'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

[Scouse Hibee]

I was shown a picture of two pastors and asked if I could name them. I had no idea of the name of the pastor on the right but it was definitely Pastor Duchie on the left hand side.

[Bridge hibs]

I bumped into a cock eyed Woman today, she said you should look where you are going, I replied you should go where you are looking

[Caversham Green]

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I see the guy who invented spell check has passed away, may he rust in piss

His funfair will be hello next Sunshine.

[weedgiehibbie]

Did you know that Katy Perry ws not the first female pop star to go into space?

That was Lady Gagarin

[Moulin Yarns]

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Did you kniw that Katy #Perry ws not the firt female pop star to go into space?

That was Lady Gagarin

Might want to do a bit of editing 🤔

[weedgiehibbie]

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Might want to do a bit of editing 🤔

Oops ha

[Pedantic_Hibee]

What’s white and wears tartan trousers?

Rupert the Fridge.

[J-C]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and a South African went to a night club.
The bouncer said: ``Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai.''

[J-C]

Once dated a twin and my mate said, do you ever get them mixed up? No problems I said, Susan wears pink nail varnish and Peter has a beard.

[J-C]

So I took off her blouse, then she said " take off my skirt", I took off her skirt, then she said "take off my shoes", I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties", I took off her bra and panties, then she looked at me and said, " I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again".

[Jack]

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So I took off her blouse, then she said " take off my skirt", I took off her skirt, then she said "take off my shoes", I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties", I took off her bra and panties, then she looked at me and said, " I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again".

I was at a holiday camp with my children and the youngest, 7 at the time, went up on stage and told that joke. He's almost 30 now 😆

[J-C]

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I was at a holiday camp with my children and the youngest, 7 at the time, went up on stage and told that joke. He's almost 30 now 😆

I suppose most of these jokes on here are like that, all re jigged at some point in time, it was a memory from FB about 7 years ago, still made me giggle.

[Moulin Yarns]

A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that ****." 😂😂

[Bridge hibs]

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A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that ****." 😂😂

🤣

[J-C]

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A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that ****." 😂😂

🤣🤣

[WoreTheGreen]

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🤣🤣

👏👏👏

[Northernhibee]

My partner just walked into the room as I was pulling my boxers off.

“You really spoil those dogs” she said.

(Shamelessly stolen from a Scottish comic on Instagram)

[Hibbyradge]

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My partner just walked into the room as I was pulling my boxers off.

“You really spoil those dogs” she said.

(Shamelessly stolen from a Scottish comic on Instagram)

😂😂😂

[Keith_M]

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A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running." "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that ****." 😂😂

[Hibrandenburg]

Had an argument with my German neighbour earlier, he was so angry he started swearing at me. I've never heard so many 16 letter words in my life.

[Jack]

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Had an argument with my German neighbour earlier, he was so angry he started swearing at me. I've never heard so many 16 letter words in my life.

You should try Wales!

All the letters used, some more than twice, and not necessarily in any order!!

[AltheHibby]

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You should try Wales!

All the letters used, some more than twice, and not necessarily in any order!!

And double letters pronounced differently depending on where they are in the word.

[Hiber-nation]

I can't believe how rude the suppository helpline was...

[Kato]

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I can't believe how rude the suppository helpline was...

Lol

Sent from my SM-A528B using Tapatalk

[Hibrandenburg]

🙂: Probably around 1987 whilst thinking about my best pal's mum.

🤨: No, I asked "tell me about the WEST BANK".

[Keith_M]

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🙂: Probably around 1987 whilst thinking about my best pal's mum.

🤨: No, I asked "tell me about the WEST BANK".