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  1. #571
    First Team Breakthrough Alfiembra's Avatar
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    I was thinking about taking up gymnastics, but couldn't get into a club.

    They were expecting you to bend over backwards to join.


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  3. #572
    First Team Regular Mixu62's Avatar
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    Doctor: have you been drinking enough fluids?

    Me: that's literally all I drink.

  4. #573
    First Team Regular weedgiehibbie's Avatar
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    Would water beds be more bouncy if they used spring water?

  5. #574
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Q. How many grammar Nazis does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A. Too.

  6. #575
    Coaching Staff HUTCHYHIBBY's Avatar
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    I've been trying to get my girlfriend to stick her keyring up my jacksie for years but, she just keeps fobbing me off.

  7. #576
    @hibs.net private member blackpoolhibs's Avatar
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    Thought i'd just seen the first English super hero earlier, saw a scouser running down the road in a cape, turned out he'd just done a runner from the hair dressers.

  8. #577
    Pun Lovin' Criminal Northernhibee's Avatar
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    How many members of Ocean Colour Scene does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One, but they need to ask Paul Weller for permission first.


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction

  9. #578
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    I played golf with a new member today.

    He asked, "Is it preferred lies"?

    I answered, "Yes, it is".

    "Ok, thanks".

    "I've got a huge cock".
    Last edited by Hibbyradge; 28-03-2019 at 10:33 AM.

  10. #579
    @hibs.net private member Captain Trips's Avatar
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    What you call a judge with no balls?

    Justice Dick.
    If I choose to revert back to Carlsberg it will have to be The Carlsberg

  11. #580
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    I got stopped by one of those market researchers the other day.
    She said, "Do you mind if I ask you ten short questions?"
    I said, "Okay, go on then."
    "Have you ever suffered from a blackout?" she asked.
    "I don't think so," I replied.
    She said, "And, finally, question ten."

  12. #581
    @hibs.net private member Captain Trips's Avatar
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    I feel asleep with a cigarette in my hand the problem was the wife lit it.
    If I choose to revert back to Carlsberg it will have to be The Carlsberg

  13. #582
    Testimonial Due hibby19's Avatar
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    Want to hear a joke about Sodium, Bromine and Oxygen?

    NaBrO

  14. #583
    @hibs.net private member Speedy's Avatar
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    There are two types of people in the world:

    1. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data

  15. #584
    @hibs.net private member alhibby's Avatar
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    I asked the man in the shop "Have you got any Bulldog clips?"

    He replied "No, but I've got a nice video of a Jack Russell"

  16. #585
    @hibs.net private member easty's Avatar
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    PSN ID: hibee_easty
    A guy in a wheelchair just stole my camouflage jacket.

    I hope he knows he can hide but he can’t run.

  17. #586
    First Team Breakthrough
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    My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm.
    I gave her the superglue.
    She's still not talking to me.

  18. #587
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    My neighbour said my dogs keep chasing people down the road on bikes, I told him my dogs don't own bikes.

  19. #588
    Pun Lovin' Criminal Northernhibee's Avatar
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    I read this morning that the reason Cher only uses her first name is because she married the footballer Marc Noble years ago and they didn’t think it would be good for record sales otherwise.


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction

  20. #589
    @hibs.net private member Moulin Yarns's Avatar
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    Shamelessly stolen from Facebook


    A guy walks into a quiet pub with his dog... at the time Hearts are 1-0 up in the Cup Final.

    He asks for a pint. Soon after the dog does a backflip.

    The barman says " What the F..... Why does yer dog do that?

    Guys says, everytime he backflips, Celtic have scored, must be 1-1 now!

    He quickly orders up another pint. Soon afterwards the dog backflips again, the guy says "Ya beauty! 2-1,Celtic".

    The barman says" You're having a laugh, I'm away to check the score ".

    2 mins later he's back.

    " Jesus Christ Yer Spot On ".

    A few minutes later the dog backflips 3 times.

    The guy says "Game over, Celtic are Treble Treble Winners!!".

    Barman Says "I believe you mate, but can I ask you one question? "

    Fire away mate....

    " What does the dog do if Rangers win anything?? "

    " Fk knows mate, I've only had him 8 years....😂😂 "

    🍀🍀

  21. #590
    Pun Lovin' Criminal Northernhibee's Avatar
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    Really saddened to hear of the passing of Michael Stipe. It's still breaking news, only two people in the world know about it just now.

    That's me and the coroner.


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction

  22. #591
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Northernhibee View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Really saddened to hear of the passing of Michael Stipe. It's still breaking news, only two people in the world know about it just now.

    That's me and the coroner.
    Haha I thought you had posted in the wrong forum for a moment

  23. #592
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Northernhibee View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    Really saddened to hear of the passing of Michael Stipe. It's still breaking news, only two people in the world know about it just now.

    That's me and the coroner.
    That took me a while.

    A long while.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £1,789.68!



  24. #593
    Testimonial Due Just Jimmy's Avatar
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    Boris Johnson isn't well thought of by MPs. they think he's an arse.

    except Chris grayling who thinks he's an elbow.

    (stolen from NIGNFY)

    Sent from my SM-A520F using Tapatalk

  25. #594
    First Team Breakthrough
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    Paper bag goes to the doctor and says he's been feeling really ill lately.

    Doc says I'll do some tests, come back next week for your results.

    Paper bag return a week later. Doc says, bad news, your HIV positive.

    Bag says you have got to be joking, I'm a paper bag how can that be possible.

    Doc says, your mother was probably a carrier.

  26. #595
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    Little Johnny is out walking with his dad when they see two dogs ****ging on the other side of the road."What are they doing, Dad?" asks Johnny."Well, the front dog is tired and the other is pushing him all the way home so he can lie down in his basket."Little Johnny thinks, then says, "Good thing Mum was holding onto the kitchen table yesterday, otherwise the postman would've pushed her all the way to the Post Office."

  27. #596
    @hibs.net private member StevieT's Avatar
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    A guy goes to a fancy dress party. The host asks “what have you come as?”. “A harp” says the guest. The host then says “your costume looks small for a harp”. The guest replies “are you calling me a lyre?”

    A guy goes to a fancy dress party with a piece of sandpaper attached to his knob. “What have you come as?” Asked the host? “Dick Emery” was the teply

  28. #597
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StevieT View Post
    This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
    A guy goes to a fancy dress party. The host asks “what have you come as?”. “A harp” says the guest. The host then says “your costume looks small for a harp”. The guest replies “are you calling me a lyre?”

    A guy goes to a fancy dress party with a piece of sandpaper attached to his knob. “What have you come as?” Asked the host? “Dick Emery” was the teply
    You should have stopped after the first one.
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £1,789.68!



  29. #598
    Pun Lovin' Criminal Northernhibee's Avatar
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    My missus said to me the other day that she doesn’t think I understand the concept of irony.

    Which was ironic as I’d just made myself a bowl of cornflakes.


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction

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