Aberdeen Lose Out In Bid To Sign Oakes

**Future17** · 07-08-2009 01:23 PM

Just received this via e-mail and found it quite funny!

Originally Posted by The Fiction Express

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Aberdeen Football Club today lost out in the chase to sign ex-Cardiff City goalkeeper, Michael Oakes.

Oakes, 35, has been without a club since he was released by the Welsh club at the end of the 2008 season.

Although there were no other clubs interested in signing the veteran goalkeeper, it's believed that Oakes was eligible for government assistance, and decided to remain unemployed rather than sign for the Dons.

Aberdeen manager, Mark McGhee, remained philosophical, despite losing out on his third target in as many weeks.

"Obviously it was disappointing to lose out on Oakes," said McGhee, "But it's hard for a club like Aberdeen to compete with the sort of wages that unemployment offers. Personally I think it's crazy money, and we offered Oakes what I think was a very competitive package. Unfortunately the lure of the English pound, and a steady diet of rejected supermarket produce is something we can't realistically compete with."

The failure to sign Oakes comes hard on the heels of two other failures in the transfer market for Aberdeen.

Previously the Dons had failed to sign ex-Crew Alexander player Ryan Lynch, who found work as the guy who collects the baskets at Asda shortly after Aberdeen offered him a contract.

This was followed by the failure to sign experienced striker Michael Branch. The Dons were believed to be on the verge of signing the ex Halifax forward until he gassed himself in his own garage in the early hours of Wednesday morning. The day he was to be unveiled in front of the Evening Express photographer at Pittodrie.

"Obviously it's difficult for us to compete with the opportunity to kill yourself rather than sign for Aberdeen Football Club." Said McGhee. "But we still have options. Still have irons in the fire. The money's there to strengthen the team, assuming by 'strengthen' we actually mean 'not strengthen'."

The Dons boss hinted that he was not finished in the transfer market this year, saying, "There's a couple of lads we've been running the rule over for the last 6 years, and we're probably about ready to make a move for them.. One of them is a Scottish international, so we may have problems putting together a financial package that he finds attractive."

According to some sources the international in question is Denis Law, a prolific striker who has been without a club since retiring from the game in 1974. It is believed that Aberdeen face stiff competition for the veteran forward's signature. Law, 97, is understood to also be considering smashing his own puss in with a toffee hammer.

"Obviously it's difficult for a club like Aberdeen to compete with the prospect of smashing your own puss in with a toffee hammer," explained the Dons boss. "Particularly now we've lost the TV money and the revenue from fiddling Jamie Smith's health insurance."

**Petrie's Tache** · 07-08-2009 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by Future17

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Just received this via e-mail and found it quite funny!

Top marks

**~~Speedway~~** · 07-08-2009 01:57 PM

These things don't usually make me laugh but that was a good one.

**xyz23jc** · 07-08-2009 02:02 PM

That is b*** bouncingly funny! Total kwality my man. Take a bow! At first I thought it was genuine, right up until the quote about McGhee saying he was unable to complete with the wages that unemployment brings!!

**Darth Hibbie** · 07-08-2009 02:06 PM

**Hamish** · 07-08-2009 02:36 PM

According to teletext Craig Rocastle will play as a trialist for Aberdeen in the Dean Windass testimonial.

Better wages than when he was a ER?

**Beefster** · 07-08-2009 02:39 PM

The neds on Sickbag have the same thing posted but have, wittily, changed 'Aberdeen' to 'Hibernian'. The scoundrels.

**lyonhibs** · 07-08-2009 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by Beefster

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The neds on Sickbag have the same thing posted but have, wittily, changed 'Aberdeen' to 'Hibernian'. The scoundrels.

You can't buy that level of humour.

This has been e-mailed onto a reactive Dons mate who I can guarantee is liable to be a tad touchy about the fact that they've just been pumped 8-1 on aggregate.

Should be fun........................