The generic Hearts thread

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Originally Posted by cocteautwin

This is fantastic. The Jambos are majorly bad and heading for Bottom of the league on Wednesday.

Jambo highlights as we head to midpoint of the season:

- they’ve got a new experimental manager who thinks he can apply advanced football techniques on a team used to long balls, big throws in to the box, and general s4!thouse football.

- The new manager gives the impression he’s only interested in his pay packet to support his next bar bill.

- The previous manager is still hanging around and on the payroll.

- The assistant to the previous previous manager is still hanging around and on the payroll.

- They’ve a team full of duffers on long term contracts

- Their only good player is an old crock who will get about 20 games a season

- The aforementioned crock has recently signed a high cost 4 year contract

- They’ve only scored 7 goals in the past 12 games, 5 of these coming in one game against St. Mirren

- The owner has piled through £25m of fans cash since Admin

- The owner has spent £21m on an unfinished stand when the original budget was £12m

- All the early season ticket money was spent by 30 June so they’ll need another £4m of fans cash at least to get to the end of the season

- See above point for having spare cash to rebuild the team in January

- Their £1m state of the art pitch has been destroyed by an ego driven freebie Festival concert

- The business is only viable cos it’s being supported by some invisible benefactor to the tune of c£4m p.a.

And, wait for this, to top it all off, they’ve only gone and invited BBC Scotland in to film a fly on the wall documentary about their implosion season.

It’s comedy gold!

:faf::faf::faf:

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That really is brilliant reading. What a cluster****. Can't wait for this documentary

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Originally Posted by cocteautwin

This is fantastic. The Jambos are majorly bad and heading for Bottom of the league on Wednesday.

Jambo highlights as we head to midpoint of the season:

- they’ve got a new experimental manager who thinks he can apply advanced football techniques on a team used to long balls, big throws in to the box, and general s4!thouse football.

- The new manager gives the impression he’s only interested in his pay packet to support his next bar bill.

- The previous manager is still hanging around and on the payroll.

- The assistant to the previous previous manager is still hanging around and on the payroll.

- They’ve a team full of duffers on long term contracts

- Their only good player is an old crock who will get about 20 games a season

- The aforementioned crock has recently signed a high cost 4 year contract

- They’ve only scored 7 goals in the past 12 games, 5 of these coming in one game against St. Mirren

- The owner has piled through £25m of fans cash since Admin

- The owner has spent £21m on an unfinished stand when the original budget was £12m

- All the early season ticket money was spent by 30 June so they’ll need another £4m of fans cash at least to get to the end of the season

- See above point for having spare cash to rebuild the team in January

- Their £1m state of the art pitch has been destroyed by an ego driven freebie Festival concert

- The business is only viable cos it’s being supported by some invisible benefactor to the tune of c£4m p.a.

And, wait for this, to top it all off, they’ve only gone and invited BBC Scotland in to film a fly on the wall documentary about their implosion season.

It’s comedy gold!

:faf::faf::faf:

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By the time the next derby comes round that pitch will resemble something from the battle of the Somme - it’ll be the Ultimate game of hoof-ball/floor lava!

The football visionary that is Tommy Wright said it was piss easy to play against Stendels high press, he just watched some Barnsley games from earlier this season. Seems every team Barnsley played thought the same. Even our own Jack Ross gave Stendel a bit of a leathering last season. Happy days.

How much is Budge worth ?

Remember the PBS will need upgrades in future as other 3 stands start to fall apart further plus they can’t expand to ever reach 20,000. I find it hilarious it’s still reported it’s over 20,000 and they have never even come close to that.

Add in the ongoing pitch maintenance costs and it’s a very expensive club to operate.

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Originally Posted by greenginger

I think Budge is keen to muddy the water by emphasising that there is more than one benefactor.

There’s the group who put money into Save the Children who then pass money to Hearts for the shirt add, they’re the ones that get to dress casually in the boardroom according to Budge and get a refund from HMRC.

Then there’s the source chucking huge chunks of money at the stand project and player funding. No tax claw back with these donations.

Who or what company or other entity in their right mind would bale out an obvious shambles of an organisation time after time as things continue to slide under Budge mismanagement ?

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You think it is just her putting money in? Where does football financial regulations (if there are any in Scotland) go with so called mystery benefactors? Personally don't think they should be able to invest anonymously. What happened to fit and proper tests ( no laughing at the back). :greengrin

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Originally Posted by Cataplana

So, without these payments, they would have been £1.65 m in debt? They're doing it again, aren't they?

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Spend other people’s money to the point of no return, then reset owing a huge debt to their supporters and mystery benefactors. It happened in 2005 and 2013 and it’s happening before our very eyes.

It’s the Hearts way.

The hibs way by contrast is to close a chapter in our history where we qualified for Europe several times, won the league and Scottish cup, rebuilt the stadium, built a training centre that we don’t share with a lacrosse team, become totally debt free, change owner with quiet efficiency rather than song and dance, break records for season ticket numbers, rectify mistakes like Heckingbottom - again without make a Jeremy Hunt of it - and see instant differences and finally, within recent years and IMO, having a recruitment policy that sees the vast majority of signings make a success of their time at Hibs.

**** the Hearts.

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Originally Posted by GreenCastle

How much is Budge worth ?

Remember the PBS will need upgrades in future as other 3 stands start to fall apart further plus they can’t expand to ever reach 20,000. I find it hilarious it’s still reported it’s over 20,000 and they have never even come close to that.

Add in the ongoing pitch maintenance costs and it’s a very expensive club to operate.

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It isn’t reports though.... they’ve kept very quiet about their current capacity and if it was more than ours we would have heard it by now.

Maybe a wee FOI to ECC to ask what the capacity is? They will have a copy of the Safety Certificate and it will be detailed on there.


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Congratulations if you had "Sunday, between 10am and 11am" in the sweep. There's a voucher for a free steak and ale pie on its way to you.

For younger readers, who may not be familiar with the genre, the entire text you of a Yam open letter is below.

"Dear Daniel,

Firstly, a very warm welcome to our club. No doubt you have seen the potential we have here to grow and be a major force in Scottish football and to be regular participants in European football. You will no doubt have been surprised at the high standards of facilities at our training base and stadium. Let me assure you that you have the backing of a great support, a fan base who continue to give great financial backing to ensure the club can thrive and progress. You have come to the club at a time when it is in a healthier financial state than it has ever been in its illustrious 146 year history.



I do fear however that you may have been slightly misled when you received a guided tour from your managerial predecessor. You may have heard that we have an excellent youth set up, you may have heard that we have a wealth of talent lying on tables in the treatment room, you may even have heard that there will be jam tomorrow.  Unfortunately, as you have now probably learned during your first week at the club, all of this is not entirely true.



In truth, a lot of money has been wasted in the last few years, building an overly large squad, many of whom aren't good enough to be successful at this level. Confidence is low, players tend to hide, and as you saw yesterday we resort to punting the ball long as the lack of options in front of our defenders leaves them will little other choice. 



The squad needs major surgery,(Don't worry, the fans have become used to this over the last five years), as is highlighted by our goalkeeping situation (The worst I've seen in over 40 years following the club). Whilst you do have some talented players injured just now, some of them haven't kicked a ball for a very long time and won't be able to help you in the short term. As for the youth, as you may have seen from the performance of Keena yesterday, we're nowhere near as strong as you've no doubt been led to believe in that department.



In short, unfortunately you have inherited a shambles. Strikers who can't score, a midfield with no pace, a lack of width and a coaching team who have been blind to the situation unfolding around them over the last couple of years. You have also been left in the unusual situation where your predecessor is still in the background and has the ear of our chairwoman.



This all sounds pretty depressing, but you deserve the truth. Judging by your aftermatch comments yesterday, I suspect you have worked most of this out for yourself in the short time you have been here.



I hope you are given the backing by the board to bring in your own backroom staff, and can assure you that the fans are behind you. I wish you luck and look forward to better times ahead.



yours sincerely,



A HEARTS SUPPORTER (FTH) "

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Originally Posted by Jones28

Spend other people’s money to the point of no return, then reset owing a huge debt to their supporters and mystery benefactors. It happened in 2005 and 2013 and it’s happening before our very eyes.

It’s the Hearts way.

The hibs way by contrast is to close a chapter in our history where we qualified for Europe several times, won the league and Scottish cup, rebuilt the stadium, built a training centre that we don’t share with a lacrosse team, become totally debt free, change owner with quiet efficiency rather than song and dance, break records for season ticket numbers, rectify mistakes like Heckingbottom - again without make a Jeremy Hunt of it - and see instant differences and finally, within recent years and IMO, having a recruitment policy that sees the vast majority of signings make a success of their time at Hibs.

**** the Hearts.

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What's wrong with Lacrosse like?

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Originally Posted by Cataplana

Congratulations if you had "Sunday, between 10am and 11am" in the sweep. There's a voucher for a free steak and ale pie on its way to you.

For younger readers, who may not be familiar with the genre, the entire text you of a Yam open letter is below.

"Dear Daniel,

Firstly, a very warm welcome to our club. No doubt you have seen the potential we have here to grow and be a major force in Scottish football and to be regular participants in European football. You will no doubt have been surprised at the high standards of facilities at our training base and stadium. Let me assure you that you have the backing of a great support, a fan base who continue to give great financial backing to ensure the club can thrive and progress. You have come to the club at a time when it is in a healthier financial state than it has ever been in its illustrious 146 year history.



I do fear however that you may have been slightly misled when you received a guided tour from your managerial predecessor. You may have heard that we have an excellent youth set up, you may have heard that we have a wealth of talent lying on tables in the treatment room, you may even have heard that there will be jam tomorrow.  Unfortunately, as you have now probably learned during your first week at the club, all of this is not entirely true.



In truth, a lot of money has been wasted in the last few years, building an overly large squad, many of whom aren't good enough to be successful at this level. Confidence is low, players tend to hide, and as you saw yesterday we resort to punting the ball long as the lack of options in front of our defenders leaves them will little other choice. 



The squad needs major surgery,(Don't worry, the fans have become used to this over the last five years), as is highlighted by our goalkeeping situation (The worst I've seen in over 40 years following the club). Whilst you do have some talented players injured just now, some of them haven't kicked a ball for a very long time and won't be able to help you in the short term. As for the youth, as you may have seen from the performance of Keena yesterday, we're nowhere near as strong as you've no doubt been led to believe in that department.



In short, unfortunately you have inherited a shambles. Strikers who can't score, a midfield with no pace, a lack of width and a coaching team who have been blind to the situation unfolding around them over the last couple of years. You have also been left in the unusual situation where your predecessor is still in the background and has the ear of our chairwoman.



This all sounds pretty depressing, but you deserve the truth. Judging by your aftermatch comments yesterday, I suspect you have worked most of this out for yourself in the short time you have been here.



I hope you are given the backing by the board to bring in your own backroom staff, and can assure you that the fans are behind you. I wish you luck and look forward to better times ahead.



yours sincerely,



A HEARTS SUPPORTER (FTH) "

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Did someone post that on Kickback? Wow

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Originally Posted by Aldo

Maybe a wee FOI to ECC to ask what the capacity is? They will have a copy of the Safety Certificate and it will be detailed on there

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Thats assuming ECC have actually issued one.

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Originally Posted by Cataplana

What's wrong with Lacrosse like?

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A posh girls game.

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Originally Posted by FilipinoHibs

A posh girls game.

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Not in Canada.

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Originally Posted by Barney McGrew

Thats assuming ECC have actually issued one.

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They would have to have issued something. If they haven’t or hadn’t I’d be surprised if the SFRS, SAS and Police Scotland allowed events to take place and could object on the grounds of public safety!




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Originally Posted by Cataplana

You will no doubt have been surprised at the high standards of facilities at our training base and stadium.

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They have their own training facility? They kept that quiet.

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Originally Posted by grunt

They have their own training facility? They kept that quiet.

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"No doubt aware" is Jambo speak for "we were lieing." Theres a lot more to deciphering these letters than meets the eye.

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Originally Posted by JimBHibees

You think it is just her putting money in? Where does football financial regulations (if there are any in Scotland) go with so called mystery benefactors? Personally don't think they should be able to invest anonymously. What happened to fit and proper tests ( no laughing at the back). :greengrin

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I think it is all her. She can set up Special Purpose Vehicles (SPVs) in offshore tax havens and route the money through these. Then there is no direct link to her. As people say who else would throw money at this shambles? If they have vast sums to throw away, these are not investments but book balancing exercises, why did they not step in to save the club when only £2.25 million was needed? It does not add up.

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Originally Posted by Cataplana

Not in Canada.

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Or the US. There it is a posh boys game.

Is Shaun Lawson going to provide us with a 20k word article on the principles of geggenpresse, followed by a 20k word blueprint for developing feeder clubs for The Famous across Germany?

I can only hope so.

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Originally Posted by Cataplana

What's wrong with Lacrosse like?

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Nothing, unless you’re having to train around it.

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Originally Posted by FilipinoHibs

Or the US. There it is a posh boys game.

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Technically the boys game and girls game of lacrosse are different.

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Originally Posted by Steve88

By the time the next derby comes round that pitch will resemble something from the battle of the Somme - it’ll be the Ultimate game of hoof-ball/floor lava!

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Don't mention the war

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Originally Posted by jacomo

Is Shaun Lawson going to provide us with a 20k word article on the principles of geggenpresse, followed by a 20k word blueprint for developing feeder clubs for The Famous across Germany?

I can only hope so.

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He'll need to ask his mum first.

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Originally Posted by Bostonhibby

He'll need to ask his mum first.

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He’s been around for a few years now. Must be in his early to mid teens and will eventually be able to cut the apron strings 😂

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Originally Posted by CentreLine

He’s been around for a few years now. Must be in his early to mid teens and will eventually be able to cut the apron strings [emoji23]

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Have you seen Hitchcock's Psycho?[emoji6]

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Interesting wee recent post on their thread about their pishy hybrid pitch.

Someone reckons Levein has them training on the Tynie pitch quite a lot during the week.

Not sure if any truth, but if so is that down to them not having as much access to ‘their’ state of the art training facilities as they would like?

Do Hibs train at ER very often, I didn’t think they did any more?

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Originally Posted by cocteautwin

One thing I’ve always wondered is if there will be a big CGT bill due when Budge hands over her shares to FoH for the agreed £2m. The net assets of HMFC have increased significantly recently and the transfer might be deemed as a transfer of assets at undervalue. Hmmmm.

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Following their contortions over whether the old stand should be listed or not (unique and historic structure of international significance when Tynecastle was under threat, an unremarkable pile of junk once Budge announced plans to redevelop), I wonder if this magnificent new structure will now be described as a hideous and worthless 70s office block pastiche that has added no value whatsoever to the stadium?

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Originally Posted by wallpaperman

Interesting wee recent post on their thread about their pishy hybrid pitch.

Someone reckons Levein has them training on the Tynie pitch quite a lot during the week.

Not sure if any truth, but if so is that down to them not having as much access to ‘their’ state of the art training facilities as they would like?

Do Hibs train at ER very often, I didn’t think they did any more?

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It’s OAP walking football at Oriam every Friday, so half the squad trains at Tynescastle and Berra, Naismith and co join in at Oriam.

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Originally Posted by Since452

Don't mention the war

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I did but I think I got away with it.

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Originally Posted by Jones28

Nothing, unless you’re having to train around it.

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😂😂😂