Originally Posted by
Sylar
I ended up a drive last night around midnight after going absolutely tonto at my 3 year old. I haven't slept in about 3 days as a number of things have been weighing down on me. Just as I got into a deep sleep, she woke up and started rattling her head off the wall, which sounded like an earthquake. Bleary and disoriented, I ran into her room and yelled at her to stop it. As soon as I lay her down again, she started laughing, so I screamed "NO!" at her - cue expected and understandable fear and upset from the poor wee mite, and a totally ashamed and somewhat afraid Sylar.
I phoned Samaritans when I was out in the car, and they were great. Gave me some great resources to check out once I got back home. I also phoned Breathing Space this afternoon, and the guy I spoke to listened and spoke compassionately and without judgement. I'm going to see my GP on Monday - I'm fed up of these angry outbursts and low moods, and I've put off seeking proper help long enough. I reckon there's an element of my already-diagnosed anxiety at work, but I wouldn't be surprised if Depression and potentially PTSD are part of the conversation on Monday.
I never hear of any of my mate's or family members who are dad's struggling, and so speaking to someone else earlier who was also a dad to a young toddler and is experiencing really challenging days was incredibly reassuring. Made me feel like much less of a failure as a parent and a human being, but I definitely need help before I end up doing some damage to myself or someone else.