'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

[steve75]

always had a soft spot for, I guess what you would call educational(?), jokes. Jokes to do with maths and the likes.

best two I've heard recently

My dad once told me i had a lot of potential, right before he pushed me off the balcony.

&

(not so much a joke, but I like it)

sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium sodium BATMAN!

anyone else out there with an awful sense of humour?

[Peevemor]

40 pager.

[Jack]

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a Halloween lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi!

[Wembley67]

Bought a car off Bonnie Tyler the other week.

It's a great runner but every now and then it falls apart.

[fat freddy]

i've got a mate with a seagull on his head - Cliff

[howdenthehibby]

A debate in the Middle East about whether the flintstones should be shown on TV.The people in Dubai do not understand the humour,but those in Abi Dabi do.

[Barney McGrew]

Are you suffering from schizophrenia?

You're not alone.

[hibby19]

Why did the number get mad at his wife?

Because she was being irrational.

[sleeping giant]

Q: Whats the difference between a duck ?

A: One of its legs are both the same !

[Twa Cairpets]

Whats Orange and invisble?



































No carrots.

[--------]

Q: What is the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: An etymologist would know the difference.


Did you know that Pokemon was originally a Rastafarian proctologist?


Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you've got it made.


I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.


I passed advanced calculus yesterday. It was very painful, and I'm still pissing blood.

[Marabou Stork]

As mathematical jokes go, I like this one.

[Hermit Crab]

Did you hear about the Irish paper shop?



It blew away!



(i will get my coat)

[Pretty Boy]

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street performer juggling. He notices they are struggling to see him so stands up on a box so they can get a better view. He turns to each of them in turn and asks if the view is now better. They each answer in turn:
'Yes'
'Oui'
'Si'
'Ja'

[Hibs90]

This maths test can predict your all time hero, and the person you most aspire to be like. Try it without looking at the answers.

Pick a number between 1 and 9
Then x3
Then +3
Then x3 again.
You'll get a 2 digit number.
Add the two digits together to find the person you most aspire to be like.

1. Muhammed Ali
2. Alan Shearer
3. Bob Marley
4. Winston Churchill
5. Elvis Presley
6. Pele
7. John Lennon
8. Bobby Moore
9. Gary Glitter

[Greentinted]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

This maths test can predict your all time hero, and the person you most aspire to be like. Try it without looking at the answers.

Pick a number between 1 and 9
Then x3
Then +3
Then x3 again.
You'll get a 2 digit number.
Add the two digits together to find the person you most aspire to be like.

1. Muhammed Ali
2. Alan Shearer
3. Bob Marley
4. Winston Churchill
5. Elvis Presley
6. Pele
7. John Lennon
8. Bobby Moore
9. Gary Glitter

Thats very naughty...

[Greentinted]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Q: What is the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: An etymologist would know the difference.


Did you know that Pokemon was originally a Rastafarian proctologist?


Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you've got it made.


I went to a restaurant with a sign that said they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.


I passed advanced calculus yesterday. It was very painful, and I'm still pissing blood.

I really like the first one but I'm thinking that must mean I'm a bit 'wrong'.

And I have to 'borrow' the renaissance one, I did indeed laugh audibly.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

And I have to 'borrow' the renaissance one, I did indeed laugh audibly.

Stuart Francis on Mock the Week IIRC?

[DH1875]

Q: Why do Flamingo's stand on one leg?
A: They'd fall down if they lifted both.

Q: What cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam.

[magnificent_seven]

What do the French say when the tide is coming in?
-Merci

Why was the prisoner lonely?
-He was in his cell

Whats the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
-Bing sings but Walt disnae.

Probably not 'smart jokes' but they are bad!

How did the man drown in the bath?
-He farted and tried to smell it

[sleeping giant]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Q: Why do Flamingo's stand on one leg?
A: They'd fall down if they lifted both.

[blackpoolhibs]

Stunning lady walks up to a bar.
She signals the barman to bring his face close to hers.
Running her fingers through his hair she says softly "Are you the manager?"
"No", he says......"Can you give him a message?" she asks,
stroking his face & allowing 2 fingers to slip into his mouth so he can suck them gently & sliding them seductively across his teeth & round his tongue.
"Tell him there's no toilet paper."!!

[blackpoolhibs]

A couple took their young son to the circus and when the elephants appeared, the boy seemed very intrigued by them.

"Mommy, what's that long thing on the elephant?" he asked.

"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.

"No, not that. What's that long thing that's hanging between the elephant's legs?" asked the boy.

Embarrassed, the mother replied, "Oh, it's nothing, son." She then left to get some hot dogs and sodas.

While she was gone, the young boy turned to his father and asked, "Daddy, what's that long thing hanging between the elephant's legs?"

"That's the elephant's *****, son," explained the father.

"Well, why did mommy say it was nothing when I asked her?" the boy asked.

Taking a deep breath, the father proudly replied, "I've spoiled that woman, son!"

[ancient hibee]

"Is that a do'nut or a meringue?"

"No you're quite correct-it's a do'nut."

[Leicester Fan]

I got a ghost to pose for a photograph for me but when I had the pictures developed they were too dark to see anything.

It seems the spirit was willing but the flash was weak.

[Bunter]

I shoved some grapes up my wife's bum last night.

She didn't complain much. She just let out a little wine.

[steve75]

got a couple of good 'equations'

If a pizza has a height A and radius Z, find the volume.

Circumference (C) = Pi x Radius²
Volume (V) = C x height

V = Pi.radius.radius.height

sub in variables;

V = Pi.Z.Z.A

Proof that girls are evil

Girls require time and money

Girls = Time x Money

We know that time is money

Girls = Money x Money = (Money)²

As money is the root of all evil

money = √evil

therefore we take

Girls = (√evil)²

thus

Girls = Evil

[Hibs90]

I don't take orders from anyone.
Which is most probably why my restaurant went bust.


I saw Cristiano Ronaldo in town today.
I said, "Can you sign my shirt?"
He said, "Have you got a pen?"
I said, "****, no. Hang on".
With that I threw myself on the floor, rolled over theatrically and began to cry.
He said, "How's that going to get a pen?"
I said, "Well that's how you ****ing do it"


My mates call me gay because I can't stay on a skateboard for longer than a minute.
I'd like to see them try it with high heels on.


My wife just said, "It's your turn next, what do you want for Father's Day?"
"A blowjob" I replied.
"Ha-ha, but what do you want from your daughter?"
I am sick o death of repeating myself to that woman.

[haagsehibby]

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those that understand binary and those who don't.

[steve75]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those that understand binary and those who don't.

00001010/00001010