Hope everyone is ok!
Life is going well for myself at the moment, have been on Mirtazapine for a few months and have been feeling better, trying to resist the appetite side effects 😁 work going good also.
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Hope everyone is ok!
Life is going well for myself at the moment, have been on Mirtazapine for a few months and have been feeling better, trying to resist the appetite side effects 😁 work going good also.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tambo
Glad to hear that :aok:
I accidentally read your post as being on 'Marzipan', which brought a smile to my face :greengrin
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tambo
great to hear you’re doing well Tambo, chuffed to see this :aok:
Have to admit I'm really toiling a bit just now. I'll post more when I get a chance but has anyone ever royally f^^^ed up a longterm friendship with someone past the point of no return? This person was the kindest, caring and most generous person I've ever known. And its all my own fault. :brickwall
Try and resolve it by getting in touch with the person and try to arrange a meeting to talk it through.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
It may or might not work but at least going forward you will know you have made the effort and that will possibly at least give you a bit of comfort.
You've been bold enough to admit on here that it's your fault, hopefully that turns out to be the hardest part.
Good luck HC
Ive read some of this thread and its unbelievably brave to read of so many struggles and heartening to read so many opening up to others and sharing, and also the support being offered
Ive been holding back a bit as dont want to dilute the worries and ongoing support that others have recently been going through but I will get it off my chest anyway
Ive been ill for at least the best part of 18 months. Firstly with type 2 diabetes and then covid twice. My recovery was slow but I then developed a urinary issue in which I was referred to Urology at WGH. I waited a year for the consultation which I had a few months ago and Im now on the waiting list which will take around a year for the operation
The past few months my energy levels have went through the soles of my feet, I struggle to get out of bed in the morning, my joints ache all day and every day and I am completely whacked out with sometimes even no energy or the inclination to have a meaningful conversation
My employers have been great to be fair and have adjusted my workload a bit to suit, however as much as they have supported they have advised that as my energy levels are so low I may actually be a risk at work and they have suggested I take some time off to recharge and speak to my GP
I spoke to my GP last Friday on the phone about my diabetes and subsequent blood results and touched on my low mood and lack of energy, he has suggested further bloods and thinks I may also have an under active thyroid but will await bloods results first, he has recently just started me on tablets for my high blood pressure
I think taking some time away from work may benefit me as Im still trying to remain positive despite very low mood, morale and no energy but I have a plan to not dwell on things, get my arse into gesr, start eating more healthily, walk the dog and get wired into my weights, Im hoping that if I start feeling better mentally then hopefully feeling better physically may be a turning point
Sorry for the long winded post and thanks for reading
I think this thread is excellent.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge hibs
One of the worst thing for people struggling is they feel they have nowhere or no one to turn to.
This gives the opportunity for people to communicate, thankfully people post responsibly and I'm sure it has helped people.
A thing that I find is that people posting on this are not who I expect. Many posters on the messageboards come across very well as confident people and haven't a care in the world, that obviously isn't the case.
Just goes to show nobody is immune.
I totally agree mate and it doesnt matter who you are, whether known or just a username behind a keyboard, folk just need to get things off their chests and there are many who can offer advice, probably many who have been through similar experiences. Im going to use my time off work by having a read of this thread from the start and maybe read some of the useful links that have been postedQuote:
Originally Posted by scoopyboy
My own situation is difficult as I am unable to share with my Wife as she has a lot of serious physical health issues and as much as she would listen and support I dont want to burden her with my issues, as much as she would want me to I just think it would be so unfair to put it onto her plate
If they’re genuinely kind and caring then it won’t be beyond the point of no return.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
Forgiveness is important. I think we need to be able to disagree, have conflict, sometimes fall out but ultimately drift back again. Obviously there are red line issues but I don’t care much for folk who pride themselves on holding grudges. It’s not “being strong” to do so.
I maybe wouldn’t rush it or be too persistent too soon but if you are feeling sufficient remorse and feel that it’s all on you then there’s definitely room for a message that states that you hold your hands up, take full responsibility, deeply regret those actions, have come to realise how much you value that friendship and when the time is right would like to make amends.
If it’s received well, magic. If not, then maybe the person isn’t as kind and caring as you might have thought, or the friendship worth saving.
It might not be the same, it might take a very long time to get back to where you were and you might need to be patient, but I don’t think you should just let it go.
I think it was the “recommendations” thread where someone suggested being told “forgiveness is a choice” and I loved that. It’s good to forgive and it’s good to be forgiven. Most conflicts end up being trivial when they’re really broken down, allowing for obvious exceptions.
This is said by someone who has had several long term friendships break beyond the point of no return. None of them are that way because I’ve closed the door though. None.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hermit Crab
a few people have already replied HC, but I’d echo their advice. Reach out, be honest about taking responsibility for the situation, apologise and express your desire to rekindle the friendship. If they are willing, then you’ve made the right step, and if they aren’t, you will not be spending the future wondering if you could have changed things if only you’d reached out.
the hardest part is often being honest with one’s self, and admitting you were wrong. You’ve already overcome that hurdle, fingers crossed for you bud
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge hibs
no need to apologise BH, and no need to hold anything back here, we’ve all needed some support.
i think you’ve handled all of this really well, and probably haven’t given yourself the credit you deserve. You’ve sought out medical help, you’ve spoken with your work and been honest, and they have responded well thankfully.
just my tuppence worth, I think sharing what you’re experiencing with your wife will help. Whilst she’s experiencing her own medical issues, she’ll still have noticed that you’re not quite yourself, and will be worrying. It can sometimes be helpful to take your mind off your own issues by helping/supporting others with theirs, especially loved ones.
Thanks McD your kind words are very much appreciatedQuote:
Originally Posted by McD
I suppose in a way I have shared with my Wife and she is appreciative that I have taken some positive steps in actioning my issues and I think she takes great comfort from that
We are a good team and by and large we have always supported each other through thick and thin. My Wifes health issues have probably impacted on mines too, she has spinal damage and is awaiting an urgent Neuro appointment, so much so she is barely able to sleep at night, which in turn affects my sleep because I want to comfort her, I could sleep in the spare room but when we said our vows, in sickness and in health I will stick by them. She needs me as much as I need her
If she has to go for an op which has been discussed with Neuro a few years back then the risks would be horrific with the bare minimum being fused discs up to her neck. That was a challenging time then but its all come back, all she is thinking is about her career and that potentially ending
I feel so heartbroken for her and by equal measures thats why Im so determined to be mentally fit and strong for her, she is going to need me more than ever in the coming days, weeks, months and years
your support will be gladly felt by her mate, and she’ll draw so much strength from that. That determination in you will stand you both in good stead.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge hibs
people often ask questions to others along the lines of ‘how did you cope? I don’t know if I could do that’, when the truth is, no one sets out to be resilient, you simply do it when situations occur. I’m sure you and your wife will stand strong beside each other, drawing strength from the other that neither of you knew you had, together you will come through all of this.
Your post - and your one after - are very humbling mate. Well done to you on your great resilience through these difficult times. It sounds like you have put yourself in a healthy coping mode, looking at things holistically and attending everything you can to address the situation and doing a very good job of it too I might add.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bridge hibs
I agree with the wise words offered by McD. This is especially so where disclosing to your partner is concerned. I notice you use the word 'team' for you both and I think that's exactly the right way to think about things. I am so sorry to understand the situation your partner is in but I feel 100 per cent certain that understanding your own situation fully will actually help her. In spite of her own ill-health she will absolutely want to. It will give her extra emphasis to look after you, just as you do her. It will give her purpose. That you want to be protective to her is absolutely laudible. She is a strong woman though and still has that strength for you, just as you do her.
Glad to hear that you have the opportunity to draw back from work a little. You have both been through so much in the workplace this past few years and now seems the time to step back and get yourself well.
If I may say so, ease yourself into the activities you plan and do it in a sustainable way that you can build on. It reminds me a little of advice I was given years ago about reading text books - leave yourself in a good and interesting place for the next session, whether it's weight, walking or whatever. It will make it easier to pick up again. When low moods come we can lose motivation and sometimes wait for that motivation to come along before we do things. A way to deal with that is by taking a (however small) step into the activity and repeat. Often the motivation can follow the activity in this way rather than a long wait to 'feel like' doing things.
Small steps - motivation - further steps.
Wish you both the best with things pal and write any time that feels good for you. I will be here to listen.
Thanks McD and Stu for your kind words, appreciated
A timely reminder to check, and think about, those side-effects.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-66430817
Absolutely gutted to hear this morning that a young man and ex work colleague has taken his own life. This has really shaken me, a very successful and appeared to a happy go lucky young man who was obviously suffering in silence. Really can’t comprehend this.
Sorry to hear that mate, my best pal took his own life on Xmas eve 2020. I know the shock you’re feeling right now, he was suffering in silence too. If you’re needing someone to talk about it with please don’t hesitate to pm me, best wishesQuote:
Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee
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Sorry to hear that Scouse, hopefully if you need support you will get it on this very threadQuote:
Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee
Take care bud
Terrible to see this, I’m so sorryQuote:
Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee
This is a resource I have used in the past:-
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-...nt-by-suicide/
You could also try writing a physical letter. It will make anything you have to say more personal and sincere. It will also be cathartic for yourself. Even if you don't send it and meet personally I think you'll find that as you write there will be things that come to mind that you might not have thought about previously.Quote:
Originally Posted by scoopyboy
The longer you leave any communications the more difficult it will be to reach out as you'll feel you have left it too long as there is no going back.
Good luck!!
Sorry to hear about this young man and for your loss mate, very sad. It's the type of news that confounds us all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee
Some years ago, I learnt that there are often two questions that we tend to ask ourselves in these circumstances, 'could I have done something (different)? and simply 'why?' It was explained to me that, of course, we cannot every know the answers to these questions as the person is no longer with us. It maybe even sounds a little harsh but some years ago it helped 'release' me in time from those troubling thought that can be so punishing.
To demonstrate how difficult these feelings can be, I had a colleague on the same counselling team contact me the other day as she had lost a friend to suicide and was quite distraught. As context, our team talk to people with suicide ideation and attempted suicides most days in a week
If it is or is becomes troubling to you then I'd suggest talking to either a helpful service such as SOBS or even to a close one. Please feel free to talk to me about it anytime and that goes for anyone here with similar issues. It is a subject well worth learning about and I can promise, the feeling of helping prevent someone losing their life in this way is indescribably gratifying.
I use an app called Smiling mind which has meditation exercises snd also sleep ones which have found useful in terms of getting to sleep or waking up and not being able to get back to sleep. Free to use.Quote:
Originally Posted by McD
Cheers guys, thank you for your kind comments, advice and offers to chat, very much appreciated. The thing is it shouldn’t really affect me as much as it did. He is an ex colleague, we don’t keep in touch yet I see what a great time he was having via social media, I know he runs a successful business and know other folk who are closer to him who have said the same. It’s just something about him in particular taking his own life that has stunned me.
Is this thread PM-only now?
No, we've moved it to the dug out forum so that it's available to everyone.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
Ah, gotcha.Quote:
Originally Posted by hibee_girl
Smart move. Thanks :agree:
Really interesting article about the vagus nerve:-
https://www.theguardian.com/society/...ePQ59MAJXBvBpo
The piece is pretty wide-ranging in its scope, and there may be interest for a lot of us on here. I think, for example, that the WimHof Method has been mentioned. My own interest is in yoga, particularly Kundalini. Both of these claim positive effects on the vagus nerve.
Early days, of course, but......
Have been unusually quiet on here the last wee while, I’ve took a wee break from all social media to just reconnect with the things that really matter in life after a tough few weeks for me mentally. Feeling a lot more “at it” now and I’ll be back with my incessant whinging as of next weekend. Also been on a break from the drink and takeaways for two weeks now and feeling all the better for it, the body and mind is a temple and all that stuff. Hope everyone is well.
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