'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

[Hibbyradge]

[nonshinyfinish]

There's a subreddit called r/etymology where people ask question about and discuss the origins of words.

Today someone posted a video asking if anyone could identify the butterfly in it, prompting this reply:

People who can't distinguish between etymology and entomology bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

[Hibbyradge]

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There's a subreddit called r/etymology where people ask question about and discuss the origins of words.

Today someone posted a video asking if anyone could identify the butterfly in it, prompting this reply:

Awesome! 👏👏👏

[Alfiembra]

Was out for a meal the other.night in a Star Wars themed restaurant.
Had a steak but it was a little Chewy.

[Northernhibee]

I blew up my chemistry experiment earlier.

Oxidents happen.

[AltheHibby]

Someone told me I was average.

I thought that was mean.

[Hibrandenburg]

The reason aliens don't visit us is because our solar system gets crap reviews, we only have one star.

[J-C]

My mate has just flunked the RAF exam, seemingly the bomb bay doors isn't an Indian tribute act.

[AltheHibby]

The only thing flat earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

[Hibbyradge]

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The only thing flat earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Brilliant 👏

[AltheHibby]

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Brilliant 👏

Thank you. I wish I had come up with it, but it came from my Twitter feed.

[alhibby]

I've just got a job for halloween making plastic Draculas, there's only two of us on the production line so I've got to make every second count.

[Northernhibee]

Cpolio apparently choked on a Cornish pasty.

He’s gone to Ginsters paradise.

[Hibbyradge]

A golfing couple were having a drink in the 19th Hole after a pleasant round of golf, when the lady asked, "Honey, if something happens to me would you re-marry" . Of course not, he replied. " Well I would want you to be happy". OK, I suppose so. After a thoughtful moment, she said, "would you let her drive my car"? I suppose so, he said. Questions coming quicker, "Would you play golf with her"? I guess so, he responded. Getting a little upset she said, "Would you let her use my clubs"?Before he thought he said, Nope, she is left handed.

[J-C]

Walked past the fridge last night and I thought I heard two onions singing a Bee Gees song, when I opened the door it was just the Chives talking

[weedgiehibbie]

Wish me luck in the London Marathon tomorrow. Last year I managed 3 hours, 12 mins, 9 sec. This year I'm going to try beat that but I often get bored and turn the TV over

[Moulin Yarns]

Warning, don't let the kids read this.












Two priests are in a shower.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.

He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three newly inducted nuns from other city heading his way.

Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.

The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.

Startled, he drops a bar of soap.

"Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice, and three times but nothing happens.

So she gives several more tugs, then yells:

"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"

[Hibbyradge]

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Warning, don't let the kids read this.



"Holy Mary, Mother of God! LIQUID SOAP TOO!"

At least that joke meets the "so bad" criteria...

[AltheHibby]

The cashier told me “Strip Down Facing Me”

By the time I realised she meant the debit card, It was too late.

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

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The cashier told me “Strip Down Facing Me”

By the time I realised she meant the debit card, It was too late.

Courtesy of the late, great, Les Dawson....

I bought the wife a new three-piece suite at the weekend. I asked the sales assistant, what she was prepared to take off for cash.........she said everything but my earrings.

[Hibbyradge]

What did the cheese say looking at his reflection in the mirror?

Hallo me.

[Alfiembra]

Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at.

[Moulin Yarns]

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Geology rocks but Geography is where it’s at.

And biology is where you get your rocks off. 😁

[alhibby]

"A guy ran past me wearing a cape.. "I shouted Hey man are you a Superhero ? He replied "No man I didn't pay for my Haircut" !
...

Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk

[AltheHibby]

If you want a constant supply of bad jokes and puns I suggest you look at Mariana Z on Twitter. I have thought about copying her jokes over a few times, but decided that it's easier to just post a link for anyone who's interested.

https://twitter.com/mariana057/statu...mWqkR5U2w&s=19

[Hibbyradge]

Reports are coming in that Boy George has been attacked by a reptile on the set of I'm a Celebrity.

They should have got a calmer Chameleon, but apparently, they come and go.

[Bridge hibs]

An Australian, and Irishman and a Scouser were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar. They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before when suddenly the Irishman cried out:

"My God! I know who that man is - it's Jesus!" The others looked again, and sure enough, it was Jesus himself, sitting alone at a table.

The Irishman calls out across the lounge. "Hey! Hey you! Are you Jesus?"

Jesus looks over at him, smiles a small smile and nods his head. "Yes, I am Jesus." He says.

Well, the Irishman calls the bartender over and says to him. "I'd like you to give Jesus over there a pint of Guinness from me." The bartender pours Jesus a Guinness. Jesus looks over, raises his glass in thanks and drinks.

Then the Australian calls out. "Oy you! D'ya reckon you're Jesus or what?"

Jesus nods and says. "Yes, I am Jesus."

The Australian is mighty impressed and has the bartender send over a pot of Fosters for Jesus which Jesus accepts with pleasure.

The Scouser then calls out. "Oii whack, would you be Jesus?"

Jesus smiles and says. "Yes, I am Jesus."

The Scouser beckons the bartender and tells him to send over a pint of bitter for Jesus, which the bartender duly does. As before, Jesus accepts the drink and smiles over at the table.

Finally, after finishing the drinks, Jesus leaves his seat and approaches our three friends.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement.....

"Oh God! The arthritis is gone! The arthritis I've had for years is gone! It's a miracle."

Jesus then shakes the Australian's hand, thanking him for the lager.

Upon letting go, the Australian's eyes widen in shock. "By jingo mate, the migraine! The migraine I've had for 40 years is completely gone it's a miracle!"

Jesus then goes to approach the Scouser who says. "Back off, mate! I'm on Disability allowance !

[Hibrandenburg]

I called Gamblers Anonymous to ask for an appointment. I was offered 12:50.

[Speedy]

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I called Gamblers Anonymous to ask for an appointment. I was offered 12:50.

😄

[Keith_M]

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I called Gamblers Anonymous to ask for an appointment. I was offered 12:50.

I was going to call the Dementia hotline yesterday, but I couldn't remember the number.