“Gorgie Rules”

[matty_f]

Shamelessly nicked from the excellent Down the Slope guys and prompted by the now banned Yam fud that was on earlier, proclaiming “Gorgie Rules”…

What exactly are included in these Gorgie Rules?

Some starters:

You don’t always *have* to pay for poppies.

Charity money is anyone’s money.

Competitions to win TVs don’t always result in the winner getting a TV

It’s always St Mirren’s fault.

[bigwheel]

You have to talk about your rivals anytime you make an important announcement

[Bostonhibby]

You can use the Macraes Battalion trust charity money for anything but handing it over to the actual charity whilst simultaneously claiming a unique and special relationship with said charity.

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[matty_f]

You have to talk about your rivals anytime you make an important announcement

You must mention size whenever you can, even if it’s just when talking to yourself in your Rover.

[CL0762]

Effectively letting the world know you have a small ***** despite bragging about how big it is

[Bostonhibby]

Poppies are not only free, but you actually get to keep the money you sell them for.



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[Hibs1969]

Passing off a sh**ty, crumbling, Victorian stadium as a state of the art, white hot cauldron.

[BILLYHIBS]

It’s ok to sell seats in the Away End even if they are ringed off

Our rools and our baw

[matty_f]

Castle views do not have to include a view of any castles.

[CL0762]

Creaming over the ‘frenzied hostile atmosphere’ despite their songbook after 2016 effectively being reduced to singing about going to Europe, despite only ever qualifying twice in the last 10 years.

[Kato]

Baking lessons are compulsory.

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[matty_f]

Being second is being Morally top.

[WoreTheGreen]

The owl he’s one of our own

[007]

Paying local businesses' invoices and tax is optional.

[PatHead]

Relegation is not really relegation if you moan about it enough.

Estate agents can do your legal work for you.

Stands can be built without professional help.(they only cost twice as much and take twice as long)

[3pm]

The stairway to nowhere.

Anybody got the picture of this? Tried to tell the Mrs that they took 4 years to build a stand, forgot the seats and they had a stair that leads into a wall. She doesn't believe me.

[Dalianwanda]

We love chips

[PatHead]

***** doesn't show on a maroon jersey.

[007]

Applauding = Celebrating like f***.

[007]

My superiority complex is better than yours.

[gbhibby]

You must twirl you scarfs above your head to get rid of the smell of your BO.

[matty_f]

League Cups are just for taking part in.

You should spend crucial games emptying your guts in Dens Park cludgies.

[matty_f]

The Office is a suitable inspiration for your new stand.

[matty_f]

Let proper wee teams like Brora beat you now and again.

[rossevenil]

Sex with your sister is nothing to be ashamed of

[gbhibby]

The Office is a suitable inspiration for your new stand.
Thought it was the old Co-op in Gt Junction Street that inspired their Glass wall, Matty.

[Greenbeard]

Only use Jambo flies to make your fly-on-the-wall documentary.
Whenever you sign a player let the world know that you beat Hibs to his signature.

[Mikey_1875]

Setting trends in fashion

[Aldo]

The stairway to nowhere.

Anybody got the picture of this? Tried to tell the Mrs that they took 4 years to build a stand, forgot the seats and they had a stair that leads into a wall. She doesn't believe me.

As if by magic……

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210914/db6d7464c819813b6b7cf37dd20b1e08.jpg


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[JoeT_WasTheBest]

You’re not really in debt if you owe the money to yourself.

[3pm]

As if by magic……

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210914/db6d7464c819813b6b7cf37dd20b1e08.jpg


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Just pissed herself laughing.

Must admit I hadn't really thought about the requirement for the bannister to make you sure you get to the wall safely until she said. Health and Safety : The Gorgie Rules.

[Aldo]

We owe it to ourselves!


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[Aldo]

Just pissed herself laughing.

Must admit I hadn't really thought about the requirement for the bannister to make you sure you get to the wall safely until she said. Health and Safety : The Gorgie Rules.

I keep that to hand along with the list of creditors…. Sad I know but always makes me smile and the stairway is just pure amateurish…. However it’s what big teams do!


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[Magpie]

Building a new stand and not ordering seats is standard procedure.

[matty_f]

Thought it was the old Co-op in Gt Junction Street that inspired their Glass wall, Matty.

:greengrin

[HibbyAndy]

Creaming over the ‘frenzied hostile atmosphere’ despite their songbook after 2016 effectively being reduced to singing about going to Europe, despite only ever qualifying twice in the last 10 years.


Post of the year :top marks


The reason Tiny was like a morgue on Sunday is they have absolutely hee haw over us anymore , When Sir David Gray headed home in 90 plus 2 there songbook died forever

[matty_f]

Claiming a special relationship with the Scottish Cup that you’ve won something like 5 times in 147 years is ok.

[He's here!]

Money-spinning replays are just as good as beating Hibs.

[Bostonhibby]

Just pissed herself laughing.

Must admit I hadn't really thought about the requirement for the bannister to make you sure you get to the wall safely until she said. Health and Safety : The Gorgie Rules.In Budge speak it's actually more properly referred to as a negative vomitorium.

When they work out how to make a hole at the top and have somewhere to go to on the other side there will be a grand opening of an actual vomitorium like before.

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[LongJohnBanger]

Gorgie Rules:

3) Showers are optional

4) Personal grooming is discouraged

5) We start counting at 3

6) Contractually, demoted employees must show around the new guy

7) Tenuous links to Hibernian F.C. actively encouraged

8) Unlikely hero candidates will be welcomed with open (tynecastle) arms

9) You owe the money to yourself

10) There will be chips.

[Peevemor]

That 19,852 = 20,099.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210914/0109df994f10db2b4aeac0ff84e44d13.jpg

[Since90+2]

That 19,852 = 20,099.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210914/0109df994f10db2b4aeac0ff84e44d13.jpg

That just shows up how shallow and obsessed they are with being perceived as a big club.

Their ground doesn't hold 20,000 but their happy to continually claim it does.

Imagine being that utterly obsessed about wanting fans of other clubs to see you as a "big club". Pathetic and sad.

[Aldo]

That just shows up how shallow and obsessed they are with being perceived as a big club.

Their ground doesn't hold 20,000 but their happy to continually claim it does.

Imagine being that utterly obsessed about wanting fans of other clubs to see you as a "big club". Pathetic and sad.

But they don’t! I have never heard Budge and co mention the capacity and you can be certain that if it was over 20k or more than ours, we would hear about it at every opportunity! Their silence in this is deafening


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[Eyrie]

Don't let training overrun because the students have booked the pitch for quidditch at noon.

[flash]

We owe it to ourselves!


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You must never win either the League Cup or anything whatsoever on goal difference.

[Peevemor]

That just shows up how shallow and obsessed they are with being perceived as a big club.

Their ground doesn't hold 20,000 but their happy to continually claim it does.

Imagine being that utterly obsessed about wanting fans of other clubs to see you as a "big club". Pathetic and sad.There's some clown who keeps changing the figure to 20,099 on wiki, despite the referenced document stating otherwise.

No complex there then.

[He's here!]

You must never win either the League Cup or anything whatsoever on goal difference.

And when Hibs are top of the league and you're second it's OK to ignore goal difference and pretend you're top.

[Aldo]

You must never win either the League Cup or anything whatsoever on goal difference.

[emoji23]


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[Peevemor]

But they don’t! I have never heard Budge and co mention the capacity and you can be certain that if it was over 20k or more than ours, we would hear about it at every opportunity! Their silence in this is deafening


Sent from my iPhone using TapatalkBudge has vaguely mentioned "over 20k" a few times.

[Aldo]

There's some clown who keeps changing the figure to 20,099 on wiki, despite the referenced document stating otherwise.

No complex there then.

We know that they know and that really bugs them!


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[jeffers]

But they don’t! I have never heard Budge and co mention the capacity and you can be certain that if it was over 20k or more than ours, we would hear about it at every opportunity! Their silence in this is deafening


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Interestingly Boyce did during the pre match build up on Sunday. It must be included in their welcome pack when they sign for them.

[Togs91]

Relegation isn't actual factual relegation

[Aldo]

Interestingly Boyce did during the pre match build up on Sunday. It must be included in their welcome pack when they sign for them.

Did he. Yeah they must but they are still quite a way off with no room for expansion. Unless they borrow some benches from the Tiny High School gym hall!


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[DaveF]

All gatherings must start with "we are heart of Midlothian" (thanks Roy Barry)

[007]

That 19,852 = 20,099.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20210914/0109df994f10db2b4aeac0ff84e44d13.jpg

And we'll change it back whenever anyone corrects it.

[Aldo]

And we'll change it back whenever anyone corrects it.

Looks like someone’s added the official safety certificate to the wiki page [emoji23]


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[LongJohnBanger]

Looks like someone’s added the official safety certificate to the wiki page [emoji23]


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Funnily enough, I went to the wiki page in the last few minutes and saw that too.

Gorgie Rules (updated):

11) Wiki MUST be maintained.

[CloudSquall]

Leagues are won in September.

[calumhibee1]

Creaming over the ‘frenzied hostile atmosphere’ despite their songbook after 2016 effectively being reduced to singing about going to Europe, despite only ever qualifying twice in the last 10 years.

Had to laugh at that on Sunday.

Quite a few airings of “make some noise, the Gorgie boys are going to Europe” as there always is. These sort of things dont seem to matter though.

Don’t qualify for Europe? Just sing that you have.

Aren’t top of the league? Just say that you are.

Aren’t second in the league? Just say that you are.

[3pm]

I keep that to hand along with the list of creditors…. Sad I know but always makes me smile and the stairway is just pure amateurish…. However it’s what big teams do!


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Not sad mate. It's to be admired.

[Magpie]

Appreciating the turn out of your supporters is well known as celebrating whether you win, lose or draw.

[O'Rourke3]

Spraff 1M providing a decent playing surface then destroy it after remembering you dont want one as it only helps the opposition play football.

Finish the infrastructure shell of the new stand forgetting to remove the crane which had been supporting it and locking said crane inside the ground leaving you no choice but to damage the pitch.

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[gbhibby]

The club went from one fanny owner to a whole bunch fannies owning the club.

[1875godsgift]

Always hire a manager who has never, ever heard of Heart of Midlothian.


If you can't do that then pick up any old failed ex-manager on the cheap.

[Bostonhibby]

Budge has vaguely mentioned "over 20k" a few times.But not for licensing or public liability insurance purposes[emoji23][emoji23]

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[jacomo]

And when Hibs are top of the league and you're second it's OK to ignore goal difference and pretend you're top.


Also, being bottom of the league doesn’t count if you’re a Big club and the investment in a new manager and loads more players hasn’t quite paid off yet.

[bigwheel]

Selling your soul to fraudster submariners does not mean you have cheated


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[Ringothedog]

Selling your soul to fraudster submariners does not mean you have cheated


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Surely you have to have a “soul” in the first place. That club and its fannies are as empty as a vacuum in a science class

[Eyrie]

Always hire a manager who has never, ever heard of Heart of Midlothian.


If you can't do that then pick up any old failed ex-manager on the cheap.

And if you can't do that, then pick up any old failed ex-manager in the club shop.

[jacomo]

There's some clown who keeps changing the figure to 20,099 on wiki, despite the referenced document stating otherwise.

No complex there then.


It’s honestly pathetic.

Probably stuck a ‘2.0’ badge on the boot lid of the Rover too when in reality it’s a 1.3 litre.

[CraigHibee]

The "wee cup" isn't worth winning

[CloudSquall]

Inclusion on the sex offenders registry is no barrier to entry.

[Mikey_1875]

Players must fight the chairman to receive their wages.

https://youtu.be/rS0rf8F40hM

[bigwheel]

Every couple of years let go on a free a talented young player so he can make loads of success and money for your rivals


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[Man Down Under]

Struggling with the concept of 'shadows' is welcome.

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[FilipinoHibs]

Partially complete seasons don't count if you are relegated but do if you are promoted.

[cocteautwin]

Public share offerings should be paid for strictly in cash with no shares issued and the aforementioned cash to leave the stadium in an Asda bag on it's way to Lithuania.

[ronaldo7]

Trousers, preferably jumbo maroon cords, must be worn pished.

Cardigans must button up to the top.


Saturday evening drinks in the BMC with the wife must be accompanied by the rover keys, ready for the plate.

[Since90+2]

It really does eat them up knowing we've won the Scottish and League cups more recently than them. Add in the fact we've consistently finished above them for years and have a bigger stadium and actually own our training ground rather than rent one.

Glorious.

[PatHead]

If you are losing a football discussion to a Hibby just make the 5-1 sign and walk away saying Big club.

[DIXIHIBS]

Everytime time you talk to a hibby, assure him that wallace mercer didnt try to kill their club, he really just wanted to save them...

[Since452]

Mention Hibs when signing a player or hiring a manager.

[Since452]

Create a myth about your atmosphere when the reality is that its a library

[Jones28]

Hearts were Jack Ross’ first choice which is why he chose Hibs.

[Since452]

Not relegated but demoted.

[Bostonhibby]

Beat St Mirren, relegate them and end the season after that.

Copyright some numpty on Kickback.

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[Since90+2]

Beat St Mirren, relegate them and end the season after that.

Copyright some numpty on Kickback.

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That was absolutely brilliant.

[Since452]

Beat St Mirren, relegate them and end the season after that.

Copyright some numpty on Kickback.

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That my friends is Karma

[CL0762]

Not being able to train on your indoor state of the art training pitch because the uni hockey team booked it first.

[AltheHibby]

Claim a special relationship with a real big club like a stalker does with their victim.

[Bostonhibby]

Claim a special relationship with a real big club like a stalker does with their victim.Then,like Liverpool don't pay them money you owe them and they get to have their name on your creditors list, the List of Shame.

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[lord bunberry]

Claim to be the famous and then find out your new manager has never heard of your tin pot club.

[JimBHibees]

Claim to be the famous and then find out your new manager has never heard of your tin pot club.

That was brilliant then went on to say he had heard of Hibs because of Hecky. :faf::faf:

[lord bunberry]

That was brilliant then went on to say he had heard of Hibs because of Hecky. :faf::faf:
I didn’t know that last bit, that’s even better. 😂

[Bishop Hibee]

A cash cow is literal rather than a metaphor.

[Danderhall Hibs]

Let Sir Tom pay off your poppy debts and then don’t thank or acknowledge him while pretending he didn’t.

[PatHead]

We have 500000 fans

[Pagan Hibernia]

Let Sir Tim pay off your poppy debts and then don’t thank or acknowledge him while pretending he didn’t.

what’s this one? Who?

[jacomo]

Mention Hibs when signing a player or hiring a manager.


And when revealing your new strip, announcing hospitality packages, stadium changes, etc etc

[Danderhall Hibs]

what’s this one? Who?

Sir Tom Farmer. Slight mistype.

[LancsHibs]

Loving this thread. Just reading it makes you realise what a bunch of weirdos they are😂

[007]

Lie

[Pretty Boy]

No matter what your own failings, it's always St Mirrens fault. Blow the league, lose in Cup finals, get relegated. Blame St Mirren.

[One Day Soon]

Cardigans are not just a popular beat combo.

[One Day Soon]

Rover is not just a name for dogs.

[gbhibby]

Bungalow is the house of choice, appropriate name for Hearts fans, nothing up top.

[Eyrie]

A track suit is acceptable formal wear if combined with a tie and baseball cap.

[bigwheel]

It is essential to have no real culture or art interests other than your local bingo hall

[AltheHibby]

Blow your money on a new stand that's being built by a supporter of your biggest rivals,who then spends some of the profits on them.

[Aldo]

A track suit is acceptable formal wear if combined with a tie and baseball cap.

And black slip on shoes!!


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[andudare2]

Beat St Mirren, relegate them and end the season after that.

Copyright some numpty on Kickback.

Sent from my SM-A750FN using Tapatalkthis numpty?🤣🤣

[Bostonhibby]

this numpty?[emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji16]

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[Irish_Steve]

Have about 50 billion players on your books cos that's what big teams do

[007]

this numpty?🤣🤣

Nostra-dumb-ass

[flash]

The first rule of Gorgie Rules is you never talk about Gorgie Rules.

[jacomo]

this numpty?🤣🤣


Gashkauskis is now spending ‘the rest of their eternity’ regretting making such a fool of themselves… nah they’re not.

Gorgie rules says: bash on!

[CraigHibee]

Being sponsored by wonga while bumping every company possible

[Magpie]

Describing the manager who got you relegated as a diamond.

[matty_f]

Have champagne on ice for every kick in the baws you receive.

[Bostonhibby]

Have champagne on ice for every kick in the baws you receive.I think it was probably only Lambrini.

It's like when the guy was spouting off impressively about the top legal advice he had. Was telling all the dumplings that not only would they overturn their relegation for finishing bottom but they'd get millions in compensation too.

Turned out to be the less than accurate ramblings of a self important estate agent.

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[Smartie]

The finest player of any generation is to be referred to as a “real Vanden Plas of a player”.

[LongJohnBanger]

12) Sell lego bus that isn't made of lego. They'll never know.

[gbhibby]

Make sure you call St Mirren, St Midden in your posts on kickback.
How dare they mock our feeder team from Paisley. 😁
There’s only one obika........

[Greenfly]

It is essential to have no real culture or art interests other than your local bingo hall

But surely the huge pink plastic coo was an impressive art installation?

[Pagan Hibernia]

If the wife fancies a meal out, it’s the Skyline restaurant at Tynecastle or nothing.

[matty_f]

Kids won’t always want presents for Christmas, some will want you to put the money towards the football club.

[EH6 Hibby]

It is compulsory to cry on balconies in Bulgaria after drawing a match.

Solo clapping in the plaza after cup final defeats is encouraged.

[CL0762]

Refer to your city rivals as h1b5 and also add NLTF to the end of every post.

[mixumatosis]

There is no "right" number of fingers or toes.

[Libby Hibby]

Under no circumstance is it a slabbed area, it’s a plaza

[Pretty Boy]

You must shoe horn comments about the attendances of Hibs and Aberdeen into any discussion on social media regardless of how nonsensical it is.

As an example if someone posts a picture of a sparsely attended junior game ask 'is that Hibs record attendance?'If a picture is shown of an impressive travelling support dismiss it as 'pish' and state 'Hearts would have taken more' even if there is barely a spare seat to be seen. Guaranteed social media acclamation from similarly minded simpletons.

[Pretty Boy]

You must remind yourself and anyone who will listen that 'no derby matters after 2012' at any opportunity.

Losing a derby that subsequently saw Hibs go on to win the cup and you hound your manager out of the club should not prevent you saying this. Likewise getting really upset about defeats and really happy about wins should also not under any circumstances see you stop this charade and repeating the mantra.

[gbhibby]

Always referring to the League cup as there wee cup in their posts cause they have not won it since the Cuban missile crisis. Teams that don't qualify for Europe have to play more games to win the League Cup than they do to win the Scottish Cup.

[Glory Lurker]

Shame is shameful.

[Bostonhibby]

But surely the huge pink plastic coo was an impressive art installation?Just something for the faithful to insert their small change into.

All big clubs do this .

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[Bostonhibby]

Umbrellas and plastic sheets only in the Alfresco Press area.

It's not as if water and electrical items don't mix and it hardly ever rains in Scotland.

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[Tricla]

Employ groomers and other weirdo's of that nature then get sponsored by 'Save the Children'. There's no irony in Gorgie Rules.

[eastmainsmsh]

Mad vlad and new stands glass n clad

[Since452]

Twirl a wooden rattle and pretend it's 1950.

[Alfred E Newman]

Yellow cords are the business.

[007]

If you get given a load of money, it doesn't matter what you spend it on, just spend it and don't worry about getting value for money. (The Michael Carroll School of Economics, 2002).

[Juniper Greens]

Why have a big LED screen, when a small digital clock will do the same thing?

[Irish_Steve]

Make sure that the Media area which all the electrics for laptops etc is completely exposed to the elements. That should keep those pesky reporters at bay

[Since452]

When you haven't finished above Hibs in years, release a statement saying that Daniel Stendel's Barnsley once finished above Jack Ross's Sunderland. It's almost the same thing.

[banchoryhibs]

18,177 is the same number as 20,990 - it's got to be as that's what we always get when we sell out a derby

[Radium]

Twirl a wooden rattle and pretend it's 1950.

… might have to make it the late’50s and shout for the terrible trio.

… and if one of your greatest players has a testimonial, remember to bill them for the ball.


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[FilipinoHibs]

You can win the cup and lose it to the same opponent in the same year.

[h1bs4life]

Put up posters and stickers at the end of last season saying saying Budge and Robbie Replay out , only to go back in your box once Anderson invited onto the board in case if Budge goes he would to .

[Skol]

1970s style office blocks with windows are actually a glass curtain

[JohnMcM]

Have a team of FOH members constantly monitoring Wikipedia in case one of those naughty people down Leith way should edit the stadium capacity from 20000 to its real figure.

[Since452]

Always hi-five supporters when leading a semi final 2-1 against 9 men with minutes to go.

[flash]

The first rule of Gorgie Rules is you never talk about Gorgie Rules.

The second rule of Gorgie Rules is you don't talk about Gorgie Rules.

[PatHead]

Always hi-five supporters when leading a semi final 2-1 against 9 men with minutes to go.

Surely hi six?

[Ringothedog]

Yellow cords are the business.

Aye roond their necks

[Hibernian Verse]

176) No Surrender.

[andudare2]

No problem in wanting to rebuild other stands to take capacity to 30/40K,even although the 8th wonder of the world new stand is still not finished after 4/5years,after all they are the big team who proudly sit joint 2nd although in real terms are 3rd.

[Eyrie]

The off cuts from the bowling club bar carpet will make a nice jacket for the missus.

[Irish_Steve]

Bask in the glory that the only league you will win is the statement league

[Allez Hibs]

Bask in the glory that the only league you will win is the statement league

To be fair don't Sevco win that by a mile?

[Jones28]

176) No Surrender.

Should that not rule 1690?

[PatHead]

Bask in the glory that the only league you will win is the statement league

Or the discipline league if you put the teams with the most fouls at the top

[bigwheel]

Another Gorgie Rule :

when Hearts get beat, we stop our FOH payments , when Hearts win , we give more to FOH

[Bostonhibby]

The off cuts from the bowling club bar carpet will make a nice jacket for the missus.[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

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[One Day Soon]

The finest player of any generation is to be referred to as a “real Vanden Plas of a player”.

:tee hee:

[Alfred E Newman]

The off cuts from the bowling club bar carpet will make a nice jacket for the missus.

Provided it's mostly maroon.

[weecounty hibby]

Giant Casio digital clocks are better than giant screens that feedback actual moving pictures

[Lancs Harp]

Nothing to add except Ive just spent a good ten minutes reading this thread and its made me laugh the most Ive laughed all week. :greengrin

[gbhibby]

Gorgie Rules announce that Hearts are going to install Led screens that will be bigger than Hibs but find out they are only 56m2.

[007]

Gorgie Rules announce that Hearts are going to install Led screens that will be bigger than Hibs but find out they are only 56m2.

But will tell everyone they're 60m².

[Lancs Harp]

Not only can you see the castle from tinycastle but you can also see tiny castle from the big castle.

[gbhibby]

Hearts remind you of the man that boasts he is 8 inches when he really only 6 inches.

[Jones28]

Hibs is wrong. Hearts is not wrongs.

[CloudSquall]

Playing Champions League music as if you've made the actual tournament is a must even if what you've actually made is the 2nd qualifying round.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

Hearts remind you of the man that boasts he is 8 inches when he really only 6 inches.

Keep me out of this. Thank you.

[Pretty Boy]

A converted garden shed and a Calor gas heater is an adequate setting to name in honour of a club legend.

A one tier stand can definitely be split into upper and lower tiers.

Ex players who deny making and refuse to apologise for a racist gesture despite being caught on camera are perfectly qualified to be anti racism campaigners.

[Pedantic_Hibee]

It’s perfectly normal to lend yourself £10 and either repay yourself £15 or alternatively, not repay it at all.

[Bostonhibby]

Always call your charity BIG Hearts.

It shows up prominently on subsequent creditors lists.

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[gbhibby]

Keep me out of this. Thank you.
You told me yours was a foot but you don't use it as a rule. 😁😁😁