'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

[Hibbyradge]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Not a joke as such but a Limerick:

(12 + 144 +20 +3 × √4) ÷ 7 + 5 × 11 = 9² + 0

A dozen, a gross, and a score

plus three times the square root of four

divided by seven

plus five times eleven,

is nine squared and not a bit more.

[Jim Herriot]

Well, if we're getting mathematical...

³√ 3
∫ t² dt . cos(3π/9) = ln (³√ e)
1

[Bridge hibs]

Can we get back to the bad jokes please 🫣

[Hibrandenburg]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

A dozen, a gross, and a score

plus three times the square root of four

divided by seven

plus five times eleven,

is nine squared and not a bit more.

Well done you, my Mrs had to explain it to me.

[Hibrandenburg]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Well, if we're getting mathematical...

³√ 3
∫ t² dt . cos(3π/9) = ln (³√ e)
1

Nope, well over my head.

[Hibbyradge]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Nope, well over my head.

Mine too. 🤔

[Jim Herriot]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Well, if we're getting mathematical...

³√ 3
∫ t² dt . cos(3π/9) = ln (³√ e)
1

Admittedly rather obscure, but it's another limerick.

Integral t squared dt
From one to the cube root of three
Time the cosine
Of three pi over nine
Equals log of the cube root of e

[weedgiehibbie]

If I tripped whilst ordering a pizza in Domino's would everyone else fall over as well?

[Hibrandenburg]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Admittedly rather obscure, but it's another limerick.

Integral t squared dt
From one to the cube root of three
Time the cosine
Of three pi over nine
Equals log of the cube root of e

Blank?

[Hibrandenburg]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

If I tripped whilst ordering a pizza in Domino's would everyone else fall over as well?

Double Blank

[Hibbyradge]

What's the difference between a chickpea and an onion?

[Hibrandenburg]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

What's the difference between a chickpea and an onion?

I'd let an onion in my mouth, but I wouldn't let a ........

[Hibbyradge]

The reason astronauts drink black coffee?

In space, no one can here use cream.

[Bridge hibs]

The man who invented Cats’ Eyes got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat in his headlights. If the cat had been going the other way, he would have invented the pencil sharpener.

[Hibbyradge]

Accordion to research 9 out of 10 people don’t notice when you replace words with random names of musical instruments.

[Just Alf]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

Accordion to research 9 out of 10 people don’t notice when you replace words with random names of musical instruments.

I'm one of the 9 :

Even 2nd time when I was checking!

[AltheHibby]

Vladimir Putin consulted with a fortune teller and asked: “How long will I live?”
The psychic replied: “I cannot tell that but I do know you will die on a Ukrainian holiday.”
“Which holiday?” Putin asked.
The psychic smiled and said. “Whichever day you die will be a Ukrainian holiday.”

[AltheHibby]

A woman about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed even more amused.

When on the fourth move the man burst out laughing she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

When the case came up in court the judge asked the man what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, “Well your Honor, it was like this: When the woman got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sign that said, "The DoubleMint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling" and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said "William's Big Stick Did the Trick" and I could hardly contain myself.

But, your Honor, when she moved for the fourth time and sat under the sign that said "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident" I just lost it!”

CASE DISMISSED

[J-C]

A nun's lying soaking in the bath when there's a knock on the door. She shouts "who is it" " it's the blind man" came the reply, "come in" she said. He walks in and says, "where do you want these blinds put up".

[Hibbyradge]

I recently tried Wookie meat.

It was chewy.

[J-C]

"Give it to me!" she yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!"

She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.

[Donegal Hibby]

I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

[Jack]

A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up and says “I’ll have five beers please”

[Alfiembra]

My wife took me for a drive in the countryside today. We were going down a quiet country lane when she said, “Shall we do something we’ve never done in the car before?” I said, “ Go on then bang it into fourth gear.”

[Hibbyradge]

I'm not sure if this qualified as a joke, but it made me smile.

[AltheHibby]

This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote

I'm not sure if this qualified as a joke, but it made me smile.

It took me a minute, but it was worth it.

[Hibbyradge]

I just read that a psychic dwarf escaped from Saughton prison.

People are asked to look out for a small medium at large.

[Northernhibee]

I was in my local Indian restaurant and said to the chef that the butter was delicious. "Actually, it's ghee" he said.

I'm glad he clarified it.

[Moulin Yarns]

Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end

[grunt]