A dyslexic man walks into a bra..
Results 121 to 150 of 1281
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25-04-2012 08:18 PM #122
I'm really worried about my parrot.
He keeps saying, "I can't go on, I hate my life".
My room-mate's too selfish to notice. He's always crying.
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26-04-2012 09:55 AM #123
The mrs asked me to whisper dirty things to her. Kitchen, bedroom and bathroom were not the right answers :D
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26-04-2012 09:57 AM #124
- Join Date
- Aug 2002
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- Dunfermline
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My sister has a dead end job.
She's a prostitute in a cul-de-sac.
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26-04-2012 10:28 AM #125
- Join Date
- Apr 2002
- Age
- 49
- Posts
- 15,209
Built a 10ft wall I was so happy with it I just could not get over it.
Got a job at a bed factory had to do 1 weeks lying time.
Had a window cleaning round was going well until I lost the rag.
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10-05-2012 11:26 AM #127
- Join Date
- Aug 2002
- Location
- Dunfermline
- Age
- 50
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15-05-2012 12:02 AM #128
My wife's just like Heather Mills.
She only wears half the ****ing shoes she buys.
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20-05-2012 11:47 PM #129
- Join Date
- Feb 2011
- Location
- East Stander
- Posts
- 452
All the good Chemistry jokes Argon.
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24-05-2012 05:24 PM #130
I was driving to work this morning when I saw a sign saying 'Low Trees'.
So I stopped, got out and gave one a cuddle.
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26-05-2012 10:21 PM #131
I got a new Hoover for the wife. Tell you the truth I would have swapped her for a second hand one.
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27-05-2012 09:13 PM #133
I'd been having trouble with my new IPhone until i changed the device name to "Titanic".......
It's syncing great now!
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02-06-2012 10:04 AM #134
When my Dr told me that they may have a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse.
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02-06-2012 12:06 PM #136
I've just invented a cure for cynicism...
I don't think it will work though.
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23-08-2012 06:41 AM #138
Hearts fan has been admitted to A&E after inserting 7 "My little Pony" figures into his rectum. Doctors describe his condition as stable.
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25-08-2012 12:00 PM #139This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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26-08-2012 03:25 AM #140
I was in the off licence earlier looking at what wine to buy.
There was a girl in there in front of me, only about 21, really good looking with a short skirt on.
She bent down to pick up a bottle and I saw she wasn't wearing any knickers.
She got a Merlot.
I got a Semillon.
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24-11-2012 11:12 PM #141
So René Descartes walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Can I fix you a drink?” Descartes replies, “I think not”—and disappears.
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09-11-2013 05:04 PM #142
I've just been diagnosed with CDO. It's a bit like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order like they should be.
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12-11-2013 11:39 AM #143
Saw a car with the bumper sticker "I'm a vet and that's why I drive like an animal" today.
Suddenly it became clear to me just how many gynecologists are on our roads.
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12-11-2013 12:26 PM #144
Pavlov's sitting in the pub when the telephone rings. "My God!" exclaims Pavlov, "I forgot to feed the dog!".
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12-11-2013 10:08 PM #145This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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16-11-2013 06:50 PM #146
Just heard Robert De Niro is to play the main character in the film of Harold Shipmans life, its called the old dear hunter.
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13-01-2014 01:36 PM #147
A Psychiatry student is sent to the mental hospital to evaluate 3 of the worst cases in the country. He's lead down a stairwell into the basement where there's three heavy locked iron doors. He unlocks the first and goes inside.
Standing in the middle of the room is a guy swinging his arms like he's holding a bat.
"What are you doing" asks the student.
"I'm Babe Ruth and when I hit a home run, I'm getting out of here", replies the patient.
The student then goes into the 2nd room.
Standing in the middle of the room is a guy swinging his arms like he has a golf club.
"What are you doing?" asks the student.
"I'm Arnold Palmer and when I get a hole in one, I'm getting out of here".
The student then goes into the third room.
When he walks into the room he sees a guy lying on a bed, completely naked, trying to balance a walnut on the end of his cock.
"What the hell are you doing???" asked the student.
The patient replied, "I'm ****ing nuts and I'm never getting out of here"
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18-01-2014 12:03 AM #148
One problem with auto-correct is that you always end up posting some thong you didn't Nintendo.
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20-01-2014 12:00 AM #149
Why do mice have small balls?
Because not very many of them are good dancers.
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15-02-2014 10:24 AM #150
Do I know any jokes about Sodium?
Na.".....Hearts midfielder Laryea Kingston insists he can fulfil all his dreams at Tynecastle - by winning the SPL and a European trophy.
The Ghanaian is certain the Jambos will soon become a major power at home and abroad"
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