An old man goes to the doctor for his yearly physical, his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room, he tells the old man, "I need a URINE sample, a STOOL sample and a SPERM sample." The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?" "What did he say ? What does he want ?" His wife yells back, "He needs your UNDERPANTS"
Only in Edinburgh! 😰😰 I went to the Tesco petrol station to get some milk and as I walked into the garage, I noticed these 2 policemen that were watching a woman smoking while putting in her petrol.thinking why don't they tell her to put it out or stop her? I thought , is this lady stupid? crazy? or both, especially with the police standing RIGHT there. Anyway, I minded my own business and went in to get the milk told the cashier and thought get out of here ASAP before the whole area blows up As I was paying I heard someone screaming!! Omg !!!, I’m talking violent death screams!! I looked up and saw the woman's arm was on fire!! She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!! I ran out the door, the police had the woman on the ground putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the police car.. I was thinking, arrested??Shouldn’t she be in an ambulance, not a police car?? Being the nosey person I am, I asked the police what they were arresting her for and the guy looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE ARM IN PUBLIC!"
I went to the doctors with a problem “doc when for a **** they come out like chips . The doc said drop your trousers and your pants and bend over. He then produced a pair of scissors and cut two inches of my string vest
A woman went to her doctor and told him that there was a whistling sound from 'down there' when she walked. The doctor asked to demonstrate. As she walked across the room there was a 'whistle, whistle, whistle' sound.
The doctor asked her to come back the next day so he could record the sound as he was going to a conference attended by specialists at the end of the week.
The woman returned as asked and the doctor followed her across the room recording the sound as she walked.
The doctor went to his conference and then asked everyone if they knew what this sound was. He played his recording and one of the specialists put up his hand and said 'Ive no idea what that is. It just sounds like some **** whistling.'
He laid her on the table.
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast.
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...
He looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the Christmas turkey.....