So good it was told twice see my post November 27th😂Quote:
Originally Posted by c31
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So good it was told twice see my post November 27th😂Quote:
Originally Posted by c31
Man takes a vacuum flask back to shop and says to the owner that it doesn't work. Shop owner says it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, what did you put in it? The man says two cups of coffee and a choc ice.
At the cinema.
ME: Two tickets please!
CASHIER: For the Hobbit?
ME: How dare you sir, she's my wife.
Google "South Yorkshire police operations complex" and check out the address. :faf:
Is there a punchline to this joke?Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg
Brilliant!Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg
Letsby AveQuote:
Originally Posted by Scouse Hibee
Tinsley, Sheffield S9 1XX
https://maps.app.goo.gl/mZjMXJYYVoQdjUqK9
Whoosh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Moulin Yarns
😁Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibbyradge
Malky Deidde who spent his life stressing his surname was 'deed' has collapsed. Was airlifted to hospital where he was pronounced dead.
Like...Quote:
Originally Posted by J-C
I think I’m also having a whoosh moment. Can anyone explain the joke? I’ve googled it and read the address above and still bamboozled 🤔Quote:
Originally Posted by Moulin Yarns
Police - "let's be having you"Quote:
Originally Posted by The Modfather
I did wonder if it was that. This old curmudgeon thinks it’s probably better suited to a smart jokes so bad they’re still bad thread 😀Quote:
Originally Posted by Peevemor
I think it's brilliant and one of only a handful of jokes that tic all the boxes in the thread title. I'd love to know if it's pure coincidence or if it was intentional, either way it's still fantastic.Quote:
Originally Posted by The Modfather
My car broke down this morning.
Someone stopped to help. I said: "Are you a mechanic?"
"No a chiropodist" he said..
So he gave me a toe.
Just had a wardrobe delivered by IKEA, not a single screw, bracket,
dowel, nothing, I thought **** me you couldn't make it up.
Bought a lettuce from a wee local shop called Momma's and Papa's, I can't eat it because all the leaves are brown.
A couple were cuddling up in bed on their wedding night; 'Darling' the bride said. 'I have a confession....I used to be a hooker'. Taken aback the groom thought for a while and then replied: 'actually that's quite erotic....tell me about it'. 'Well' she replied. 'My name was Nigel and I played for Wigan'
Hearing of the passing of Phil Spector reminds me of one of my favourite music jokes. I met his brother Crispin once, he was head of quality control at Walkers.
Terrible and perfect!Quote:
Originally Posted by Northernhibee
I used to date a girl that worked in and abattoir - She was a stunner.
As I get older, the fear of dying alone becomes all consuming. That's why I've decided to become a bus driver.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg
Reminds of the old joke, I want to die in my sleep like my grandad and not like the passengers on his bus.
Three guys, a teenager, his father and his grandfather go out to play a round of golf. Just before the son is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman comes walking up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show up and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is quite a beautiful woman.
The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game". The guys say okay and ask if she would like to tee off first.
All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle. She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. They get to the 18th and she has a 12-foot putt for par.
She turns around and says, "You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy sex he will never forget.
"The guys think, 'what a deal!' The kid walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."
The father walks up and says, "Don't listen to the youngster, aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left about 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup."
The grandpa looks at both of them in disgust, walks over picking up the ball, smiles and says "That's a Gimme."
Probably a true story that.
I never knew your grandad was a golfer 🤔Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibbyradge
I never knew my grandad!Quote:
Originally Posted by Saturday Boy
Wee laddie says to his grandad, " can we have McDonald's for tea. " " Only if you can spell it " says grandad, " F*** it, can we have KFC instead then."
I used to really like farm machinery when I worked in agriculture. Now I work in air conditioning. I'm an extractor fan.