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Thread: Excuses excuses

  1. #1
    Coaching Staff Smartie's Avatar
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    Excuses excuses

    On one of the Appleton threads there was a mention that our possible manager to be left Oxford to join Leicester City as "Ass Man". Someone suggested that this would be a good job for "Ross Thomson MP".

    I didn't know what this was about, so a quick google search revealed that he has been grabbing mens' bottoms in the pub at the House of Commons.

    Seemingly his excuse was that he "grabbed the bottoms to stop himself from falling over".

    https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/new...bum-fall-over/

    Hmmmmmm.

    It reminds me of a story my brother told me about when he was a young reporter up in Dundee covering various court cases. In one case, a man who had been accused of committing an indecent act on himself had produced the defence that he was "energetically fumbling for change" in his pocket.


    Anybody got any other whopping excuses?


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  3. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smartie View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    On one of the Appleton threads there was a mention that our possible manager to be left Oxford to join Leicester City as "Ass Man". Someone suggested that this would be a good job for "Ross Thomson MP".

    I didn't know what this was about, so a quick google search revealed that he has been grabbing mens' bottoms in the pub at the House of Commons.

    Seemingly his excuse was that he "grabbed the bottoms to stop himself from falling over".

    https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/new...bum-fall-over/

    Hmmmmmm.

    It reminds me of a story my brother told me about when he was a young reporter up in Dundee covering various court cases. In one case, a man who had been accused of committing an indecent act on himself had produced the defence that he was "energetically fumbling for change" in his pocket.


    Anybody got any other whopping excuses?
    Perhaps not wholly genuine but Billy Connolly with his 'a spider fell on my willy and I was just trying to get it off' always makes me chuckle.

  4. #3
    @hibs.net private member Eaststand's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Smartie View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    On one of the Appleton threads there was a mention that our possible manager to be left Oxford to join Leicester City as "Ass Man". Someone suggested that this would be a good job for "Ross Thomson MP".

    I didn't know what this was about, so a quick google search revealed that he has been grabbing mens' bottoms in the pub at the House of Commons.

    Seemingly his excuse was that he "grabbed the bottoms to stop himself from falling over".

    https://www.thescottishsun.co.uk/new...bum-fall-over/

    Hmmmmmm.

    It reminds me of a story my brother told me about when he was a young reporter up in Dundee covering various court cases. In one case, a man who had been accused of committing an indecent act on himself had produced the defence that he was "energetically fumbling for change" in his pocket.


    Anybody got any other whopping excuses?
    A story on topic, but from a slightly different angle.

    Back in the late 70's, my brother ran an electrical repairs shop in Leith. I used to nip in for a cuppa as you do.

    One day a young lassie from the hairdresser a couple of doors up was in my brothers shop chatting away about her week.
    Her story was....

    An older fella had nipped into her shop for a haircut. She put a light nylon cover over his body, cloak like, tucked it into his neck, then started cutting his hair.
    After a couple of minutes cutting she noticed his hands moving around his groin area. She tried to ignore this, but kept glancing at this movement under the cover.

    This under the cover groin area movement went on for a few minutes so she thought, this fella is doing something a bit naughty. So she whipped the cover back and said what do you think you're doing ya dirty sod.

    .... He was winding his wristwatch :-0 ha ha

    GGTTH
    Last edited by Eaststand; 11-02-2019 at 03:35 PM.

  5. #4
    @hibs.net private member oldbutdim's Avatar
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    There was a case reported of a vicar who had a most unfortunate accident, whilst hanging curtains.
    Did I mention he was naked at the time?
    Anyway, he fell over backwards and landed on the kitchen table.
    Here's the unlucky bit coming now: there was a potato on the table which became securely lodged in his rectum and required surgical removal.

    There but for the grace of God eh?


    The moral is, never leave a potato in your immediate vicinity whilst hanging curtains naked.

    Or probably any vegetable.

    True story.
    Honest.

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