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  1. #871
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by c31 View Post
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    A photographer was killed in a freak accident today. Whilst trying to take a group photo a giant lump of cheddar fell on him.
    Bystanders said people did try to warn him.....
    😂😂😂
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £2,389.68!




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  3. #872
    First Team Breakthrough
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    Guy walks into the doctor.
    He has a cucumber up his nose
    A carrot in his left ear and
    a banana in his right ear.

    What's the mater with me he asks the doctor?

    Doctor replies - You're not eating properly.

  4. #873
    Quote Originally Posted by c31 View Post
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    A photographer was killed in a freak accident today. Whilst trying to take a group photo a giant lump of cheddar fell on him.
    Bystanders said people did try to warn him.....
    Haha, took me a second 😂😂😂😂😂

  5. #874
    Quote Originally Posted by Bangkok Hibby View Post
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    Haha, took me a second 😂😂😂😂😂
    Took me literally a minute or more of thinking the joke was stupid. Turns out the stupidity was on my end of the phone.

  6. #875
    @hibs.net private member Hiber-nation's Avatar
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    What do you call a pig that's lost it's voice?

    Disgruntled.

  7. #876
    @hibs.net private member Scouse Hibee's Avatar
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    Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"

  8. #877
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee View Post
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    Three men, a Scouser, a Manc and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Manc wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby The Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, "but don't you think he's likely to be mine ?" "Probably", said the Manc, "but one of them in there's a scouser, and I'm takin' no chances !!!!!"
    I read that in Bernard Manning's voice.

  9. #878
    @hibs.net private member sleeping giant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by c31 View Post
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    Q - Where do you get mercury from?

    A - H G Wells
    Ooft. :
    No Eternal Reward Shall Forgive Us Now For Wasting The Dawn

  10. #879
    Pun Lovin' Criminal Northernhibee's Avatar
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    Bugs Bunny is a very difficult person to track down. Couldn't get him on the phone, text or e-mail. In the end I had to use his WhatsApp, Doc.


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction

  11. #880
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". She said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

  12. #881
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    My mate took his Grandad to one of those fancy Health Spa's, where tiny little fish eat all the dead skin.

    It cost him £35, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral.

  13. #882
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
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    .

  14. #883
    @hibs.net private member Moulin Yarns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peevemor View Post
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    .
    Ringo has let himself go a bit. 😉
    WASH YOUR HANDS, WEAR A MASK, KEEP 2M APART AND GET THE VACCINE

  15. #884
    I asked Vincent van Gogh to bring me back a six pack of beer. He only brought three.

    It's my fault for forgetting he only hear half of what I say.

  16. #885
    @hibs.net private member Future17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Peevemor View Post
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    .
    Would Yoda's line not be "All you need love is"?

  17. #886
    @hibs.net private member Peevemor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Moulin Yarns View Post
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    Ringo has let himself go a bit.
    Ringo Starr Wars!

  18. #887
    @hibs.net private member Radium's Avatar
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    https://twitter.com/sfmnemonic/statu...882835971?s=21


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  19. #888
    Testimonial Due c31's Avatar
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    My mate said, "Why is there a shirt and tie on the telly?"
    I said, "It's a smart tv."

  20. #889
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    I work as a salesman and yesterday I knocked on someone's door. A young boy, about 10 years old answered with a glass of whisky in one hand and a cigar in the other. "Are your parents in young man?" I asked. "Does it ****ing look like they're in", he replied.

  21. #890
    @hibs.net private member J-C's Avatar
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    My wife's been missing a week now and the police said to prepare for the worst, so I'm going round all the charity shops to get her clothes back.

  22. #891
    Testimonial Due c31's Avatar
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    A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
    One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
    “ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
    When I got fired, you were there to support me
    When my business failed, you were there.
    When I got shot, you were by my side.
    When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
    When my health started failing, you were still by my side
    You know what?”
    “What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
    ”I think you’re bad luck.” 😂😂😂

  23. #892
    @hibs.net private member Just Alf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by c31 View Post
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    A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
    One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
    As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
    “ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
    When I got fired, you were there to support me
    When my business failed, you were there.
    When I got shot, you were by my side.
    When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
    When my health started failing, you were still by my side
    You know what?”
    “What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
    ”I think you’re bad luck.”
    My wife didn't think this was funny!


    :rofl:



    Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk
    cùm fallain

  24. #893
    Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

    It was the least I could do for him.

  25. #894
    @hibs.net private member Future17's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AltheHibby View Post
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    Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

    It was the least I could do for him.

  26. #895
    Private Members Prediction League Winner Hibrandenburg's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AltheHibby View Post
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    Yesterday I spotted an albino dalmatian

    It was the least I could do for him.
    yep, ticks all the boxes in the thread title.

  27. #896
    Quote Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg View Post
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    yep, ticks all the boxes in the thread title.
    Thank you. But to be fair, I spotted it on Twitter.

  28. #897
    @hibs.net private member CmoantheHibs's Avatar
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    Just checked my home insurance and apparently if my duvet gets stolen during the night I’m not covered.

  29. #898
    Pun Lovin' Criminal Northernhibee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AltheHibby View Post
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    Thank you. But to be fair, I spotted it on Twitter.
    It’s the least you could do for them.


    Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction

  30. #899
    @hibs.net private member Hibbyradge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AltheHibby View Post
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    Thank you. But to be fair, I spotted it on Twitter.
    You get dogs on Twitter?
    Buy nothing online unless you check for free cashback here first. I've already earned £2,389.68!



  31. #900
    Quote Originally Posted by Northernhibee View Post
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    It’s the least you could do for them.
    🤣 I didn't even realise what I had said.

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