What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze ?
A Shoe
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What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze ?
A Shoe
I like how KFC give me 4 portions of chips with a bargain bucket, as if I'm sharing with anyone.
Mick and paddy were outside the pub adding their money together and had 85 pence, "lets buy a sausage I have an idea" said mick, they walk into the next pub order two pints, a short each and down them!
Paddy drops on his knees pulls the sausage out of micks flies and starts sucking on it!
They get kick out of the pub!
Next pub they do the same and the same thing happens again!....
By the tenth pub paddy says to mick "I can't keep doing this my knees are killing me"!
To which mick replies.....
"thank **** for that! I lost the sausage in the 2nd pub".....
What is the difference between man flu and a baby born 7 days ago?
Nothing they’re both just a week old.
I never thought I’d quit my job as a beekeeper.
Then I saw her face...
Not bad, sir, not bad at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Northernhibee
Liked thar:greengrinQuote:
Originally Posted by Northernhibee
Quote:
Originally Posted by Northernhibee
Slow burner, but worth it ...:aok:
On the same theme.Quote:
Originally Posted by Northernhibee
My partner said she would leave me if I didn't stop my obsession with the Monkees.
I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face..
I ate a kids meal in McDonald’s this morning. His mum was furious.
How does a deaf gynaecologist communicate with their patients?
They lip read.
A man goes to the optician for eye test.
They put a contraption on his face and ask him “what can you see”?
I see empty football stadia, empty theatres, closed pubs and almost no traffic.
Ah that’s perfect says the optician
You have 2020 vision
"Doctor, I feel kind of blue"
Don't worry you have Mild Davis"
Little Suzie walks into a pet shop and asks the owner, can I have a wittle bunny wabbit? The owner thinks this is adorable so gets on his knees and asks: would you like a little black one, a little white one, or one with little spots. Little Suzie stands up and says, I don't think my python will give a flying ****!
I went into a Chinese last night and the guy said to me, "Woh cha woh!" So I answered, "Sweet and sour chicken please."He said, "No, woh cha woh......... the paint's still wet!
A joke that definitely works better verbally. :greengrinQuote:
Originally Posted by J-C
Worked for Gerard Kelly in 1979 😆Quote:
Originally Posted by Future17
You thought 2020 couldn't get any worse?
Chris Rea's car has failed its mot.
Sent from my SM-G988B using Tapatalk
That's good news.Quote:
Originally Posted by alhibby
Thumbing a lift home for Christmas doesn't have the same ring to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by alhibby
You're a fool if you think it's over.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibbyradge
No please don't turn this into a puns thread, that's the road to hell.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
There's Nothing to fear.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibrandenburg
Fear of (his) music?Quote:
Originally Posted by Moulin Yarns
New rabbit hole now open for business...
Ah yes, God's great banana skin right there :wink:Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibbyradge
How did I get here?Quote:
Originally Posted by Hibbyradge
You're on the road to nowhere now.Quote:
Originally Posted by CropleyWasGod
Why doesn't someone start up a puns thread :greengrin
Some psycho killer would just ruin it with fitba chat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Hiber-nation
Did you all like the chiropractor joke I posted on here?
It was about a week back.
There was a bit of trouble in my class earlier, so I took one boy out and spoke to him:
"It wasn't me sir, it was him" he protested.
"I watched you hit him" I said, "it's your fault."
"But sir, he hit my nape, scratched my vertebrae and kicked my lumbar."
"Enough, I've made my decision" I shouted, "I'll have no more of your back-chat."