Just named my new race horse “My face”
Results 721 to 750 of 1283
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19-09-2020 09:55 PM #722This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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20-09-2020 10:59 PM #724
As I was coming out of the pub tonight I fell over a guy on the pavement. It’s only September FFS.
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21-09-2020 09:47 AM #725This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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21-09-2020 10:30 AM #726
Went to the sperm bank today to make a donation, they actually charged me £50 for the privilege! I told a mate about it, he said it was ridiculous and they must have seen me coming.
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21-09-2020 11:12 PM #727This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
Strange but true!
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22-09-2020 10:55 AM #728This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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22-09-2020 06:10 PM #729This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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22-09-2020 09:26 PM #730This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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22-09-2020 10:05 PM #731This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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23-09-2020 08:19 AM #732
What do Las Vegas and Sunderland have in common? You can pay for sex using chips.
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23-09-2020 08:33 AM #733
Went to buy some camouflage clothes the other day, couldn't find any in the shops.
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29-09-2020 05:02 PM #734
I phoned up a hotel and the receptionist said hello,best western. I said Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood ..........
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29-09-2020 05:28 PM #735
Two men walked into a shop, one suffered a broken nose, the other a bruised knee.
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30-09-2020 12:32 PM #736
Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?
You don't know what you're missing!
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02-10-2020 10:30 PM #737
My grief counsellor just died.
He was so good at his job I didn't even care.
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03-10-2020 09:23 AM #738
I pulled my knickers out of my arse.
The mother of the kid who's birthday it was said " I was the sickest kids entertainer she's ever seen "Last edited by J-C; 03-10-2020 at 06:53 PM.
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07-10-2020 09:05 AM #739
A wheel-chair bound chap decided to visit the healing waters of Lourdes. It was very crowded but he spotted a gap and went for it at such a pace that he ended up in the pool, wheel-chair and all. When they fished him out he was quite disappointed to find that he was still unable to walk, but found consolation in the fact that his wheel chair had a brand new set of tires.
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08-10-2020 09:24 PM #740
Frankensteins wife: you never help with the cooking.
Frankenstein: I did the mash.
Frankensteins wife: don't you ****ing dare Frank!
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08-10-2020 09:25 PM #741
Just found out that my grief counsellor just died.
He was so good at his job I didn't even care.
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08-10-2020 09:42 PM #742This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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08-10-2020 10:21 PM #743This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
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15-10-2020 10:07 AM #745
There’s a new bird just signed for Hibs ladies and she is the latest member of the McGinn clan to join. Welcome Tar.
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15-10-2020 10:53 AM #746
Decided on poached eggs for breakfast this morning. Wish I hadn’t bothered, the gamekeeper shot at me.
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15-10-2020 10:55 AM #747
Was cladding a wall with cork tiles so ordered a box of 200 cork screws, it looks bloody stupid to be honest.
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26-10-2020 12:49 PM #748
The government have suggested that we might need to stockpile German sausages and cheese, but that’s just the wurst kase scenario.
Do you think your security can keep you in purity, you will not shake us off above or below. Scottish friction, Scottish fiction
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31-10-2020 09:30 AM #749
- Join Date
- Aug 2005
- Location
- Nearby
- Posts
- 1,292
Two boys in school play. 300 parents attend the show and the boys are v nervous.
First boy to walk on stage and say to lead girl “ I’ve come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope”
Second boy then to appear on stage and exclaim
“ Hark i hear a pistol shot”
First boy walks on and sees the large crowd of parents: he then says:
“I’ve come to kiss your snatch and fill your hole with soap”
The second boy is now bricking it and exclaims “ hark I hear a shistol pot, I mean a postal sht......
oh bollocks I never wanted to be in this stupid play!
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