'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

***Sudds_1*** · 15-12-2019 11:41 AM

Was watching the comedians prog from 1971 on you tube the other day. Really funny....but doubt much woyld be broadcastable in this pc age 😁

***J-C*** · 15-12-2019 02:06 PM

My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a Hearts top for 2 weeks to see how the people react. So far he has been spat at, punched, kicked and verbally abused. It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.

***Hibbyradge*** · 15-12-2019 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by J-C

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My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a Hearts top for 2 weeks to see how the people react. So far he has been spat at, punched, kicked and verbally abused. It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.

***Sudds_1*** · 15-12-2019 04:33 PM

Originally Posted by J-C

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My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a Hearts top for 2 weeks to see how the people react. So far he has been spat at, punched, kicked and verbally abused. It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.

😂

**c31** · 15-12-2019 04:52 PM

Mates partner went to the hairdressers and asked for a cut to make her look good -
Hairdresser suggested a power cut!

***Hibrandenburg*** · 16-12-2019 07:44 AM

Originally Posted by J-C

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My son is taking part in a social experiment. He has to wear a Hearts top for 2 weeks to see how the people react. So far he has been spat at, punched, kicked and verbally abused. It will be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.

**c31** · 23-12-2019 06:54 PM

Got sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after 1 minor indiscretion. He slept with 1 of his patients & now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of time, training & money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.

**HUTCHYHIBBY** · 23-12-2019 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by c31

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Got sad news today. After 7 years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after 1 minor indiscretion. He slept with 1 of his patients & now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of time, training & money. A genuinely nice guy, and a brilliant vet.

Very good! ☺

**Mixu62** · 23-12-2019 10:27 PM

A festive one:

Woman takes her car to the mechanics saying "it's making a really terrible noise"

Mechanic says "have you tried removing the Mariah Carey Christmas CD?"

***grunt*** · 23-12-2019 11:14 PM

Husband and Wife are Christmas Shopping at a busy shopping centre just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, she called him on his phone.

The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."

He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I couldn’t afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up…

"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.

"Well I’m in the guitar shop next door to that."

***Sudds_1*** · 24-12-2019 02:04 PM

Irish space agency news....almost ready for their space shot to the sun. Journo asked how they would cope with the immense heat..." ach its fine said shamus....we're going at night"

😃

***Scouse Hibee*** · 09-01-2020 12:07 PM

Heartbreaking 😰💔 | BBCnews - A 15 year old boy was at the center of the Edinburgh sheriff courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and conference with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to Heart of Midlothian FC whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.

***Sudds_1*** · 11-01-2020 04:46 PM

2 sperm swimming side by side...one says to the other " how far now to the womb?"

Other says...." jings dont be so impatient....we've only just gone past the tonsils! " 😇😇

***Dmas*** · 13-01-2020 07:27 AM

Got a little joke about Sean Connery’s sister baby daughter, it’s a little niche.

**NGP** · 13-01-2020 10:37 PM

What is the fastest Cake in the world?

Scone

***Northernhibee*** · 14-01-2020 11:11 AM

Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks this morning.

***blackpoolhibs*** · 17-01-2020 10:40 AM

A couple were cuddling up in bed on their wedding night; 'Darling' the bride said. 'I have a confession.......I used to be a hooker'.Taken aback the groom thought for a while and then replied: 'actually that's quite erotic....tell me about it'.'Well' she replied. 'My name was Nigel and I played for Wigan'

**weedgiehibbie** · 11-02-2020 07:28 PM

I just had a game of darts with a zombie and an alien. One undead and E.T!

***Hibrandenburg*** · 11-02-2020 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by weedgiehibbie

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I just had a game of darts with a zombie and an alien. One undead and E.T!

***Jonnyboy*** · 11-02-2020 09:42 PM

Guy answers a knock at the door, to find a policeman standing there holding a picture

"Is this your wife?" asks the policeman

"Aye, that's her" the guy replies

"I'm afraid she looks like she's been hit by a bus" states the policeman

"Ah know but she's good with the kids"

***J-C*** · 12-02-2020 01:33 PM

Went to a sperm clinic today, the lady said "would I like to masterbate in a cup". I said "I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet".

***Northernhibee*** · 22-02-2020 07:05 AM

The Queen has ruled that Harry can no longer use his royal titles.

He is now to be known as “The artist formerly known as prince”.

**WoreTheGreen** · 23-02-2020 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by J-C

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Went to a sperm clinic today, the lady said "would I like to masterbate in a cup". I said "I'm good but I'm not ready to compete in a tournament yet".

Read it a a few days ago and still laughing

***Hibrandenburg*** · 24-02-2020 07:22 AM

I've now completed 10 months intensive training for Iron Man 2020 and today the competition application has been accepted. I've just read through the rules and regulations and have just realised my training programme is completely inadequate and I might struggle to complete the course. On the plus side my shirts look incredible.

***Northernhibee*** · 24-02-2020 06:38 PM

My girlfriend just told me that I didn’t understand irony.

Which was ironic because I was at a bus stop at the time.

***Scouse Hibee*** · 25-02-2020 05:10 PM

Told my wife that 3 cliff walkers had fallen to their death today, she said how strange it was that three people with the same name had all died on the same day.

**HUTCHYHIBBY** · 25-02-2020 05:17 PM

Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee

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Told my wife that 3 cliff walkers had fallen to their death today, she said how strange it was that three people with the same name had all died on the same day.

That appeals to my SOH! ☺ Viztastic!