'smart' jokes, so bad they're good

[rodhibs55]

Next Monday is the start of diarrhoea awareness week.
Runs till Friday

[Alfiembra]

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Next Monday is the start of diarrhoea awareness week.
Runs till Friday

Thats a sh it e joke

[Silky]

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Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman comes walking up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show up and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is quite a beautiful woman.

The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game". The guys say okay and ask if she would like to tee off first.

All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle. She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. They get to the 18th and she has a 12-foot putt for par.

She turns around and says, "You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy sex he will never forget.

"The guys think, 'what a deal!' The kid walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."

The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left about 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup."

The grandpa looks at both of them in disgust, walks over picking up the ball, smiles and says "That's a Gimme."

😂😂. I like that.

[Keith_M]

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.


The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me,” she told him.


“Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” the man replied.


It was obvious that he was in agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together at his groin. The female golfer/therapist urged him to let her help him, so at her persistence, he finally allowed her to help.


She gently took his hands away and laid them to his side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage to his privates for several long moments and then asked, “How does that feel”?


He replied, “That feels great, but my thumb still hurts like Hell!”

[Hibrandenburg]

I bought a winter hi-vis jacket but had to take it back to the shop because I kept getting static electricity shocks, they gave me a new one free of charge.

[J-C]

Someone keeps sending me flowers with their heads cut off, I think I'm being stalked.

[CropleyWasGod]

I found a suitcase full of hedgehogs outside while I was clearing the snow. I phoned the RSPCA and told them and the man asked if they were moving?

I said I didn't know but it would explain the suitcase.

[rodhibs55]

I was talking to a woman on line,she asked if she could comb my hair. The next day she asked if she could give me a shave. The following day she asked if she could adjust my tie.

I think she is grooming me.

[J-C]

The young kid who was in the Milky Bar adverts has now become an eccentric Transvestite who loves splashing his money about.
He can often be found in Transgender shops shouting "The silky bra's are on me!"

[Hibbyradge]

Apologies if this has already made an appearance...

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time and this produced an impressive set of callouses. He also ate very little which made him very frail, and his odd diet meant he suffered from very bad breath.

He was a super calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.