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  1. 03-11-2020 02:02 PM #751
    c31
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    What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze ?
    A Shoe
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  2. 09-11-2020 02:25 PM #752
    J-C
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    I like how KFC give me 4 portions of chips with a bargain bucket, as if I'm sharing with anyone.
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  3. 11-11-2020 10:17 AM #753
    J-C
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    Mick and paddy were outside the pub adding their money together and had 85 pence, "lets buy a sausage I have an idea" said mick, they walk into the next pub order two pints, a short each and down them!
    Paddy drops on his knees pulls the sausage out of micks flies and starts sucking on it!
    They get kick out of the pub!
    Next pub they do the same and the same thing happens again!....
    By the tenth pub paddy says to mick "I can't keep doing this my knees are killing me"!
    To which mick replies.....
    "thank **** for that! I lost the sausage in the 2nd pub".....
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  4. 22-11-2020 09:58 AM #754
    CmoantheHibs
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    What is the difference between man flu and a baby born 7 days ago?

    Nothing they’re both just a week old.
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  5. 23-11-2020 05:12 PM #755
    Northernhibee
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    I never thought I’d quit my job as a beekeeper.

    Then I saw her face...


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction
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  6. 23-11-2020 09:59 PM #756
    Hibbyradge
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    Quote Originally Posted by Northernhibee View Post
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    I never thought I’d quit my job as a beekeeper.

    Then I saw her face...
    Not bad, sir, not bad at all.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £2,389.68!


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  7. 23-11-2020 10:06 PM #757
    Mibbes Aye
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    Quote Originally Posted by Northernhibee View Post
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    I never thought I’d quit my job as a beekeeper.

    Then I saw her face...
    Liked thar
    There's only one thing better than a Hibs calendar and that's two Hibs calendars
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  8. 25-11-2020 03:25 PM #758
    NORTHERNHIBBY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Northernhibee View Post
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    I never thought I’d quit my job as a beekeeper.

    Then I saw her face...


    Slow burner, but worth it ...
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  9. 25-11-2020 03:51 PM #759
    CropleyWasGod
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    Quote Originally Posted by Northernhibee View Post
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    I never thought I’d quit my job as a beekeeper.

    Then I saw her face...
    On the same theme.

    My partner said she would leave me if I didn't stop my obsession with the Monkees.

    I thought she was joking.

    And then I saw her face..
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  10. 25-11-2020 05:03 PM #760
    alhibby
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    I ate a kids meal in McDonald’s this morning. His mum was furious.
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  11. 25-11-2020 06:09 PM #761
    Hermit Crab
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    How does a deaf gynaecologist communicate with their patients?

    They lip read.
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  12. 27-11-2020 05:36 PM #762
    HibbyDave
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    A man goes to the optician for eye test.
    They put a contraption on his face and ask him “what can you see”?
    I see empty football stadia, empty theatres, closed pubs and almost no traffic.


    Ah that’s perfect says the optician


    You have 2020 vision
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  13. 28-11-2020 09:04 AM #763
    Moulin Yarns
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    "Doctor, I feel kind of blue"

    Don't worry you have Mild Davis"
    There is no such thing as too much yarn, just not enough time.
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  14. 01-12-2020 08:37 AM #764
    J-C
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    Little Suzie walks into a pet shop and asks the owner, can I have a wittle bunny wabbit? The owner thinks this is adorable so gets on his knees and asks: would you like a little black one, a little white one, or one with little spots. Little Suzie stands up and says, I don't think my python will give a flying ****!
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  15. 03-12-2020 06:11 AM #765
    J-C
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    I went into a Chinese last night and the guy said to me, "Woh cha woh!" So I answered, "Sweet and sour chicken please."He said, "No, woh cha woh......... the paint's still wet!
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  16. 03-12-2020 07:03 AM #766
    Future17
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    Quote Originally Posted by J-C View Post
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    I went into a Chinese last night and the guy said to me, "Woh cha woh!" So I answered, "Sweet and sour chicken please."He said, "No, woh cha woh......... the paint's still wet!
    A joke that definitely works better verbally.
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  17. 03-12-2020 07:14 AM #767
    CropleyWasGod
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    Quote Originally Posted by Future17 View Post
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    A joke that definitely works better verbally.
    Worked for Gerard Kelly in 1979 😆
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  18. 03-12-2020 08:16 AM #768
    alhibby
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    You thought 2020 couldn't get any worse?

    Chris Rea's car has failed its mot.

    Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk
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  19. 03-12-2020 08:21 AM #769
    Hibbyradge
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    Quote Originally Posted by alhibby View Post
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    You thought 2020 couldn't get any worse?

    Chris Rea's car has failed its mot.

    Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk
    That's good news.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £2,389.68!


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  20. 03-12-2020 08:41 AM #770
    Moulin Yarns
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    Quote Originally Posted by alhibby View Post
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    You thought 2020 couldn't get any worse?

    Chris Rea's car has failed its mot.

    Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk
    Thumbing a lift home for Christmas doesn't have the same ring to it.
    There is no such thing as too much yarn, just not enough time.
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  21. 03-12-2020 09:54 AM #771
    CropleyWasGod
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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    That's good news.
    You're a fool if you think it's over.
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  22. 03-12-2020 09:59 AM #772
    Hibrandenburg
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    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    You're a fool if you think it's over.
    No please don't turn this into a puns thread, that's the road to hell.
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  23. 03-12-2020 10:04 AM #773
    Moulin Yarns
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    No please don't turn this into a puns thread, that's the road to hell.
    There's Nothing to fear.
    There is no such thing as too much yarn, just not enough time.
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  24. 03-12-2020 10:11 AM #774
    Hibbyradge
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moulin Yarns View Post
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    There's Nothing to fear.
    Fear of (his) music?

    New rabbit hole now open for business...
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £2,389.68!


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  25. 03-12-2020 10:31 AM #775
    Moulin Yarns
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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    Fear of (his) music?

    New rabbit hole now open for business...
    Ah yes, God's great banana skin right there
    There is no such thing as too much yarn, just not enough time.
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  26. 03-12-2020 10:38 AM #776
    CropleyWasGod
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hibbyradge View Post
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    Fear of music?

    New rabbit hole now open for business...
    How did I get here?
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  27. 03-12-2020 11:04 AM #777
    Hiber-nation
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    Quote Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod View Post
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    How did I get here?
    You're on the road to nowhere now.

    Why doesn't someone start up a puns thread
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  28. 03-12-2020 11:06 AM #778
    CropleyWasGod
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hiber-nation View Post
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    You're on the road to nowhere now.

    Why doesn't someone start up a puns thread
    Some psycho killer would just ruin it with fitba chat.
    Last edited by CropleyWasGod; 03-12-2020 at 01:44 PM.
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  29. 03-12-2020 07:04 PM #779
    Northernhibee
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    Did you all like the chiropractor joke I posted on here?

    It was about a week back.


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction
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  30. 05-12-2020 04:36 AM #780
    J-C
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    There was a bit of trouble in my class earlier, so I took one boy out and spoke to him:

    "It wasn't me sir, it was him" he protested.

    "I watched you hit him" I said, "it's your fault."

    "But sir, he hit my nape, scratched my vertebrae and kicked my lumbar."

    "Enough, I've made my decision" I shouted, "I'll have no more of your back-chat."
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