Depression and anxiety

[EuanH78]

Great thread.

I have suffered on and off with depression and can relate to a lot of whats been said here. I'm currently on Citalopram which works for me. I've found that anti depressants usually arent enough on there own and there needs to be a concious decision to tackle issues head on as well.

One of the most important steps I have taken was to remove myself from bad relationships, sounds simple I guess but one of them was my Brother and one my Mother - I'm not attaching blame to them btw, just that the relationship we had was not good for my mental health. I've found that sometimes you have to be a little bit selfish to be able to look after yourself properly, though I cant say it comes guilt free.

[Sylar]

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Interesting that you mention University - I had little or no problems before going to University - I think the competitiveness definately had an impact on my anxiety.

Couldn't agree more and it only gets worse the further on you go at University!

I had no issues going through my undergraduate degree. I had my girlfriend and a good network of friends around me and we all shared the same philosophy of working hard but playing hard. There's three groups of people who go to University in my experience - those who go to party, those who enjoy a balanced life and those who hibernate behind a wall of books, essays and deadlines.

During my undergrad, I allocated plenty of time to getting things done in reasonable time. I've never to this day pulled an all-nighter trying to get things done and I was very much an advocate of taking what grade I got and realising my level accordingly. I'm not exactly stupid and I was in the fortunate position where I consistently got decent grades and so this wasn't a stress to me during this time. I know plenty of people who crumbled during this time as grades, social aspects etc didn't go for them and if you've no coping mechanism then anxiety, stress and depression are going to hit hard.

When I progressed to my Masters course, I maintained the same philosophy - I had a good group of friends around me again (many of whom joined the course from my undergrad classes) and my now wife was still an ever-present crux. However, I certainly noticed the demands and pressures which come with University when I started my PhD. I have had the support of my wife throughout the process but it is quite easily one of the most soul destroying and isolated experiences any one person can undertake. I've been hindered by a poor lead supervisory relationship, an office with absolutely zero social dynamic and an unmanageable pressure to meet the bar set by previous "golden" students. Not only that but the PhD is the start of a journey into academia where there are more people than places so not only are you undergoing a stressful transition from student to researcher but you're having to somehow define yourself as elite and go over and above to set yourself apart from the rest.

I've no problem admitting that I've struggled through periods of my PhD. I've fallen to bits on many an occasion, I drink more than I ever used to, I have sleepless nights worrying about things and feel a constant sense of inadequacy, dread and trepidation as to what the future holds. It's only gotten worse in these past few weeks/months as I get to the conclusion and attempt to balance finishing the write-up and balancing job seeking. It's been utterly horrendous the past week or so when I was offered a seemingly dream position but turned it down for personal reasons, thus further fuelling the dread that I'm not going to find a suitable position at the end of it all. In the past few weeks I've noticed a deterioration in my physical health, an increase in alcohol consumption (even more-so than normal) and a tendency to break down at the slightest thing as pressure continues to mount. Hell, yesterday I got home from grocery shopping and discovered that I'd bought conditioner instead of shampoo and that was it. Floodgates open.

My experiences of depression are incredibly mild and I'd never label myself as such but I certainly suffer from constant anxiety at the minute and I've become incredibly intimate with the feeling of being stressed. I find it nice that a lot of posters on here, including some I perhaps haven't gotten on with in the past, are willing to open up, share their own experiences and provide advice. I can fully understand why people with no emotional support network struggle to deal with hardship and some go to very dark places indeed, in some instances to the point of no return. Lovely group of folks we have on here really.

[MSK]

I remember speaking to a therapist who said to me, as good as I may feel depression could only be one knock away ...putting that into perspective she perhaps has a point but then again it is entirely up to the individuals coping mechanism. I lost both my Mum & my Dad within weeks of each other earlier this year & those words rang aloud in my ears. However after what I had been through I felt so much stronger, it wasnt about me this time, it was about supporting members of my family who had supported me through my dark days, I had to remain strong, my family needed me more than I had ever expected. Feeling down or sorry for myself was never an option & it is amazing how your collective inner strength, will power or whatever you fancy calling it comes to the fore in situations like that, it certainly puts the more menial of lifes chores into perspective.

The greiving will go on, I dont think you can ever get over losing loved ones but I can look back to my therapists reference & think ..I had a double knock, a totally unexpected double knock but it didnt & I wouldnt allow it to drag me back down that dark road again. I done my bit & my family did theirs, I took comfort that they were there for me, what little to pay to be there for them.

[Hibrandenburg]

Excellent thread and the posts made by many that I hold in high esteem should give comfort and hopefully help de-stigmatise those sufferers on here.

[yeezus.]

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Couldn't agree more and it only gets worse the further on you go at University!

I had no issues going through my undergraduate degree. I had my girlfriend and a good network of friends around me and we all shared the same philosophy of working hard but playing hard. There's three groups of people who go to University in my experience - those who go to party, those who enjoy a balanced life and those who hibernate behind a wall of books, essays and deadlines.

During my undergrad, I allocated plenty of time to getting things done in reasonable time. I've never to this day pulled an all-nighter trying to get things done and I was very much an advocate of taking what grade I got and realising my level accordingly. I'm not exactly stupid and I was in the fortunate position where I consistently got decent grades and so this wasn't a stress to me during this time. I know plenty of people who crumbled during this time as grades, social aspects etc didn't go for them and if you've no coping mechanism then anxiety, stress and depression are going to hit hard.

When I progressed to my Masters course, I maintained the same philosophy - I had a good group of friends around me again (many of whom joined the course from my undergrad classes) and my now wife was still an ever-present crux. However, I certainly noticed the demands and pressures which come with University when I started my PhD. I have had the support of my wife throughout the process but it is quite easily one of the most soul destroying and isolated experiences any one person can undertake. I've been hindered by a poor lead supervisory relationship, an office with absolutely zero social dynamic and an unmanageable pressure to meet the bar set by previous "golden" students. Not only that but the PhD is the start of a journey into academia where there are more people than places so not only are you undergoing a stressful transition from student to researcher but you're having to somehow define yourself as elite and go over and above to set yourself apart from the rest.

I've no problem admitting that I've struggled through periods of my PhD. I've fallen to bits on many an occasion, I drink more than I ever used to, I have sleepless nights worrying about things and feel a constant sense of inadequacy, dread and trepidation as to what the future holds. It's only gotten worse in these past few weeks/months as I get to the conclusion and attempt to balance finishing the write-up and balancing job seeking. It's been utterly horrendous the past week or so when I was offered a seemingly dream position but turned it down for personal reasons, thus further fuelling the dread that I'm not going to find a suitable position at the end of it all. In the past few weeks I've noticed a deterioration in my physical health, an increase in alcohol consumption (even more-so than normal) and a tendency to break down at the slightest thing as pressure continues to mount. Hell, yesterday I got home from grocery shopping and discovered that I'd bought conditioner instead of shampoo and that was it. Floodgates open.

My experiences of depression are incredibly mild and I'd never label myself as such but I certainly suffer from constant anxiety at the minute and I've become incredibly intimate with the feeling of being stressed. I find it nice that a lot of posters on here, including some I perhaps haven't gotten on with in the past, are willing to open up, share their own experiences and provide advice. I can fully understand why people with no emotional support network struggle to deal with hardship and some go to very dark places indeed, in some instances to the point of no return. Lovely group of folks we have on here really.

Thanks for that - it's good to know others were in the same position. I've put my University place on hold for now - there is just no communication between departments at Aberdeen - I'd get letters threatening me with suspension despite having made other arrangements with department heads before hand. Having packed University in, I'm now alone - in Stranraer, with no job and a fresh feeling hopelessness - especially considering there is no counselor in my area.

I have great appreciaton for the people who post on here - I think it will do us the world of good.

[euansdad]

Sorry hear that mate and it sounds as if the university haven't really helped in alleviating any pressure on you. I wish you well and hope things get easier. Can you move back to nearer any family?

[yeezus.]

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Sorry hear that mate and it sounds as if the university haven't really helped in alleviating any pressure on you. I wish you well and hope things get easier. Can you move back to nearer any family?

I'm living with family at the moment. All my friends are in Aberdeen - with the cost of flats up there it's just not possible for me to move.

[Pretty Boy]

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Thanks for that - it's good to know others were in the same position. I've put my University place on hold for now - there is just no communication between departments at Aberdeen - I'd get letters threatening me with suspension despite having made other arrangements with department heads before hand. Having packed University in, I'm now alone - in Stranraer, with no job and a fresh feeling hopelessness - especially considering there is no counselor in my area.

I have great appreciaton for the people who post on here - I think it will do us the world of good.

It's funny you mention Aberdeen as that's where I went to uni and moving there was when I first noticed my problems.

Not blaming the city in itself, when I was well it was a great city to be a student but I agree the uni were difficult to deal with. I tried to explain problems and offer compromises and one person would agree before I got a threatening letter from another 2 days later, that didn't help my stress levels. Also whilst Aberdeen is a big city I had a irrational feeling of being miles from anywhere (home maybe?) and felt like I was in a strange place.

If you're feeling isolated at home just now feel free to send me a PM as I'm more than happy to 'listen' if you need to get things off your chest. That's if you feel comfortable getting advice from a hypochondriac, depressed stranger of course!!

[GORDONSMITH7]

Funnily enough a few lads were talking about this just the other day on the Bounce. I will put a link to this excellent thread across there if you don't mind. I think that it would be appreciated.

BIG G

[euansdad]

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Funnily enough a few lads were talking about this just the other day on the Bounce. I will put a link to this excellent thread across there if you don't mind. I think that it would be appreciated.

BIG G

Definitely. Thanks mate

[green leaves]

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Funnily enough a few lads were talking about this just the other day on the Bounce. I will put a link to this excellent thread across there if you don't mind. I think that it would be appreciated.

BIG G

Thanks Gordon,a very interesting read,it was me who started a the Bounce thread and i no another poster on this thread was also employed by a Japanese firm in Livi,is there a link?or is it down to watching hibs?

ive been struggling for a wee while now,but finally gave in an sought medical advice,firstly prescribed beta blockers,to calm me during panic attacks,they made me worse!Now on Citalopram,only on day 2 of the tablets,so not noticed much difference so far.I suffer from panic attacks and just generally getting my self worked up over nothing,stupid trivial things.

Signed off from work for 4 weeks,to give me a break and to give the pills time to work.

Thanks for this very imformative thread.

[EuanH78]

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Thanks Gordon,a very interesting read,it was me who started a the Bounce thread and i no another poster on this thread was also employed by a Japanese firm in Livi,is there a link?or is it down to watching hibs?

ive been struggling for a wee while now,but finally gave in an sought medical advice,firstly prescribed beta blockers,to calm me during panic attacks,they made me worse!Now on Citalopram,only on day 2 of the tablets,so not noticed much difference so far.I suffer from panic attacks and just generally getting my self worked up over nothing,stupid trivial things.

Signed off from work for 4 weeks,to give me a break and to give the pills time to work.

Thanks for this very imformative thread.

I found that once you understand the physiology of panic attacks they are much easier to deal with.

Hopefully without being patronising - panic attacks are a throwback to older times, basically when the body or mind perceives a threat it creates a fight or flight response (the panic attack) hyperventilating, heightened awareness etc. even down to the bowels evacuating to make running away or fighting easier.

This is fine when you are likely to be getting chased around by a bear or something but not if its a mild social phobia or something like that. Trouble is, the part of the brain that creates them cant distinguish the difference between the threats so one response fits all which in modern times can be inappropriate.

I found them easier to deal with by knowing that I could rationalise what was happening. Hopefully it can help someone else too.

[CropleyWasGod]

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I found that once you understand the physiology of panic attacks they are much easier to deal with.

Hopefully without being patronising - panic attacks are a throwback to older times, basically when the body or mind perceives a threat it creates a fight or flight response (the panic attack) hyperventilating, heightened awareness etc. even down to the bowels evacuating to make running away or fighting easier.

This is fine when you are likely to be getting chased around by a bear or something but not if its a mild social phobia or something like that. Trouble is, the part of the brain that creates them cant distinguish the difference between the threats so one response fits all which in modern times can be inappropriate.

I found them easier to deal with by knowing that I could rationalise what was happening. Hopefully it can help someone else too.

Rationalising things also helped me to deal with my depression.

Once I stopped trying to run away from my condition (which was always pointless, futile and left me feeling more of a failure), I started to understand the physiology of it all. As things stand, there is no "cure" for depression; in that respect, it is like HIV and cancer.

I did a lot of work some years ago for an HIV self-help group, and I learned a lot about how people with that condition accept and manage things. It is central to their lives, in some cases defines their lives, and they change and manage their lives accordingly.

I imitated a lot of what they did. I "embraced" my condition, understood that (as far as I know, because as a society we don't KNOW a lot yet) it was partly physiological.... and made the appropriate changes to my lifestyle. Those changes didn't cure things, of course, but to a certain extent they took the sting out of them.

Of course, it's easy to sit here in a lucid period and say "yeah, try and rationalise". The last thing we are when we are depressed is rational. However, maybe some of you can file this away in your sub-conscious and, when things feel a bit easier, look at it again.

[stu in nottingham]

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Now on Citalopram,only on day 2 of the tablets,so not noticed much difference so far.[...]Signed off from work for 4 weeks,to give me a break and to give the pills time to work.

Think the advice on Citalopram is that it can take 4-6 weeks to be effective so hang in there and be patient, Cowie.

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Rationalising things also helped me to deal with my depression.

Once I stopped trying to run away from my condition (which was always pointless, futile and left me feeling more of a failure), I started to understand the physiology of it all. As things stand, there is no "cure" for depression; in that respect, it is like HIV and cancer.

I did a lot of work some years ago for an HIV self-help group, and I learned a lot about how people with that condition accept and manage things. It is central to their lives, in some cases defines their lives, and they change and manage their lives accordingly.

I imitated a lot of what they did. I "embraced" my condition, understood that (as far as I know, because as a society we don't KNOW a lot yet) it was partly physiological.... and made the appropriate changes to my lifestyle. Those changes didn't cure things, of course, but to a certain extent they took the sting out of them.

Exactly the right approach in my humble opinion, to think in terms of managing the condition rather than chasing a 'cure'. In this way we can find acceptance of who we are, understand and learn to love ourselves. It takes the feeling of 'failure' away and allows us to operate in a way that is comfortable and caring of ourselves.

To help people feel better at what might perhaps at first seem a disappointing outlook, consider the reported responses about quality of life from people with a wide range of chronic illnesses. They, in spite of their chronic conditions, often report a better quality of life. Although this may seem unlikely it has been seen time over. It's due to a heightened concentration on the other good things in their lives, for example appreciating their friends and family more. It is important to understand that chronic conditions can offer other openings to feelings of well-being.

[stu in nottingham]

There's a lot of useful information about depression and anxiety within this site:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/

Conversation about Citalopram:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=19267

[Phil D. Rolls]

If people viewed depression like the view physical illness, they would not tell sufferers to pull themself together. It's like asking a man with a broken leg why he didn't run for a bus. The very thing that you would pull yourself together with is broken.

[EuanH78]

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There's a lot of useful information about depression and anxiety within this site:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/

Conversation about Citalopram:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=19267

Got to say Citalopram has worked for me, I had previously been on Paroxetine but stopped that because it was making me feel like a different person altogether.

First few weeks of citalopram I had dry mouth and skin, disturbed sleep, nausea, lethargy and the brain zaps (you'll know them if you get them, a bit scary at first tbh but nothing to worry about ) though most of these side effects have passed now all but occasionally.

[stu in nottingham]

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Got to say Citalopram has worked for me, I had previously been on Paroxetine but stopped that because it was making me feel like a different person altogether.

First few weeks of citalopram I had dry mouth and skin, disturbed sleep, nausea, lethargy and the brain zaps (you'll know them if you get them, a bit scary at first tbh but nothing to worry about ) though most of these side effects have passed now all but occasionally.

I'm glad you mentioned the 'brain zaps'. I began a course of Citalopram some years ago for a while and distinctly remember after a day or two having some very uncomfortable mental sensations, almost like I was losing control of my thinking. I was a little shocked by it. It was however short-lived. I had wondered if I had somehow imagined it or if it was some placebo-type efect?

Citalopram did absolutely nothing for me - apart from give me one or two unpleasant side-effects. Your story just goes to show though that it takes different things for different people to help. Glad they were good for you, Euan.

[Edinburghlass]

Can definitely relate to a lot of what has been said on here. Most of my 20s was lost to depression and I had something of a mid-life crisis early than I should have! Most of it came down to me trying to measure myself against everyone else. I was out of work while just about all my peers were working and seemingly doing well in their careers, they were dating, getting married and having the sort of life that seemed unattainable to me. Between 2004 and 2005, I had 9 jobs. Most lasted as little as 2 months as I blundered from one position to another, confidence would take a hit, would move on, fail there, move on again with lower confidence, move job again, and so on.

I've tried spells of counselling, fluoxetine, temazepam, but the thing that really worked was self acceptance. At risk of sounding like an old hippy, once I learned to accept who I was and not measure myself against other people, I got happier. I've not really had any success with relationships but so what? Other people might consider my life as being a bit pathetic for spending much of it on my own, but so what?! That says more about their needs than mine. I've never hit the heights in my career, but I work with great people and laugh regularly each day of my life at work. Can many other people say that? That's what matters to me, not te size of my pay packet, type of car I drive or any of the other unimportant things that people were telling me I'd failed for.

I had to dump a few people to get away from their mindsets, but it's worked for me. Even when I was dating someone who used to hit me, I valued other people's acceptance of me as part of a couple more than I cared about myself taking a beating! That's how low my confidence was and how desperate I was for people to accept me and be 'normal'. (Difficult to explain, but people's attitudes towards me as a person changed massively when I was in that relationship - suddenly I wasn't on the outside looking in, but I was living the same life as everyone else) Being on my own is something I'm comfortable with, and I don't live in fear in my own home that I'm going to get a kicking if I say the wrong thing.

I'm not naturally competitive, so a competitive environment and people don't suit me. It's took about 10 years from the minute I left Uni to be happy in my career. I just gave up being ambitious and career focused, started going home at 5pm, focused on the things I enjoy, stopped measuring myself through other people's eyes and I've not needed any medication since 2005. I think those factors are all inter-related!

[euansdad]

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Can definitely relate to a lot of what has been said on here. Most of my 20s was lost to depression and I had something of a mid-life crisis early than I should have! Most of it came down to me trying to measure myself against everyone else. I was out of work while just about all my peers were working and seemingly doing well in their careers, they were dating, getting married and having the sort of life that seemed unattainable to me. Between 2004 and 2005, I had 9 jobs. Most lasted as little as 2 months as I blundered from one position to another, confidence would take a hit, would move on, fail there, move on again with lower confidence, move job again, and so on.

I've tried spells of counselling, fluoxetine, temazepam, but the thing that really worked was self acceptance. At risk of sounding like an old hippy, once I learned to accept who I was and not measure myself against other people, I got happier. I've not really had any success with relationships but so what? Other people might consider my life as being a bit pathetic for spending much of it on my own, but so what?! That says more about their needs than mine. I've never hit the heights in my career, but I work with great people and laugh regularly each day of my life at work. Can many other people say that? That's what matters to me, not te size of my pay packet, type of car I drive or any of the other unimportant things that people were telling me I'd failed for.

I had to dump a few people to get away from their mindsets, but it's worked for me. Even when I was dating someone who used to hit me, I valued other people's acceptance of me as part of a couple more than I cared about myself taking a beating! That's how low my confidence was and how desperate I was for people to accept me and be 'normal'. (Difficult to explain, but people's attitudes towards me as a person changed massively when I was in that relationship - suddenly I wasn't on the outside looking in, but I was living the same life as everyone else) Being on my own is something I'm comfortable with, and I don't live in fear in my own home that I'm going to get a kicking if I say the wrong thing.

I'm not naturally competitive, so a competitive environment and people don't suit me. It's took about 10 years from the minute I left Uni to be happy in my career. I just gave up being ambitious and career focused, started going home at 5pm, focused on the things I enjoy, stopped measuring myself through other people's eyes and I've not needed any medication since 2005. I think those factors are all inter-related!

Sounds good and I'm glad it worked for you. Think your spot on in terms of competitiveness. It can motivate but it can also really drag you down. My old man kept pushing and comparing me with others to try and motivate me and that trend continued in the army and to be honest, after a while, it convinced me that I wasn't good enough no matter what I did!

[Edinburghlass]

You're not wrong. Once I'd learned that the things people were telling me were important, really weren't that important to me, everything got better. Living my own life and not for others made the difference. It just took me a little while to get there

[Lucius Apuleius]

A very interesting thread and certainly opened my eyes. I could have put myself firmly in the “pull yourself” bracket until reading this. Lack of understanding probably. Not for one second saying I have had a revelation and now fully understand because I don’t, although, as I said I think I have a greater understanding. Two very close relations of mine were prescribed anti depressants (I don’t recall what they were (the drugs, not the relations )) after I was diagnosed with cancer. I had, and still do to a certain extent, have problems with that. I am ill but I am getting on with life, travelling abroad and getting on with my work when not going through treatment and it is they who require treatment for depression? Flummoxed me. I was depressed at the time obviously yet felt there was no way I could go to a doctor and admit it. Ended up me being the strong one for the others. Now, that is not to say the persons concerned were not absolutely fantastic and looked after me in other ways, they did, to such an extent I don’t think I would have come out the other side without them. Looking back, and I still have cancer that is never going away, I can see now that we were all probably feeling the same way yet we approached it from different directions. I faced the demons inside my head and decided they could never win; they needed a little more time and assistance to get there.

Now, this leads me to the crux of the manner, and please, nobody take this in the wrong way, it is a genuine question. I am not going to quote each and every post, that would be ludicrous, however the vast majority of the posts indicate to me that some form of acceptance with the condition has been achieved by a self analysis that you have to be who you are and not who other people expect you to be. That is fantastic and a creed that I have believed in all my life. Does that not constitute “pulling yourself together” ?

Sincere good luck to everybody above in fighting these demons no matter how you do it, and also congratulations on being brave enough to post them on a public message board.

[CropleyWasGod]

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A very interesting thread and certainly opened my eyes. I could have put myself firmly in the “pull yourself” bracket until reading this. Lack of understanding probably. Not for one second saying I have had a revelation and now fully understand because I don’t, although, as I said I think I have a greater understanding. Two very close relations of mine were prescribed anti depressants (I don’t recall what they were (the drugs, not the relations )) after I was diagnosed with cancer. I had, and still do to a certain extent, have problems with that. I am ill but I am getting on with life, travelling abroad and getting on with my work when not going through treatment and it is they who require treatment for depression? Flummoxed me. I was depressed at the time obviously yet felt there was no way I could go to a doctor and admit it. Ended up me being the strong one for the others. Now, that is not to say the persons concerned were not absolutely fantastic and looked after me in other ways, they did, to such an extent I don’t think I would have come out the other side without them. Looking back, and I still have cancer that is never going away, I can see now that we were all probably feeling the same way yet we approached it from different directions. I faced the demons inside my head and decided they could never win; they needed a little more time and assistance to get there.

Now, this leads me to the crux of the manner, and please, nobody take this in the wrong way, it is a genuine question. I am not going to quote each and every post, that would be ludicrous, however the vast majority of the posts indicate to me that some form of acceptance with the condition has been achieved by a self analysis that you have to be who you are and not who other people expect you to be. That is fantastic and a creed that I have believed in all my life. Does that not constitute “pulling yourself together” ?

Sincere good luck to everybody above in fighting these demons no matter how you do it, and also congratulations on being brave enough to post them on a public message board.

You raise a lot of interesting points, which have formed part of the debate and research in recent years.

One of the buzz-words just now is "resilience".... the measure of how we react to, normally negative, life upheavals. In your case, you were diagnosed, but it was those around you who apparently suffered more in mental health terms. That suggest that they have less resilience than you. Easy to say, but so difficult to rationalise. Why are some more resilient than others? Is it genetic, environmental, physiological? That's only one of the great mysteries surrounding depression.

As for "pulling yourself together", there are different ways of doing that. What depression sufferers hate, though, is the attitude that says "there's f all wrong with you. Man up. " etc etc...... it's ignorant, and never helpful. Generally, it's said in a negative manner, albeit it may be well-meaning. The kind of "pulling yourself together" that you describe, though, is much more positive.... but it can take years. Years of trial and error, of pain for you and your loved ones.

[CropleyWasGod]

A question for everyone on here.

My son has a college project to do, and he is probably going to do it on depression. He has been reading this thread with interest.

The question is.... is anyone willing to be quoted in his project? He won't use any of your user names, and he doesn't know any of you personally, so confidentiality shouldn't be an issue. However, he and I respect your rights in that respect, so no-one would be quoted without their consent.

Probably best if you PM me with your thoughts.

Ta.

[Lucius Apuleius]

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You raise a lot of interesting points, which have formed part of the debate and research in recent years.

One of the buzz-words just now is "resilience".... the measure of how we react to, normally negative, life upheavals. In your case, you were diagnosed, but it was those around you who apparently suffered more in mental health terms. That suggest that they have less resilience than you. Easy to say, but so difficult to rationalise. Why are some more resilient than others? Is it genetic, environmental, physiological? That's only one of the great mysteries surrounding depression.

As for "pulling yourself together", there are different ways of doing that. What depression sufferers hate, though, is the attitude that says "there's f all wrong with you. Man up. " etc etc...... it's ignorant, and never helpful. Generally, it's said in a negative manner, albeit it may be well-meaning. The kind of "pulling yourself together" that you describe, though, is much more positive.... but it can take years. Years of trial and error, of pain for you and your loved ones.

Thanks for that CWG. See where you are coming from with the resilience and how difficult it would be to rationalise. I have to admit, although I often thought of saying the negative comments you come out with, I never did. Resilience again?

Thankfull to say that both are now off the pills so maybe it was just a case of something needed to help them through stuff. Me? I am still on the drugs

[yeezus.]

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It's funny you mention Aberdeen as that's where I went to uni and moving there was when I first noticed my problems.

Not blaming the city in itself, when I was well it was a great city to be a student but I agree the uni were difficult to deal with. I tried to explain problems and offer compromises and one person would agree before I got a threatening letter from another 2 days later, that didn't help my stress levels. Also whilst Aberdeen is a big city I had a irrational feeling of being miles from anywhere (home maybe?) and felt like I was in a strange place.

If you're feeling isolated at home just now feel free to send me a PM as I'm more than happy to 'listen' if you need to get things off your chest. That's if you feel comfortable getting advice from a hypochondriac, depressed stranger of course!!

Yeah I hear that quite a few people who have moved to Aberdeen suffer. When I was 17 I just wanted to get as far away from Stranraer as possible. Cheers for your help - I'll maybe take you up on that PM sometime.

[PatHead]

Euan's dad

A doctor once said to me that depression doesn't happen overnight and can take months to have a full impact. Equally it doesn't go away overnight and you have to be patient.

Apart from your normal medication try baby steps and make sure and give yourself a treat at least once a day, doesn't have to be anything major it could be as simple as taking the kids to the park and watching them laugh, having a fish supper now and then, playing football with the kids, going for a walk and feeling the rain on your face, telling the wife how much you love her- just something that you enjoy and makes you feel good. But be sure and "treat" yourself at least once a day. Think about how you appreciate it and remember it when you are struggling. Stupid thing to say but I always found smiling helps.

Hopefully these small moments will build up and become more frequent then you may can start enjoying life again. Be sure and talk to others about it, don't let it bottle up. Follow any guidance and follow instructions you get from the Doctor. Be sure to note any times you are appreciated, remember them when you are down. Helps improve self worth.

You will have some more bad times just be sure and try to keep forcing yourself to have a treat. It won't cure you its own but it may give you something to look forward to........until the baby comes!

Keep your chins up!

[hibsbollah]

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Now, this leads me to the crux of the manner, and please, nobody take this in the wrong way, it is a genuine question. I am not going to quote each and every post, that would be ludicrous, however the vast majority of the posts indicate to me that some form of acceptance with the condition has been achieved by a self analysis that you have to be who you are and not who other people expect you to be. That is fantastic and a creed that I have believed in all my life. Does that not constitute “pulling yourself together” ?

After thinking about what you've said and the thoughtful way in which you've said it, I think you're right. Part of the answer to getting well is in simple terms, 'pulling yourself together'. The problem is there is often an accompanying subtext to this phrase which is '...and therefore stop being such a bairn'. I don't have a problem with the phrase personally, as long as the severity of the illness and the depth of the hole that the sufferer needs to climb out of, is understood.

Theres another elephant in the room here. Supporting Hibs is bad for your mental health. Discuss

[CropleyWasGod]

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After thinking about what you've said and the thoughtful way in which you've said it, I think you're right. Part of the answer to getting well is in simple terms, 'pulling yourself together'. The problem is there is often an accompanying subtext to this phrase which is '...and therefore stop being such a bairn'. I don't have a problem with the phrase personally, as long as the severity of the illness and the depth of the hole that the sufferer needs to climb out of, is understood.

I take your point.... but one could also say that about any recoverable illness. I have yet to hear anyone say "those words" without some sort of negativity attached. The result, almost always, is a further erosion of any self-esteem.

[hibsbollah]

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I take your point.... but one could also say that about any recoverable illness. I have yet to hear anyone say "those words" without some sort of negativity attached. The result, almost always, is a further erosion of any self-esteem.

Its probably one of those phrases that you can use about yourself but you should probably avoid when speaking about others.