc. No longer working due to ill health so pretty much isolated. I have to attend hospital on Tuesday, cr@pping myself to go on public transport but need to do it sooner or later. My anxiety levels are huge. After Tuesaday it will be a major achievement for me but fk me it will be a massive thing. Stay safe 🙂

[stu in nottingham]

Hi All
How are things for you all? Currently going through a rough patch, i think isolation has affected me more than I realised it would. I live in Cambridge and j never realised how much contact I had in town, market etc. No longer working due to ill health so pretty much isolated. I have to attend hospital on Tuesday, cr@pping myself to go on public transport but need to do it sooner or later. My anxiety levels are huge. After Tuesaday it will be a major achievement for me but fk me it will be a massive thing. Stay safe 🙂


sory about your anxiety wpj. I wonder if the actual change will live up to that anxiety you're feeling? Perhaps a good chance not.

It's a quite different challenge many are facing in these times. People learned how to deal with isolation to at least some degree out of necessity and now we have to learn how to integrate back into society in various ways and levels. I've personally been very shut down and living a solitary life, albeit speaking to various clients and friends via telephone and Zoom on a daily basis.

Things are changing now though. I could well be still working from home for some time yet but friends are emerging and going to pubs etc. since last weekend in particular. Urged and cajoled to join them, I find myself less than ready to do so. I've taken steps, bought a face mask and acquired a virtual pass to park anywhere in the city free as an essential worker and so mostly avoiding public transport. And yet still, I don't feel like going out. It just feels complicated and it feels easier to avoid it all. At home with my little cat feels like the safest and least anxious place in the world for me.

Another aspect is that whilst not fearing re-inegrating again and know after a day or two it will all feel similar again I'd like to wait and re-emerge in the 'right' way. I don't want things to be the same, I'd like them to be better. This feels like a unique opportunity for change and I don't want to just replicate how life was before March. I want to be patient and get my head around exactly how to do that.

[wpj]

sory about your anxiety wpj. I wonder if the actual change will live up to that anxiety you're feeling? Perhaps a good chance not.

It's a quite different challenge many are facing in these times. People learned how to deal with isolation to at least some degree out of necessity and now we have to learn how to integrate back into society in various ways and levels. I've personally been very shut down and living a solitary life, albeit speaking to various clients and friends via telephone and Zoom on a daily basis.

Things are changing now though. I could well be still working from home for some time yet but friends are emerging and going to pubs etc. since last weekend in particular. Urged and cajoled to join them, I find myself less than ready to do so. I've taken steps, bought a face mask and acquired a virtual pass to park anywhere in the city free as an essential worker and so mostly avoiding public transport. And yet still, I don't feel like going out. It just feels complicated and it feels easier to avoid it all. At home with my little cat feels like the safest and least anxious place in the world for me.

Another aspect is that whilst not fearing re-inegrating again and know after a day or two it will all feel similar again I'd like to wait and re-emerge in the 'right' way. I don't want things to be the same, I'd like them to be better. This feels like a unique opportunity for change and I don't want to just replicate how life was before March. I want to be patient and get my head around exactly how to do that.

As always, thanks Stu

[B.H.F.C]

Hi All
How are things for you all? Currently going through a rough patch, i think isolation has affected me more than I realised it would. I live in Cambridge and j never realised how much contact I had in town, market etc. No longer working due to ill health so pretty much isolated. I have to attend hospital on Tuesday, cr@pping myself to go on public transport but need to do it sooner or later. My anxiety levels are huge. After Tuesaday it will be a major achievement for me but fk me it will be a massive thing. Stay safe 🙂

This might not mean much to you just now, but once you’ve done it I think you’ll feel differently. For all that there are some idiots out there, I’ve found 99% of people to be respectful of how things need to be in public. As an example, I was in a few shops over the weekend and I could count on one hand the number of people who weren’t wearing a mask.

I don’t want to downplay your anxiety, I know these things can’t be helped. But hopefully, once you get over this hurdle tomorrow, I’m sure it’ll restore some confidence that you can start doing things more normally. When things started to open up, I can’t say I felt anxious but it has felt slightly surreal doing certain things or visiting certain places when you wouldn’t have given it a second thought previously.

[wpj]

This might not mean much to you just now, but once you’ve done it I think you’ll feel differently. For all that there are some idiots out there, I’ve found 99% of people to be respectful of how things need to be in public. As an example, I was in a few shops over the weekend and I could count on one hand the number of people who weren’t wearing a mask.

I don’t want to downplay your anxiety, I know these things can’t be helped. But hopefully, once you get over this hurdle tomorrow, I’m sure it’ll restore some confidence that you can start doing things more normally. When things started to open up, I can’t say I felt anxious but it has felt slightly surreal doing certain things or visiting certain places when you wouldn’t have given it a second thought previously.

Thanks, it is a journey I have made a thousand times as I used to work at the hospital. Im all "tooled up" mask and gloves. Been talking to the nurse as well who has been giving me assurances. Also meeting my ex boss for coffee (massive Everton fan) and planning to walk in one of the parks on the way home. Im sure it will be fine

[Hibernia&Alba]

Has Pontius Pilate been on lately? I hope he's doing well.

[wpj]

I overcame my fear of public transport and made it to the hospital i was discharged from Neurology as I have recovered well from my stroke, months earlier than predicted🙂 I then went into Cambridge City Market and got loads of produce, cheese and fruit lovely to catch up with the traders, been really tough for them. When i got to the hospital i found out it was a telephone appointment but as i worked there for years I was able to see the Doc. Anyway I am doing really well. I now intend to goo to the market once a week gloved, masked etc. A major improvement in my behaviour. Stay safe everyone

[wpj]

Oh and a Hibs win all good

[CapitalGreen]

I overcame my fear of public transport and made it to the hospital i was discharged from Neurology as I have recovered well from my stroke, months earlier than predicted🙂 I then went into Cambridge City Market and got loads of produce, cheese and fruit lovely to catch up with the traders, been really tough for them. When i got to the hospital i found out it was a telephone appointment but as i worked there for years I was able to see the Doc. Anyway I am doing really well. I now intend to goo to the market once a week gloved, masked etc. A major improvement in my behaviour. Stay safe everyone

Great news on the progress of your recovery mate 👍

[wpj]

Great news on the progress of your recovery mate 👍

Thanks, it has been a masskve change for me. BUT I'm very happy. Just wish i could spe again

[wpj]

spell haha, I found my walking stick in my local shop (#coop) one of the staff came to give it to me as I sat on the bench outside. There is lots of kindness out there

[K-Zazu]

How to cope with noisy neighbours? Think they are going to court and have had a final warning with the council but it’s playing havoc with my anxiety

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

How to cope with noisy neighbours? Think they are going to court and have had a final warning with the council but it’s playing havoc with my anxiety

We're in the same boat, it really is a nightmare.

[Hibernia&Alba]

I overcame my fear of public transport and made it to the hospital i was discharged from Neurology as I have recovered well from my stroke, months earlier than predicted🙂 I then went into Cambridge City Market and got loads of produce, cheese and fruit lovely to catch up with the traders, been really tough for them. When i got to the hospital i found out it was a telephone appointment but as i worked there for years I was able to see the Doc. Anyway I am doing really well. I now intend to goo to the market once a week gloved, masked etc. A major improvement in my behaviour. Stay safe everyone

That's good to know, mate. Keep up the good work and all the best. :aok:

[wpj]

That's good to know, mate. Keep up the good work and all the best. :aok:

Thanks, since my recent health issues I have felt so much better, kinda been a release from so much. Thanks to so many friends and family I feel so much happier. On the plus sidebI have lost over a stone in weight. Not the recommended method but ots all good.

[K-Zazu]

We're in the same boat, it really is a nightmare.

Have u tried speaking to them? A few people have said to me to go the door and speak to them but I’m not sure if this is a good idea?

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Bump.

How’s everyone doing?

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Have u tried speaking to them? A few people have said to me to go the door and speak to them but I’m not sure if this is a good idea?

It's way beyond that now, she's keyed my old man's car three times, police doing nowt as no witnesses. My old man just wants to rip her head off now, ****my drug dealing cow that she is! 😤

[Jones28]

It's way beyond that now, she's keyed my old man's car three times, police doing nowt as no witnesses. My old man just wants to rip her head off now, ****my drug dealing cow that she is! 😤

What sort of situation is he in HH? Could he move? It’s no quality of life when you feel a prisoner in your own home.

[Mon Dieu4]

Just had a read back through this thread and can't believe it's almost 8 years old, as someone who I would describe as having sound mental health(if that's not a derogatory term to people who don't) and who lives his life without pretty much a care in the world I just want say a huge thank you for all the honesty from the posters on this thread, it's certainly helped me open my eyes to lots of things, I've had and do have people in my life who do have mental health issues and this thread has always been a welcome source of information and advice on how to help them or at least be more understanding of it

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

What sort of situation is he in HH? Could he move? It’s no quality of life when you feel a prisoner in your own home.

He doesn't want to move, she's the only problem he's had with neighbours in almost 40 years. She is absolute s**m of the earth.

[blackpoolhibs]

He doesn't want to move, she's the only problem he's had with neighbours in almost 40 years. She is absolute s**m of the earth.

Don't you have a few friends who could give her a visit while you and your dad are clearly visible in a pub somewhere?

Something i never did a few years back with a problem tennant. :wink:

[Jones28]

He doesn't want to move, she's the only problem he's had with neighbours in almost 40 years. She is absolute s**m of the earth.

Grass her up?:greengrin

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Grass her up?:greengrin

The police know all about her, not doing much about it though.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Don't you have a few friends who could give her a visit while you and your dad are clearly visible in a pub somewhere?

Something i never did a few years back with a problem tennant. :wink:

All options are being considered.

[GreenNWhiteArmy]

I'm awaiting the results of a vitamin D3 test

A very interesting podcast really put a microscope on the impact of Vit D deficiency to everyday life. Basically we all have it in the UK but your score determines how much. Anything below 60 is deemed low according to a Dr that studies this but if you went to tour GP they'd be happy with most results above 25

Would explain A LOT in my case. Fatigue, chronic lower back pain, depression are all symptoms

[CropleyWasGod]

I'm awaiting the results of a vitamin D3 test

A very interesting podcast really put a microscope on the impact of Vit D deficiency to everyday life. Basically we all have it in the UK but your score determines how much. Anything below 60 is deemed low according to a Dr that studies this but if you went to tour GP they'd be happy with most results above 25

Would explain A LOT in my case. Fatigue, chronic lower back pain, depression are all symptoms

We struggle with our Vitamin D levels here. Supplements are part of my routine in the darker months.

[Pretty Boy]

I'm awaiting the results of a vitamin D3 test

A very interesting podcast really put a microscope on the impact of Vit D deficiency to everyday life. Basically we all have it in the UK but your score determines how much. Anything below 60 is deemed low according to a Dr that studies this but if you went to tour GP they'd be happy with most results above 25

Would explain A LOT in my case. Fatigue, chronic lower back pain, depression are all symptoms

I've recently started taking Vitamin D supplements on recommendation from my GP.

I had a mole removed last year and after biopsy it turned out to be an early stage melanoma. Thankfully it was caught very early and is unlikely to present any issues going forward. I did have a full examination by a dermatologist though and I have over 100 moles and was advised to 'keep and eye on' 5.

I was told that from now on I have to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight, use high factor sun cream for any exposure for even a short time and to eep covered up when in the sun.

Vitamin D deficiency is pretty rife in Scotland anyway so I asked my GP about it and he recommended taking about 30 micrograms a day. I can't say I've noticed a huge difference in how I feel but I'm planning on upping the dose slightly in the winter so I'll see how that goes.

[Jones28]

The police know all about her, not doing much about it though.

Would it be an idea to pester them constantly until they take action?

Whats your dad done to piss this woman off so much?

[CropleyWasGod]

I've recently started taking Vitamin D supplements on recommendation from my GP.

I had a mole removed last year and after biopsy it turned out to be an early stage melanoma. Thankfully it was caught very early and is unlikely to present any issues going forward. I did have a full examination by a dermatologist though and I have over 100 moles and was advised to 'keep and eye on' 5.

I was told that from now on I have to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight, use high factor sun cream for any exposure for even a short time and to eep covered up when in the sun.

Vitamin D deficiency is pretty rife in Scotland anyway so I asked my GP about it and he recommended taking about 30 micrograms a day. I can't say I've noticed a huge difference in how I feel but I'm planning on upping the dose slightly in the winter so I'll see how that goes.

I'd reckon it's unlikely that you would see much of a difference in the summer. With all the outdoors stuff that you do,you're probably getting plenty natural light. It's the darker months where supplements show their value.

[wpj]

I am on several drugs for several ailments and the latest blood test has flagged up very low potassium levels so I am now taking pills 💊 for that its not a massive threat but recommended by the doc so I take them. I will look into vit D but will need to check with my GP.
Lucky enough to be in Devon just now and there is plenty of sunshine. (With occasional storms)

[lapsedhibee]

Vitamin D deficiency is pretty rife in Scotland anyway so I asked my GP about it and he recommended taking about 30 micrograms a day. I can't say I've noticed a huge difference in how I feel but I'm planning on upping the dose slightly in the winter so I'll see how that goes.

30 micrograms is already six times the amount recommended to avoid deficiency, and bottles of 25-microgram tablets come with DO NOT EXCEED THE DOSE on them. Just sayin.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I think I’m now ready to put my thoughts down in writing having threatened to do so last year.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Would it be an idea to pester them constantly until they take action?

Whats your dad done to piss this woman off so much?

He's constantly in touch with them and the council, loads of buck passing going on.

Attempting to put a stop to her drug dealing seems to have upset her.

[GreenNWhiteArmy]

30 micrograms is already six times the amount recommended to avoid deficiency, and bottles of 25-microgram tablets come with DO NOT EXCEED THE DOSE on them. Just sayin.

30 microgram is only around 1200 IU though aint it? The supplement i take is 1000IU and is the standard in supplement format (I think)

cannot recommend the podcast I listened to highly enough. It was a real eye opener for me

Peak Human - Part 82 with Dr Joel Gould on Vitamin D, sunlight, the immune system and covid

[GreenNWhiteArmy]

I've recently started taking Vitamin D supplements on recommendation from my GP.

I had a mole removed last year and after biopsy it turned out to be an early stage melanoma. Thankfully it was caught very early and is unlikely to present any issues going forward. I did have a full examination by a dermatologist though and I have over 100 moles and was advised to 'keep and eye on' 5.

I was told that from now on I have to avoid prolonged exposure to sunlight, use high factor sun cream for any exposure for even a short time and to eep covered up when in the sun.

Vitamin D deficiency is pretty rife in Scotland anyway so I asked my GP about it and he recommended taking about 30 micrograms a day. I can't say I've noticed a huge difference in how I feel but I'm planning on upping the dose slightly in the winter so I'll see how that goes.

If you dont notice a difference rapidly it may be that you're not taking enough. As i said in a reply to a previous poster, there appears to be a common misconception with Doctors around what is a defficiency. 20 mins of sunlight equates to a ridiculously high volume of IU (well in to the tens of thousands, I cant remember what) but give it a listen if you get a spare hour as it may help you out.

I'll share what the results say about my levels when they are rec'd

[Mibbes Aye]

I think I’m now ready to put my thoughts down in writing having threatened to do so last year.

:aok:

[lapsedhibee]

30 microgram is only around 1200 IU though aint it? The supplement i take is 1000IU and is the standard in supplement format (I think)


Yes. The NRV for Vitamin D is 5 micrograms, or 200 IU.

NRVs are set for 13 vitamins and 14 minerals for the purposes of food labelling and are EU guidance levels on the daily amount of vitamin or mineral that the average healthy person needs to prevent deficiency.

[Jones28]

I think I’m now ready to put my thoughts down in writing having threatened to do so last year.

There’s only friends here mate 👍🏻

[wpj]

There’s only friends here mate 👍🏻

Echoed, this thread is such a comfort

[stu in nottingham]

I think I’m now ready to put my thoughts down in writing having threatened to do so last year.

Disclosing problems to others is a very personal matter, most definitely. I find my clients range over the whole spectrum of not telling a soul to telling everyone they know about (in their case) their addiction problems. I've concluded that's it's sometimes good to disclose when there is likely to be a positive effect from doing so, such as emotional support for instance.

Opening up can help a person gain a bit of perspective about their problems and find solutions you've been unable to alone. I think sharing experiences definitely can help us feel less alone too.

if you should choose to write a few words PH you'll see with the evidence of eight years of people posting on this great thread that people here only want to help and support others. Wish you well.

[The 90+2]

I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.

What’s the reasons given for you not seeing the kids? Could you look into getting a lawyer involved?

[Hermit Crab]

I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.


Im struggling. I've stupidly cut my arms to **** over a period of weeks. Coping mechanism. I don't know how much more I can take, I don't have a GP, wasn't allowed to register with a new surgery during Covid (at least that what I was told). She, unintentionally or not has utterly destroyed me and each day is mental torture.

[Pretty Boy]

I'm not sure if it's entirely relavent to the posts above but I have a mate who has, very bravely, recently told a a few of us he has been receiving help from the group linked below:

https://www.mankind.org.uk/help-for-victims/

They can offer emotional support and practical advice for men who have been on the receiving end of physical or mental abuse from a current or ex partner.

[stu in nottingham]

Im struggling. I've stupidly cut my arms to **** over a period of weeks. Coping mechanism. I don't know how much more I can take, I don't have a GP, wasn't allowed to register with a new surgery during Covid (at least that what I was told). She, unintentionally or not has utterly destroyed me and each day is mental torture.

Not sure if you're in the Edinburgh area but would you consider contacting such as the below for support? Penumbra, linked on the front page are the people who deal with self-harming I think.

http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org.uk/wordpress/

[Hermit Crab]

Not sure if you're in the Edinburgh area but would you consider contacting such as the below for support? Penumbra, linked on the front page are the people who deal with self-harming I think.

http://www.edinburghcrisiscentre.org.uk/wordpress/


I’ve donated to them through give as you earn for years now. Must be 12 years anyway

[Mibbes Aye]

Being able to open up is the main thing. Sounds like you can do that. Tried Samaritans?

[Hermit Crab]

Being able to open up is the main thing. Sounds like you can do that. Tried Samaritans?


Aye, ages ago I emailed them a few times but I stopped after things got better back in March.

I'm bad at opening up face to face, not good at that at all.

[stu in nottingham]

Aye, ages ago I emailed them a few times but I stopped after things got better back in March.

I'm bad at opening up face to face, not good at that at all.

A lot of counselling and therapy services have reverted to either telephone or video counselling during the pandemic. I don't think that certain services will necessarily revert straight back to working in person either when things become considered 'safe'. It appears to be going that way.

There are very good things about telephone counselling and research shows it to be effective too. Quite a few people feel anxious at the thought of face-to-face work whereas speaking on the telephone can feel less challenging for them. Maybe the current situation could work in your favour.

[CropleyWasGod]

A lot of counselling and therapy services have reverted to either telephone or video counselling during the pandemic. I don't think that certain services will necessarily revert straight back to working in person either when things become considered 'safe'. It appears to be going that way.

There are very good things about telephone counselling and research shows it to be effective too. Quite a few people feel anxious at the thought of face-to-face work whereas speaking on the telephone can feel less challenging for them. Maybe the current situation could work in your favour.

I'm only doing online sessions now, and the results are arguably better than face-to-face. Clients feel more comfortable in their own environment, they don't have to travel, and they don't have to deal with the anxieties of the hoops they have to jump through in a face-to-face situation.

[CropleyWasGod]

Aye, ages ago I emailed them a few times but I stopped after things got better back in March.

I'm bad at opening up face to face, not good at that at all.

You've taken a huge step in opening up here, to people you don't know.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Hermit, I’ve PM’d you which you’ll hopefully get in good time but thought I’d share the load on here in case it helps others or makes them realise that they’re not alone.

I’m currently in a similar situation just now where a woman has directly/indirectly systematically destroyed me.

Mental health is something I’ve had from an early age, the furthest I can trace it back to would be when I was around 7/8 years old. It was something I never fully understood until I had an almighty crash in Feb 19 where I broke down in work and was whisked away to my GP by my boss. (I spoke about this at length on a Longbangers podcast).

I’d had years and years of suicidal thoughts, sometimes six or seven times a day. Didn’t matter if I was having a good day or not, it just always appeared on my horizon. To be honest, I thought this was pretty normal and that everybody suffered it and that allowed me to rationalise it.

I had a little daughter who was 18 months old when I finally left a toxic relationship and it was horrible coming to terms with not seeing her everyday. I moved out the house and went back to my mothers and focused on seeing her as much as I could. This was in the October of 2018 and as above, come the February all my problems came to the surface and I just broke down.

I had a similar phase back in 2012 when my partner and I split (we lived in Southampton at the time and I ended up moving back to Scotland leaving behind my son who was 5 at the time). That took me fully 18 months to adapt to the situation and in that period I used women, I used drugs, I drank to excess and caused a lot of worry and stress to a family who saw me hitting the self-destruct button.

Fast forward to Feb 19 and after seeing the GP, I was prescribed fluoxetine which resulted in me having some of the darkest weeks I’ve ever experienced (I came off then in Nov 19 and don’t want to go back on them again). I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t watch the telly, I had panic attacks, I spent hours staring at the ceiling, I wouldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t even look at my daughter and my mother had to care for her whilst I laid on a bed feeling empty and numb.

There was one morning when I woke up and said enough is enough and I dragged myself up. I read a book called Miracle Morning which allowed me to establish a morning routine that involved going for a walk/run, having breakfast, meditating, visualising a happier future, writing a journal and repeating positive affirmations throughout the day.

The results of this were extraordinary, I soon began to like myself, physically I was in the best shape of my life, I had the confidence inside that I only ever showed externally (I am the epitome of the sad clown) and I began to really push on.

November of 2019 saw me meet the most incredible woman I’ve ever met in my life. She was everything I had ever wished for and literally ticked every box I had drawn up on my next relationship wishlist.

My family immediately loved her, we were just perfect. Six weeks into the relationship she surprised me with a new year trip to Venice which was magical. I began staying at hers more and more to the point I was there full time unless I had my daughter in which case I’d nip back to my old dears.

Come late March and with the two of us being so in love, I introduced my daughter to her which was a huge step but it was the right move. I can’t overstate how perfect the relationship was, it was effortless and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. We were just perfect together, a comment echoed by everyone around us who admired and envied us.

Come lockdown and with my partners business having to close due to COVID-19, we created a side business together which took off to such an extent that we agreed I would leave my job to focus on it full time with her and integrate it with her business. Again, everything was bliss. We had money, we could buy what we wanted, we done the garden, bought what we wanted and continued to spend our days and nights together in perfect harmony.

Four weeks ago when I was due to get my daughter she mentioned it would maybe be good for me to spend the weekend at my mothers so I could spend it purely with my daughter and she could spend it with her two (who I grew very fond of with the feeling being mutual).

The weekend turned into three days, then four days and then a fifth and so on. All I was told was that she needed time as her head was all over the place. It was suggested that I looked at getting my own place as there wasn’t enough space for us all and that I should also look to pursue my own career again. I was a bit taken aback given what we’d built together but I could see the merits in it in a sense. All the while, excuses were made for me not to return home which caused me concern.

This went into a week, then two weeks and then suddenly the phone calls stopped and the texts were few and far between. Eventually I got a text saying it was best if we called it a day as she wanted to be on her own.

I’m still numb, I still walk about in a daze. I can’t fathom it out. I was told I was perfect, a gentleman and that I had done absolutely nothing wrong but she just needed to be on her own.

Literally went from hero to zero overnight. The most perfect relationship you could ever imagine just vanished overnight. Gone. And with that my number has been blocked and we have no contact.

Dealing with a split is hard enough, doing it when you never saw it coming is worse and doing it when the relationship itself was absolutely perfect just adds to the confusion of it all.

It’s been the most devastating few weeks of my life. My family have had to watch me in an unimaginable pain. They can’t understand it, nobody saw it coming and to say they are disappointed in my ex partner who they absolutely adored is an understatement. I took off over a week ago and ended up walking for miles, finding myself alone in the woods crying my eyes out and thinking of the most pain free way to end it all.

Every day just feels like a bad dream. Ironically when I’m awake she isn’t there but in my dreams each night she features heavily.

I’ll probably never know the reason why, I know I’ll never understand why but it’s a situation that has left me effectively homeless, unemployed, no income and two kids to pay for.

This is rock bottom. I get the odd spurt of activity and go for a walk or lift the weights or make a decent breakfast but generally I just sit in silence, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes regularly.

I’ve tried to get back into the morning routine but I can’t seem to do two days on the trot. One minute I think I’m ok and then suddenly it hits me like a thunderbolt and I’m left stunned by it all. It just doesn’t make sense.

I had two bad break-ups before as there were kids involved but in a sense the writing was on the wall and deep down I knew it was the right thing. This split has absolutely knocked me for six. I wasn’t prepared for it, nobody was. A few weeks on and I still can’t work it out.

I hope the above, for anyone else feeling *****, gives you a wee bit of comfort in the sense that you’re not alone.

One thing is for sure, and as relayed to me by those around me, the world is a brighter place when I’m in it. I just need to find my spark again.

[DaveF]

I'm not posting anything meaningful here other than to say the above is probably the most personal, powerful text I've ever read.

All the best PH.

[bigwheel]

That is the bravest thing I’ve ever read anywhere and anytime PH.. I wish you the best in your life . I have nothing to add other than huge respect . You deserve better [emoji120]✊️

[Pretty Boy]

Very powerful post PH.

I'm not sure where you are based but if you ever need any motivation to or company on a walk/run then feel free to drop me a PM.

[oconnors_strip]

Im struggling. I've stupidly cut my arms to **** over a period of weeks. Coping mechanism. I don't know how much more I can take, I don't have a GP, wasn't allowed to register with a new surgery during Covid (at least that what I was told). She, unintentionally or not has utterly destroyed me and each day is mental torture.

Anyone is entitled to register at a doctor even during lockdown, where I work has been doing it but more digitally. Contact the health board if you need a Gp, they will designate you to one. Any probs then drop me a text.

[Jones28]

Wow PH, that's just heart-breaking. All I can say is that I hope time helps to ease your pain; you're grieving for someone who has suddenly removed themselves from your life.

[Jones28]

I’m almost done. I’ve never posted on here but I’ve came to stage where I’m seriously almost done and drinking isn’t working anymor

I wish to **** there was someone to speak to. Ex hates family family hates ex all of them stupid as anything three weeks ive not seen my children spoke to them tonight on FaceTime for an hour and then got told it was being recorded (who does that). When my daughter asked if I have a new mum for her and babies as that’s what her mum told her (I live alone🤣) my other daughter shouting screaming daddy and my boy just crying saying come back. Ex still messaging saying she loves me but who does stuff like that? Been so strong to hold out so far but now I’m giving up. **** it, I need to see my children.

So you've presumably been kicked out, but you're getting messages from her telling you she still loves you? :crazy:

[CropleyWasGod]

This is rock bottom .

This is the bit that stands out for me, PH.

In my dark times, I always tried to look forward to that bit where I was "rock-bottom". When I got there (and it was sometiomes difficult recognising exactly where that was), I knew that it couldn't get any worse, and that things had to improve from there. And they always did.

That's probably not a lot of comfort to you at the moment (my stock answer in your situation would have been "aye ****ing right"). But, similar to HC, it's a huge step to share your story with strangers on a public board.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

This is the bit that stands out for me, PH.

In my dark times, I always tried to look forward to that bit where I was "rock-bottom". When I got there (and it was sometiomes difficult recognising exactly where that was), I knew that it couldn't get any worse, and that things had to improve from there. And they always did.

That's probably not a lot of comfort to you at the moment (my stock answer in your situation would have been "aye ****ing right"). But, similar to HC, it's a huge step to share your story with strangers on a public board.

It’s usually been the catalyst for me as well, CWG.

Thanks to you guys above for your kind words as well. I wrote it all in a hurry without a second look at it (I’m not sure why I wrote it in a hurry as it’s now 12.39pm and my day is done already).

Hitting rock bottom I generally start the healing process but this time just feels different. I know all the things I need to do; occupy myself, speak to people, read the right books, listen to the right things, treat myself well, learn to love myself, exercise, drink plenty water...I know that’s what I should be doing and I know I will feel better for it. In effect I have done a lot of that albeit in fits and starts. As mentioned, I suddenly just get hit with another wave of pain and it absolutely breaks me.

I won’t lie, my heart is absolutely well and truly broken. It’s made me question who I can trust in life, how can I ever let anyone in again. I’m hopeless at being single, I’m a far better person when I’m in love. And all I’ve ever wanted is that family unit; to be in love with someone and raise the children and just live a happy life full of contentment. The past ten months showed me that being in love is just the greatest feeling in the world. It sparks that inner joy in you and transcends across all aspects of your life.

Now? It just feels mind-numbingly numb. It’s pain, like an agonising pain that just deflates any sense of wellbeing.

I have a love for my daughter like no other. Of course, I love my son who is about to turn 14 however he lives down south and although we are in almost daily contact, I see him about six weeks of the year and truth be told we are best mates as well as being father and son. My daughter however, who just turned three, is just the absolute apple of my eye. It actually hurts how much I love that little girl, she’s just my princess.

Yet the love for her, for my son, for my family and friends wouldn’t stop me from ending it all. And when I was lost in the woods recently, the aforementioned wouldn’t have stopped me. The only thing that did stop me was the love my daughter has for me. As parents we love our kids unconditionally however it’s mutually reciprocated with my daughter. She absolutely adores her daddy, constantly peppers me with kisses and cuddles, is always well behaved (she’s a wee terrorist with her mother), she always says to people “this is my daddy”, when we are in company she naturally gravitates towards me and wants me to pick her up and hold her and well, she’s just the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. She’s my angel. It was that and that alone that persuaded me to kibosh my aimless walk and head for “home”.

I just want to be happy. And for what I bring to the world as a person (I know I’m likeable and well loved), is it too much to ask? I gave that woman my absolute heart and soul and treated her like a princess, and I got that back in return in spades.

To have that demolished overnight has just completely broken me in two. And despite possessing all the tools I know I need to pick myself up, the sheer pain of it all rides roughshod over any ambitions to pick myself up. I know that time is a healer, but I think this one is going to take its time.

I’m flying to Turkey tomorrow for a week, just by myself, to just get away from everything and everyone (my daughter is down south for the week so I wouldn’t have seen her this weekend anyway) and I hope it will be a week of relaxing, getting the head straight, the mindset right and getting a bit of sun on my back. My biggest fear is that I’ll be thousands of miles from those closest to me, alone and feeling miserable. Ive never travelled alone. In fact, I’ve been abroad twice in the last 8 years and they were weekend breaks.

To those of you who are in relationships and love your partner, I hope the above will spark a wee light in you to give them a big kiss when you see them next and treasure what you’ve got as I wouldn’t wish this **** on my biggest enemy; I wouldn’t even wish this on my ex despite her being the architect of this pain.

[stu in nottingham]

I'm only doing online sessions now, and the results are arguably better than face-to-face. Clients feel more comfortable in their own environment, they don't have to travel, and they don't have to deal with the anxieties of the hoops they have to jump through in a face-to-face situation.

The same here and I agree with you about the results. I've read a few sources saying it actually has better results. I've been doing telephone consulations and occasional Zoom sessions for the past six months since lockdown began. Prior to this, maybe 50% of my work was carried out via the telephone. I was asked to give a talk about ttelephone counselling to colleagues last year as there had been some resistance to it, mainly framed as the loss of seeing visual cues and clues.. That resistance has now passed on to video counselling to a degree. I really think 'telehealth' needs to be embraced.

I'm informed that DNA rates are slightly lower and certainly, it seems that some of the best client feedback I receive is from telephone clients. It's convenient for some clients who would find it difficult to attend F2F sessions otherwise, parents at home providing childcare, shift workers, even those who cannot attend in office hours can have a session in their lunch break at work. For the type of clients I sometimes see, money for travelling can be an issue.

For the practitioner it's time-efficient and it's easy to work hands-free and utilise materials whilst talking.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-chronicles-infertility/202005/telehealth-is-here-stay-in-good-way

[hibsbollah]

I know im not the only one on here to have recovered from crap mental health by running. Great news today that Parkrun will be restarting this weekend in England, guidance for Scotland to follow. Even if you dont think its for you, give it a try just once. Edinburgh Parkrun is at Cramond along the seafront, but running by yourself or in a group competitively or just for fun can give your whole system a boost.

[wpj]

My brother's wife is coming down to Devon to take me home to Cambridge, my ex wife doesn't want me to see my daughter cos I'm a liability. She will be here soon, my bro is on this site so will see this probably. I have been really struggling for ages, my physical health is close to deteriation but I need to get better. I'm at my mum's house and everybody thinks I'm in a total state. Today I sat next to my dad's grave stome, (Aye, in Devon, long story) I totally get the kids thing, I miss my wee girl I'm an older guy, I'm 54 she's five. It breaks my heart I can't see her or spend time with her. That's who I live for. I get random messages from her mum's phone, they keep me going. Sorry if this comes across as negative. Going for a walk in the lovely Devonshire country side.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

My brother's wife is coming down to Devon to take me home to Cambridge, my ex wife doesn't want me to see my daughter cos I'm a liability. She will be here soon, my bro is on this site so will see this probably. I have been really struggling for ages, my physical health is close to deteriation but I need to get better. I'm at my mum's house and everybody thinks I'm in a total state. Today I sat next to my dad's grave stome, (Aye, in Devon, long story) I totally get the kids thing, I miss my wee girl I'm an older guy, I'm 54 she's five. It breaks my heart I can't see her or spend time with her. That's who I live for. I get random messages from her mum's phone, they keep me going. Sorry if this comes across as negative. Going for a walk in the lovely Devonshire country side.

Irrespective of what your ex wife thinks you are, you are your daughter’s father and should be able to see her.

[wpj]

Irrespective of what your ex wife thinks you are, you are your daughter’s father and should be able to see her.

Yea, I will see her soon. Just need to get my S!the together
My brother will read this and I know he and his wife will look after me. I'm very lucky. Could be a few days I'm Liverpool. My family are everywhere.

[Scouse Hibee]

The anguish and distress that has been shared on this thread has truly humbled me, I really don’t know what to say, the courage of those that have posted is remarkable it really is. You speak to people on message boards that you have never met, sometimes you disagree, you might even have a dig at them and you have absolutely no idea of what sort of place they are in or how they feel and how you can impact them.
I can offer no advice or personal experience but I sincerely applaud you guys for being able to share your experiences and hope that somehow with help you eventually manage to find true happiness in your lives. I have never felt so overwhelmed emotionally just by reading a post, HC & PH in particular, you guys please don’t ever give up.

[Hibrandenburg]

Some powerful reading here. I'm just glad you're all here to share. I've had my ups and downs like anyone in life, especially during childhood but nothing like what you guys have as adults. I hope you all manage a way to channel your obvious talents and powerful thoughts into something positive that gives you joy.

[wpj]

I'm now unable to type. This awful IL mess is a daily battle.
I am functioning g but not really

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I'm now unable to type. This awful IL mess is a daily battle.
I am functioning g but not really

One step at a time.

[wpj]

Haha I only have one functional leg. I enjoy hopping though. Two heart attacks and a stroke have broken me pretty much. I do rock a green cane! Big up to all who post here. The Devon sunshine has been a major boost to my health. I was born here and became a Hibee, my dad worked in dockyards and we went to Scotland. My dad was an Argyle man so I chose Hibernian, a lifetime passion that to this day I love.

[Hermit Crab]

@ Pedantic Hibee



Now I know people on this board know me personally and I work with some of them and if any of this was ever repeated I would be very disappointed in them, I know this is a public message board but its taken me a long time building up to post this so please keep this private and confidential. Thank you.

Before my son came along we had a great relationship, always had fun, going out, going on holidays etc and generally just enjoyed each others company. It was after my son was born that the problems started. We had to buy a house and fast, the problem was we had never actually lived together before that at apart from me staying at her flat a few days at a time because at the time I still stayed with my folks.

We found a house and put our savings together and got enough for a deposit, we moved in early Feb 18 less than a month before my son was born. It was a complete shock, a game changer becoming a parent, both of us didn't have a clue although she coped far better than me. I made a right shop front of it. I just continued to go to every Hibs game home and away and just totally left her to it. I never interacted with with my boy, never helped her out and and continued to do the football and nights out. She then suffered from post natal depression and anxiety which put her off work for 6 months, I still didn't help though, I still continued to play the single mans game (I never ever cheated though) by going out all the time etc. Eventually she cracked, she asked me to change and move out for a bit in Oct 19. I convinced her to let me stay on the pretence that I would change and I did for a short period of time before I soon slotted back into my old ways of football and drinking. She asked mr to go and see a councillor with her on Tuesday and do you know what I did? I went to Preston v Man City in the Carabao cup, I drove down to preston to an EFFING football match instead of going to see about sorting our relationship. Madness, absolute madness.

Eventually in Dec 19 she asked me to move out for a short period of time, I went to my parents in January this year and ended up staying there until the end of February. During that time at my folks I was so mad with myself and upset of course as I thought that it was over. I stepped up my game, did absolutely everything she ever asked of me in regards to looking after my son, spending time with him and even paying off her credit card to ensure she was debt free, made sure she always had a full fridge and freezer etc. Between January and March I had crammed about 18months of bonding into 3 months and I was delighted that my son would shout daddies home when I came round to the house. I was also determined to win her back and get our relationship back on track. Covid didn't not help though as lockdown restrictions severely hampered my plans.

Around the middle of March this year I finally convinced her that I was a changed man and she let me come back, initially it was only going to be a few days at a time to build up to getting back together permanently which was fine with me but then something unthinkable happened that absolutely knackered the whole thing. I got hospitalised with a very rare condition called Erythema Multiforme Major.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/erythema-multiforme/ Google the images and you'll see how horrific it was. Got some light permanent scarring on my hands and arms.

I was bedridden for a whole week before I was eventually admitted to hospital as I just couldn't move, every time I stood up I was going to collapse, I couldn't eat or drink either, I was covered in a horrible painful rash all over my body apart from my head. Whilst in hospital I collapsed whilst getting a chest X-ray done and I tell you if thats how you go you do not feel a thing. I woke up on the floor with about 6 people around me someone shouting his blood pressures dropping lets get him moved quickly. I lost 3 stone in 2 weeks as I never ate anything other than some of the hospital meals and drank water. Being in hospital with no visitors was tough, I never even had a toilet in my room, I had one window and a bed pan. I was in the covid holding ward. I even had 2 biopsies taken from my elbow but they still couldn't work out what caused this virus to start. Got 3 covid tests and all were negative. I was released at my request after 5 days but I should have stayed in as I was still ill and small things like standing up and going upstairs put me out of breath. It took me over 2 months to get my strength back and put on a bit of weight so that I looked normal again. All this was during strictest lockdown as well so I couldn't leave the house or see anyone.

After I recovered my partner was how shall we say all frosty again, totally different to when just before I got ill when we were getting on great. I tried my best to please her but nothing worked, I did everything I could around the house, taking my boy out so she could get rest etc. I just plodded along for a few months trying to be the best dad and partner I could until one day I couldn't take the cold shoulder anymore and I just cracked and asked her what the problem with me was. She told me she didn't love me and couldn't forgive me for not being there for the first 18 months of my boys life. I totally get that but I thought I'd made amends by stepping up and being a great dad and partner. I even changed my shifts at work so I am at home everyday instead of being away to London upto 6 nights a week and in doing so I done myself out of 10k a year in overtime. I didn't care about the money though as I was there for my boy. I even jacked in the football and season ticket so I could spend days with my boy.

So we had split and we agreed to both still live together as renting another place just wasn't an option for either of us. It started out fine and we really got on great to be honest, still no chance of rekindling though. I slowly but surely defended into a darker and darker place, I just couldn't bear not being a couple and being there living together. It is really tough and I slowly started thinking worse case scenarios and of course it was all in my head. Started thinking about ending it all and then the self harming started. It doesn't even hurt, my arms look like they've been attacked by a cat. Cuts everywhere. When I went off grid the other week of course I considered suicide. Was I really going to do it? I think I was until I was sat with Definitely Maybe on in the car staring down the pier in the storm and Live Forever was on. The line 'We'll see things they'll never see' struck at me because if I stay alive I've got the chance to see things they'll never see with my boy. My suffering would be over but it would be only the beginning of suffering for my boy and family and friends so I started my car and drove off and headed back towards home.

Im still very deeply hurt and madly in love with my boys mum. That is not going to change anytime soon, I pray that in the future if I get help and cut out the self harming nonsense then her feelings MAY change. I'm 36 today and we had a blazing row earlier after which I apologised for my outburst and I did ask her to let me know in the future if her feelings change and she kind of hinted a wee bit that if I get help and get sorted then who knows what could happen. I'm 100% not interested in anyone else and of course I'm not thinking for 1 minute that its dead cert we will get back together but its something for me to work towards. I'm absolutely head over heels for her. She is the mother of my child, an amazing woman and I have no doubt that I will love her until the day I do die.

Thats my story so far. I'm away for a lie down now.

[Just Alf]

HC, I saw you 'come back' post on the other thread a minute or so after you'd posted it, I was over the moon you were back but I'm struggling myself so didn't post.

I've just read the post above and really appreciate the massive struggle you've shared, you are not alone, your post has helped me a bit tonight and I want you to keep in mind many of the .net community can help with chats and stuff and even you posting the above has helped me.

Take care mate.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Wow. What a post, HC. Likewise, there’s people on here who know me and I would hope they would respect my wishes too.

You’ve got a woman there who loves you and wants the best version of you for her, for your boy and most importantly for you.

Reading between the lines, you’ve got it in you too. You know you can do it. It’s the putting the wheels in motion that is the toughest part. I know that feeling all too well.

Ultimately, and selfishly speaking about myself, I know I’ll never get that perfect woman back (even after the pain she’s caused, she is still perfect in my eyes) but I need to get better for myself and for my children because it’s the very least that I and my kids deserve.

You’ve got a good chance there of rekindling with your boy’s mum but even if you didn’t, you need to bounce back and be happy as yourself and happy for the laddie. Learn to love yourself. When you’re in a good place the world seems a nicer place and nice things and nice people come into your life.

I don’t know if you’re much of a reader but the Miracle Morning was a big help to me when I read it last year. Strangely enough, the 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins is also a simple yet fantastic book.

Huge respect for speaking up. I know how difficult it is to do so but it’s also quite cathartic in a way.

If you had one hour left to live, what would you spend it talking about? Whatever it is and whoever those people are, prioritise them but most importantly, prioritise on you and bouncing back.

I’m with you every step of the way 💚

[Pretty Boy]

Just read your post above HC.

I had a mate in a similar situation a couple of years ago. His partner fell out of love with him and asked him to leave the home he shared with her and their daughter. He was in bits, hit the bottle, was out his face every weekend and half the week as well, was eating crap, piled on weight and was a mess. He was basically battering himself and was thus prevented from seeing his daughter which restarted the whole cycle.

Eventually he worked his way through that and started going to to gym, eating a bit better, shaving every other day, drinking less and he started to look good. It wasn't for anyone except himself and his daughter because he knew she needed him. At 1st there was a bit of hostility from his ex and an attitude of 'why wouldn't you do this for me?'. However she slowly came round and he sees his daughter regularly again, looks great and is in a good place physically and mentally. There was no fairytale ending as far as his relationship went but things are amicable now, his ex has even told him she is proud of him.

Hang in there and focus on you and your relationship with your son, he needs his daddy and the rest will take care of itself in time.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Just read your post above HC.

I had a mate in a similar situation a couple of years ago. His partner fell out of love with him and asked him to leave the home he shared with her and their daughter. He was in bits, hit the bottle, was out his face every weekend and half the week as well, was eating crap, piled on weight and was a mess. He was basically battering himself and was thus prevented from seeing his daughter which restarted the whole cycle.

Eventually he worked his way through that and started going to to gym, eating a bit better, shaving every other day, drinking less and he started to look good. It wasn't for anyone except himself and his daughter because he knew she needed him. At 1st there was a bit of hostility from his ex and an attitude of 'why wouldn't you do this for me?'. However she slowly came round and he sees his daughter regularly again, looks great and is in a good place physically and mentally. There was no fairytale ending as far as his relationship went but things are amicable now, his ex has even told him she is proud of him.

Hang in there and focus on you and your relationship with your son, he needs his daddy and the rest will take care of itself in time.

Everything I tried to say, but delivered far more eloquently.

[pontius pilate]

I've posted on this very page before its comforting in a way knowing that ther eis other guys out there who have the same illness and there is a page on here where we can discuss without being judged.

I've suffered with depression for as long as I can remember however since 2012 I've since been diagnosed with PTSD depression anxiety and OCD, I've got arthritis of the spine and lumber disc disease so one fuels the other, 2 years ago I made the biggest mistake of my life I walked away from a 10 year relationship at that point we were behaving issues with our daughters own mental health I had just taken on a new role and the pressure was getting far too much, I asked for a 2 week break and was granted that complete understanding, however during that 2 weeks my life fell apart I lost my job where I was living so became homeless and lost her for good, I've lived in homeless b&b in my car temp homeless accommodation however for the last year I'm now in my own wee house and do some work here and there I even met someone yet since covid I've had no contact and that's been her who stopped, yes she was in an unhappy relationship but I was allegedly the best thing in her life and if she lost me it would drive her crazy, no contact from her actually allowed me to focus on who and what I wanted and needed and that wa smy ex and daughter back in my life full time, I've had 3 failed suicide attempts the most recent was in dec, I had a great day with my ex and my daughter came home took some pills cleaned my house ran a bath took more pills then took more pills, my ex called I was out of it she had no opinion to call the police they attended noticed the letter I had wrote and was admitted to the royal ed, there is issues still ongoing in the background I'm.praying and hoping that I get the outcome I need and want if not everything is gone again, I cry every day but the positive is I have absolutely no medication in the house at all not even ibuprofen I haven't had a touch of alcohol in 6 years, the thought of losing the people I love and care about greatly scares me to death but at the same time I think their life would be better without me in it if only i could see into the future then at least i know what action i can take.

I hope everybody else on here finds the strength.

As I've said to a friend your stronger than you realise and loved, cared for needed and wanted more than you will ever know yet I never feel that for myself

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[HUTCHYHIBBY]

I'm not posting anything meaningful here other than to say the above is probably the most personal, powerful text I've ever read.

All the best PH.

Ffs, very moving stuff (the post you refer to Dave). I thought I had a problem or two but, perhaps not. 😢

What a thread this is.

[CraigHibee]

A lot of interesting posts, just shows that anyone can be impacted by mental health with things that are happening and nobody should be afraid to talk about it.


Ive been through a **** storm the last couple of years with my now thankful ex, I've told family and a lot of close friends about the things that were going on but to try and explain everything has been difficult as I didn't think I would be believed.

The bottom line is she was an abuser,not physically. Had me isolated from friends, putting me down at every opportunity, the behaviour id encountered was nothing like I have ever experienced.

Gas lighting me regularly, lying to me a lot, never knew what gas lighting was until I started looking into her behaviour then I uncovered the dark murky world of narcissistic abuse.

I was being treated like something on the sole of her shoe, everyone told me to leave and walk away but I didn't and stupidly thought she would change, i thought if I tried harder with things then the behaviour would improve, it didn't.

My mental health took an absolute battering, stopped going to games (even though I had a fully paid season ticket) stopped socialising and became withdrawn, regularly making excuses about why I could meet up with family/friends.
The only thing I did do was work more and more, I felt for me that this was my coping mechanism to try and deal with everything that was going on (burying the head in the sand)

I work in an office Monday to Friday and also do deliveries for a retailer in my spare time, I found I was doing my day job then going out basically every night delivering as well sometimes 6/7 nights a week.

I done this for well over a year and in the end I was absolutely burnt out, had nothing left to give. I wasn't tidying up, cleaning or looking after myself properly and my head was absolutely fried.

I had seen a Councillor a couple of times in an attempt to untangle the mess and get me thinking straight. i started to think a bit clearer and thankfully at the beginning of the year I finally found the courage to kick her into touch after 8 1/2 years, been a hard lesson to learn and I've learned a lot about myself while "in recovery" I still do get a few days where I am absolutely drained but the "head in a vice" like feeling that I had has lifted.

Hands down, the worst thing I have every experienced in my life but I am in a far better position now than what I was

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

A lot of interesting posts, just shows that anyone can be impacted by mental health with things that are happening and nobody should be afraid to talk about it.


Ive been through a **** storm the last couple of years with my now thankful ex, I've told family and a lot of close friends about the things that were going on but to try and explain everything has been difficult as I didn't think I would be believed.

The bottom line is she was an abuser,not physically. Had me isolated from friends, putting me down at every opportunity, the behaviour id encountered was nothing like I have ever experienced.

Gas lighting me regularly, lying to me a lot, never knew what gas lighting was until I started looking into her behaviour then I uncovered the dark murky world of narcissistic abuse.

I was being treated like something on the sole of her shoe, everyone told me to leave and walk away but I didn't and stupidly thought she would change, i thought if I tried harder with things then the behaviour would improve, it didn't.

My mental health took an absolute battering, stopped going to games (even though I had a fully paid season ticket) stopped socialising and became withdrawn, regularly making excuses about why I could meet up with family/friends.
The only thing I did do was work more and more, I felt for me that this was my coping mechanism to try and deal with everything that was going on (burying the head in the sand)

I work in an office Monday to Friday and also do deliveries for a retailer in my spare time, I found I was doing my day job then going out basically every night delivering as well sometimes 6/7 nights a week.

I done this for well over a year and in the end I was absolutely burnt out, had nothing left to give. I wasn't tidying up, cleaning or looking after myself properly and my head was absolutely fried.

I had seen a Councillor a couple of times in an attempt to untangle the mess and get me thinking straight. i started to think a bit clearer and thankfully at the beginning of the year I finally found the courage to kick her into touch after 8 1/2 years, been a hard lesson to learn and I've learned a lot about myself while "in recovery" I still do get a few days where I am absolutely drained but the "head in a vice" like feeling that I had has lifted.

Hands down, the worst thing I have every experienced in my life but I am in a far better position now than what I was

There's no shortage of people here for you mate.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Powerful post, Craig. The mother of my daughter was similar although not to the extremes you had to endure.

I’m glad you managed to break free of it. As much as you can have family and friends telling you to leave, it’s difficult to see the bigger picture when you’re in the relationship and especially if it’s someone you love. You convince yourself that you can “fix” them but it rarely happens.

Glad you’ve recovered and are in a better place.

[CraigHibee]

There's no shortage of people here for you mate.

thanks mate

[CraigHibee]

Powerful post, Craig. The mother of my daughter was similar although not to the extremes you had to endure.

I’m glad you managed to break free of it. As much as you can have family and friends telling you to leave, it’s difficult to see the bigger picture when you’re in the relationship and especially if it’s someone you love. You convince yourself that you can “fix” them but it rarely happens.

Glad you’ve recovered and are in a better place.

thanks mate

i was completely oblivious to the abuse to start with it was just subtle things then i started to latch on with some of the stuff that was going on such as having conversations with her then her denying she said certain things or "that didn't happen"

i'm definitely in a far better place than i was, just ran myself into the ground with it all and thankfully found the way out. it is easy for folk to say "just leave", i've said that to friends in the past when they've been having relationship issues however, i think until you are in the same situation you don't realise how difficult it can be.

[Hermit Crab]

Went down to the local medical centre today to try and register with the surgery. Got told I wasn't allowed to be in the building and I will have to phone a 0300 number to register, told them I needed to speak to a GP urgently but every time I phone the number all I get is a recorded message saying theres a high amount of calls and then the call gets cut off. Having to jump through hoops to get to see a GP when I really need to, this is not helping at all. Getting royally pissed off with this.

On the plus side My Adidas Kölns have just arrived so thats cheered me up a bit.

[Greenworld]

Went down to the local medical centre today to try and register with the surgery. Got told I wasn't allowed to be in the building and I will have to phone a 0300 number to register, told them I needed to speak to a GP urgently but every time I phone the number all I get is a recorded message saying theres a high amount of calls and then the call gets cut off. Having to jump through hoops to get to see a GP when I really need to, this is not helping at all. Getting royally pissed off with this.

On the plus side My Adidas Kölns have just arrived so thats cheered me up a bit.https://services.nhslothian.scot/MentalHealthAssessmentService/Pages/default.aspx

I don't know if this will helpp you

Sent from my SM-G975U1 using Tapatalk

[Hermit Crab]

https://services.nhslothian.scot/MentalHealthAssessmentService/Pages/default.aspx

I don't know if this will helpp you

Sent from my SM-G975U1 using Tapatalk


Thanks but they're not doing walk ins just now which is ideally what I need because of shift work. Been trying to call the surgery every 30 minutes or so and I still cant get through, still get the same high volume of calls message. :grr:

[DaveF]

Thanks but they're not doing walk ins just now which is ideally what I need because of shift work. Been trying to call the surgery every 30 minutes or so and I still cant get through, still get the same high volume of calls message. :grr:

Phone your MSP. If people are saying it's possible but you are getting nowhere, let them earn their money and help a constituent out. Long shot, but you never know.

[McD]

I've read many of these recent posts, and have been truly heart broken for each of you. I wouldn't normally have thought to share my story, but I will, to hopefully give some hope to anyone. Its not as hard hitting as what others have shared, but I am further down the line from it now.

A good few years ago, I was in a long term relationship, and in a job that I hated, where in hindsight I was really struggling mentally, and was in some regards being bullied by people higher up the structure.

Because of what was happening at work, my relationship was the positive in my life, even though again with hindsight it was falling apart as well. She wasn't nasty or abusive, but I was slowly and steadily being shut out of my own relationship. At the time we both lived with our respective parents, and had previously spent so much time together, but this was becoming rarer and rarer. I'd be suggesting going for a meal, going to the cinema, hell even just spending time together watching tv, and would always get pushed away. More than once, she told me she couldn't fit me for 3 weeks or more.

At the same time, she was suddenly going out with her pals all the time (hence why she couldn't fit me in), at one point I even found out she'd been out on night out when she'd told me she was getting an early night. During all of this, it was made clear that this was my problem, i was basically getting shrugged at when I asked why I couldn't see her, and told i'd have to wait until she'd had time with her pals.

I moved into my own place, asked her to move in, said she wouldn't need to pay a thing, I'd even drive her to work every morning, and she shut the conversation down every time I spoke about it.

My friends were all asking why I was accepting being treated this way, that I was better than that and deserved to be treated better, but I kept making excuses for her. We'd argue, often about how I was feeling, but I always defended her to friends, even when they were spelling it out to me.

It came to a head right before a christmas, where after a blazing row, we suddenly calmly talked about taking a break. Comically, this led to a period of time where I felt we were closer than we'd been for a long time, talking every day, making time for each other (rather than me having to beg and chase for any time). In the March, we'd made arrangements to meet in town and have a meal. We'd barely had the food put down when she just calmly says I don't want to be with you, don't want us, don't want to see you or talk to you.

I was stunned, I don't remember how I got home that night. I tried to find out why, and was either ignored or told she couldn't tell me. Several mutual friends dropped me like a stone (I was never abusive, violent, I didn't/don't drink, never cheated. I'm not perfect by any means, but I wasn't a bad partner).

I went off the rails, and started being out all the time, had brief things with several women, would arrive home in wee hours and be back out for work shortly after. I had all sorts of dark thoughts, suicide was a regular thought, and has revisited from time to time. Things at work got worse, I stopped giving a **** about it (which is not me at all), it was made clear that my work would never be considered good enough (it was but I was a target) and ultimately chose to leave. Self confidence and self esteem were in the toilet, I'd lost almost all the structure and anchors of my life.

I spent several months struggling to make mortgage payments, before finding another job, until I joined the company I'm still with now, and within 6 months found a job that I love. The exact same day I started with the company, I met someone who was , and now have a wee girl who's just over a year old.


When I read this back, it seems pretty pathetic, and nothing compared to some other's experiences, I hope though that someone may read this a take some hope that things can get better.

Apologies for the lengthy post

[Hiber-nation]

Phone your MSP. If people are saying it's possible but you are getting nowhere, let them earn their money and help a constituent out. Long shot, but you never know.

I agree. The MSP is Colin Beattie and if its the Riverside Practice in Musselburgh you're meaning HC, he is fully aware of the problems they've been having there with people being unable to get through on the phones.

[Mibbes Aye]

I've read many of these recent posts, and have been truly heart broken for each of you. I wouldn't normally have thought to share my story, but I will, to hopefully give some hope to anyone. Its not as hard hitting as what others have shared, but I am further down the line from it now.

A good few years ago, I was in a long term relationship, and in a job that I hated, where in hindsight I was really struggling mentally, and was in some regards being bullied by people higher up the structure.

Because of what was happening at work, my relationship was the positive in my life, even though again with hindsight it was falling apart as well. She wasn't nasty or abusive, but I was slowly and steadily being shut out of my own relationship. At the time we both lived with our respective parents, and had previously spent so much time together, but this was becoming rarer and rarer. I'd be suggesting going for a meal, going to the cinema, hell even just spending time together watching tv, and would always get pushed away. More than once, she told me she couldn't fit me for 3 weeks or more.

At the same time, she was suddenly going out with her pals all the time (hence why she couldn't fit me in), at one point I even found out she'd been out on night out when she'd told me she was getting an early night. During all of this, it was made clear that this was my problem, i was basically getting shrugged at when I asked why I couldn't see her, and told i'd have to wait until she'd had time with her pals.

I moved into my own place, asked her to move in, said she wouldn't need to pay a thing, I'd even drive her to work every morning, and she shut the conversation down every time I spoke about it.

My friends were all asking why I was accepting being treated this way, that I was better than that and deserved to be treated better, but I kept making excuses for her. We'd argue, often about how I was feeling, but I always defended her to friends, even when they were spelling it out to me.

It came to a head right before a christmas, where after a blazing row, we suddenly calmly talked about taking a break. Comically, this led to a period of time where I felt we were closer than we'd been for a long time, talking every day, making time for each other (rather than me having to beg and chase for any time). In the March, we'd made arrangements to meet in town and have a meal. We'd barely had the food put down when she just calmly says I don't want to be with you, don't want us, don't want to see you or talk to you.

I was stunned, I don't remember how I got home that night. I tried to find out why, and was either ignored or told she couldn't tell me. Several mutual friends dropped me like a stone (I was never abusive, violent, I didn't/don't drink, never cheated. I'm not perfect by any means, but I wasn't a bad partner).

I went off the rails, and started being out all the time, had brief things with several women, would arrive home in wee hours and be back out for work shortly after. I had all sorts of dark thoughts, suicide was a regular thought, and has revisited from time to time. Things at work got worse, I stopped giving a **** about it (which is not me at all), it was made clear that my work would never be considered good enough (it was but I was a target) and ultimately chose to leave. Self confidence and self esteem were in the toilet, I'd lost almost all the structure and anchors of my life.

I spent several months struggling to make mortgage payments, before finding another job, until I joined the company I'm still with now, and within 6 months found a job that I love. The exact same day I started with the company, I met someone who was , and now have a wee girl who's just over a year old.


When I read this back, it seems pretty pathetic, and nothing compared to some other's experiences, I hope though that someone may read this a take some hope that things can get better.

Apologies for the lengthy post

Powerful read, very open and frank. And no need whatsoever to apologise for you feeling it was a lengthy post. Better to say what you feel than hold something back.

[Greenworld]

I've read many of these recent posts, and have been truly heart broken for each of you. I wouldn't normally have thought to share my story, but I will, to hopefully give some hope to anyone. Its not as hard hitting as what others have shared, but I am further down the line from it now.

A good few years ago, I was in a long term relationship, and in a job that I hated, where in hindsight I was really struggling mentally, and was in some regards being bullied by people higher up the structure.

Because of what was happening at work, my relationship was the positive in my life, even though again with hindsight it was falling apart as well. She wasn't nasty or abusive, but I was slowly and steadily being shut out of my own relationship. At the time we both lived with our respective parents, and had previously spent so much time together, but this was becoming rarer and rarer. I'd be suggesting going for a meal, going to the cinema, hell even just spending time together watching tv, and would always get pushed away. More than once, she told me she couldn't fit me for 3 weeks or more.

At the same time, she was suddenly going out with her pals all the time (hence why she couldn't fit me in), at one point I even found out she'd been out on night out when she'd told me she was getting an early night. During all of this, it was made clear that this was my problem, i was basically getting shrugged at when I asked why I couldn't see her, and told i'd have to wait until she'd had time with her pals.

I moved into my own place, asked her to move in, said she wouldn't need to pay a thing, I'd even drive her to work every morning, and she shut the conversation down every time I spoke about it.

My friends were all asking why I was accepting being treated this way, that I was better than that and deserved to be treated better, but I kept making excuses for her. We'd argue, often about how I was feeling, but I always defended her to friends, even when they were spelling it out to me.

It came to a head right before a christmas, where after a blazing row, we suddenly calmly talked about taking a break. Comically, this led to a period of time where I felt we were closer than we'd been for a long time, talking every day, making time for each other (rather than me having to beg and chase for any time). In the March, we'd made arrangements to meet in town and have a meal. We'd barely had the food put down when she just calmly says I don't want to be with you, don't want us, don't want to see you or talk to you.

I was stunned, I don't remember how I got home that night. I tried to find out why, and was either ignored or told she couldn't tell me. Several mutual friends dropped me like a stone (I was never abusive, violent, I didn't/don't drink, never cheated. I'm not perfect by any means, but I wasn't a bad partner).

I went off the rails, and started being out all the time, had brief things with several women, would arrive home in wee hours and be back out for work shortly after. I had all sorts of dark thoughts, suicide was a regular thought, and has revisited from time to time. Things at work got worse, I stopped giving a **** about it (which is not me at all), it was made clear that my work would never be considered good enough (it was but I was a target) and ultimately chose to leave. Self confidence and self esteem were in the toilet, I'd lost almost all the structure and anchors of my life.

I spent several months struggling to make mortgage payments, before finding another job, until I joined the company I'm still with now, and within 6 months found a job that I love. The exact same day I started with the company, I met someone who was , and now have a wee girl who's just over a year old.


When I read this back, it seems pretty pathetic, and nothing compared to some other's experiences, I hope though that someone may read this a take some hope that things can get better.

Apologies for the lengthy postLove is a powerful drug. You get blinded to all the things normal thinking people would do.
No matter what people say you are wired differently and totally ignore all the advice and comments.
The journey you have been through is horrible but so recognizable.
Your not a alone ,your story is more common than you think .
Delighted you have moved on stay strong [emoji172]

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[Hibby70]

I agree. The MSP is Colin Beattie and if its the Riverside Practice in Musselburgh you're meaning HC, he is fully aware of the problems they've been having there with people being unable to get through on the phones.
My partner and kids are registered with Riverside and she can never get an appointment. I'm with the Inveresk practice (based in the same building) and never have any problems.

Registration forms online at https://invereskmedical.org.uk/homepage/registering-with-the-practice/

Not sure re the rules for registering mind you.

HC - would calling NHS24 help, maybe they can help get things moving.

[stu in nottingham]

Such humbling, heartfelt stories and ones where we can all learn from each others' experiences.

I hadn't intended to go into a long story but many of the raw emotions being expressed here feel so familiar from my own past. One or two here will possibly recall that I lost my partner to suicide. it was six years ago now and life hasn't by any means been easy at times, especially in those earlier years afterwards.

Sue had a shocking death that was totally traumatic. After some years of struggling with a personality disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) she could take no more, God bless her, and took herself to a multi-storey car park in Nottingham city centre, positioned herself on the ledge and according to witness accounts rolled over the edge and into eternity.

I had been at work that day. The city traffic was gridlocked on my journey home to the suburb I live in. I had no idea of the reason why until the police arrived at my home shortly after me to rush me to the hospital, blues and twos blazing, slenderly hanging on to iife. She passed on shortly afterward through her internal injuries and I performed the most difficult task of my life in identifying her afterwards. The nurse forwarned me that she 'didn't look pretty'. I went in that room and said my goodbyes to Sue. The image of her broken face flashed back to me so many times in the weeks and months afterwards. It just wouldn't leave me.

I went home that night in a state of shock, refused to stay with friends, slept in my own bed, cried myself to sleep and woke up crying bitter and uncontrollable tears. My sister and some friends came to the house the next day. Sue had been taking multiple medications for her problems and the house had become full of the stuff. I asked a friend to take it all out of the house because I wanted to die myself and didn't trust myself with it. I know that the amount of suicide survivors in the first year of losing someone attempting suicide themselves is quite high and yes, I certainly wanted to die and could not, did not, want to see a future.

It hadn't just been the pain of a sudden and traumatic death. The three years before that had, I have to say, been an absolute living hell every single day, trying to live with the abuse I received daily. Emotional, financial and even physically at times.

So I relate this story - not as some horrible top trumps kind of tale to say 'look at the rubbish that happened to me'. I relate it in support of my brothers here. It is to reassure you in some small way that life DOES go on. Life is not always a bowl of cherries that is for sure but after some time I found fulfilment in my life - from helping other in my case. I was previously involved in carrying out psychological research. These days, whatever abilties I may have are focused in supporting others who are going through tough times. I'm not going for sainthood here - it's very good for my well-being too. I am probably happier or at least more content than in many years.

The big message I want to relay to all my friends here, met and unmet, is to persevere and understand that if you do, good things can and will happen. I was down and out for the count. I was done and over and couldn't envisage a future. I clung on by my fingernails for some reason, maybe its just my nature or the way I was brought up, and. you know, life is fine, it really is.

I sincerely wish you lads the same. it can happen, believe me.

[JimBHibees]

My partner and kids are registered with Riverside and she can never get an appointment. I'm with the Inveresk practice (based in the same building) and never have any problems.

Registration forms online at https://invereskmedical.org.uk/homepage/registering-with-the-practice/

Not sure re the rules for registering mind you.

HC - would calling NHS24 help, maybe they can help get things moving.

Agree with that. They can and will help I think.

Number is 111.

https://www.nhs24.scot/our-services/111/introduction-to-the-111-service/who-to-speak-to

[McD]

Such humbling, heartfelt stories and ones where we can all learn from each others' experiences.

I hadn't intended to go into a long story but many of the raw emotions being expressed here feel so familiar from my own past. One or two here will possibly recall that I lost my partner to suicide. it was six years ago now and life hasn't by any means been easy at times, especially in those earlier years afterwards.

Sue had a shocking death that was totally traumatic. After some years of struggling with a personality disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) she could take no more, God bless her, and took herself to a multi-storey car park in Nottingham city centre, positioned herself on the ledge and according to witness accounts rolled over the edge and into eternity.

I had been at work that day. The city traffic was gridlocked on my journey home to the suburb I live in. I had no idea of the reason why until the police arrived at my home shortly after me to rush me to the hospital, blues and twos blazing, slenderly hanging on to iife. She passed on shortly afterward through her internal injuries and I performed the most difficult task of my life in identifying her afterwards. The nurse forwarned me that she 'didn't look pretty'. I went in that room and said my goodbyes to Sue. The image of her broken face flashed back to me so many times in the weeks and months afterwards. It just wouldn't leave me.

I went home that night in a state of shock, refused to stay with friends, slept in my own bed, cried myself to sleep and woke up crying bitter and uncontrollable tears. My sister and some friends came to the house the next day. Sue had been taking multiple medications for her problems and the house had become full of the stuff. I asked a friend to take it all out of the house because I wanted to die myself and didn't trust myself with it. I know that the amount of suicide survivors in the first year of losing someone attempting suicide themselves is quite high and yes, I certainly wanted to die and could not, did not, want to see a future.

It hadn't just been the pain of a sudden and traumatic death. The three years before that had, I have to say, been an absolute living hell every single day, trying to live with the abuse I received daily. Emotional, financial and even physically at times.

So I relate this story - not as some horrible top trumps kind of tale to say 'look at the rubbish that happened to me'. I relate it in support of my brothers here. It is to reassure you in some small way that life DOES go on. Life is not always a bowl of cherries that is for sure but after some time I found fulfilment in my life - from helping other in my case. I was previously involved in carrying out psychological research. These days, whatever abilties I may have are focused in supporting others who are going through tough times. I'm not going for sainthood here - it's very good for my well-being too. I am probably happier or at least more content than in many years.

The big message I want to relay to all my friends here, met and unmet, is to persevere and understand that if you do, good things can and will happen. I was down and out for the count. I was done and over and couldn't envisage a future. I clung on by my fingernails for some reason, maybe its just my nature or the way I was brought up, and. you know, life is fine, it really is.

I sincerely wish you lads the same. it can happen, believe me.


I remember that time Stu, where you were able to share some of what had happened, and articulate your struggles. I'm so glad that you've been able to find some happiness and/or contentment

[Peevemor]

Piece in the EEN today.

https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/people/bravest-thing-anyone-can-do-toxic-masculine-world-say-hey-i-need-some-help-2966807


The bravest thing anyone can do in this toxic masculine world is say ‘Hey, I need some help’


In a very personal piece to mark World Suicide Prevention Day, Evening News reporter Jacob Farr shares his story of how he got the help he needed


I was stuck in a monotonous existence, working in a financial call centre drudging through phone calls from pensioners on their last legs, inputting figures on spreadsheet after spreadsheet.


It’s fair to say I had given up on life, I felt there was no purpose or meaning, and that I ultimately had nothing to offer the world.


The feeling was the same when it came to friends and family, one of being a burden and a struggle they could be relieved of if I would just take the final plunge.


I won’t go into the details of the various schemes concocted to end my life, but instead I’d like to speak about how those days are in the rear view mirror and what led to me getting here.


My childhood was at times traumatic but it was as a whole, relatively happy. It was not until I became a teenager that I began to fall into the darkness.


From 17-25 I struggled, having attempted to take my own life as a teen.


I got good enough grades to get into Kent University to study Classics, having been indoctrinated with a fascination of history and society by both parents.


I did OK academically but I never felt like I belonged. A boy from Cleri doing Classics just never added up. This led to an Imposter Syndrome that still sticks to my skin today.


After graduating I really struggled. Jumping between jobs I was constantly having The Black Dog take chunks out of my consciousness, with the feeling of not belonging hanging over me.


But it all turned around gradually in a process that took patience and understanding.


When my partner moved in with me in 2016, my healing really began.


Through having the support in-house, she encouraged me to contact the doctors, to attend appointments and even drove me to my CBT sessions – not to mention buying a dog to keep me company when I was signed off from work.


I cannot express how important seeking help was in my recovery, something as simple as attending an appointment could have drastically positive effects for my self esteem.


My friends and family were also always by my side listening and picking me up when I was emotionally or financially unstable.


Through that extremely lucky foundation I was able to become more open, and that allowed my honesty to flourish and blossom, which meant I could better process my feelings of self-loathing.


Antidepressants just never seemed to work for me, but instead physical exercise in the form of losing golf balls and cutting out alcohol consumption was revolutionary – as was opening up to other men about how I felt in spaces like Andy’s Man Club.


I began writing a lot, becoming infatuated with current affairs and developing my own website. The pet project led to me securing a dream job with the Evening News, a paper I grew up reading.


And tomorrow night I will be sitting on my settee in a virtual JPI Media awards ceremony not giving a hoot if I win Community Journalist of the Year, but instead celebrating the fact I always held on to tomorrow. And so should you.


To anyone out there in a similar position, please do not give up, no matter how dark it may seem at the time, open up to those around you and seek help.


Message from mental health charity SAMH

If you or someone you know cannot keep yourself safe, please seek help immediately.

You can go to any hospital Accident & Emergency department. Call 999 and ask for an ambulance if you can’t get to A&E, or tell someone and ask them to contact 999 for you.

If you need some support right now, but don’t want to go to A&E, you can call NHS 24 on 111. You can also call the Samaritans on 116 123, they’re open 24 hours and are there to listen. If you’d prefer to text someone, Shout is a volunteer-run, 24/7 crises text service, free on all major mobile networks, for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. Text SHOUT 85258.

While SAMH doesn’t have a crisis or listening service, our Information Team can help connect you with support and information. Our team are available Mon-Fri, 9am - 5pm (except on Bank Holidays) on 0344 800 0550.

[McD]

Piece in the EEN today.

https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/news/people/bravest-thing-anyone-can-do-toxic-masculine-world-say-hey-i-need-some-help-2966807


Terrific article, thanks for sharing

[stu in nottingham]

I remember that time Stu, where you were able to share some of what had happened, and articulate your struggles. I'm so glad that you've been able to find some happiness and/or contentment

Thanks very much mate, it's appreciated.

I think it's important for people to see and understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel, through all the pain and when things can feel desperate.

[McD]

Thanks very much mate, it's appreciated.

I think it's important for people to see and understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel, through all the pain and when things can feel desperate.



Very welcome mate, its always stayed with me the sheer emotion behind your words and experiences, and the bravery to not just share what had happened, but to open up about how you were feeling, and the depth of that. I suspect that you've empowered others on here to do the same


I agree about that importance, that's really why I shared my life events earlier in the thread also, to maybe give a bit of hope to anyone who is feeling incredibly low and desperate as you said. Life can start to improve and you can find some kind of peace and happiness

[Henderson2Del]

Thank you to all who have shared. It lets me know that I am not alone in struggling and that there are ways to get to a better place. Many days it’s hard to see how it can be done and often there is no rhyme or reason to why I am having a bad day.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

My second full day on holiday in Antalya and I have to say it’s done wonders for my state of mind. Generally just sat by myself listening to music in 37 degree heat. You could argue that I’m bored but when I think about, I’m just sat there without thinking any negative thoughts. There’s no real positive thoughts either in fairness but I’m largely on a lounger just staring ahead and, dare I say at peace.

Time and money permitting, I’d recommend it to those who just need to get away and spend a bit of time on their own.

Fingers crossed I fly back to Edinburgh with a renewed sense of vigour.

[Hibernia&Alba]

There are some incredibly courageous posts on this thread; enormous respect to all. I hope sharing your problems has proved cathartic in some small way. I don't think we realise how common such problems are; we are still supposed to present a stiff upper lip and not discuss such heavy issues, which isn't helpful, as it further stigmatises the vulnerability we all experience at some point. A crisis can hit anyone at any time and it's essential to have an outlet to a sympathetic ear. I hope of all you currently experiencing deep anguish will find a solution. In the meantime keep posting on here, without fear of being judged, if you think it might help in some small way.

Hermit crab, it's good to hear from you again. Pedantic Hibee, thanks for sharing your story. I found it very powerful.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

I live with my dad so, there's almost always someone else in the house, he's been away on a fishing trip for the best part of a week, it turns out that being alone in the house with only your own thoughts for company isn't much fun. Living by yourself must be a massive trigger for depressing folk.

At least he'll be back tomorrow.

[Hibernia&Alba]

I live with my dad so, there's almost always someone else in the house, he's been away on a fishing trip for the best part of a week, it turns out that being alone in the house with only your own thoughts for company isn't much fun. Living by yourself must be a massive trigger for depressing folk.

At least he'll be back tomorrow.

Loneliness is a huge issue which is rarely considered. It's a problem which affects the elderly (widows and widowers) on a large scale, but isn't confined to them. Ironically, it's the big cities, where people are most numerous, that can be loneliest, because often the sense of community that exists in smaller places isn't present. It's easy to get lost amongst a huge crowd. This sense of isolation has been exacerbated for many recently, due to lockdown.

You and your da can get your bets oan the morra :agree:

[Pretty Boy]

Loneliness is a huge issue which is rarely considered. It's a problem which affects the elderly (widows and widowers) on a large scale, but isn't confined to them. Ironically, it's the big cities, where people are most numerous, that can be loneliest, because often the sense of community that exists in smaller places isn't present. It's easy to get lost amongst a huge crowd. This sense of isolation has been exacerbated for many recently, due to lockdown.

You and your da can get your bets oan the morra :agree:

The thing with loneliness is there is some studies that suggest it is more prevalent among the young than the elderly.

I think social media excaberates that in a lot of ways. So many people give the impression of having the perfect life that it creates a false sense of reality that is impossible to measure up to. In an age of remote everything, amplified by an ongoing lockdown, it's so easy to become disconnected and excluded from society.

I worry about the looming mental health crisis that is on the horizon. I think we sometimes downplay how much of a lifeline pubs and clubs, community centres, churches, libraries and so on are for people who are otherwise alone.

[stoneyburn hibs]

I've been humbled reading this thread the last few days.
Truely hope every brave soul that has shared their horrible experiences with us can somehow keep finding some sort of light in their mental struggles.

It takes a lot to share what you have.

Peace and love to fellow Hibbies.

[Hibernia&Alba]

The thing with loneliness is there is some studies that suggest it is more prevalent among the young than the elderly.

I think social media excaberates that in a lot of ways. So many people give the impression of having the perfect life that it creates a false sense of reality that is impossible to measure up to. In an age of remote everything, amplified by an ongoing lockdown, it's so easy to become disconnected and excluded from society.

I worry about the looming mental health crisis that is on the horizon. I think we sometimes downplay how much of a lifeline pubs and clubs, community centres, churches, libraries and so on are for people who are otherwise alone.

Interesting point which may well have merit, as online 'friendships' (and he we are on .net) are no substitute for real human relationships based upon mutual understanding. However, and conversely, they can offer an outlet for some who lack such relationships, thus helping them in a way which didn't exist in the pre-internet era. I suppose it's a double edged sword, sometimes negative and sometimes positive, depending on the person.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

The thing with loneliness is there is some studies that suggest it is more prevalent among the young than the elderly.

I think social media excaberates that in a lot of ways. So many people give the impression of having the perfect life that it creates a false sense of reality that is impossible to measure up to. In an age of remote everything, amplified by an ongoing lockdown, it's so easy to become disconnected and excluded from society.

I worry about the looming mental health crisis that is on the horizon. I think we sometimes downplay how much of a lifeline pubs and clubs, community centres, churches, libraries and so on are for people who are otherwise alone.

PB - you're final paragraph rings true for me, I don't have a lot of experience of living on my own, one thing I will say though is, it's not much fun.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Loneliness is a huge issue which is rarely considered. It's a problem which affects the elderly (widows and widowers) on a large scale, but isn't confined to them. Ironically, it's the big cities, where people are most numerous, that can be loneliest, because often the sense of community that exists in smaller places isn't present. It's easy to get lost amongst a huge crowd. This sense of isolation has been exacerbated for many recently, due to lockdown.

You and your da can get your bets oan the morra :agree:

I hope he has a few tips when he returns.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

I'm going to have a Northern Soul YouTube frenzy after this Watford game is finished, should cheer me up a bit. 😎

[stu in nottingham]

I'm going to have a Northern Soul YouTube frenzy after this Watford game is finished, should cheer me up a bit. 😎

What better way to give yourself a lift, Hutchy?

Keep The Faith

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

What better way to give yourself a lift, Hutchy?

Keep The Faith

I'm now onto 80s foreign tunes! Opus, Kaoma etc! 😀

Scorpions not cheering me up much. Might be time for Joe le taxi.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Brother Louie then bed time!

[Vault Boy]

My second full day on holiday in Antalya and I have to say it’s done wonders for my state of mind. Generally just sat by myself listening to music in 37 degree heat. You could argue that I’m bored but when I think about, I’m just sat there without thinking any negative thoughts. There’s no real positive thoughts either in fairness but I’m largely on a lounger just staring ahead and, dare I say at peace.

Time and money permitting, I’d recommend it to those who just need to get away and spend a bit of time on their own.

Fingers crossed I fly back to Edinburgh with a renewed sense of vigour.

Ayy that's so good to hear PH! Sounds like bliss, particularly during this time that the UK starts getting chilly again. Really positive stuff that travelling/holidays are something you now know you're able to enjoy independently too, IIRC you said you hadn't really done it before, significant marker that.

Take care and have fun! Very jealous. 😁

[wpj]

PB - you're final paragraph rings true for me, I don't have a lot of experience of living on my own, one thing I will say though is, it's not much fun.

That's interesting, I function better on my own. That's not to say I sometimes get lonely but mostly I prefer my own company.
I have posted on here my health issues both mental and physically. The last few months has been really tough but family and friends have (literally as I live in Cambridge) gone out of their way to help. I have also had loads of support from NHS, social services, GP, and many more so while I do live alone I haven't been lonely.
Long story short there will be major changes over the next year or so, mostly positive but there will be challenges that go with that which I will deal with as and when, I have to!
Biggest thing I am dealing with is not having seen my wee girl (5) for months now and that's really tough. Even the facetime sessions appear to have stopped. I will try again, everyday, you all take care
W

[SideBurns]

There's a wee series on BBC4 the now called: 'Mindful Escapes: Breathe, Release, Restore'

I've just watched episode 2, and found it a relaxing way to spend 30 minutes. It uses images from the natural world, with commentary from a mindfulness practitioner. Thought it wouldn't do any harm to bring it to the attention of those using this thread.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Ayy that's so good to hear PH! Sounds like bliss, particularly during this time that the UK starts getting chilly again. Really positive stuff that travelling/holidays are something you now know you're able to enjoy independently too, IIRC you said you hadn't really done it before, significant marker that.

Take care and have fun! Very jealous. 😁

Had a good couple of days where I was just pretty much in the moment. Wasn’t looking ahead or behind, nothing negative or positive; just chilling by the pool listening to music.

Until last night where my mate messaged a screenshot of my ex who is now back on tinder. So much for needing to be on her own and be single for a long while! I won’t lie, my heart stopped when I saw it. Disbelief, pain and then anger. It went through me like an absolute knife to the point I had friends and family phoning me constantly to make sure I’m ok given in thousands of miles from home on my own.

Women can be ****ing despicable sometimes. It’s actually disgusting behaviour.

[stu in nottingham]

Had a good couple of days where I was just pretty much in the moment. Wasn’t looking ahead or behind, nothing negative or positive; just chilling by the pool listening to music.

That sounds like EXACTLY what you need right now PH. It's very mindfulness-like. Maybe you can pursue something that provides a similar feeling to a degree now you're back home, using those methods?



Until last night where my mate messaged a screenshot of my ex who is now back on tinder. So much for needing to be on her own and be single for a long while! I won’t lie, my heart stopped when I saw it. Disbelief, pain and then anger. It went through me like an absolute knife to the point I had friends and family phoning me constantly to make sure I’m ok given in thousands of miles from home on my own.

Women can be ****ing despicable sometimes. It’s actually disgusting behaviour.

That is a horrible thing for you have to tolerate at this time, I'm really sorry. I'm certain your friend meant well but maybe sending you a screen grab of that is not very helpful at this time. It would be unnatural that you didn't want to see it, out of curiosity. I think the great temptation is to look at these things over and over and it can be really punishing. A little like staying connected on social media. I wonder if you would feel able to delete this and ask that no more information about that is forwarded to you?

[Pedantic_Hibee]

That sounds like EXACTLY what you need right now PH. It's very mindfulness-like. Maybe you can pursue something that provides a similar feeling to a degree now you're back home, using those methods?



That is a horrible thing for you have to tolerate at this time, I'm really sorry. I'm certain your friend meant well but maybe sending you a screen grab of that is not very helpful at this time. It would be unnatural that you didn't want to see it, out of curiosity. I think the great temptation is to look at these things over and over and it can be really punishing. A little like staying connected on social media. I wonder if you would feel able to delete this and ask that no more information about that is forwarded to you?

Anger took over. I’m well shot off her. My mates are well meaning, one of them has already tried to set me up with someone to dull the pain 🙈

It hit me extremely hard last night and this morning but I’ve let it pass. It is what it is, I now know I can do so much better than her. Absolute fraud.

[stu in nottingham]

Anger took over. I’m well shot off her. My mates are well meaning, one of them has already tried to set me up with someone to dull the pain 🙈

It hit me extremely hard last night and this morning but I’ve let it pass. It is what it is, I now know I can do so much better than her. Absolute fraud.

Good for you mate. Yes, I know people mean well. Listen to yourself on this, you've more than shown here that you can and will deal with this situation.

[Hermit Crab]

If someone is suicidal can they check themselves into hospital for treatment or would they get turned away?

[bigwheel]

If someone is suicidal can they check themselves into hospital for treatment or would they get turned away?

Don’t know HC. Samaritans would - tel number: 116123.


Hope you are OK big man ....

[Pretty Boy]

If someone is suicidal can they check themselves into hospital for treatment or would they get turned away?

If they presented at A&E they would be assessed and seen. Some A&Es have an emergency psychiatric team on site, otherwise they should be able to call in a crisis team.

111, The Samaritans, Calm etc are other options.

[stu in nottingham]

If someone is suicidal can they check themselves into hospital for treatment or would they get turned away?

You will never be turned away If you express suicidal feelings. Here we have mental health crisis teams which are comprised of mh nurses, a psychiatrist , social workers and so on.

This sounds similar.
https://services.nhslothian.scot/MentalHealthAssessmentService/Pages/default.aspx

Please don’t hesitate if you feel you need help HC. Here to talk also if you need it mate.

[Chuck Rhoades]

Firstly, thanks to the admin team for their support with posting this.

I have been both saddened and humbled to read the increasing number of stories in this thread. It’s important we keep talking as there is still too much stigma surrounding this topic.

I am embarking on 45km walk across 4 days during September starting on the 18th as part of Lloyds Banking Group’s “Walk The Talk” fundraising initiative to help raise money for our charity partner, Mental Health UK. The walk will include climbing 3 Munros on Saturday in the Cairngorms.

My team expect to raise thousands of pounds for the charity and I have set a personal goal of £750 which has already been surpassed.

Mental Health UK is here for anyone experiencing a mental health problem. They are made up of four organisations based in each of the four nations of the UK, working together to improve mental health. Charity Registration No. 1170815

It’s tough at the moment and we are all living in strange times. Please do not feel obliged to donate, but if you are supportive and financially able to your contribution will be greatly appreciated. LBG will double whatever I raise through matched giving.

I have personally seen first hand how this charity has supported members of my team with their own mental health and wellness challenges.

Cheers and look forward to keeping you updated on how I tackle the 45km!

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/rossvincent90

Ross

[DaveF]

If someone is suicidal can they check themselves into hospital for treatment or would they get turned away?

Hope you have got or are getting the help you need.

[Hibernia&Alba]

If someone is suicidal can they check themselves into hospital for treatment or would they get turned away?

I'm assuming you mean yourself HC (apologies if not) and there is good advice from others posted above. A hospital would not turn you away; they have a duty of care to all patients who present themselves. I really hope you can start to feel better soon; it must be hell. Keep in touch on here, if you can, and let us know how you're getting on. All the best.

[GreenNWhiteArmy]

I'd deliberated over posting this, due to the incredible bravery and subsequent support posters have been giving. It'd been such a powerful read the last few days and I would encourage anyone and everyone to continue sharing

I mentioned last week I was awaiting results from Vitamin D test that I done independently after listening to an incredible podcast on the impact it can have.

Results come back that I have a deficiency, almost half of what the professionals deem to be a "normal" level. As such I've significantly upped my dose and probably haven't been feeling as lethargic - that is one of the key drivers for my depression so i'm hopeful that it continues in such a manner.

I'd recommend the test to anyone that either doesn't know their level or should you display the symptoms of a deficiency

[Smartie]

I'd deliberated over posting this, due to the incredible bravery and subsequent support posters have been giving. It'd been such a powerful read the last few days and I would encourage anyone and everyone to continue sharing

I mentioned last week I was awaiting results from Vitamin D test that I done independently after listening to an incredible podcast on the impact it can have.

Results come back that I have a deficiency, almost half of what the professionals deem to be a "normal" level. As such I've significantly upped my dose and probably haven't been feeling as lethargic - that is one of the key drivers for my depression so i'm hopeful that it continues in such a manner.

I'd recommend the test to anyone that either doesn't know their level or should you display the symptoms of a deficiency

Where did you get the test done?

[GreenNWhiteArmy]

Where did you get the test done?

https://www.cerascreen.co.uk/

they have an app you can download where you can obtain your detailed results

[stu in nottingham]

Perhaps some here have come across fellow Hibby, Darren Phil Thomson's story, interviews and videos. I felt this was a pretty brave and open one talking about depression, anxiety and suicide in a very open way. I think it deserves a hearing here. He can also be found on Facebook and the Inside Easter Road Facebook page. Well done Darren.

<strong>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmklcYHdbsc&amp;feature=youtu.be&amp;fbclid=IwAR1I GeAHgOSbXI0lzjV0i6J3xCNOm8nty044M0keI_kWkcidKNqC_2 L8njE

[lord bunberry]

I’m lying here like I do every night thinking of ways to die, I hate myself.

[Mibbes Aye]

I’m lying here like I do every night thinking of ways to die, I hate myself.

Talk it out. I will listen/read and so will others. It is better for sharing though it isn’t a guarantee to make things better. But it definitely won’t make things worse, I am convinced of that.

PM if you prefer but I get the sense there is something really cathartic for folk just sharing how they feel on here. Nobody will be judging or hamfistedly offering ‘solutions’.

[Jones28]

I’m lying here like I do every night thinking of ways to die, I hate myself.

Talk to someone mate, anyone.

The Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I’m lying here like I do every night thinking of ways to die, I hate myself.

Let it all out, mate. Speaking up makes a world of difference.

[lord bunberry]

Talk it out. I will listen/read and so will others. It is better for sharing though it isn’t a guarantee to make things better. But it definitely won’t make things worse, I am convinced of that.

PM if you prefer but I get the sense there is something really cathartic for folk just sharing how they feel on here. Nobody will be judging or hamfistedly offering ‘solutions’.


Talk to someone mate, anyone.

The Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123


Let it all out, mate. Speaking up makes a world of difference.
Thanks for the replies. This whole pandemic thing is really getting me down and the thought of more lockdowns makes things worse. Strangely at the beginning I coped really well, but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Work is really quiet and finding a new job that’s right for me is difficult, I don’t want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Sometimes I just need a win, something good to happen in my life to give me a lift. Reading this thread definitely helps, thanks and best wishes to everyone who’s contributed.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Thanks for the replies. This whole pandemic thing is really getting me down and the thought of more lockdowns makes things worse. Strangely at the beginning I coped really well, but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Work is really quiet and finding a new job that’s right for me is difficult, I don’t want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Sometimes I just need a win, something good to happen in my life to give me a lift. Reading this thread definitely helps, thanks and best wishes to everyone who’s contributed.

One day at a time. Just make sure you make tomorrow 👍🏻

[Mibbes Aye]

Thanks for the replies. This whole pandemic thing is really getting me down and the thought of more lockdowns makes things worse. Strangely at the beginning I coped really well, but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Work is really quiet and finding a new job that’s right for me is difficult, I don’t want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Sometimes I just need a win, something good to happen in my life to give me a lift. Reading this thread definitely helps, thanks and best wishes to everyone who’s contributed.

I would say your previous post was a win. Being very honest about how you are feeling in a very public forum. That's a big thing to do, and something many people could not manage.

[One Day Soon]

Thanks for the replies. This whole pandemic thing is really getting me down and the thought of more lockdowns makes things worse. Strangely at the beginning I coped really well, but the longer it goes on the worse I feel and it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Work is really quiet and finding a new job that’s right for me is difficult, I don’t want to jump out of the frying pan into the fire. Sometimes I just need a win, something good to happen in my life to give me a lift. Reading this thread definitely helps, thanks and best wishes to everyone who’s contributed.


Not sure if it will help at all but I think that many of us are feeling the same way at different stages of this pandemic. Some days I'm up and others I'm down and often it's really hard to work out why. I think maybe the strange mixture of sort of suspended animation combined with the completely open-ended nature of the whole thing is what is really difficult to accept. It's like the most concentrated form of uncertainty there is. And when almost every day is very similar it just becomes more and more disorienting. Even my usual mantra of Eat Move Sleep isn't shaking this, though I'm finding that escaping into books and reading for escapism is helping a bit.

[Mibbes Aye]

Not sure if it will help at all but I think that many of us are feeling the same way at different stages of this pandemic. Some days I'm up and others I'm down and often it's really hard to work out why. I think maybe the strange mixture of sort of suspended animation combined with the completely open-ended nature of the whole thing is what is really difficult to accept. It's like the most concentrated form of uncertainty there is. And when almost every day is very similar it just becomes more and more disorienting. Even my usual mantra of Eat Move Sleep isn't shaking this, though I'm finding that escaping into books and reading for escapism is helping a bit.

Good post. I have fluctuated with being up and down, mostly up, but sometimes it feels challenging. Routine has helped, but we are under strict instructions to only work from home for the foreseeable and it is weird. We always did a percentage of home working anyway, but that was mixed with travel across Scotland with work. Trying to instill a five-day routine at home is difficult, especially when work is peaks and troughs - very concentrated spells of being busy, a couple of days when there is nothing much going on.

I think your point about the uncertainty is key. I am firmly believing that we are on the up-slope of a second wave. I think restrictions will come in, or back in. I think they will have an impact but I think that we will hit a third wave after Christmas and New Year. Some possible amelioration as we move into the early months of 2021 but we all know Scotland can have very cold snaps all the way to April, and they exacerbate the virus. Plus increased public weariness of complying with public health advice, which is entirely to be expected.

I think the need and demand for emotional and psychological support, whether formal or informal will go through the roof as we hit December and January.

[Pretty Boy]

The thing I find hardest about this whole situation is the feeling that it is both totally out of my control and that I feel uninformed.

On the 2nd point it's often said we should listen to the experts, the problem being there are hundreds of experts and many of them have different interpretations of the science and countless ideas about how this will all play out. You can read multiple takes that all seem to make sense but all completely contradict each other at the same time.

On the 1st point I posted the other day about feeling under constant stress at the moment. My job is hanging by a thread and I do appreciate I am in a better situation than some but it's still a huge worry. I am also approaching the point where I am going to have to have a difficult conversation with my fiance about our wedding in April. She is still in denial about the whole thing whilst I have resigned myself to it not happening. Every time I try to raise the subject it just ends up in a tense conversation that is shut down immediately and then things are frosty for a while afterwards. Add to that I'm somewhat aware of the threat of the virus itself to the health if myself and my family (although I do find myself surprisingly rational about it). I then feel guilty that it isn't my primary concern and that I find myself worrying more about money, a job and so on.

I find it increasingly hard to sleep, I am irritable and argumentative and I'm withdrawing into myself. I daresay I am one of many feeling like this.

[Mibbes Aye]

The thing I find hardest about this whole situation is the feeling that it is both totally out of my control and that I feel uninformed.

On the 2nd point it's often said we should listen to the experts, the problem being there are hundreds of experts and many of them have different interpretations of the science and countless ideas about how this will all play out. You can read multiple takes that all seem to make sense but all completely contradict each other at the same time.

On the 1st point I posted the other day about feeling under constant stress at the moment. My job is hanging by a thread and I do appreciate I am in a better situation than some but it's still a huge worry. I am also approaching the point where I am going to have to have a difficult conversation with my fiance about our wedding in April. She is still in denial about the whole thing whilst I have resigned myself to it not happening. Every time I try to raise the subject it just ends up in a tense conversation that is shut down immediately and then things are frosty for a while afterwards. Add to that I'm somewhat aware of the threat of the virus itself to the health if myself and my family (although I do find myself surprisingly rational about it). I then feel guilty that it isn't my primary concern and that I find myself worrying more about money, a job and so on.

I find it increasingly hard to sleep, I am irritable and argumentative and I'm withdrawing into myself. I daresay I am one of many feeling like this.

I think you are right.

My sympathies about the wedding situation - the preparation is a psychodrama at the best of times, let alone in current circumstances.

[One Day Soon]

The thing I find hardest about this whole situation is the feeling that it is both totally out of my control and that I feel uninformed.

On the 2nd point it's often said we should listen to the experts, the problem being there are hundreds of experts and many of them have different interpretations of the science and countless ideas about how this will all play out. You can read multiple takes that all seem to make sense but all completely contradict each other at the same time.

On the 1st point I posted the other day about feeling under constant stress at the moment. My job is hanging by a thread and I do appreciate I am in a better situation than some but it's still a huge worry. I am also approaching the point where I am going to have to have a difficult conversation with my fiance about our wedding in April. She is still in denial about the whole thing whilst I have resigned myself to it not happening. Every time I try to raise the subject it just ends up in a tense conversation that is shut down immediately and then things are frosty for a while afterwards. Add to that I'm somewhat aware of the threat of the virus itself to the health if myself and my family (although I do find myself surprisingly rational about it). I then feel guilty that it isn't my primary concern and that I find myself worrying more about money, a job and so on.

I find it increasingly hard to sleep, I am irritable and argumentative and I'm withdrawing into myself. I daresay I am one of many feeling like this.


That's grim PB. The chances of a wedding going ahead in April on a normal basis are I think very slim. No problem if you are looking at postponing something that is just about you such as a holiday or whatever but getting that one nailed when there is a fiance in denial involved will be tricky. I get you completely on the withdrawing into yourself - me too. As for becoming more argumentative I daresay there are some on here who would think I already was just that pre-covid but I have no doubt I am now on a much shorter fuse irritation wise.

Perhaps the most worrying thing is the extent to which almost everything seems in my head to have been drained of urgency. It's a bit like trying to drive a car with the steering wheel removed half of the time.

[Keith_M]

...
I find it increasingly hard to sleep, I am irritable and argumentative and I'm withdrawing into myself. I daresay I am one of many feeling like this.


:agree:

You are indeed.

It's a very difficult time for a lot of people and quite a lot of my colleagues are showing visible signs of stress (snapping at people on our Zoom meetings, followed by a later apology, being a regular occurrence). That's from people whose jobs aren't at risk so it's much worse for those that don't know if they'll still have a job by the end of the year.

Regarding the wedding: I really feel for you mate and I hope the two of you can sort something out.

My niece had to cancel her wedding arrangements, after putting in a lot of planning, and it must have been a real disappointment. They decided to go ahead at a later date with very limited numbers and plan to have a big reception on their first anniversary next year.

[lord bunberry]

Can I just say thank you to everyone who replied and got in touch after I posted the other night. My struggle is constant and I know that many of you feel that struggle, but this thread shows that we don’t have to face it alone. We won’t always be on top form, but we can certainly help each other when we’re not.

[Mibbes Aye]

Can I just say thank you to everyone who replied and got in touch after I posted the other night. My struggle is constant and I know that many of you feel that struggle, but this thread shows that we don’t have to face it alone. We won’t always be on top form, but we can certainly help each other when we’re not.

Someone will always be there, of that I am sure. Might not be instant, but someone will show, and want to listen, I am convinced of that.

[stu in nottingham]

I had wondered how people on here are faring at this time? Without turning this into a COVID-19 thread, it's been a difficult few days for many with a barrage of coverage about the pandemic and restrictions and quite a lot of confusion. With the attendant uncertainly potentially exacerbating anxiety.

Whilst tending to stay well-informed, I find limiting, to a degree, my intake of news and chat about it helpful.

[CropleyWasGod]

I had wondered how people on here are faring at this time? Without turning this into a COVID-19 thread, it's been a difficult few days for many with a barrage of coverage about the pandemic and restrictions and quite a lot of confusion. With the attendant uncertainly potentially exacerbating anxiety.

Whilst tending to stay well-informed, I find limiting, to a degree, my intake of news and chat about it helpful.

I'm with you, but steering clear of the media is a discipline in itself that might be beyond us if we're feeling anxious.

Limiting one's exposure to a few outlets and,dare I say it, threads like this, can be a good habit to have. Like all habits, the more one does it, the harder it is to break

[Hermit Crab]

This might sound stupid but Gold Radio is keeping my spirits high just now. 50's, 60's 70's and 80's music. Brilliant

[CropleyWasGod]

This might sound stupid but Gold Radio is keeping my spirits high just now. 50's, 60's 70's and 80's music. Brilliant

Doesn't sound stupid at all, mate.

Find what works for you, and keep doing it.

[Just Alf]

This might sound stupid but Gold Radio is keeping my spirits high just now. 50's, 60's 70's and 80's music. BrilliantCheers HC will give it a try, I use the Radio Garden app and just saved it as a favourite... I can lose hours trawling station across the globe on it.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[Hermit Crab]

Cheers HC will give it a try, I use the Radio Garden app and just saved it as a favourite... I can lose hours trawling station across the globe on it.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk


That's an amazing app. :agree: Gold Radio is digital only by the way. Will have it on during my nightshift tonight.

[Smartie]

This might sound stupid but Gold Radio is keeping my spirits high just now. 50's, 60's 70's and 80's music. Brilliant

Music has a massive impact on my mood.

It needs to be loud, and I need to be on my own.

Honestly, if just breathes life into me.

When I feel my self slipping into a bit of a funk, that is normally one of the quickest and easiest ways to arrest the slide.



It’s something that hasn’t really happened for me for a while but discovering new music (not necessarily new, often it is old, but new to me) is one of the most uplifting things imaginable.


Glad to see a positive post mate, I was saddened (as everyone was) to hear you were having a tough time.

[stu in nottingham]

I'm with you, but steering clear of the media is a discipline in itself that might be beyond us if we're feeling anxious.

Limiting one's exposure to a few outlets and,dare I say it, threads like this, can be a good habit to have. Like all habits, the more one does it, the harder it is to break

I agree with you, it's not easy. I find I tire and become overloaded with it at a certain point though. It's also easy to become angry about something here that we essentially only have so much control over. Thnking of one or two friends in that respect. I find it more helpful trying to focus a bit more on acceptance generally.

For access, well, popping on this thread here and there, a few headline stories on the BBC etc. maybe. Not so much social media which can be a bit exhausting.

[SteveHFC]

Cheers HC will give it a try, I use the Radio Garden app and just saved it as a favourite... I can lose hours trawling station across the globe on it.

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

Will give the app a try mate.

Listening to music especially the older stuff makes me feel happy if I’m ever feeling down.

[Just Alf]

Will give the app a try mate.

Listening to music especially the older stuff makes me feel happy if I’m ever feeling down.As HC and the guys have said, music really helps me as well, with Radio Garden I love scrolling the little globe and zooming into little local stations in Honolulu etc!


Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

[stu in nottingham]

As HC and the guys have said, music really helps me as well, with Radio Garden I love scrolling the little globe and zooming into little local stations in Honolulu etc!


Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

Just started using this app again after reading fter reading about it here, it really is quite brilliant. Popped over to Cagliari and Napoli in Italy last night after a short round trip of a few thousand miles over to Vancouver and Edmonton CA.

Music is such a powerful trigger. I am with those who like to more often listen to upbeat and uptempo music and finds this lifts me. Since losing my partner a few years ago I've been very careful about more emotional and plaintive songs. In those early dark days I'd have the radio on for company but immediately switch it off if any song triggered my grief. In exceptional circumstances I would still do the same should a tune start to make me too introspective or lower my mood.

[matty_f]

This might sound stupid but Gold Radio is keeping my spirits high just now. 50's, 60's 70's and 80's music. Brilliant

That’s not stupid at all. For context, i rely heavily on my Xbox for keeping me level regularly, if i can lose myself in that for even half an houri find it much easier to let go of the things that are bothering me.

Folk might think that’s ridiculous but it works for me so I’ll keep doing it.

[pollution]

The recommendation of Garden Radio here is inspiring, globetrotting and listening to different accents and styles.

Thanks to whoever mentioned it.

[stu in nottingham]

I thought this was an interesting read, timely too. Dealing with a long, dark winter by framing it in a Norwegian mindset.

https://amp.theguardian.com/science/2020/sep/26/dreading-a-dark-winter-lockdown-think-like-a-norwegian

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I need to get my **** together. I’ve had a week in Turkey and since then I’ve just drank more than I should and just existed. I need to knuckle down starting from today. First things first, I need a job and that’s no mean feat in this market.

If any of you guys know of anyone needing an all rounder let me know. 22 years spent across payroll, pensions, recruitment, the building trade and latterly the food industry. I haven’t got one defined skill/trade but I’m very well organised, excellent communication skills both written and verbally. Confident in front of others, very customer focused and a good character to have around.

There’s my pitch 😂

[Since90+2]

I need to get my **** together. I’ve had a week in Turkey and since then I’ve just drank more than I should and just existed. I need to knuckle down starting from today. First things first, I need a job and that’s no mean feat in this market.

If any of you guys know of anyone needing an all rounder let me know. 22 years spent across payroll, pensions, recruitment, the building trade and latterly the food industry. I haven’t got one defined skill/trade but I’m very well organised, excellent communication skills both written and verbally. Confident in front of others, very customer focused and a good character to have around.

There’s my pitch 😂

Not sure if it would suit but I know HMRC and Standard Life are both recruiting at the moment. Good luck if you do apply.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Not sure if it would suit but I know HMRC and Standard Life are both recruiting at the moment. Good luck if you do apply.

I’ll get right in and about that this morning. Thanks for the heads up 👍🏻

[Jones28]

I thought this was an interesting read, timely too. Dealing with a long, dark winter by framing it in a Norwegian mindset.

https://amp.theguardian.com/science/2020/sep/26/dreading-a-dark-winter-lockdown-think-like-a-norwegian


I enjoyed that. I felt myself feeling a bit down in the summer/autumn transitional months last year, so I will bear this in mind. Thanks for sharing.

[Pagan Hibernia]

I enjoyed that. I felt myself feeling a bit down in the summer/autumn transitional months last year, so I will bear this in mind. Thanks for sharing.

lots of people do. The transition to autumn and the dark half of the year is always difficult and affects a lot of people

[Sir David Gray]

lots of people do. The transition to autumn and the dark half of the year is always difficult and affects a lot of people

Yep definitely. I know I struggle badly with the reduction in daylight hours and I am affected by SAD syndrome. The added effects of the pandemic is heightening those feelings.

I honestly don't know how I would cope in somewhere like Tromso with not seeing any daylight at all for 2 months so fair play to those people who are able to see the positives.

[Pagan Hibernia]

Yep definitely. I know I struggle badly with the reduction in daylight hours and I am affected by SAD syndrome. The added effects of the pandemic is heightening those feelings.

I honestly don't know how I would cope in somewhere like Tromso with not seeing any daylight at all for 2 months so fair play to those people who are able to see the positives.

I visited tromso for a couple of days around Christmas time a few years ago. The perennial darkness and gloom was strange, I just couldn’t get my head around it

[Pretty Boy]

I love the transition into autumn. Crisp mornings, low sunshine and nice colours.

I despise winter with a passion though. The lack of daylight and the general gloom that pervades everywhere gets to me. No one seems happy in winter and that rubs off on me.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Just downloaded Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude; hoping that will give me an extra wee boost.

[CropleyWasGod]

Has anyone tried plant medicine, such as Ayahuasca, or Ketamine to help with their issues?

[Dalianwanda]

Has anyone tried plant medicine, such as Ayahuasca, or Ketamine to help with their issues?

I’ve been ito a few talks about current work being done and the success rate. I tried micro dosing lsd for a week but that was more to do with seeing if it would open things up to allow me to be more creative. Didn’t notice anything different. My friends involved in a psilocybin retreat i’d be interested in going to but with the current situation i can’t get to one (in holland)

[CropleyWasGod]

I’ve been ito a few talks about current work being done and the success rate. I tried micro dosing lsd for a week but that was more to do with seeing if it would open things up to allow me to be more creative. Didn’t notice anything different. My friends involved in a psilocybin retreat i’d be interested in going to but with the current situation i can’t get to one (in holland)

Someone close to me is a shamanic healer, and is obviously a deep believer in plant medicine. I haven't felt "The call" yet, and not sure I will. Any curiosity I have is cancelled out by the fear of a bad experience.

You'll know this, I'm sure, but there's a growing body of evidence to support the use of Ketamine in treating depression.

Society needs to have a grown-up conversation about these things, and their potential uses, without the emotional "drugs are bad" reaction kicking in.

Don't know if you've seen it, but there's a series on Netflix called Unwell, which looks at various aspects of "The Wellness Industry". The one on ayahuasca is fascinating, from a scientific and an anecdotal point of view.

[Mon Dieu4]

Someone close to me is a shamanic healer, and is obviously a deep believer in plant medicine. I haven't felt "The call" yet, and not sure I will. Any curiosity I have is cancelled out by the fear of a bad experience.

You'll know this, I'm sure, but there's a growing body of evidence to support the use of Ketamine in treating depression.

Society needs to have a grown-up conversation about these things, and their potential uses, without the emotional "drugs are bad" reaction kicking in.

Don't know if you've seen it, but there's a series on Netflix called Unwell, which looks at various aspects of "The Wellness Industry". The one on ayahuasca is fascinating, from a scientific and an anecdotal point of view.

There is lots of evidence coming out that different psychedelics can help with all kind of things like depression, anxiety,PTSD and believe it or not opioid addiction, nothing should be taboo in trying to help people out in my opinion

[Dalianwanda]

Someone close to me is a shamanic healer, and is obviously a deep believer in plant medicine. I haven't felt "The call" yet, and not sure I will. Any curiosity I have is cancelled out by the fear of a bad experience.

You'll know this, I'm sure, but there's a growing body of evidence to support the use of Ketamine in treating depression.

Society needs to have a grown-up conversation about these things, and their potential uses, without the emotional "drugs are bad" reaction kicking in.

Don't know if you've seen it, but there's a series on Netflix called Unwell, which looks at various aspects of "The Wellness Industry". The one on ayahuasca is fascinating, from a scientific and an anecdotal point of view.
The talks a was at most recently was all about psychedelics and healing. It was interesting in terms of the success some drugs had in some areas. He specifically mentioned ketamine and the medication being tested. I went along completely naive thinking it was the stuff you’d get on the dark web not official medication for specific reasons :-)

I think your right to hold off...If it feels right you will know.

I tried DMT a few times last year which is closely related to ayahuasca. Not to get ‘mad out of it’ but just a genuine curiosity of how limited our experience is and what else is there. I held off for ages till i’d learnt enough about it to be comfortable with it. I meditate for 30mins or so and pick a nice place to do it and a friend to watch over me and me to watch them (it only lasts a 10mins or so) I found it amazing though i wouldn’t recommend to everyone. Powerful stuff in many ways.

I did watch that one but i might re watch as can’t really remember it. That tourist trap approach didn’t appeal although i’ve heard there’s a couple of underground practitioners in ireland.

Certainly anything done to aid depression, past trauma etc needs to be done with an expert watching over you and in the right conditions.

This was the retreat facilitator i was thinking of joining https://inwardbound.nl/

[Pretty Boy]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

[Mon Dieu4]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

You can't let that kinda thought start to sink in bud, I know it's easier said than done, there was absolutely nothing you could have done about this and it's totally out your hands, I don't have anything succinct or wise to say to you on the subject unfortunately but I'm sure your family appreciate all you have done for them and will continue to do in the future!

A friend of mine was recently made redundant and he used it as the push he had been needing to set out and work for himself as he'd been thinking about it for years, it's scary just now but I'm sure once things start to make a bit more sense that you will be flying in no time, try to keep the heid up

[RitchieHibs]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

Don't feel like that mate. Its not a competition. Life is for all of us not just the so called 'providers'. We've been led to believe that capitalism is the be all and end all. Lets take a deep breath and reset our needs. Its not your fault or my fault or anybody's fault a horrible virus has occurred. Your family really really needs you to stay strong and adapt. We'll all get through it, no doubt about that.

[bigwheel]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

PB. So sorry to hear that’s what you are going through...I realise it will feel really tough for you, but those colleagues and your loved ones will have deep respect for you - even if it doesn’t feel like that today...just take it one step at a time and you will grow out of this...loads of us here, who don’t even know you are right behind you...if you fancy a fitba chat, or just a blether, feel free to drop me a pm...one day at a time [emoji119]


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[Mibbes Aye]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

You're not worthless. I've never met you but I believe that.

[RitchieHibs]

PB. So sorry to hear that’s what you are going through...I realise it will feel really tough for you, but those colleagues and your loved ones will have deep respect for you - even if it doesn’t feel like that today...just take it one step at a time and you will grow out of this...loads of us here, who don’t even know you are right behind you...if you fancy a fitba chat, or just a blether, feel free to drop me a pm...one day at a time [emoji119]


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:top marks

Its a time to get angry at the billionaires and other selfish free loading oligarchs who use up most of the resources on our planet. These self serving b stards are the reason we're in this quandary. Its time to get real and call for genuine change that benefits the folk at the sharp end. Lets achieve independence and look after the folk not the billionaire oligarchs like unionist jambo Anderson who throws the odd bone here and there at Scottish fitbaw. Lets get rid of the super rich who treat folk as slaves and minions.

[stu in nottingham]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

I'm really sorry mate. I understand too that nothing anybody says right now is going to make it feel better, it's an emotional time. Please cut yourself a bit of slack here and just give yourself the time to take stock. I won't downplay what you're probably going though but safe to say, you are no failure, clearly you are not. You're clearly a guy with lots of ability and qualities and these will stand you in good stead. I feel sure anyone on here would echo that sentiment.

Perhaps the best thing that any of us on here can do at the moment though is to lend an ear and tell you we're here to listen. It's somewhere you can get those emotions out. Talk when you are good and ready. I'll count myself among the many who are here to listen when that time comes.

Take care PB.

[One Day Soon]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

Genuinely over the time I have read your posts on here I have always felt you were one of the most grounded, balanced and reasonable people posting. As far as I am concerned you are very far from worthless. I remember struggling for employment in the late 80s and feeling like ****, it is grim. It’s a terrible feeling, but when a tsunami like this overwhelms so many of us there’s no doubt that the cause is external rather than you. Please know that you carry a lot of respect and it’s well merited.

[Itsnoteasy]

:top marks

Its a time to get angry at the billionaires and other selfish free loading oligarchs who use up most of the resources on our planet. These self serving b stards are the reason we're in this quandary. Its time to get real and call for genuine change that benefits the folk at the sharp end. Lets achieve independence and look after the folk not the billionaire oligarchs like unionist jambo Anderson who throws the odd bone here and there at Scottish fitbaw. Lets get rid of the super rich who treat folk as slaves and minions.

Scottish football would have been even worse off if Anderson didn't throw in any bones at all.

The majority of top end sportsmen are also overpaid & rich.

[stoneyburn hibs]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

You are anything but worthless, please don't think like that.
You have a fiancee and child that think the world of you,and no doubt countless others.

You probably don't remember speaking to me , you ran a bus to Hampden and we got into a cricket club before the game (can't remember what game) and it was an excellent pre match venue.
I really appreciated that,you made that happen.

Even small things mate, you are not worthless.

[Bostonhibby]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.Worthless you are not, the very fact that even at this low ebb you were, and still are thinking of others and looking beyond self tells me that you are the opposite.

A valuable help to those around you and an asset that's needed when this starts to turn around. A selfless person is worth a hundred selfish ones, keep your head up.

Sent from my SM-A750FN using Tapatalk

[Dalianwanda]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

"Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me." Your worth doesn't come from these things mate. You are worth way more than any of these (I've missed out contribute to society/look after the family because that doesn't stop because of your current thoughts on it)...Thing is all of these things you have very little control over, like so many of us if we put our worth on these we are putting who we think we are on an ever shifting base. These things come and go in various forms, you are still here. When your not thinking about these things that you equate to your value (what you think your all about)....where do you go?

Im guessing of we go back 5 years, 10 years, 15 years you would see you worth in different ways? How we think about ourselves tells us nothing about ourselves. How we see ourself restricts rather than frees....But its what most of us have been told to do

Have a look in the eyes of your child for a couple of mins....with no want, judgement, need, don't connect with any thoughts just look into their eyes...just breath and connect...without delving into thought is it possible to feel worthless then?

I'll keep this short as you may not be in the space to give it a go yet & I don't want to sound preachy :-)

Goes without saying if you ever fancy a chat just drop me a note....Im around most of the time as only have a few bookings on...

[McD]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.


many have said things far more eloquently than I could, I echo their words, you’re far from worthless mate, if I can lend an ear then please give me a shout

[Sylar]

I went out for a drink tonight after work. After all that the last few months has thrown at us it's literally all myself and my colleagues could do to support the hospitality industry. At ten to 6 the owner or the bar we were in called time and made a short speech about how we will all meet again. He then asked the handful of remaining customers to acknowledge the table I was at.

I'm sure he meant well but it just hammered home how ****ing worthless I am. I went back to work however many months ago with the aim of returning as many of my colleagues to work as I could. Dress it up how you like but myself and the people I work with have failed in that goal. Not only are other people not going to go back to work but I'm getting thrown on the scrapheap as well.

I've always prided myself on doing the absolute minimum to contribute to society. Work, pay tax, look after my family and accept anything else life throws at me. Right now I feel totally worthless because the most basic of things has been robbed from me. Ultimately I have failed to provide for the people I care for most and I feel like they would all be better off without me.

Nah, categorically not. You're a dad to a young kid and a partner. A son, a friend to many, an exceptional poster on here, and possibly even a sibling. You're not defined by your job and your successes/failures therein. You speak passionately on here about helping your colleagues, and fellows in the industry, highlighting just how compassionate a chap you are. That the sector is being pounded once more by the Government doesn't reflect your failings, or your colleague's failings. One or two maybe, that failed to stick to the rules, but I think most elements of society would agree that the current situation is unfair and punishing.

Pretty sure you became a dad around the same time I did, and I've always paid attention to your posts and engagements on here, partly for that reason. We've never met in person but you're genuinely one of the great guys on this site as far as I'm concerned, and you'll see through to the other side. Remember, there are a bunch of outlets if you need to speak to someone and the language in your last post is a little alarming, that perhaps it's something worth considering. If you ever want someone on here to chat to, I'm more than happy to ping you my mobile number and be a neutral and supportive ear if it would benefit you.

Head up, sir. You're far from worthless. :aok:

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Head up, PB. You’re my favourite poster on here and you’ve actually taught me a lot about life purely by your posts.

You offered me an ear a few weeks back and I’m here to return the favour.

Chin up, fella.

[bawheid]

One of the best posters on here. Clearly a good man. Clearly a good colleague. Clearly a good dad. Clearly a loving partner. Clearly not worthless.

[jonty]

Head up, PB. You’re my favourite poster on here and you’ve actually taught me a lot about life purely by your posts.

You offered me an ear a few weeks back and I’m here to return the favour.

Chin up, fella.


One of the best posters on here. Clearly a good man. Clearly a good colleague. Clearly a good dad. Clearly a loving partner. Clearly not worthless.

This PB.

And this is for all my hibs.net family - never, ever feel like people would be better off without you. Its the exact opposite. Just by being there, you fill a space in peoples hearts.

[Pretty Boy]

Thank you for all the kind words and advice. Thanks also to those who have PMd me, I will reply.

Truth is I have been feeling pretty crap for a while. I've been trying to power through but everything has come to a head over the last couple of days. The mix of alcohol, a couple of pretty awful conversations and a few goodbyes yesterday was the trigger for a bit of an outburst. I've not been sleeping well and when I do sleep I am quite often waking suddenly with panic attacks.

Going to the football has always been a bit of an outlet for me and I'm missing that more than I realised. I drive or walk past Easter Road every day going to and from work and I just feel so sad when doing so. I also get a lot out of running but with organised races off the table I'm finding it hard to get out and get motivated.

I'm planning on taking a step back from social media and the like for a while. It's an environment so full of conflict at the moment and constantly arguing isn't doing me any good. I really need to learn to walk away sometimes rather than always having to have my say.

Anyway thank you all once again. This thread has been a godsend for many people over the years and it really is home to some wonderful people.

[Mibbes Aye]

Thank you for all the kind words and advice. Thanks also to those who have PMd me, I will reply.

Truth is I have been feeling pretty crap for a while. I've been trying to power through but everything has come to a head over the last couple of days. The mix of alcohol, a couple of pretty awful conversations and a few goodbyes yesterday was the trigger for a bit of an outburst. I've not been sleeping well and when I do sleep I am quite often waking suddenly with panic attacks.

Going to the football has always been a bit of an outlet for me and I'm missing that more than I realised. I drive or walk past Easter Road every day going to and from work and I just feel so sad when doing so. I also get a lot out of running but with organised races off the table I'm finding it hard to get out and get motivated.

I'm planning on taking a step back from social media and the like for a while. It's an environment so full of conflict at the moment and constantly arguing isn't doing me any good. I really need to learn to walk away sometimes rather than always having to have my say.

Anyway thank you all once again. This thread has been a godsend for many people over the years and it really is home to some wonderful people.

Best wishes to you. I have no doubt you are smart enough to know that talking and sharing is a help, whether that is Samaritans or Breathing Space or whatever. It sounds really trite but feeling able to share how you feel, in a safe way, is incredibly powerful.

Social media is funny. At its best it is a massive force for positive change. At its worst it is toxic and poisonous.

Easter Road should be a positive, sorry it is not. I don’t wish to sound patronising but if you are passing it regularly then make a point of thinking about a particular positive match, goal or experience when you do so.

[Scorrie]

Thank you for all the kind words and advice. Thanks also to those who have PMd me, I will reply.

Truth is I have been feeling pretty crap for a while. I've been trying to power through but everything has come to a head over the last couple of days. The mix of alcohol, a couple of pretty awful conversations and a few goodbyes yesterday was the trigger for a bit of an outburst. I've not been sleeping well and when I do sleep I am quite often waking suddenly with panic attacks.

Going to the football has always been a bit of an outlet for me and I'm missing that more than I realised. I drive or walk past Easter Road every day going to and from work and I just feel so sad when doing so. I also get a lot out of running but with organised races off the table I'm finding it hard to get out and get motivated.

I'm planning on taking a step back from social media and the like for a while. It's an environment so full of conflict at the moment and constantly arguing isn't doing me any good. I really need to learn to walk away sometimes rather than always having to have my say.

Anyway thank you all once again. This thread has been a godsend for many people over the years and it really is home to some wonderful people.

Hope it all gets better for you. I’m sure it will. One thing I did when I really struggle was knock alcohol on the head. Made a huge difference in reducing anxiety and slept better as well. That may help? There’s some really good alcohol free beers out there now if you still want the taste of a pint (like me!) Take care

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.

[stu in nottingham]

Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.

I think writing about your feelings and experiences and feelings can be very therapeutic. Some of my clients write a journal recording these things. I have a blog which has been going for over thirteen years now with hundreds of articles over the years and interaction from readers. There are stats available to you too that tell you about hits, readers and so on so you know what hits the spot so to speak.

Blogs are quite easy to create and if you have fairly rudimentary IT skills such as navigating the internet and using Word you can easily make one for yourself. Signing up walks you through it. I use Wordpress.com as a free host (Wordpress.org is a paid scheme and more sophisticated). Plenty of other good ones are available.

You can make your blog public for all to read or keep it private for your own thoughts.

https://stuartfrew.wordpress.com/

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I think writing about your feelings and experiences and feelings can be very therapeutic. Some of my clients write a journal recording these things. I have a blog which has been going for over thirteen years now with hundreds of articles over the years and interaction from readers. There are stats available to you too that tell you about hits, readers and so on so you know what hits the spot so to speak.

Blogs are quite easy to create and if you have fairly rudimentary IT skills such as navigating the internet and using Word you can easily make one for yourself. Signing up walks you through it. I use Wordpress.com as a free host (Wordpress.org is a paid scheme and more sophisticated). Plenty of other good ones are available.

You can make your blog public for all to read or keep it private for your own thoughts.

https://stuartfrew.wordpress.com/

Thanks, Stu. I was hoping to catch your attention with my post above so thank you for commenting.

Have you monetised your blog or attempted to? It’s obviously not the be all and end all, health before wealth etc but at a time when money is tight I’m looking at avenues to create a side income.

[stu in nottingham]

Thanks, Stu. I was hoping to catch your attention with my post above so thank you for commenting.

Have you monetised your blog or attempted to? It’s obviously not the be all and end all, health before wealth etc but at a time when money is tight I’m looking at avenues to create a side income.

I haven't attempted to make an income from blogging myself as it's just a pleasure and hobby for me but there's a lot of information about it out there for those who would like to. I think some of the usual conventions around encouraging interest in your blog would also apply. Things such as:



Making your own circle of friends, aquaintances and family aware of it to begin with.
Reading other blogs widely and commenting on them
Posting regularly, every day content if possible
Choosing a regular and recognisable theme


Over the years I've receeived a huge amount of hits/reads simply from placing the blog's address in my siganture on Hibs.net ro instance. Overall I think there have been approximately 757,000 the last time I looked. All blog's hits took a decrease some years ago when Google images decided to present their search results differently, meaning the user didn't have to access the blog site to see the image. My own hits went from around 350 a day to around 80-100 at that time,

Another point is that you can host multiple blogs for different purposes on the same host site such as Wordpress or elsewhere. For example, I had a private one for research purposes whilst carrying out an ethnographic study on education.

I think the heady heights of blogging reached a peak a few years ago to be superceded by micro-blogging such as Twitter etc. It has stabilised now though and found it's level.

Back in the beginning I attended a talk at a book festival by a very successful first-wave blogger and learnt some good tips. A memorable one was to always assume that anything you write will get back at some point to the person you're talking about. I've always borne this in mind when writing!

It's old information now but still worth a glance:
https://troubled-diva.com/2007/07/01/lowdham-book-festival-blog-talk-supplementary-links/

[McD]

Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.


You'll have ups and downs mate, try not to give yourself too much of a hard time when you have a dip. It takes time to recover when you've invested yourself into a relationship so fully (which is a credit to you, even if it doesnt feel like it).

Really glad to hear about the job front, thats great.

[Dalianwanda]

Has anyone ever written a blog before? Or even a book?

It’s been mentioned to me again this morning that I should really do something with my experiences to a) get my thoughts out there first and foremost and b) potentially make an income from it (I’m not sure how that works).

I have my own personal journal which I update daily and I find that quite cathartic in a sense however it’s been suggested to me dozens of times that I should write a book or a blog for others to read and maybe take something from it. I suppose my initial fears are “who the **** would want to read it?” and “how open should I be?”

I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve had a rough few days in all honesty. I’ve lost focus and confidence. I’ve had good news on the job front which is a boost but I’m still struggling with the break-up in all honesty, I just can’t seem to shake it off.

I keep a bit of a journal but I dont read it back...It helps me keep a bit of daily structure on all the things I want to focus on & tick off my vitamins, breathing, exercise, mood & manifestations etc..Again the actual journal itself isnt the release, its me just allowing acceptance of the moment...that writing that down is 'enough'..I could accept without doing that but I kinda enjoy a decent pen on some nice paper..I used to do a blog on the website and wrote a monthly article for a magazine..just by putting it out there you never know who you could affect in a positive way ( look at this thread and people sharing & the difference its made for others)...It does sound like you have something others woudl benefit from & I think you know that but might jst be overthinking it now rather than just writing for the fun of it..

If you are writing dont get too caught up in what others might think & just write...you can always rewrite chop things or add things...Once you get it down you'll get a feel for how open you want to be. Is it a blog is it a book...Does the blog become the creator of the book....go with what feels right. Do try & think who might be interested in reading it (not who wont) get clear on that & write to them..what part of your story could help them & how? Again I would do this once Ive got most of what I initially want to share down.

Thats brilliant news re the job front.....stop trying to shake it off re the break up..Thats just keep your attention on it..Just notice the thoughts and feelings that show up & us much as possible just allow them....

[Keith_M]

I don't have anything to add in the way of advice to those who've posted on here how much they're struggling but...


I just wanted to wish everybody well and remind them that there are people out there that really care about you.

I've struggled myself in the past and that's the main thing that kept me going.

[tricky]

Some brave folk on here and wish everyone well

If anyone finds themselves stuck for something to do during the day in Edinburgh check out Street Soccer Scotland ( my work ) for free mental health friendly community football sessions and access to other opportunities, pm me any time anyone that may be interested

[Pedantic_Hibee]

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

[matty_f]

alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

Excellent read, mate - very much looking forward to seeing it develop.

[Peevemor]

alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

I won't comment on what you're going through - but I wish I could write as well as that.

[stu in nottingham]

alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

It's a great intro, well done mate. Will look forward to following your thoughts hrough the blog.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I won't comment on what you're going through - but I wish I could write as well as that.

Thank you, mate, that really did put a smile on my face.

It’s off the cuff writing, I’m “better” that way and more honest. My writing, much as in my life, seems to work better when it’s spontaneous as opposed to being planned.

Thank you Matty and Stu as well, that’s very encouraging for me.

[Jones28]

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

Great first go mate. I really hope you find this to be the release you’re looking for 👍🏻

[RitchieHibs]

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

Certainly entices a reader in. Has a good style of writing. Interesting and thoughtful.

:aok:

[McD]

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.


followed. Great start to it mate, as you’ve mentioned it reads spontaneously, which is a good place to be I think, not overly filtering, just writing what you’re thinking and feeling


good luck pal :aok:

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/22/5th-february-2019/

[Jones28]

I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/22/5th-february-2019/


Well done mate, you've triumphed over your self doubt with that piece.

[Pretty Boy]

I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/22/5th-february-2019/

That was a tough read, it hits a bit too close to home in parts.

Well done on writing it and sharing your story. It can't have been easy but it's a great thing you are doing, for yourself and others.

[stu in nottingham]

I’ve just written the second post. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, certainly the hardest hitting. But that’s the point of it all.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/22/5th-february-2019/

Wonderfully well written. I know you won't underestimate how words like those can help others.

By coincidence, that same date of 5th February a few years ago was the day my late partner decided to take her own life. I'm so glad you got through it.

[olivebuzzer]

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.. Thanks for posting bri. Also thanks to stu,matty,prettyboy and all who post on this thread. You guys need to know how much these posts help me and no doubt many others.

[HH81]

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/

Grateful for any follows or whatever it is you’re meant to do. I intend to update daily, if nothing else it makes me accountable for my actions.

Superb. Good to hear how you got through this. Seem a funny chap on here but you just never know what anyone is going through.

Keep positive.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Thanks guys, I appreciate that.

I’ve just published the third post.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/24/all-the-gear-and-no-idea/

[Pedantic_Hibee]

I really don’t want to dominate this page however I’ve written a 4th post. Hopefully it might resonate with some of you.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/26/all-you-need-is-love/

[stu in nottingham]

I really don’t want to dominate this page however I’ve written a 4th post. Hopefully it might resonate with some of you.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/26/all-you-need-is-love/

I would keep them coming on here. They're a really good read and it keeps this thread alive and current.

[Sylar]

Ah, the rage has returned. Despite being medicated and having a pretty easy run at work just now, the past few weeks have just been filled with things that are making me angrier and angrier.

The cause is readily identifiable - social media, the news on a day to day basis and a turn in season. There is literally NO good news out there just now and it's a daily onslaught of Covid-19, Trump and the US Election, an increase in violence, an increase in suicides, natural disasters, rising instances of terror attacks, lockdowns, general politics...I know the easy suggestion is 'just switch off', but it's almost like a compulsion to check on a daily basis, knowing what it's going to do.

I had a blazing row with an old friend earlier about the US Election because she told me she wasn't voting as both candidates were as bad as one another - the same friend who I consoled when she was over visiting in 2016 when it was announced Trump had won. I feel like a pressure plate ready to go off at the slightest touch just now.

[StevesFamau5]

Ah, the rage has returned. Despite being medicated and having a pretty easy run at work just now, the past few weeks have just been filled with things that are making me angrier and angrier.

The cause is readily identifiable - social media, the news on a day to day basis and a turn in season. There is literally NO good news out there just now and it's a daily onslaught of Covid-19, Trump and the US Election, an increase in violence, an increase in suicides, natural disasters, rising instances of terror attacks, lockdowns, general politics...I know the easy suggestion is 'just switch off', but it's almost like a compulsion to check on a daily basis, knowing what it's going to do.

I had a blazing row with an old friend earlier about the US Election because she told me she wasn't voting as both candidates were as bad as one another - the same friend who I consoled when she was over visiting in 2016 when it was announced Trump had won. I feel like a pressure plate ready to go off at the slightest touch just now.Sylar, I hear you loud and clear.

I hate it when people say 'Just switch it off' like it's simple to just walk away from literally every form of media. You can delete FB, Twitter etc you can unfollow news outlets and turn off radios/TVs but somehow it filters through and you get sucked back in.

I am actually afraid sometimes to even open my phone without the fear of being bombarded with negativity and doom.

Is there anything that you find even remotely helps when you feel like you're about to let rip at something/someone? I have found that just staring at pictures of my dog is calming. But I know it won't work for everyone.

Stay strong buddy [emoji4]

Sent from my VOG-L09 using Tapatalk

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Post 5, chaps and chapesses.

Might loosely help you out, Sylar. Not so much in switching off from social media, but in accepting those days that aren’t as productive as the ones before it.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/11/02/one-step-forwards-one-step-still/

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Juices still flowing, I’ve written another post. I hope this one might change your today.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/11/03/responsibility/

[Jones28]

I really don’t want to dominate this page however I’ve written a 4th post. Hopefully it might resonate with some of you.

https://alittlebitofdickie.wordpress.com/2020/10/26/all-you-need-is-love/

Keep them coming mate. :aok:

[McD]

Feeling really **** today, been building for a few days/week.

as I’ve said on another thread, I’m in the midst of a redundancy process, the last week or so it has become clearer that I’m more likely to go than stay.

in the last few days, I’ve found a lump on my stomach (seems more likely to be a hernia than cancer, docs tomorrow to confirm), my 1 year daughter has been really unwell, leading to all of us having to get COVID tested, negative for all of us but horrible trying to swab the wee one, then had to take her to hospital at 3am yesterday with some kind of viral infection causing a nasty rash on her back and chest and under her hair.

I'm the rep for my constituency in the consultation, and despite doing my best, some of them went ape**** today in what’s likely to be the last collective meeting, and essentially accused me of having some kind of agenda, all because they hadn’t listened to last weeks meeting properly (I don’t, they just didn’t listen to clear instructions last week). Left me feeling pretty upset and angry, especially when no one else would do the rep role so I stepped up, came close to telling them where to go

all in all, it’s been a really crappy, exhausting and soul destroying week, and there’s a reasonably strong thought in my head that everyone would be better off if I shuffled off this coil, life insurance pays off the house and if I go before I’m made redundant, my pension pays out 4 times my salary to my mrs and wee one.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

What you really, really need is a good sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and you’ve got a beautiful daughter who needs her daddy in the morning 💚

[Jones28]

Feeling really **** today, been building for a few days/week.

as I’ve said on another thread, I’m in the midst of a redundancy process, the last week or so it has become clearer that I’m more likely to go than stay.

in the last few days, I’ve found a lump on my stomach (seems more likely to be a hernia than cancer, docs tomorrow to confirm), my 1 year daughter has been really unwell, leading to all of us having to get COVID tested, negative for all of us but horrible trying to swab the wee one, then had to take her to hospital at 3am yesterday with some kind of viral infection causing a nasty rash on her back and chest and under her hair.

I'm the rep for my constituency in the consultation, and despite doing my best, some of them went ape**** today in what’s likely to be the last collective meeting, and essentially accused me of having some kind of agenda, all because they hadn’t listened to last weeks meeting properly (I don’t, they just didn’t listen to clear instructions last week). Left me feeling pretty upset and angry, especially when no one else would do the rep role so I stepped up, came close to telling them where to go

all in all, it’s been a really crappy, exhausting and soul destroying week, and there’s a reasonably strong thought in my head that everyone would be better off if I shuffled off this coil, life insurance pays off the house and if I go before I’m made redundant, my pension pays out 4 times my salary to my mrs and wee one.

No amount of money would make up for the pain and anguish the people you’d leave behind would suffer from.

You’re having a really really ****ty week by the sounds of it. Try not to focus on the past. It sounds hard but these people who are about to lose their jobs just see you as a figure head they can aim their anger at. Fair play to you for standing up to do it, I don’t think I would. I would try not to take any of it personally, people say all kinds of **** when they’re angry.

The health stuff sucks, my daughter had a really nasty reaction to dairy and it sounds like she had something not too dissimilar to your wee one. It’s horrid but you’ve just got to love them and help them through it. It can be distressing but she needs her daddy to keep her safe.

As for the job situation, if you’ve checked out maybe it’s time to look into other options already. I’d certainly feel that way if the vibes aren’t positive ones. Try to take it one day at a time.

This is just one of many responses I’m sure you’ll get and I hope we can all be of some help, even if it is just someone to rant at.

[G B Young]

Feeling really **** today, been building for a few days/week.

as I’ve said on another thread, I’m in the midst of a redundancy process, the last week or so it has become clearer that I’m more likely to go than stay.

in the last few days, I’ve found a lump on my stomach (seems more likely to be a hernia than cancer, docs tomorrow to confirm), my 1 year daughter has been really unwell, leading to all of us having to get COVID tested, negative for all of us but horrible trying to swab the wee one, then had to take her to hospital at 3am yesterday with some kind of viral infection causing a nasty rash on her back and chest and under her hair.

I'm the rep for my constituency in the consultation, and despite doing my best, some of them went ape**** today in what’s likely to be the last collective meeting, and essentially accused me of having some kind of agenda, all because they hadn’t listened to last weeks meeting properly (I don’t, they just didn’t listen to clear instructions last week). Left me feeling pretty upset and angry, especially when no one else would do the rep role so I stepped up, came close to telling them where to go

all in all, it’s been a really crappy, exhausting and soul destroying week, and there’s a reasonably strong thought in my head that everyone would be better off if I shuffled off this coil, life insurance pays off the house and if I go before I’m made redundant, my pension pays out 4 times my salary to my mrs and wee one.

Please try to look at the consequences of that from their perspective. No amount of insurance or pension money makes up for that sort of loss. You have so much more to offer by being around for them.

[tmb1875]

I get you man life seems beyond hard at times, you feel like everything’s out to get you. Your not on your own there’s tons of people just like you feeling the same. Just keep pushing through mate, you’ll get to the other side and be stronger for it. No amount of money can replace you. Daughter needs her dad to be there for her [emoji1544][emoji172]


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[One Day Soon]

Feeling really **** today, been building for a few days/week.

as I’ve said on another thread, I’m in the midst of a redundancy process, the last week or so it has become clearer that I’m more likely to go than stay.

in the last few days, I’ve found a lump on my stomach (seems more likely to be a hernia than cancer, docs tomorrow to confirm), my 1 year daughter has been really unwell, leading to all of us having to get COVID tested, negative for all of us but horrible trying to swab the wee one, then had to take her to hospital at 3am yesterday with some kind of viral infection causing a nasty rash on her back and chest and under her hair.

I'm the rep for my constituency in the consultation, and despite doing my best, some of them went ape**** today in what’s likely to be the last collective meeting, and essentially accused me of having some kind of agenda, all because they hadn’t listened to last weeks meeting properly (I don’t, they just didn’t listen to clear instructions last week). Left me feeling pretty upset and angry, especially when no one else would do the rep role so I stepped up, came close to telling them where to go

all in all, it’s been a really crappy, exhausting and soul destroying week, and there’s a reasonably strong thought in my head that everyone would be better off if I shuffled off this coil, life insurance pays off the house and if I go before I’m made redundant, my pension pays out 4 times my salary to my mrs and wee one.


There is absolutely nothing worth more to a child than the presence and love of their parents. Both the immediate contact and familiar reassurance and also all of the long term nurture and support. More negatively, that child would be left with a whole host of unanswered and unanswerable questions by the absence and the act. You have a value and importance and centrality to her life that cannot be measured and isn't finite. Money can't even come close to replacing that. You are literally irreplaceable.

You're having a really tough time and there is nothing wrong or unreasonable in you feeling really down in these circumstances. I have been there: redundancy, acute financial problems, feelings of parental inadequacy, even being the TU rep who ends up becoming the focal point for other the anger of other people who feel powerless and vulnerable. Trust me, you can get through this and there is a much, much better future somewhere on the other side of it.

Pedantic is right, sleep firstly and your daughter tomorrow and every day. My mantra is as simplified as a I can make it to try to help myself to be able to take action so that something at least is under my control even if external events are not. The mantra is sleep, move, eat. Every day.

Doesn't matter if the sleep is not perfect, the exercise not extreme and the food not the best. If you can force yourself to do those things in some kind of routine it will help you to help yourself.

I don't have magic answers but I do know its possible to get beyond it even when it doesn't feel like it, step by step.

[GreenNWhiteArmy]

Been a tough day. Informed that my job is at risk and looking likely to go down the redundancy route unless we can find something within the next 4 weeks

With a house move on the horizon, this is as welcome as a fart in an astronauts suit.

All the emotions run through your head, and im torn - i don't like my job. I want to change career anyway, but the uncertainty causes nervousness.

Maybe when I wake up tomorrow I'll see the positives outweighing the negatives and to invest my time in forcing the career change I desire but i can't shake the feeling of letting my girls down (missus and 2 young kids)

[stu in nottingham]

Feeling really **** today, been building for a few days/week.

as I’ve said on another thread, I’m in the midst of a redundancy process, the last week or so it has become clearer that I’m more likely to go than stay.

in the last few days, I’ve found a lump on my stomach (seems more likely to be a hernia than cancer, docs tomorrow to confirm), my 1 year daughter has been really unwell, leading to all of us having to get COVID tested, negative for all of us but horrible trying to swab the wee one, then had to take her to hospital at 3am yesterday with some kind of viral infection causing a nasty rash on her back and chest and under her hair.

I'm the rep for my constituency in the consultation, and despite doing my best, some of them went ape**** today in what’s likely to be the last collective meeting, and essentially accused me of having some kind of agenda, all because they hadn’t listened to last weeks meeting properly (I don’t, they just didn’t listen to clear instructions last week). Left me feeling pretty upset and angry, especially when no one else would do the rep role so I stepped up, came close to telling them where to go

all in all, it’s been a really crappy, exhausting and soul destroying week, and there’s a reasonably strong thought in my head that everyone would be better off if I shuffled off this coil, life insurance pays off the house and if I go before I’m made redundant, my pension pays out 4 times my salary to my mrs and wee one.

My friend, I am so sorry to hear of what you have been going through. These things coming together must have felt truly overwhelming just recently for you. I want you to know I am here for a chat, just say and i will give you a call or write anytime.

Try to approach things one a time, I know that's not necessarily easy but make it your goal wherever possible. People are certainly typically under stress of late for obvious reasons. Try to keep that in mind and remember how it directs their behaviour. Think of it as unconditional positive regard - people are only behaving as well as they are able in these times.

Let me talk a little about those suicidal thoughts for a moment if I may. Our friends that have already posted in response are quite correct. It won't necessarily help you right now to understand but the effects on a 'suicide survivor' - being a survivor of a loved one who has taken their own life can be grave. I am not a child but when it happened to me it took me also a good while to learn how to want to carry on living after that kind of loss. A loss that never really goes away. One that can never be truly understood and one which necessarily leaves unanswered questions. Instead, try to think of your young one as your protective factor when you have these feelings, whenever you are able.

Keep that Samaritans number in your wallet, they're there to talk 24 hours a day and are great people, contact your GP for a wee chat and talk to your friends here and elsewhere where you feel able.

The very best option for you at this time is to talk, I firmly believe that. I know you can emerge from this difficult time and come to flourish again. Here for you mate.

[stu in nottingham]

McD, maybe just let us know you're okay and safe mate?

Realise you may not be in a good place to talk, that's okay.

Cheers, Stu

[McD]

Hi everyone, apologies if I've had you worried, its been a crazy morning dealing with the immediate stuff going on.


Had a really rough night, couldnt sleep from envisaging getting dragged into some kind of disciplinary due to the nonsense being shrieked during the consultation meeting, and ending up losing my job with no redundancy.

Spoke with a friend, and my boss this morning who told me that wouldn't happen, and that I should try to focus on the people who were appreciating what I was doing rather the odd one or 2 who are just lashing out in anger without any constructive points.

Went to the doc's appt who confirmed its a hernia.

Afterwards I had a long chat with the HR rep who has also confirmed that my fears were unfounded, and has confirmed that my actions are more than appropriate, and gave me some advice to respond to those individuals, which was relieving and helpful.

I'm feeling a good deal less stressed and uptight than I was, albeit still carrying a lot of it.



I want to say a huge thank you to every single one of you who replied and commented, I'm genuinely touched and so appreciative, thank you. All of your comments have rung true for me, I've often been the one making the same points to others, on here and elsewhere, but sometimes it can be really hard to see that when you're feeling pretty swamped, so I thank you all for taking the time and care to do that and help me see a bit clearer

[stu in nottingham]

Hi everyone, apologies if I've had you worried, its been a crazy morning dealing with the immediate stuff going on.


Had a really rough night, couldnt sleep from envisaging getting dragged into some kind of disciplinary due to the nonsense being shrieked during the consultation meeting, and ending up losing my job with no redundancy.

Spoke with a friend, and my boss this morning who told me that wouldn't happen, and that I should try to focus on the people who were appreciating what I was doing rather the odd one or 2 who are just lashing out in anger without any constructive points.

Went to the doc's appt who confirmed its a hernia.

Afterwards I had a long chat with the HR rep who has also confirmed that my fears were unfounded, and has confirmed that my actions are more than appropriate, and gave me some advice to respond to those individuals, which was relieving and helpful.

I'm feeling a good deal less stressed and uptight than I was, albeit still carrying a lot of it.



I want to say a huge thank you to every single one of you who replied and commented, I'm genuinely touched and so appreciative, thank you. All of your comments have rung true for me, I've often been the one making the same points to others, on here and elsewhere, but sometimes it can be really hard to see that when you're feeling pretty swamped, so I thank you all for taking the time and care to do that and help me see a bit clearer

Good to hear from you mate and especially regarding one or two encouraging signs might I say. Realise there's still stuff to work through but you sound a lot more optimistic today. Keep it going.

[CropleyWasGod]

Hi everyone, apologies if I've had you worried, its been a crazy morning dealing with the immediate stuff going on.


Had a really rough night, couldnt sleep from envisaging getting dragged into some kind of disciplinary due to the nonsense being shrieked during the consultation meeting, and ending up losing my job with no redundancy.

Spoke with a friend, and my boss this morning who told me that wouldn't happen, and that I should try to focus on the people who were appreciating what I was doing rather the odd one or 2 who are just lashing out in anger without any constructive points.

Went to the doc's appt who confirmed its a hernia.

Afterwards I had a long chat with the HR rep who has also confirmed that my fears were unfounded, and has confirmed that my actions are more than appropriate, and gave me some advice to respond to those individuals, which was relieving and helpful.

I'm feeling a good deal less stressed and uptight than I was, albeit still carrying a lot of it.



I want to say a huge thank you to every single one of you who replied and commented, I'm genuinely touched and so appreciative, thank you. All of your comments have rung true for me, I've often been the one making the same points to others, on here and elsewhere, but sometimes it can be really hard to see that when you're feeling pretty swamped, so I thank you all for taking the time and care to do that and help me see a bit clearer

That's the essence of it, of course. And, you know that :agree:

When we're in that primitive part of the brain, our 3 F's kick in (fight, flight or freeze. One client suggested to me that there's a 4th one, ie **** it.) That's obviously where you went.

Like I say, from today's perspective, you know what you did, and why. And that, in itself, is a great asset. Hang on to it. :aok:

[One Day Soon]

Hi everyone, apologies if I've had you worried, its been a crazy morning dealing with the immediate stuff going on.


Had a really rough night, couldnt sleep from envisaging getting dragged into some kind of disciplinary due to the nonsense being shrieked during the consultation meeting, and ending up losing my job with no redundancy.

Spoke with a friend, and my boss this morning who told me that wouldn't happen, and that I should try to focus on the people who were appreciating what I was doing rather the odd one or 2 who are just lashing out in anger without any constructive points.

Went to the doc's appt who confirmed its a hernia.

Afterwards I had a long chat with the HR rep who has also confirmed that my fears were unfounded, and has confirmed that my actions are more than appropriate, and gave me some advice to respond to those individuals, which was relieving and helpful.

I'm feeling a good deal less stressed and uptight than I was, albeit still carrying a lot of it.



I want to say a huge thank you to every single one of you who replied and commented, I'm genuinely touched and so appreciative, thank you. All of your comments have rung true for me, I've often been the one making the same points to others, on here and elsewhere, but sometimes it can be really hard to see that when you're feeling pretty swamped, so I thank you all for taking the time and care to do that and help me see a bit clearer


Great to hear. Stick in buddy.

[Jones28]

Hi everyone, apologies if I've had you worried, its been a crazy morning dealing with the immediate stuff going on.


Had a really rough night, couldnt sleep from envisaging getting dragged into some kind of disciplinary due to the nonsense being shrieked during the consultation meeting, and ending up losing my job with no redundancy.

Spoke with a friend, and my boss this morning who told me that wouldn't happen, and that I should try to focus on the people who were appreciating what I was doing rather the odd one or 2 who are just lashing out in anger without any constructive points.

Went to the doc's appt who confirmed its a hernia.

Afterwards I had a long chat with the HR rep who has also confirmed that my fears were unfounded, and has confirmed that my actions are more than appropriate, and gave me some advice to respond to those individuals, which was relieving and helpful.

I'm feeling a good deal less stressed and uptight than I was, albeit still carrying a lot of it.



I want to say a huge thank you to every single one of you who replied and commented, I'm genuinely touched and so appreciative, thank you. All of your comments have rung true for me, I've often been the one making the same points to others, on here and elsewhere, but sometimes it can be really hard to see that when you're feeling pretty swamped, so I thank you all for taking the time and care to do that and help me see a bit clearer

Good to hear mate 👍🏻

[McD]

Good to hear from you mate and especially regarding one or two encouraging signs might I say. Realise there's still stuff to work through but you sound a lot more optimistic today. Keep it going.


That's the essence of it, of course. And, you know that :agree:

When we're in that primitive part of the brain, our 3 F's kick in (fight, flight or freeze. One client suggested to me that there's a 4th one, ie **** it.) That's obviously where you went.

Like I say, from today's perspective, you know what you did, and why. And that, in itself, is a great asset. Hang on to it. :aok:


Great to hear. Stick in buddy.


Good to hear mate 👍🏻


thanks guys, genuinely appreciated

[jonty]

Good to hear from you McD.
We should make it mandatory for everyone to check in each day :greengrin

I dont post much as I often think i'm not contributing much, or just echoing other peoples words. I often default to trying to make light of many things and not take things too seriously (if you cant laugh at life, well......)

Keep posting, we're all listening (if not saying much)
And you too Brian (every time I see the link 'alittlebitofdickie'....... :tee hee:)


(see, im doing it again)

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Good to hear from you McD.
We should make it mandatory for everyone to check in each day :greengrin

I dont post much as I often think i'm not contributing much, or just echoing other peoples words. I often default to trying to make light of many things and not take things too seriously (if you cant laugh at life, well......)

Keep posting, we're all listening (if not saying much)
And you too Brian (every time I see the link 'alittlebitofdickie'....... :tee hee:)


(see, im doing it again)

😂😂😂

I coined the phrase back in my younger single days where I once said to a friend that a lady in question deserved “a little bit of Dickie”.

She was not disappointed. Mainly because she didn’t take me up on my offer 🥴

[jonty]

😂😂😂

I coined the phrase back in my younger single days where I once said to a friend that a lady in question deserved “a little bit of Dickie”.

She was not disappointed. Mainly because she didn’t take me up on my offer 🥴

She missed out there.:greengrin

[Santa Cruz]

Keep posting guys. There’s a lot more following.

[stu in nottingham]

A few thoughts on a difficult subject.

Suicide: Risk Factors, Warning Signs And How To Talk To A Person With Suicide Ideation (https://stuartfrew.wordpress.com/2019/09/10/suicide-risk-factors-warning-signs-and-how-to-talk-to-a-person-with-suicide-ideation/)

https://stuartfrew.files.wordpress.com/2019/09/stockholm.jpg?w=525

[McD]

Good to hear from you McD.
We should make it mandatory for everyone to check in each day :greengrin

I dont post much as I often think i'm not contributing much, or just echoing other peoples words. I often default to trying to make light of many things and not take things too seriously (if you cant laugh at life, well......)

Keep posting, we're all listening (if not saying much)
And you too Brian (every time I see the link 'alittlebitofdickie'....... :tee hee:)


(see, im doing it again)


sometimes it’s really uplifting and heartening just to see some people you’ve probably never met reach out and offer support in any form, and helps you to see a bit more light than you were before, and it’s probably quite cathartic to follow up and confirm that you’re doing a bit better and be able to acknowledge that to yourself, or even to say that you’re not doing better and that it’s ok to acknowledge to yourself that you aren’t and hopefully be able to seek help or take up an offer of such from some of the terrific people here.

I think for some of us, it can be easier to open up a bit on here, where there’s such a clear history of unconditional support, than to try to talk to friends or loved ones who we know are also dealing with stuff or who we maybe suspect won’t be quite as empathetic as we need in that moment, and also sometimes that bit of anonymity can help too.