I was in the off licence earlier looking at what wine to buy.
There was a girl in there in front of me, only about 21, really good looking with a short skirt on.
She bent down to pick up a bottle and I saw she wasn't wearing any knickers.
She got a Merlot.
I got a Semillon.
A Psychiatry student is sent to the mental hospital to evaluate 3 of the worst cases in the country. He's lead down a stairwell into the basement where there's three heavy locked iron doors. He unlocks the first and goes inside.
Standing in the middle of the room is a guy swinging his arms like he's holding a bat.
"What are you doing" asks the student.
"I'm Babe Ruth and when I hit a home run, I'm getting out of here", replies the patient.
The student then goes into the 2nd room.
Standing in the middle of the room is a guy swinging his arms like he has a golf club.
"What are you doing?" asks the student.
"I'm Arnold Palmer and when I get a hole in one, I'm getting out of here".
The student then goes into the third room.
When he walks into the room he sees a guy lying on a bed, completely naked, trying to balance a walnut on the end of his cock.
"What the hell are you doing???" asked the student.
The patient replied, "I'm ****ing nuts and I'm never getting out of here"
".....Hearts midfielder Laryea Kingston insists he can fulfil all his dreams at Tynecastle - by winning the SPL and a European trophy.
The Ghanaian is certain the Jambos will soon become a major power at home and abroad"