An occasion where the result of a football match of no practical consequence is marked by; nazi saluting, sectarian singing, getting pointlessly arrested, smashing up your opponents seating (when you know the bill to repair it will be sent to your own cash strapped club for payment), making complete fuds of yourselves on national television and watching your collection of journeymen players conducting themselves afterwards like rather embarrassing surviving contestants on a celebrity talent show. (see separate entry under 'Parading 3 points on open top bus')
[quote=Speedway;1060162]In the spirit of Wikipedia, please feel free to contribute new or update existing definitions found below until we have a full and concise compendium of reference.
Yam - ( Tool, tube, trumpet, muppet )
A mentally impaired or victim of circumstance follower of a derivitive of association football called hoofball (see hoofball)
A Yam, What A Yam! (Mocking, belittling)
A frequently misheard phrase uttered by the cartoon character Popeye. Also heard as 'I am what I am'
Yamfuddery (Knucklescraping, delusion)
Any specious reasoning used to dismiss impending doom.
Yamonomics (innumerate, Enron accounting)
The ability to calculate huge losses, ofset them against assets, still have huge losses and claim to be going in the right direction to Champions League glory.
A McVlad (Poison, Genetically Modified)
Burger served in McDonalds with iceberg lettuce, attractive advertising but ultimately of no substance shooting straight through you and out the other end leaving you feeling hollow and lonely inside.
Yammery (idiocy, cretinous, stupidity)
Any line of thought that lacks reality, reason, sense, foresight or logic.
That is absolutely class Speedway - here I am in a posh French University killing myself laughing at that!!! Genius
here are my offerings
to vlad (verb : to hoodwink, rip off without getting your comeuppence)
The act of artificially raising the hopes of lesser beings - usually lacking in formative education and therefore mathematical ability - with a short spell of relative success. Funding for this success must come from shady sources, preferably Bosnain pension funds. Currently more often used in the conditional tense i.e. " I could have vladded it if only I didn't have to submit my accounts to the government"
40,000 - much like the meaning of life apparently equalling 42, this number is to be used to represent any hypothetical figures thrown out by any CEO of any company regarding profit projections, output capacity, market share capacity etc that are clearly (to everyone except shareholders) utterly barmy and conceived in a back room under the influence of Lithuanina 90% proof alchohol
Yam Debt - a very intricate optical illusion performed by Vladimir Romanov whereby he appears to make £30m worth of debt disappear into thin air (please note this illusion only works on Hearts fans..any attempt to recreate this illusion on a group of people with half a brain-cell will only result in you looking foolish)
Scottish Cup 2006 - A "proper" cup that was won by Hearts and was completely worth adding £10m worth of debt to the club to win...and was in no-way whatsoever devalued by Hearts beating a injury ravaged Hibs reserve team in the semi-final and being taken to a penalty shoot-out by second division Gretna in the final.
Refers to level headed and balanced opinion offered by followers of HOMfc when posting their opinion on internet message boards. See also: Mythology.
Yamedia (Pedestal Falling, Laughing Stock)
The sending out of promotional material depicting what the 'beautiful people' will be wearing this summer without detecting the huge irony. Also the process of getting fined for accusing authoritarian figues at the SFA.
Yamarksandsparks (How much?, Ah've nae got ma wallet)
Any type of retail outlet too expensive and classy for a follower of HOMfc. See also: Non Cash-Only Businesses
Another Yamism or two: Yamland - The ancestral home of Yams. Use to be called Tynie, now reregistered as the The Pink Bus Shelter. Last available data suggested there were 400,000 residents of Yamland prompting governmental concerns about health, safety and - understandably - inbreeding. Recent plans have been filed to increase Yamland's national debt to £40 million thereby creating space for a doubling of the population. VladYam - The president-for-life of the republic of Yamland VladYamomaniac - A follower of VladYam characterised by blind obedience to, and belief in, VladYam Yamspeak - The language of Yamland with two recent examples being 'hoofball' to describe what the rest of the world (with the usual exception of the USA) calls football; and 'hacker' being used to describe 11 players put on a pitch wearing the maroon colours of Yamland. MidYamuania - Used to be known as a country in the Baltic area of Europe but since being taker over by VladYam it has become a phenomenal breeding ground for MidYamuanians. At the last count there were 62,000 MidYamuanians which had emigrated to and were now living in the Pink Bus Shelter.
Last edited by ancienthibby; 03-04-2007 at 01:58 PM.
Speedway, you are on form today - I wish I'd had the nous and required genius to start this thread!!!
A couple more that occurred to me when I should have been concentrating on European Economic Integration!!
To Burley (verb: to dare to do well under trying circumstances)
Introduced into common language in memory of George Burley, the great white hope who dared to pick his own team and paid the price - see also mutual consent yam style. Fortunately was replaced with a dream team of Hitzfeld and Ranieri who then led Hearts onto Champions League football and a domestic treble................ oh wait
Yambition: To cling desperately onto a faint hope that you might one day be anything other than the 3rd/4th biggest team in Scotland. Generally raised after a submarine commanding balloon feeds you continual tosh whilst the rest of scottish football pishes itself laughing, except under George Burley (see above) Also, cross-reference with mental borrowing ceilings.
A mythical piece of land that appeared briefly in 2006 but disappeared as quickly as it came. A bit like Atlantis outside of Yamland n. (see above). Ironically however, this piece of land seems to have been sighted for many years on the other side of the city and the "wee" people seem to basking in the sunshine. Just look at the smiles on their faces.
This U-Boat designation was given to the Yamarmy n. (see above) as an award to the great VladYam n. (see above) for his service to the Lithuanian cause. It will also be used for the eventual withdrawal of the VladYam followers as the fastest way out of the city. See below.
Yamedy - A style of comedy known only to yams(see yams).
Today I will not be showing your portrait to you. It is pointless. You are one step away from becoming human beings.
Go and carefully have a look at yourself in the mirror. Don't you see a human in it?
Stop fighting for the values which the ex-captain of Hearts was fighting for.
Education and truthful information - that should be your input to humankind.
Your leader Mowgli is not taking bananas any more, now he is taking money for lies and untruthful interpretation. However he is greedy and makes you collect rotten information from cesspits and poisons readers with it.
This is unworthy even of a monkey.
Today I will express my opinion in English about refereeing in order that your Mowgli will not make you tell lies.
To discuss whether referees take money or not is the same as discussing a woman who gives herself with no love.
Isn't it better to concentrate on the standard of their work instead of looking for reasons for their poor performance?
A woman cheats herself and nature if she gives herself without love. If a referee officiates a game based on his personal love, he commits a cynical crime, especially when the public has trusted him.
I respect those referees who take money from two stupid teams and then honestly officiates a game. They do not harm football in any way. Though it is bad, still everybody is equal for them. Perhaps that is the reason why football in Italy will never die despite all the scandals that continuously shake it.
I think that is much better than being the champions for 40 years while building up the same system for a further 40 years.
Now it has become obvious to me why you, the Monkeys, were trying to ruin Hearts not only in the Championship, but in European competitions as well. I think it was not without your help that the 'frozen' referee from Russia was selected to officiate our match and that in the games against the Greek side we got three red cards.
It is not without your help that traitors were presented as heroes thus showing the road to children for betrayal.
You will always call teachers silly because unlike you they lead children along the correct path.
Protecting your values in that way just spoils not only football, but also a Scotsman's proud name.
I beg you Mowgli, take the monkeys back to the Safari Park!