Bereavement

[Hibernia&Alba]

I didn't want to post this in the anxiety/depression thread. My mother died suddenly in her forties twenty years ago, and one of the most important people to help me through was my best friend, who, in turn, died suddenly in his forties at the weekend. We were like brothers. Have to say everything feels in flux again, as if the moorings that ground me have again been removed. I'm not a unique case and I'm not looking for sympathy, rather it's the experience of sudden bereavement that I'm again struggling with. Losing those you love prematurely and suddenly is terrible, but in the long term it's probably better than losing a loved one to a long suffering illness, which is something I and countless others have also experienced. There is no easy answer here.

I'm not good at talking about these issues, particularly with strangers, but must admit I'm struggling. I suppose this is a cry for help.

Sleep well big Gerry; I love you comrade.

[JimBHibees]

Sorry for you loss. Certainly no bereavement expert but lost my sister suddenly about a month back and it has knocked me for six a bit. No reasoning and just one of these very unfair things. Heartbroken for her husband and her two teenage step kids however the cliche is correct life needs to go on. Keep busy lean on your family for support and give support to others. Always keep them in your heart and live the life they would want you to live. It certainly makes you appreciate what you have and how fallible we all are. Take care.

[Crunchie]

I feel for you mate, not much comfort but you'll know time is a great healer. I lost my best friend just before xmas a year ago in much the same circumstances, I still have the odd moment when I talk about him.
Hang in buddy :aok:

[HH81]

Sorry to hear H and A. I had a pretty bad 2020 and I think looking back I struggled too but just reached out to a couple of people, it does it help.

Just before Xmas my Nan and fried died on the same day, got the news of both within an hour of each other. Bit of a shocker to be fair.

Given I almost died from covid too.

Things do get easier, take some time off work if possible. I went walking for hours and it really helped me.

[Hibbyradge]

I'm sorry for your loss H&A.

When my mother was dying, I struggled mentally and eventually went for counselling.

I couldn't recommend it more.

It was the fact that it was a total stranger which made it so powerful.

While your friends, family and even posters on here might try to help, they have an agenda for you. i.e. Get back to your own self because it's hard for them to see you in pain.

A professional counsellor has no agenda other than the one you bring. You can tell them everything without fear that they're judging you whereas it's often easier to avoid things like embarrassing issues or guilty feelings with people you know and will see in future.

I would go into the sessions feeling so down and depressed, but the time would fly by and I'd come out much lighter and stronger.

It's the best £30 or whatever I've spent.

[Santa Cruz]

I'm sorry for your loss H&A.

When my mother was dying, I struggled mentally and eventually went for counselling.

I couldn't recommend it more.

It was the fact that it was a total stranger which made it so powerful.

While your friends, family and even posters on here might try to help, they have an agenda for you. i.e. Get back to your own self because it's hard for them to see you in pain.

A professional counsellor has no agenda other than the one you bring. You can tell them everything without fear that they're judging you whereas it's often easier to avoid things like embarrassing issues or guilty feelings with people you know and will see in future.

I would go into the sessions feeling so down and depressed, but the time would fly by and I'd come out much lighter and stronger.

It's the best £30 or whatever I've spent.

I have a family relative who really struggled with a bereavement, they had counselling which helped them also. Here's the link to the charity bereavement counsellors that helped them. They had face to face counselling, not sure if that's currently an option due to the pandemic restrictions.

http://www.crusescotland.org.uk/

[wookie70]

I'm sorry for your loss H&A.

When my mother was dying, I struggled mentally and eventually went for counselling.

I couldn't recommend it more.

It was the fact that it was a total stranger which made it so powerful.

While your friends, family and even posters on here might try to help, they have an agenda for you. i.e. Get back to your own self because it's hard for them to see you in pain.

A professional counsellor has no agenda other than the one you bring. You can tell them everything without fear that they're judging you whereas it's often easier to avoid things like embarrassing issues or guilty feelings with people you know and will see in future.

I would go into the sessions feeling so down and depressed, but the time would fly by and I'd come out much lighter and stronger.

It's the best £30 or whatever I've spent.


I'd echo that. I had issues with mental health and getting someone that has no previous knowledge of you and who is also professionally trained to deal with mental health or bereavement made a big difference to me. Take your time, if you can stop working to give space to recover and try to be kind to yourself.

[Onceinawhile]

My mother also died unexpectedly in her 40s 19 years ago. It was a gut punch then and continues to be every time a life event happens that I would have like to have shared with her. (Graduating uni, Wedding, children, new houses etc...)

I'm really sorry you've had to go through something like that twice and this probably brings up the memories of the original grief even harder.

Take your time to grieve, talk to people about it and remember, the feelings of hurt won't go away, but they will lessen.

[Scouse Hibee]

I didn't want to post this in the anxiety/depression thread. My mother died suddenly in her forties twenty years ago, and one of the most important people to help me through was my best friend, who, in turn, died suddenly in his forties at the weekend. We were like brothers. Have to say everything feels in flux again, as if the moorings that ground me have again been removed. I'm not a unique case and I'm not looking for sympathy, rather it's the experience of sudden bereavement that I'm again struggling with. Losing those you love prematurely and suddenly is terrible, but in the long term it's probably better than losing a loved one to a long suffering illness, which is something I and countless others have also experienced. There is no easy answer here.

I'm not good at talking about these issues, particularly with strangers, but must admit I'm struggling. I suppose this is a cry for help.

Sleep well big Gerry; I love you comrade.

Sorry for your loss mate, lost my best mate and best man to be nearly thirty years ago, hit me like a sledgehammer at the time and looking back it was probably because I had little else to occupy my mind and very few close friends around me to lean on as I had just moved here and wasn’t working.
I have found with subsequent bereavements that getting back to normal as soon as possible and going to work and meeting friends helped me enormously.

[Hibrandenburg]

Sorry for your loss H&A. I lost my best friend about 30 years ago. He was fit as a fiddle as we'd both been training to pass a certain course in the army and his death was so out of the blue it just knocked me sideways. After all this time I still occasionally get a gut wrenching sense of grief when certain triggers are pulled and can't make sense of it. It gets better because you learn to deal with it, but it never goes away.

[Hibernia&Alba]

Thanks all for the kind words, they are greatly appreciated. Shock is a terrible experience. You have a family member or a friend who you speak to almost every day, then gone. The word unbelievable is overused, but a sudden death really is hard to believe. The enormity is too much to take in. I keep looking at my phone and thinking "we haven't finished yet; phone me". I can't keep still for more than five minutes.

[stu in nottingham]

I didn't want to post this in the anxiety/depression thread. My mother died suddenly in her forties twenty years ago, and one of the most important people to help me through was my best friend, who, in turn, died suddenly in his forties at the weekend. We were like brothers. Have to say everything feels in flux again, as if the moorings that ground me have again been removed. I'm not a unique case and I'm not looking for sympathy, rather it's the experience of sudden bereavement that I'm again struggling with. Losing those you love prematurely and suddenly is terrible, but in the long term it's probably better than losing a loved one to a long suffering illness, which is something I and countless others have also experienced. There is no easy answer here.

I'm not good at talking about these issues, particularly with strangers, but must admit I'm struggling. I suppose this is a cry for help.

Sleep well big Gerry; I love you comrade.

Hi mate, I'm really sorry to hear you have lost your great friend, that must be and one that is completely shattering for you. It sounds as though he was part of your coping mechanism over the long term for the loss of your mum.

I would like to reinforce what Santa Cruz said about Cruse Bereavement Service. They are good people and will likely be of help for you should you arrive at the point where you'd like to seek help/

The points that other posters have made about talking to a counsellor are sound ones too. Speaking with a therapist is a very different relationship to discussing your problems with a well-meaning friend or family member. It is characterised by a neutral persepective by the counsellor and of course one that is totally non-judgemental and objective. Many, many people confirm this to me that it is far easier to speak with a therapist for these same reasons.

Friends and family will also have a tendency to offer advice and, maybe surprisingly, this is not what is necessarily needed. What is more helpful for you will likely be for someone to simply listen while you recount your thoughts, allowing you to process those same thoughts yourself with a little guidance.

It's early days for you and I’m sure all sorts of things will be going through your head as you try to make sense of what indeed appears senseless.

Some of the reactions and support you will receive will be of comfort, some thought provoking, nearly all will be heartfelt. Accept the love and support that people offer, especially those close to you. I gained a tremendous amount of strength from my friends in general when bereaved. I felt almost overwhelmed at the kindness and it taught me a lot about people, myself and my relationship with this world. In the midst of a sad situation, it is a gift to you. A natural equaliser and healer in life.

If you are a person of faith then there is no better time to call on that. Personally, I found it difficult to take part in Mass but would rather spend time in my local place of worship alone, finding peace and healing.

Forgive people if they are awkward around you. It is very difficult for some people to understand what to say or do in such circumstances. Know that all will feel for you, despite their apparent reactions.

I’m sure you will still be reeling with the shock of what has happened at this time. My main words to you would be to simply hang in there – survive it day by day – and let the future take care of itself when time inevitably works its miracle healing. It is a first-aid situation currently so don’t have too many expectations of yourself right now, just piece your way through it the best you can. One day at a time, one hour at a time if need be. When you feel able in some way to return to your routines, if you have not already, undertake them slowly and be kind to yourself because you deserve that care.

At the darkest of times it can help take your mind off things to think of others in the situation. There may be children in the situation or significant others who you can engage with and support each other. Look after each other – be a team. Perhaps all or many of your days will feel a bit bleak still at the moment and that is to be expected. Some days may feel unbearable even but I am here to tell you that these times do decrease in both frequency and intensity, though you may not be able to comprehend that right now. Have faith that this will happen and give time the chance to carry out its great work.

Whilst still very early days, when the pain becomes more bearable try to gently place back into your life sep by step with those elements that will help you, friendships, work, a little exercise, socialising. Take your time with them and go steady my friend.

Stay with us here and remember, you are stronger than you think.

[Hibernia&Alba]

Hi mate, I'm really sorry to hear you have lost your great friend, that must be and one that is completely shattering for you. It sounds as though he was part of your coping mechanism over the long term for the loss of your mum.

I would like to reinforce what Santa Cruz said about Cruse Bereavement Service. They are good people and will likely be of help for you should you arrive at the point where you'd like to seek help/

The points that other posters have made about talking to a counsellor are sound ones too. Speaking with a therapist is a very different relationship to discussing your problems with a well-meaning friend or family member. It is characterised by a neutral persepective by the counsellor and of course one that is totally non-judgemental and objective. Many, many people confirm this to me that it is far easier to speak with a therapist for these same reasons.

Friends and family will also have a tendency to offer advice and, maybe surprisingly, this is not what is necessarily needed. What is more helpful for you will likely be for someone to simply listen while you recount your thoughts, allowing you to process those same thoughts yourself with a little guidance.

It's early days for you and I’m sure all sorts of things will be going through your head as you try to make sense of what indeed appears senseless.

Some of the reactions and support you will receive will be of comfort, some thought provoking, nearly all will be heartfelt. Accept the love and support that people offer, especially those close to you. I gained a tremendous amount of strength from my friends in general when bereaved. I felt almost overwhelmed at the kindness and it taught me a lot about people, myself and my relationship with this world. In the midst of a sad situation, it is a gift to you. A natural equaliser and healer in life.

If you are a person of faith then there is no better time to call on that. Personally, I found it difficult to take part in Mass but would rather spend time in my local place of worship alone, finding peace and healing.

Forgive people if they are awkward around you. It is very difficult for some people to understand what to say or do in such circumstances. Know that all will feel for you, despite their apparent reactions.

I’m sure you will still be reeling with the shock of what has happened at this time. My main words to you would be to simply hang in there – survive it day by day – and let the future take care of itself when time inevitably works its miracle healing. It is a first-aid situation currently so don’t have too many expectations of yourself right now, just piece your way through it the best you can. One day at a time, one hour at a time if need be. When you feel able in some way to return to your routines, if you have not already, undertake them slowly and be kind to yourself because you deserve that care.

At the darkest of times it can help take your mind off things to think of others in the situation. There may be children in the situation or significant others who you can engage with and support each other. Look after each other – be a team. Perhaps all or many of your days will feel a bit bleak still at the moment and that is to be expected. Some days may feel unbearable even but I am here to tell you that these times do decrease in both frequency and intensity, though you may not be able to comprehend that right now. Have faith that this will happen and give time the chance to carry out its great work.

Whilst still very early days, when the pain becomes more bearable try to gently place back into your life sep by step with those elements that will help you, friendships, work, a little exercise, socialising. Take your time with them and go steady my friend.

Stay with us here and remember, you are stronger than you think.

Thanks very much for that superb response, Stu. Your input in this field is always incredibly insightful and helpful. I remember you experienced a terrible tragedy a while back.

I can't sleep or eat; tossing and turning. I'm going to walk the dog at first light; it helps to keep busy.

[Hibernia&Alba]

Well, Gerry even has me going to Mass again. He was religious, whilst I became an atheist in my teens. However, it's strange the way we fall back upon old habits in times of such crisis. I must admit I'm only going out of respect for him, rather than any re-discovery of Christianity, but, if he could see it, he would have a damn good laugh at my expense: "I knew ye'd be back one day, ye ****".

[Pretty Boy]

Well, Gerry even has me going to Mass again. He was religious, whilst I became an atheist in my teens. However, it's strange the way we fall back upon old habits in times of such crisis. I must admit I'm only going out of respect for him, rather than any re-discovery of Christianity, but, if he could see it, he would have a damn good laugh at my expense: "I knew ye'd be back one day, ye ****".

I've known a lot of people who have gone back to Mass or other services after a bereavement, myself included. I've not got a lot to back this up but I think the simple ritual of it all makes it quite appealing. When your thoughts are all over the place standing at the right time, kneeling at the right time, saying the responses at the right time etc etc is easy and somewhat comforting. It's like riding a bike in that you never really forget it no matter how long it has been.

When it comes to bereavement your earlier post about the finality of it all struck a chord with me. My Granny died almost 6 years ago. She had been ill for some time and had really struggled with vascular dementia in her last 12-18 months. In many ways the grief process had already started as the person I knew was long gone. However that sudden shock on hearing the news that it had happened still floored me, I remember a few minutes later not being able to work out how to make a cup of coffee for my Grandad. I forgot to boil the water, poured milk down the sink and poured the cold water into a mug of sugar. It seemed ridiculous but thinking about it now it was shock. For all it was expected there was still that unbelievable empty feeling that half an hour ago someone was alive and now they weren't.

I can't really add anything useful to this thread. Others have given far better and more practical advice than I can. I hope you bear up as best you can and draw some solace from attending Mass. Even if it does little more than bring a smile to your face imagining a mate laughing at you then it has served a purpose.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

I've known a lot of people who have gone back to Mass or other services after a bereavement, myself included. I've not got a lot to back this up but I think the simple ritual of it all makes it quite appealing. When your thoughts are all over the place standing at the right time, kneeling at the right time, saying the responses at the right time etc etc is easy and somewhat comforting. It's like riding a bike in that you never really forget it no matter how long it has been.

When it comes to bereavement your earlier post about the finality of it all struck a chord with me. My Granny died almost 6 years ago. She had been ill for some time and had really struggled with vascular dementia in her last 12-18 months. In many ways the grief process had already started as the person I knew was long gone. However that sudden shock on hearing the news that it had happened still floored me, I remember a few minutes later not being able to work out how to make a cup of coffee for my Grandad. I forgot to boil the water, poured milk down the sink and poured the cold water into a mug of sugar. It seemed ridiculous but thinking about it now it was shock. For all it was expected there was still that unbelievable empty feeling that half an hour ago someone was alive and now they weren't.

I can't really add anything useful to this thread. Others have given far better and more practical advice than I can. I hope you bear up as best you can and draw some solace from attending Mass. Even if it does little more than bring a smile to your face imagining a mate laughing at you then it has served a purpose.

The point you make about the person you lost being long gone is exactly how I felt about my mum before she died, I'd made my peace with it long before she passed, being in the company of a shell of a woman was worse than when she died.

[stu in nottingham]

Well, Gerry even has me going to Mass again. He was religious whilst I became an atheist in my teens. However, it's strange the way we fall back upon old habits in times of such crisis. I must admit I'm only going out of respect for him, rather than any re-discovery of Christianity, but, if he could see it, he would have a damn good laugh at my expense: "I knew ye'd be back one day, ye ****".

That made me smile! If we can find something that brings us peace and healing then, of course, it's wise to follow it. When I was bereaved my office was near to the RC Cathedral in Nottingham, just as my present one is. I would often saunter over there on a lunch break, feeling quite lost to the world, say a prayer and just sit quietly with my thoughtsfor a few minutes. During those moments I'd simply ask for healing. I'd always walk out of there feeling loved and cared for, in a shocking world which I was failing to understand any more. It was hugely instrumental my recovery. When working in the office (not for some time!) through an open window I can hear St Barnabas' bells calling for Mass each lunchtime. I still find this a joyful and comforting sound, one that triggers into that past healing.



I knew was long gone. However that sudden shock on hearing the news that it had happened still floored me, I remember a few minutes later not being able to work out how to make a cup of coffee for my Grandad. I forgot to boil the water, poured milk down the sink and poured the cold water into a mug of sugar. It seemed ridiculous but thinking about it now it was shock. For all it was expected there was still that unbelievable empty feeling that half an hour ago someone was alive and now they weren't.


These types of incidents are termed as micro-errors and very typical of the struggle to concentrate the majority of grieving people experience to some degree soon after a loss. It's a sign that the brain is struggling to cope, being completely consumed by a painful and overwhelming event that is life-changing.

This short-term memory impairment is normal, those with complex grief can experience additional problems such as depression and anxiety or PTSD, in itself an anxiety disorder. All of these can impact the brain directly and cause problems with memory.

Quite separately from what we are discussing here, more continual and regularly occurring micro-errors can be an early indicator of dementia.

[Hibernia&Alba]

The point you make about the person you lost being long gone is exactly how I felt about my mum before she died, I'd made my peace with it long before she passed, being in the company of a shell of a woman was worse than when she died.

I'm sorry to hear it, mate. My mum's case was the exact opposite: young and healthy, it was just a normal day, then gone. The good thing is she never suffered in the way your mum did, but the cost of that is the shock: no time to make peace with anything. It's the same now.

[gbhibby]

Sorry for your loss mate, lost my best mate and best man to be nearly thirty years ago, hit me like a sledgehammer at the time and looking back it was probably because I had little else to occupy my mind and very few close friends around me to lean on as I had just moved here and wasn’t working.
I have found with subsequent bereavements that getting back to normal as soon as possible and going to work and meeting friends helped me enormously.
I would agree totally with your last paragraph I have found the same. Everyone is different but remember the old adage a problem shared is a problem halved.

[Dalianwanda]

I agree with what’s been said about bereavement services. My fiancé is a social worker at our local hospice. The advice & support that team provide is amazing. Anyone helping others deal with loss are providing a very special service. She sees is as an absolute privilege to be there for those at end of life and those they leave.

A huge part of that is just being there to listen. Times a healer because we eventually allow new thought and emotion. Listening or just being aware gives them a chance to come and go. Allowing of these thoughts and emotions rather than fighting resisting or analysis leads to a sense of peace.

Keep sharing and the fact that you have noticed this means your a large part of the way in dealing with it.

[Hibernia&Alba]

I agree with what’s been said about bereavement services. My fiancé is a social worker at our local hospice. The advice & support that team provide is amazing. Anyone helping others deal with loss are providing a very special service. She sees is as an absolute privilege to be there for those at end of life and those they leave.

A huge part of that is just being there to listen. Times a healer because we eventually allow new thought and emotion. Listening or just being aware gives them a chance to come and go. Allowing of these thoughts and emotions rather than fighting resisting or analysis leads to a sense of peace.

Keep sharing and the fact that you have noticed this means your a large part of the way in dealing with it.

A lovely post, mate.

[stu in nottingham]

I agree with what’s been said about bereavement services. My fiancé is a social worker at our local hospice. The advice & support that team provide is amazing. Anyone helping others deal with loss are providing a very special service. She sees is as an absolute privilege to be there for those at end of life and those they leave.

A huge part of that is just being there to listen. Times a healer because we eventually allow new thought and emotion. Listening or just being aware gives them a chance to come and go. Allowing of these thoughts and emotions rather than fighting resisting or analysis leads to a sense of peace.

Keep sharing and the fact that you have noticed this means your a large part of the way in dealing with it.

I have the very highest regard for those who work in hospices. Such selfless, giving and compassionate individuals.

Regarding listening, a good way to think of this role is that of being a 'witness' for the person who wants to talk.

[Hibernia&Alba]

I have the very highest regard for those who work in hospices. Such selfless, giving and compassionate individuals.

Regarding listening, a good way to think of this role is that of being a 'witness' for the person who wants to talk.

:agree:

It must be a very emotionally draining role, but an invaluable one.

[CMurdoch]

Sorry H&A just seen this thread.
You have always shown great empathy and understanding for others and it's good to see folk taking time to try to comfort you by sharing their own experiences of loss. As ever Stu has gone over and beyond to reach out with professional advice and insight.
The beauty of this place is most of us don't know each other so you really are free to post exactly how you are feeling, whenever you feel it and someone will respond positively for no other reason than they want you to feel better.
Hope today is a little better for you.

[Hibernia&Alba]

Sorry H&A just seen this thread.
You have always shown great empathy and understanding for others and it's good to see folk taking time to try to comfort you by sharing their own experiences of loss. As ever Stu has gone over and beyond to reach out with professional advice and insight.
The beauty of this place is most of us don't know each other so you really are free to post exactly how you are feeling, whenever you feel it and someone will respond positively for no other reason than they want you to feel better.
Hope today is a little better for you.

Thanks for that, mate. It's been a terrible shock for everyone; his family, particularly his parents, of course, are bereft. It isn't helped by delays with the post mortem and funeral, due to current restrictions. The waiting makes it worse. All we can do is be there for them.

[Hibernia&Alba]

These types of incidents are termed as micro-errors and very typical of the struggle to concentrate the majority of grieving people experience to some degree soon after a loss. It's a sign that the brain is struggling to cope, being completely consumed by a painful and overwhelming event that is life-changing.

This short-term memory impairment is normal, those with complex grief can experience additional problems such as depression and anxiety or PTSD, in itself an anxiety disorder. All of these can impact the brain directly and cause problems with memory.

Quite separately from what we are discussing here, more continual and regularly occurring micro-errors can be an early indicator of dementia.

Yes, the past days I've been walking into rooms and then forgetting what I had gone there for; doing the same task over and over; repeating myself in conversation. Memory has gone.

[Hibbyradge]

Yes, the past days I've been walking into rooms and then forgetting what I had gone there for; doing the same task over and over; repeating myself in conversation. Memory has gone.

It's interesting that you say that.

My golfing partner's mate in Edinburgh lost his wife a while back. The grief he felt was overwhelming and one of the side effects was that he totally lost his short term memory.

He can't remember what happened a couple of hours ago but can tell you what he was doing in November 2018.

If Steve ever phones him to arrange something, he makes him write it down but also phones another mate to let him know too.

I knew grief was a powerful emotion, but I had no idea that it could affect us in those ways.

[Hibernia&Alba]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx

[cabbageandribs1875]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx


my thoughts are with you, i still think of my old man every day and it's been 14 years, doesn't help it was xmas day and one the family gets reminded off at our xmas gathering, my mother is now 10 years ago, miss them both so much


sincere condolences to yourself, time is a great healer

[Hibernia&Alba]

my thoughts are with you, i still think of my old man every day and it's been 14 years, doesn't help it was xmas day and one the family gets reminded off at our xmas gathering, my mother is now 10 years ago, miss them both so much


sincere condolences to yourself, time is a great healer

Thank you, friend. December 2nd would have been his seventieth birthday, and we hoped he would return home that day. Not to be, sadly, and it was a massive shock.

Incidentally, all the staff who treated him, GP, doctors, surgeons, nurses, porters and everyone else were truly magnificent. He was speaking about the greatness of the NHS the day before he died. We must always protect it.

[stu in nottingham]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx

I'm so sorry to hear your news mate. I'd like to say what a fine and loving tribute that is to your father, you are a great credit to him.

The circumstances of your father's passing must be so difficult, traumatic and shocking. I have faith though that your father has taught you well in the skills of coping and loving.

Sleep well and God bless you, Michael. x

[Hibernia&Alba]

I'm so sorry to hear your news mate. I'd like to say what a fine and loving tribute that is to your father, you are a great credit to him.

The circumstances of your father's passing must be so difficult, traumatic and shocking. I have faith though that your father has taught you well in the skills of coping and loving.

Sleep well and God bless you, Michael. x

Thank-you, Stu, that means a lot, coming from you. I hope you are well.

[McD]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx


heart breaking to read this H&A, the love, respect and relationship you have with your Dad shines through in your words, my condolences to you and your family

[Hibernia&Alba]

heart breaking to read this H&A, the love, respect and relationship you have with your Dad shines through in your words, my condolences to you and your family

Thank-you, friend, that's very kind.

[Bridge hibs]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xxSorry to hear of your Fathers passing mate, great memories you have shared, stay strong 💚

[Hibrandenburg]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx

Sorry for your loss H&A, he sounds like a remarkable fellow. I'm sure if you're a dad yourself then you'll know that it's a two way street and that it's your kids that provide you with true happiness, having read your words I'm certain he was a very happy man.

[Kato]

Sorry for your loss H&A, beautiful tribute.

Sent from my SM-A528B using Tapatalk

[Stairway 2 7]

Lovely words you can feel the love through them. Condolences mate

[Scouse Hibee]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx

Sorry for your loss mate, that’s an absolutely wonderful tribute to your Dad and truthfully had me feeling very emotional reading it. Take care and cherish your memories of your time together.

[blackpoolhibs]

So sorry for your loss, he seemed a lovely man a gentleman you will be very proud of.

[Eaststand]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx

A lovely tribute and your Dad sounds like a great man, may he RIP.

He may not be here physically but his presence will live on and be with you forever.

My thoughts are with you

GGTTH

[Hibernia&Alba]

Thank-you all for the kind words, they really do mean a lot.

There will need to be a post-mortem, due to the suddenness of his death in hospital, then the funeral, so you mightn't need to put up with much of my slavering for a while. Tomorrow should have been his seventieth birthday, and we had hoped he would be home for it, but family and friends are getting together anyway to remember him.

Thanks again all. If anyone is suffering a loss, talk about it, even on here. Get it off your chest.

Catch you later.

[WhileTheChief..]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx

So sorry to read this, thoughts are with you and your family.

I never saw this thread before, there's some really lovely posts here, with some good advice.

Hope you're doing ok.

[WhileTheChief..]

Thank-you all for the kind words, they really do mean a lot.

There will need to be a post-mortem, due to the suddenness of his death in hospital, then the funeral, so you mightn't need to put up with much of my slavering for a while. Tomorrow should have been his seventieth birthday, and we had hoped he would be home for it, but family and friends are getting together anyway to remember him.

Thanks again all. If anyone is suffering a loss, talk about it, even on here. Get it off your chest.

Catch you later.

70 is way too young.

My mum is 73 with a terminal illness. It sucks.

Two of her neighbours died recently at 93 and 95, i can't help but think it's unfair, they were old men when I was a kid playing in the street!!

[Hibernia&Alba]

70 is way too young.

My mum is 73 with a terminal illness. It sucks.

Two of her neighbours died recently at 93 and 95, i can't help but think it's unfair, they were old men when I was a kid playing in the street!!

I'm very sorry to hear that, mate. There is no such thing as an easy death in relation to the loved ones left behind. A long illness, especially with suffering, is so harrowing to witness, but it gives loved ones time to come to terms with it. A sudden death usually means far less suffering for the deceased, but the shock means it's much harder for family to accept the loss. It's lose-lose.

I hope you mum isn't suffering too badly in her illness, and I wish you and your family the very best. It's terrible to watch a loved one deteriorate.

In relation to your point on longevity, our family scores very poorly, I'm afraid. My mum died at 47 (brain haemorrhage) and dad's sister at 45 (breast cancer). My grandparents made 79,78, 67 and 59. A wee bit better, but I've always been fatalistic about my chances of seeing a right good age.

We fully expected dad to recover. He was out of high dependency, looking well and was into a normal ward. Then the rug was pulled from under us, which is hard.

[Jonnyboy]

Just catching up with this and am deeply moved by your wonderful words about your Dad. He sounds like a wonderful human being and family man.

He’ll live on in your memories, of which I’m sure there are man.

I’m so sorry for your loss

[WhileTheChief..]

I'm very sorry to hear that, mate. There is no such thing as an easy death in relation to the loved ones left behind. A long illness, especially with suffering, is so harrowing to witness, but it gives loved ones time to come to terms with it. A sudden death usually means far less suffering for the deceased, but the shock means it's much harder for family to accept the loss. It's lose-lose.

I hope you mum isn't suffering too badly in her illness, and I wish you and your family the very best. It's terrible to watch a loved one deteriorate.

In relation to your point on longevity, our family scores very poorly, I'm afraid. My mum died at 47 (brain haemorrhage) and dad's sister at 45 (breast cancer). My grandparents made 79,78, 67 and 59. A wee bit better, but I've always been fatalistic about my chances of seeing a right good age.

We fully expected dad to recover. He was out of high dependency, looking well and was into a normal ward. Then the rug was pulled from under us, which is hard.

Everything about this is hard, no words really. Thanks for sharing though.

Thankfully my mum feels 'fine', and to look at her you'd never know. Kinda makes it worse.

[Hibernia&Alba]

Just catching up with this and am deeply moved by your wonderful words about your Dad. He sounds like a wonderful human being and family man.

He’ll live on in your memories, of which I’m sure there are man.

I’m so sorry for your loss

Thank-you, sir xx

[Hibernia&Alba]

Everything about this is hard, no words really. Thanks for sharing though.

Thankfully my mum feels 'fine', and to look at her you'd never know. Kinda makes it worse.

I wish your mum, yourself and all the family the very best during such a difficult time.

[Just_Jimmy]

Everything about this is hard, no words really. Thanks for sharing though.

Thankfully my mum feels 'fine', and to look at her you'd never know. Kinda makes it worse.I lost my Mum to MND in May. I've mentioned before on here. It's 6 months on and I'm alright.

It's never the same for anyone grieving but if you want to talk then feel free to message me.

Regardless, you have my sympathies.

Jimmy

Sent from my SM-G991B using Tapatalk

[Hibernia&Alba]

I lost my Mum to MND in May. I've mentioned before on here. It's 6 months on and I'm alright.

It's never the same for anyone grieving but if you want to talk then feel free to message me.

Regardless, you have my sympathies.

Jimmy

Sent from my SM-G991B using Tapatalk

Thank-you so much for that :aok:

[hibsbollah]

I want to say the most loving of goodbyes to my dad Michael who passed away unexpectedly Monday 28 November 2022, following an operation.

Thank you, dad, for setting an example of how to be a man. Thank you for teaching me that the most important thing in our lives is people, not money or possessions. Thank you for being my biggest champion, my strongest support and my dearest friend. Thank you for your limitless capacity to love your children and grandchildren. Thank you for your ethics and beliefs, your humanity, your gentleness and compassion. You were the greatest man I will ever know.

You bought me my first child's season ticket at Hibs in 1989, and we've been going together since. No game in the future will ever be as enjoyable.

Sleep well old friend. If there is something beyond ourselves, you are back with mum. I am proud to carry your name. I love you xx

That’s a beautiful post. You’ve got a great way with words and thanks for sharing that with everyone :agree:

[Hibernia&Alba]

That’s a beautiful post. You’ve got a great way with words and thanks for sharing that with everyone :agree:

Very kind, thanks, mate.

[AgentDaleCooper]

Just back yesterday from the west coast, where we laid my dad to rest on Friday. He died before just before Christmas, having been in hospital for a couple of months after a stroke, epilepsy and ten years of progressing Alzheimer's. Despite all of these co-morbidities, his passing was as effortless and peaceful as could be, and it was a privilege to be with him and help look after him in those final weeks. Due to an administrative cock up at the hospital (due to understaffing - he received absolutely outstanding care from the NHS nurses, doctors and porters at every turn), we had to wait a few weeks to bury him - this became a blessing, as we had time to organise the painting of his coffin by the local community, which he held very dear. It couldn't have been more beautiful - the Pentland Hills on one side, the Cuillins of his native Skye on the other. I don't know what words to say about him other than that I'll carry him with me forever. The word 'legend' doesn't begin to do him justice.

Aonghas 'Dubh' MacNeacail - abair athair. Taing bho bonn mo chridhe.


Here is a poem, a recording of which we played at the burial - he wrote it in 1997, but was as though he were speaking to us from another realm.


TONIGHT YOU BEING FROM ME

although the journey of the stars

were between you and me

the thread of silk will not decay

that bound you to me

that tied me to you,

and tonight you being from me

i am in darkness

sending words to you

my heart’s cargo

heavy dark words without shape,

vowel and consonant

multiplying to sense,

as the foliage of trees

bends their branches,

in darkness

in the breeze

leaves sporting their green

first flicker of dawn



the original Gaelic:

A-NOCHD IS TU BHUAM

ged a bhiodh cuairt nan reul

eadar mi is tu

cha chrion an snath-sioda

a cheangail mi riut,

agus a-nochd is tu bhuam

tha mi san dubhar

cur bhriathran thugad

luchd mo chridhe

faclan trom dorcha gun chruth,

foghair is connrag

a’ siolachadh gu ciall,

mar a tha duilleach nan craobh

a’ cromadh nan geug,

anns an doilleir

san oiteag

a’ mireadh an guirme

priobadh na camhanaich

[Stairway 2 7]

Just back yesterday from the west coast, where we laid my dad to rest on Friday. He died before just before Christmas, having been in hospital for a couple of months after a stroke, epilepsy and ten years of progressing Alzheimer's. Despite all of these co-morbidities, his passing was as effortless and peaceful as could be, and it was a privilege to be with him and help look after him in those final weeks. Due to an administrative cock up at the hospital (due to understaffing - he received absolutely outstanding care from the NHS nurses, doctors and porters at every turn), we had to wait a few weeks to bury him - this became a blessing, as we had time to organise the painting of his coffin by the local community, which he held very dear. It couldn't have been more beautiful - the Pentland Hills on one side, the Cuillins of his native Skye on the other. I don't know what words to say about him other than that I'll carry him with me forever. The word 'legend' doesn't begin to do him justice.

Aonghas 'Dubh' MacNeacail - abair athair. Taing bho bonn mo chridhe.


Here is a poem, a recording of which we played at the burial - he wrote it in 1997, but was as though he were speaking to us from another realm.


TONIGHT YOU BEING FROM ME

although the journey of the stars

were between you and me

the thread of silk will not decay

that bound you to me

that tied me to you,

and tonight you being from me

i am in darkness

sending words to you

my heart’s cargo

heavy dark words without shape,

vowel and consonant

multiplying to sense,

as the foliage of trees

bends their branches,

in darkness

in the breeze

leaves sporting their green

first flicker of dawn



the original Gaelic:

A-NOCHD IS TU BHUAM

ged a bhiodh cuairt nan reul

eadar mi is tu

cha chrion an snath-sioda

a cheangail mi riut,

agus a-nochd is tu bhuam

tha mi san dubhar

cur bhriathran thugad

luchd mo chridhe

faclan trom dorcha gun chruth,

foghair is connrag

a’ siolachadh gu ciall,

mar a tha duilleach nan craobh

a’ cromadh nan geug,

anns an doilleir

san oiteag

a’ mireadh an guirme

priobadh na camhanaich

Wow beautiful, sent a shiver. You need that printed and framed. Condolences

[Santa Cruz]

Sorry for your loss ADC. I'm glad you got to spend time with your Dad in his final days, I'm sure this brought you both great comfort.

[McD]

Sorry to read of your loss ADC, my condolences to you and your family

[AgentDaleCooper]

Wow beautiful, sent a shiver. You need that printed and framed. Condolences

thanks man - fortunately he was published, and actually won Scottish Writer of the Year in 1997. There was an obituary for him in the Guardian today: Aonghas MacNeacail (https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jan/17/aonghas-macneacail-obituary?fbclid=IwAR0_g--HvNOp9uh3QGb6FDfC3TLmBfAIqns8GLaFpTDla2EIhXe7PWMZp 2U)

He had been a Partick man, but I converted him in latter years, and we watched Hibs lift the cup together at Hampden in 2016. We had season tickets from then until the first Covid lockdown. Easter Road to me now is sort of intrinsically tied to him, as it was our thing we did together in those years during his health declining, but before it was too much for him. Really special times.

[Stairway 2 7]

thanks man - fortunately he was published, and actually won Scottish Writer of the Year in 1997. There was an obituary for him in the Guardian today: Aonghas MacNeacail (https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/jan/17/aonghas-macneacail-obituary?fbclid=IwAR0_g--HvNOp9uh3QGb6FDfC3TLmBfAIqns8GLaFpTDla2EIhXe7PWMZp 2U)

He had been a Partick man, but I converted him in latter years, and we watched Hibs lift the cup together at Hampden in 2016. We had season tickets from then until the first Covid lockdown. Easter Road to me now is sort of intrinsically tied to him, as it was our thing we did together in those years during his health declining, but before it was too much for him. Really special times.

What an impressive and fulfilling life, amazing.

Put it through archive.ph for non subscribers

https://archive.ph/wsznT

[AgentDaleCooper]

What an impressive and fulfilling life, amazing.

Put it through archive.ph for non subscribers

https://archive.ph/wsznT

hm, that website doesn't seem to be working - I'll post the article here:


Aonghas MacNeacail obituary

Poet and writer who championed the Gaelic language in Scotland and the rest of the world


Aonghas MacNeacail, who has died aged 80, was a significant literary presence in Scotland over five decades, best known for writing in his native Gaelic – although he was resistant to being labelled exclusively a “Gaelic poet”.

He wrote with equal power in English, and his Gaelic identification stemmed not only from his poetic output but also from a public commitment to the language, signalled by the legal adoption in the late 1970s of the Gaelic form of his name at birth, Angus Nicolson. “Scotland has a curious relationship with its Gaelic poets,” he said. “It likes the fact that we’re there, so long as it doesn’t have to read us … The rest of the world is more open to what we have to offer.”

His popularity at poetry readings, which took him to North America, Russia, Japan, Israel and throughout Europe, was enhanced by a bardic appearance and an engaging, humane manner through which he could relate his poetry to circumstances that shaped the universal themes he wrote about. Many of these stemmed from the history of his own people, in which the cruelty of eviction was within living memory.

In his 1996 collection, Oideachadh Ceart agus Dàin Eile/A Proper Schooling and Other Poems (in Gaelic with parallel English translation), he wrote: “when i was young / it wasn’t history but memory // when the factor, on horseback, came / on the woman’s descent from / the moorland grazings laden with bracken / he cut the ropes from their shoulders / spreading their loads to the ground, / alleging they took without permit / a weed he’d eliminate / were it not that women cut it and carried it home / for bedding to ease their cows’ hard rest; and there was rent in that weed”.

For that collection, he won the 1997 Stakis prize for Scottish Writer of the Year which he dedicated to “every bard, known and anonymous, who ever made the Gaelic language sing”. He was also a recipient, in 2015, of the Saltire Society’s premier award, for his contribution to the arts and humanities.

Alan Riach, professor of Scottish literature at Glasgow University, described one of MacNeacail’s bardic works, Thug Thu Dhomh Samhradh (You Gave Me Summer), as “one of the world’s great love poems, to a partner, a beloved person, but also to a language, and perhaps to language itself, to all forms of language in the world”.

Nicolson was born in the Skye village of Uig. When he was eight his father Alasdair, a merchant seaman, died from cancer, and his mother, Catriona (nee Stewart), raised him and his sister Peigi in a crofting community. His early educational journey was typical of the era, going to school without a word of English and speaking not a word of Gaelic within its walls.

He progressed to Portree high school, where the headmaster “liked to work himself into a foul mood before administering beltings … Later he shot himself.” He left to enrol at nautical college but soon lost his yearning for the sea, instead finding employment as a British Rail clerk in Fife for seven years.

A railway colleague lent him Malone Dies by Samuel Beckett, which he later said sparked the ambition to pursue a literary career. By 1968, he had gained entry to Glasgow University, through a scheme for mature students without formal qualifications, and started writing in earnest.

For Glasgow, it was a golden age for poetry abetted by the presence of the critic and poet Philip Hobsbaum who had become a reader in English literature there in 1965. Wherever he went, Hobsbaum nurtured the talents of writers through private “groups” which, in Glasgow, included such future luminaries as Liz Lochhead, Alasdair Gray and Tom Leonard. It was an intellectually rigorous environment in which Nicolson (as he still was) found a natural home.

Hobsbaum was impressed by one of his poems, The Divide, about two old brothers in Skye. “That’s a poem,” he said. “Write about what you know. Go back to your roots.” While always open to wider influences, the emerging poet never departed far from that advice.

After graduating, Nicolson worked in London as a housing officer while engaging with the Poetry Society. In 1976 his work was first published by Gollancz in the anthology A Poetry Quintet. The following year, he was appointed writer in residence at the Gaelic college on Skye, Sabhal Mòr Ostaig. This prompted his name change by deed poll and an invigorated commitment to writing in Gaelic and promoting its use.

Gerda Stevenson, the writer and actress whom he married in 1980, recalled his view of Gaelic speakers: “He went from saying ‘there are only 65,000 of us left’, to ‘there are still 65,000 of us left’.” Despite all that had been thrown at it by history and prejudice, there was enough remaining of Gaelic language, culture and communities to be worth fighting for.

MacNeacail did his own translations in the belief he was better qualified than anyone else to retain the nuances of language and said he “valued the opportunity to reach the non-Gaelic audience, among whom most of my life is spent, in translations that aspire to be as close in creative quality as the originals”.

In 1993, he recalled, “a fellowship at Glasgow University, 25 years after I’d first matriculated there, turned me into a bilingual poet again” (having resumed writing in English as well as Gaelic), and he still found energy to tour poetry festivals, and contribute in other areas of Gaelic culture, including scriptwriting for television and providing lyrics for leading Scottish composers – including the libretto for William Sweeney’s chamber opera An Turus (The Journey), performed by Paragon Ensemble for the Celtic Connections festival in 1998. He continued to agitate whenever the opportunity arose for the language he loved.

He is survived by Gerda, their son, Rob, and daughter, Galina.

Aonghas MacNeacail (Angus Nicolson), poet, writer and Gaelic language activist, born 7 June 1942; 19 December 2022

[Stairway 2 7]

hm, that website doesn't seem to be working - I'll post the article here:


Aonghas MacNeacail obituary

Poet and writer who championed the Gaelic language in Scotland and the rest of the world


Aonghas MacNeacail, who has died aged 80, was a significant literary presence in Scotland over five decades, best known for writing in his native Gaelic – although he was resistant to being labelled exclusively a “Gaelic poet”.

He wrote with equal power in English, and his Gaelic identification stemmed not only from his poetic output but also from a public commitment to the language, signalled by the legal adoption in the late 1970s of the Gaelic form of his name at birth, Angus Nicolson. “Scotland has a curious relationship with its Gaelic poets,” he said. “It likes the fact that we’re there, so long as it doesn’t have to read us … The rest of the world is more open to what we have to offer.”

His popularity at poetry readings, which took him to North America, Russia, Japan, Israel and throughout Europe, was enhanced by a bardic appearance and an engaging, humane manner through which he could relate his poetry to circumstances that shaped the universal themes he wrote about. Many of these stemmed from the history of his own people, in which the cruelty of eviction was within living memory.

In his 1996 collection, Oideachadh Ceart agus Dàin Eile/A Proper Schooling and Other Poems (in Gaelic with parallel English translation), he wrote: “when i was young / it wasn’t history but memory // when the factor, on horseback, came / on the woman’s descent from / the moorland grazings laden with bracken / he cut the ropes from their shoulders / spreading their loads to the ground, / alleging they took without permit / a weed he’d eliminate / were it not that women cut it and carried it home / for bedding to ease their cows’ hard rest; and there was rent in that weed”.

For that collection, he won the 1997 Stakis prize for Scottish Writer of the Year which he dedicated to “every bard, known and anonymous, who ever made the Gaelic language sing”. He was also a recipient, in 2015, of the Saltire Society’s premier award, for his contribution to the arts and humanities.

Alan Riach, professor of Scottish literature at Glasgow University, described one of MacNeacail’s bardic works, Thug Thu Dhomh Samhradh (You Gave Me Summer), as “one of the world’s great love poems, to a partner, a beloved person, but also to a language, and perhaps to language itself, to all forms of language in the world”.

Nicolson was born in the Skye village of Uig. When he was eight his father Alasdair, a merchant seaman, died from cancer, and his mother, Catriona (nee Stewart), raised him and his sister Peigi in a crofting community. His early educational journey was typical of the era, going to school without a word of English and speaking not a word of Gaelic within its walls.

He progressed to Portree high school, where the headmaster “liked to work himself into a foul mood before administering beltings … Later he shot himself.” He left to enrol at nautical college but soon lost his yearning for the sea, instead finding employment as a British Rail clerk in Fife for seven years.

A railway colleague lent him Malone Dies by Samuel Beckett, which he later said sparked the ambition to pursue a literary career. By 1968, he had gained entry to Glasgow University, through a scheme for mature students without formal qualifications, and started writing in earnest.

For Glasgow, it was a golden age for poetry abetted by the presence of the critic and poet Philip Hobsbaum who had become a reader in English literature there in 1965. Wherever he went, Hobsbaum nurtured the talents of writers through private “groups” which, in Glasgow, included such future luminaries as Liz Lochhead, Alasdair Gray and Tom Leonard. It was an intellectually rigorous environment in which Nicolson (as he still was) found a natural home.

Hobsbaum was impressed by one of his poems, The Divide, about two old brothers in Skye. “That’s a poem,” he said. “Write about what you know. Go back to your roots.” While always open to wider influences, the emerging poet never departed far from that advice.

After graduating, Nicolson worked in London as a housing officer while engaging with the Poetry Society. In 1976 his work was first published by Gollancz in the anthology A Poetry Quintet. The following year, he was appointed writer in residence at the Gaelic college on Skye, Sabhal Mòr Ostaig. This prompted his name change by deed poll and an invigorated commitment to writing in Gaelic and promoting its use.

Gerda Stevenson, the writer and actress whom he married in 1980, recalled his view of Gaelic speakers: “He went from saying ‘there are only 65,000 of us left’, to ‘there are still 65,000 of us left’.” Despite all that had been thrown at it by history and prejudice, there was enough remaining of Gaelic language, culture and communities to be worth fighting for.

MacNeacail did his own translations in the belief he was better qualified than anyone else to retain the nuances of language and said he “valued the opportunity to reach the non-Gaelic audience, among whom most of my life is spent, in translations that aspire to be as close in creative quality as the originals”.

In 1993, he recalled, “a fellowship at Glasgow University, 25 years after I’d first matriculated there, turned me into a bilingual poet again” (having resumed writing in English as well as Gaelic), and he still found energy to tour poetry festivals, and contribute in other areas of Gaelic culture, including scriptwriting for television and providing lyrics for leading Scottish composers – including the libretto for William Sweeney’s chamber opera An Turus (The Journey), performed by Paragon Ensemble for the Celtic Connections festival in 1998. He continued to agitate whenever the opportunity arose for the language he loved.

He is survived by Gerda, their son, Rob, and daughter, Galina.

Aonghas MacNeacail (Angus Nicolson), poet, writer and Gaelic language activist, born 7 June 1942; 19 December 2022

Ta heck of an article, you must be fair proud of him, mother too I may add..

[Just_Jimmy]

hm, that website doesn't seem to be working - I'll post the article here:


Aonghas MacNeacail obituary

Poet and writer who championed the Gaelic language in Scotland and the rest of the world


Aonghas MacNeacail, who has died aged 80, was a significant literary presence in Scotland over five decades, best known for writing in his native Gaelic – although he was resistant to being labelled exclusively a “Gaelic poet”.

He wrote with equal power in English, and his Gaelic identification stemmed not only from his poetic output but also from a public commitment to the language, signalled by the legal adoption in the late 1970s of the Gaelic form of his name at birth, Angus Nicolson. “Scotland has a curious relationship with its Gaelic poets,” he said. “It likes the fact that we’re there, so long as it doesn’t have to read us … The rest of the world is more open to what we have to offer.”

His popularity at poetry readings, which took him to North America, Russia, Japan, Israel and throughout Europe, was enhanced by a bardic appearance and an engaging, humane manner through which he could relate his poetry to circumstances that shaped the universal themes he wrote about. Many of these stemmed from the history of his own people, in which the cruelty of eviction was within living memory.

In his 1996 collection, Oideachadh Ceart agus Dàin Eile/A Proper Schooling and Other Poems (in Gaelic with parallel English translation), he wrote: “when i was young / it wasn’t history but memory // when the factor, on horseback, came / on the woman’s descent from / the moorland grazings laden with bracken / he cut the ropes from their shoulders / spreading their loads to the ground, / alleging they took without permit / a weed he’d eliminate / were it not that women cut it and carried it home / for bedding to ease their cows’ hard rest; and there was rent in that weed”.

For that collection, he won the 1997 Stakis prize for Scottish Writer of the Year which he dedicated to “every bard, known and anonymous, who ever made the Gaelic language sing”. He was also a recipient, in 2015, of the Saltire Society’s premier award, for his contribution to the arts and humanities.

Alan Riach, professor of Scottish literature at Glasgow University, described one of MacNeacail’s bardic works, Thug Thu Dhomh Samhradh (You Gave Me Summer), as “one of the world’s great love poems, to a partner, a beloved person, but also to a language, and perhaps to language itself, to all forms of language in the world”.

Nicolson was born in the Skye village of Uig. When he was eight his father Alasdair, a merchant seaman, died from cancer, and his mother, Catriona (nee Stewart), raised him and his sister Peigi in a crofting community. His early educational journey was typical of the era, going to school without a word of English and speaking not a word of Gaelic within its walls.

He progressed to Portree high school, where the headmaster “liked to work himself into a foul mood before administering beltings … Later he shot himself.” He left to enrol at nautical college but soon lost his yearning for the sea, instead finding employment as a British Rail clerk in Fife for seven years.

A railway colleague lent him Malone Dies by Samuel Beckett, which he later said sparked the ambition to pursue a literary career. By 1968, he had gained entry to Glasgow University, through a scheme for mature students without formal qualifications, and started writing in earnest.

For Glasgow, it was a golden age for poetry abetted by the presence of the critic and poet Philip Hobsbaum who had become a reader in English literature there in 1965. Wherever he went, Hobsbaum nurtured the talents of writers through private “groups” which, in Glasgow, included such future luminaries as Liz Lochhead, Alasdair Gray and Tom Leonard. It was an intellectually rigorous environment in which Nicolson (as he still was) found a natural home.

Hobsbaum was impressed by one of his poems, The Divide, about two old brothers in Skye. “That’s a poem,” he said. “Write about what you know. Go back to your roots.” While always open to wider influences, the emerging poet never departed far from that advice.

After graduating, Nicolson worked in London as a housing officer while engaging with the Poetry Society. In 1976 his work was first published by Gollancz in the anthology A Poetry Quintet. The following year, he was appointed writer in residence at the Gaelic college on Skye, Sabhal Mòr Ostaig. This prompted his name change by deed poll and an invigorated commitment to writing in Gaelic and promoting its use.

Gerda Stevenson, the writer and actress whom he married in 1980, recalled his view of Gaelic speakers: “He went from saying ‘there are only 65,000 of us left’, to ‘there are still 65,000 of us left’.” Despite all that had been thrown at it by history and prejudice, there was enough remaining of Gaelic language, culture and communities to be worth fighting for.

MacNeacail did his own translations in the belief he was better qualified than anyone else to retain the nuances of language and said he “valued the opportunity to reach the non-Gaelic audience, among whom most of my life is spent, in translations that aspire to be as close in creative quality as the originals”.

In 1993, he recalled, “a fellowship at Glasgow University, 25 years after I’d first matriculated there, turned me into a bilingual poet again” (having resumed writing in English as well as Gaelic), and he still found energy to tour poetry festivals, and contribute in other areas of Gaelic culture, including scriptwriting for television and providing lyrics for leading Scottish composers – including the libretto for William Sweeney’s chamber opera An Turus (The Journey), performed by Paragon Ensemble for the Celtic Connections festival in 1998. He continued to agitate whenever the opportunity arose for the language he loved.

He is survived by Gerda, their son, Rob, and daughter, Galina.

Aonghas MacNeacail (Angus Nicolson), poet, writer and Gaelic language activist, born 7 June 1942; 19 December 2022Really interesting life.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Sent from my SM-G991B using Tapatalk