Little things that give you pleasure

[Pretty Boy]

My bairns not well just now. Nothing serious, just a heavy cold. She's feeling a bit sorry for herself and just keeps coming to me for cuddles, wanting to curl up on my knee and wanting me to tuck her up in bed at night. From the minute I get home from work to when she goes to bed she won't let me out her sight.

It's quite nice knowing someone thinks you can sort out all their problems and make them better.

[overdrive]

Eating something you’ve not had in ages. Had potato waffles tonight for the first time in I don’t know how long and they were so good!

[Pretty Boy]

The problem pages in both The Telegraph and The Guardian. One revels in it's banality, the other is amazingly weird. Both are, at times, hilarious.

The Telegraph:

'Dear....

I'm a fabulously middle class lady who has a fabulously middle class life. Young Poppy and Hugo enjoy a wonderful education at our local independent school, it's Ofsted rating is simply marvellous. My husband is a very caring man who always makes sure I am always kitted out in all the latest fashion trends so I'm not out of place at the ladies lunch club. We holiday in the spring, summer and then enjoy hitting the slopes in the winter months. We have an excellent group of friends and to the outside world our marriage is a perfect one.

However I have a dark secret. Our sex life has always been satisfactory and we still enjoy our Wednesday evenings, Saturdays (only after a bottle of wine) and birthdays routine. In recent months I have been exchanging flirty glances with a rather rakish coloured chap who works in the village. Last week things went a step further when we said hello and he asked for my number. Since then we have exchanged a few texts and I even thought about him briefly whilst partaking in Wednesday coitous.

I'm absolutely racked with guilt and don't want to ruin my perfect marriage. Please help.'

The Guardian:

'Dear Sir....

I am University lecturer in Political Sciences. I have a wonderful life partner and we have 2 children to whom we have chosen not to assign a gender. We live a fabulous life and enjoy holidaying abroad and hitting the slopes in the winter. We are of course racked with guilt about this so pay for carbon offsetting and make our own compost. Our relationship has always been a happy one and we enjoy a range of ethical adventures together. As a lover I am tender, caring and ensure I put my equal partners needs before mine.

However I have a dark secret. For several months I have become obsessed with the idea of having my partner wear a Michael Foot donkey jacket and thrash me with a copy of the Morning Star whilst we watch uncensored footage of Tony Benn's speeches to the house from throughout the 80s. I finally plucked up the courage to suggest this to her but she was appalled. She couldn't believe I could reconcile the disparate views of Benn and Foot into a single fantasy and want's no part in it. However I suspect she has a hidden openness to the idea of light BDSM as when perusing the family tablet recently I discovered she had been viewing videos featuring the speeches of Mrs Thatcher. Please help.'

I could read them for days.

[Jones28]

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The problem pages in both The Telegraph and The Guardian. One revels in it's banality, the other is amazingly weird. Both are, at times, hilarious.

The Telegraph:

'Dear....

I'm a fabulously middle class lady who has a fabulously middle class life. Young Poppy and Hugo enjoy a wonderful education at our local independent school, it's Ofsted rating is simply marvellous. My husband is a very caring man who always makes sure I am always kitted out in all the latest fashion trends so I'm not out of place at the ladies lunch club. We holiday in the spring, summer and then enjoy hitting the slopes in the winter months. We have an excellent group of friends and to the outside world our marriage is a perfect one.

However I have a dark secret. Our sex life has always been satisfactory and we still enjoy our Wednesday evenings, Saturdays (only after a bottle of wine) and birthdays routine. In recent months I have been exchanging flirty glances with a rather rakish coloured chap who works in the village. Last week things went a step further when we said hello and he asked for my number. Since then we have exchanged a few texts and I even thought about him briefly whilst partaking in Wednesday coitous.

I'm absolutely racked with guilt and don't want to ruin my perfect marriage. Please help.'

The Guardian:

'Dear Sir....

I am University lecturer in Political Sciences. I have a wonderful life partner and we have 2 children to whom we have chosen not to assign a gender. We live a fabulous life and enjoy holidaying abroad and hitting the slopes in the winter. We are of course racked with guilt about this so pay for carbon offsetting and make our own compost. Our relationship has always been a happy one and we enjoy a range of ethical adventures together. As a lover I am tender, caring and ensure I put my equal partners needs before mine.

However I have a dark secret. For several months I have become obsessed with the idea of having my partner wear a Michael Foot donkey jacket and thrash me with a copy of the Morning Star whilst we watch uncensored footage of Tony Benn's speeches to the house from throughout the 80s. I finally plucked up the courage to suggest this to her but she was appalled. She couldn't believe I could reconcile the disparate views of Benn and Foot into a single fantasy and want's no part in it. However I suspect she has a hidden openness to the idea of light BDSM as when perusing the family tablet recently I discovered she had been viewing videos featuring the speeches of Mrs Thatcher. Please help.'

I could read them for days.

That is ****ing fantastic PB

[lord bunberry]

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The problem pages in both The Telegraph and The Guardian. One revels in it's banality, the other is amazingly weird. Both are, at times, hilarious.

The Telegraph:

'Dear....

I'm a fabulously middle class lady who has a fabulously middle class life. Young Poppy and Hugo enjoy a wonderful education at our local independent school, it's Ofsted rating is simply marvellous. My husband is a very caring man who always makes sure I am always kitted out in all the latest fashion trends so I'm not out of place at the ladies lunch club. We holiday in the spring, summer and then enjoy hitting the slopes in the winter months. We have an excellent group of friends and to the outside world our marriage is a perfect one.

However I have a dark secret. Our sex life has always been satisfactory and we still enjoy our Wednesday evenings, Saturdays (only after a bottle of wine) and birthdays routine. In recent months I have been exchanging flirty glances with a rather rakish coloured chap who works in the village. Last week things went a step further when we said hello and he asked for my number. Since then we have exchanged a few texts and I even thought about him briefly whilst partaking in Wednesday coitous.

I'm absolutely racked with guilt and don't want to ruin my perfect marriage. Please help.'

The Guardian:

'Dear Sir....

I am University lecturer in Political Sciences. I have a wonderful life partner and we have 2 children to whom we have chosen not to assign a gender. We live a fabulous life and enjoy holidaying abroad and hitting the slopes in the winter. We are of course racked with guilt about this so pay for carbon offsetting and make our own compost. Our relationship has always been a happy one and we enjoy a range of ethical adventures together. As a lover I am tender, caring and ensure I put my equal partners needs before mine.

However I have a dark secret. For several months I have become obsessed with the idea of having my partner wear a Michael Foot donkey jacket and thrash me with a copy of the Morning Star whilst we watch uncensored footage of Tony Benn's speeches to the house from throughout the 80s. I finally plucked up the courage to suggest this to her but she was appalled. She couldn't believe I could reconcile the disparate views of Benn and Foot into a single fantasy and want's no part in it. However I suspect she has a hidden openness to the idea of light BDSM as when perusing the family tablet recently I discovered she had been viewing videos featuring the speeches of Mrs Thatcher. Please help.'

I could read them for days.

[easty]

When they killed off Carl in the Walking Dead. He was a massive pain in the arse.

[Peevemor]

The noise of your car tyres on a wet road surface when you drive with the window open after a downpour.

Or maybe it's just me?

[patch1875]

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When they killed off Carl in the Walking Dead. He was a massive pain in the arse.

Ha ha!

Will get pleasure when they kill the whole programme now!

[WoreTheGreen]

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The noise of your car tyres on a wet road surface when you drive with the window open after a downpour.

Or maybe it's just me?

Or the sound of your tyres on gravel drive way.sadley I don’t have a gravel driveway so I make do by emptying the kids rice crispies and drive over them and make do

[Sudds_1]

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Or the sound of your tyres on gravel drive way.sadley I don’t have a gravel driveway so I make do by emptying the kids rice crispies and drive over them and make do

You have a good therapist? 😁

[WoreTheGreen]

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You have a good therapist? 😁

So they tell me

[Sudds_1]

Cornedbeef sli es mixed wibaked beans and covered in cheese. Oh ma ulcer! 😛😛

[Jim44]

When you buy a cheap bottle of wine expecting mediocrity and it turns out to be something special.

[Hermit Crab]

Irn-Bru 1901. You can feel your teeth melting with the sugar. Superb.

[Scouse Hibee]

Being served a perfectly poached runny yolk egg.

[Hermit Crab]

When you make home made burgers and they look better than Gordon Ramsays. Tasted immense as well!!

[Killiehibbie]

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Irn-Bru 1901. You can feel your teeth melting with the sugar. Superb.

75 dozen bottles in my local shop yesterday, interesting to see how many left tomorrow at 2 quid each?

[Pretty Boy]

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75 dozen bottles in my local shop yesterday, interesting to see how many left tomorrow at 2 quid each?

It's absolutely genius from Barrs marketing department.

Change a much loved recipe to a hostile reaction and state it's to avoid customers having to pay more because of the sugar tax. Conveniently discover a 'lost' recipe and bang it out at £2 a bottle as a limited edition. Get a very positive reaction. The final part of the plan will be sometime next year:

Release Irn Bru 'classic' at a slightly lower price than the 1901 stuff but more expensive than the current regular bottle.

Passes the sugar tax onto the consumer but avoids an immediate jump in price. Also turns a negative story into a glorious revival.

[Hermit Crab]

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75 dozen bottles in my local shop yesterday, interesting to see how many left tomorrow at 2 quid each?

Its really nice but £2 a glass bottle is steep imo.

[Hermit Crab]

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It's absolutely genius from Barrs marketing department.

Change a much loved recipe to a hostile reaction and state it's to avoid customers having to pay more because of the sugar tax. Conveniently discover a 'lost' recipe and bang it out at £2 a bottle as a limited edition. Get a very positive reaction. The final part of the plan will be sometime next year:

Release Irn Bru 'classic' at a slightly lower price than the 1901 stuff but more expensive than the current regular bottle.

Passes the sugar tax onto the consumer but avoids an immediate jump in price. Also turns a negative story into a glorious revival.

Thats exactly what will happen and amidst the frenzy of the classic bru bottles flying off the shelves the "new" unloved version will slowly be discontinued never to be seen again and punters won't give a toss about the small increase in price because they've got their beloved bru back.

[Killiehibbie]

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Its really nice but £2 a glass bottle is steep imo.

How much is sugar tax and how much is profiteering? Wouldn't be so bad if they doubled the 30p deposit on the bottle

[wpj]

Watching my wee girl in her first nativity play. She couldnt see me and was looking for me the whole time and was looking confused. When I went down to the front after the play and she saw me, that smile will stay with me forever. We had a dignified high five and I think something got in my eyes as I left

[Mibbes Aye]

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Watching my wee girl in her first nativity play. She couldnt see me and was looking for me the whole time and was looking confused. When I went down to the front after the play and she saw me, that smile will stay with me forever. We had a dignified high five and I think something got in my eyes as I left

For any ophthalmologists who post on here, it is probably worth checking out events where fathers are watching their daughters perform, whether nativities, school plays or whatever.

They will find a lot of sudden and reactive moisturising of the tear ducts, involuntary and uncontrollable.

There is a fortune to be made telling us we have a condition that needs treatment. But to be honest, we just have daughters

[wpj]

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For any ophthalmologists who post on here, it is probably worth checking out events where fathers are watching their daughters perform, whether nativities, school plays or whatever.

They will find a lot of sudden and reactive moisturising of the tear ducts, involuntary and uncontrollable.

There is a fortune to be made telling us we have a condition that needs treatment. But to be honest, we just have daughters

True, sometimes just watching her sleep or concentrate on something makes me greet

[Killiehibbie]

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It's absolutely genius from Barrs marketing department.

Change a much loved recipe to a hostile reaction and state it's to avoid customers having to pay more because of the sugar tax. Conveniently discover a 'lost' recipe and bang it out at £2 a bottle as a limited edition. Get a very positive reaction. The final part of the plan will be sometime next year:

Release Irn Bru 'classic' at a slightly lower price than the 1901 stuff but more expensive than the current regular bottle.

Passes the sugar tax onto the consumer but avoids an immediate jump in price. Also turns a negative story into a glorious revival.

Looks like they sold about 60 cases, £1400 worth, in a couple of days.

[Mibbes Aye]

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True, sometimes just watching her sleep or concentrate on something makes me greet

There was a recurring Paul Whitehouse character in the Fast Show whose routine was to find out what somebody did and say, “Aah...hardest game in the world, that is”.

I am pretty much convinced that being a father to a daughter is the hardest game in the world as well as the best game in the world. Life balances itself that way I guess

[Hermit Crab]

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Looks like they sold about 60 cases, £1400 worth, in a couple of days.

It will be brought back for good. Sales in Scotland will always be high.

[Mibbes Aye]

TUC biscuits.

Not had them for years, Mrs Mibbes bought a packet. I’m like a dog with two tails in seventh heaven who doesn’t know I’m born, and any other metaphors and similes you can think of

[MagicSwirlingShip]

The look on Morelos’s face as he realises he’s just missed another sitter in an Old Firm Derby. I

[Peevemor]

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For any ophthalmologists who post on here, it is probably worth checking out events where fathers are watching their daughters perform, whether nativities, school plays or whatever.

They will find a lot of sudden and reactive moisturising of the tear ducts, involuntary and uncontrollable.

There is a fortune to be made telling us we have a condition that needs treatment. But to be honest, we just have daughters

Yesterday I played music in a duet with my 10 year old daughter, in public, for the first time. Needless to say that she didn't have the same eye trouble that affected me.