he was a sacroiliacQuote:
Originally Posted by J-C
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he was a sacroiliacQuote:
Originally Posted by J-C
Where does Robin Hood buy his flowers?
Sherwood Florist
The Beach Boys walk into a bar.
"Round?"
"Round..."
"Get a round?"
"I'll get a round"
There’s a scientific reason that if a human makes a noise then it will bounce off the walls and echoes, but not a pigeon.
A ‘coo’ sticks.
What does Lewis hamilton use to phone the family on lockdown, Zooooooom
That's terrible. :greengrinQuote:
Originally Posted by Northernhibee
I was in bed last night with the wife. She turns to me and says "If you turn the lamp off, I'll take it up the arse." I should have waited for the bulb to cool down.
Prince Charles takes up jogging,
each day he jogs past a hooker who calls out to him '£150'
he would call back '£5'
This went on for quite some time.
One day Camilla decided to jog with him,
he was very apprehensive as he knew what the hooker
would say. As they jogged past the hooker shouted
'See what you get for £5 you tight *******!!'
We were strolling along the prom this morning when a seagull dropped his crap on my very bald head.
"Oh ****," came my plaintive cry.
"Hold on," said Lorraine as she rummaged through her bag. "I've got some bits of toilet paper."
"Don't be daft," I said. "It'll be miles away by now."
😕
Pupil: Sir? You wouldn't punish someone for something they hadn't done would you?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Pupil: Oh good, because I haven't done my homework.
My French friend said to me: ‘Did you know butterflies only live for one day?’
I said: ‘That’s a myth.’
He said: ‘No, it’s definitely a butterfly.’
Actually had to take a second to 'listen: to it. 👍Quote:
Originally Posted by c31
I was tempted to share my chiropodist joke here but decided against it, too corny.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my continual Pet Shop Boys related puns...
I said 'What have I done to deserve this ?'
Snowman says to his pal, can you smell carrots?
That's up there with;Quote:
Originally Posted by NORTHERNHIBBY
Two budgies are on their perch when one turns to the other and asks "can you smell fish?"!
This year just gets worse ,I’ve just heard Chris Rea’s car has broken down! :rolleyes:
Yea, "getting a lift home for Christmas" doesn't have the same ring to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by hibby6270
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Originally Posted by alhibby
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Originally Posted by Moulin Yarns
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Originally Posted by hibby6270
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Originally Posted by J-C
Repeat jokes aren't funny :greengrin
Haha forgot about that post 😂👍Quote:
Originally Posted by Moulin Yarns
👍Quote:
Originally Posted by J-C
My wife and I were out with her parents and I was telling them about our new bedroom drapes:
I said, "They're magnificent, presented in traditional 16th century English style. I close them and nobody could ever see what the 2 of us get up to in bed together."
My wife's mum said, "You have Tudor curtains?"
"That's right," I said. "And sometimes I bite her clitoris too."
My wife asked
"Have you seen the dog's bowl?"
I replied
"No, I didn't know they could play cricket!"
My neighbour hammered on my door at 2.30 this morning.
Luckily I was still up, playing my bagpipes
A myth? Is that not a female Moth?Quote:
Originally Posted by c31
My mate has just been charged with murder after killing a guy with sandpaper, he only wanted to rough him up a bit.
Christmas cracker joke time:-
What goes "oh, oh, oh"?
Santa walking backwards
I hate hypocrisy. Not my own, other people's.
How did Bing Crosby and David Bowie fix their deflated backsides at Christmas?
With their rubber bum pump.
I was at the optician today and he asked me what I can see,
so I told him I see empty stadiums empty airports and empty bank accounts,
and he says your sight is good you have 2020 vision