Whatever happened to properly ugly footballers?

[lyonhibs]

Having quickly perused the excellent new website and the squad section in particular, something struck me. All of our squad are - to one degree or another - relatively decent looking chaps.

I feel that the incidence of players that look like their face went on fire which was then extinguished by a 6 iron (Stevie Fulton) has gone down drastically from my youth where every team had at least a couple of snaggle toothed monsters in the ranks.

So who are the spectacularly fugly players still playing today in top flight football, whether in Scotland or elsewhere?

PS: I'm no oil painting myself, this is just meant as a bit of fun.

[RIP Bestie]

Having quickly perused the excellent new website and the squad section in particular, something struck me. All of our squad are - to one degree or another - relatively decent looking chaps.

I feel that the incidence of players that look like their face went on fire which was then extinguished by a 6 iron (Stevie Fulton) has gone down drastically from my youth where every team had at least a couple of snaggle toothed monsters in the ranks.

So who are the spectacularly fugly players still playing today in top flight football, whether in Scotland or elsewhere?

PS: I'm no oil painting myself, this is just meant as a bit of fun.

Aidy White. Face like a Halloween cake

[Craig_HFC]

Alfredo Morelos looks like Sloth from The Goonies.

[CMurdoch]

i realise this is a tongue in cheek thread but It's uncomfortable to remember the abuse the likes of Davie Dodds & Steve Fulton used to take for their appearance. Less enlightened times with regard to mental health etc

[scoopyboy]

Last night I thought Callum Paterson was the ugliest player to wear a Scotland top this century.

Today I still think the same.

[HoboHarry]

I'm more disturbed by the number of players with double-barreled names. Did Croquet and Polo get banned at some point and they all drifted over to football?

[Monts]

The McGinn brothers looks are inversely correlated to ability :greengrin

[Brightside]

Last night I thought Callum Paterson was the ugliest player to wear a Scotland top this century.

Today I still think the same.

The hair also... wtf is going on with the hair.

[hibbyfraelibby]

Have you seen the HMFC team photo? No wonder no-one is attending matches at Tynecastle and horses are scared to enter the Gorgie Dalry area

[matty_f]

i realise this is a tongue in cheek thread but It's uncomfortable to remember the abuse the likes of Davie Dodds & Steve Fulton used to take for their appearance. Less enlightened times with regard to mental health etc

This is a good point - I think Luke Chadwick went public recently about he impact getting slaughtered for his looks had on him when he was a player.

There's a very thin line between good natured 'banter' and harmful attacks on folk. I think this thread is probably just the right side of that line, I don't think anyone is going to be heartbroken to be named here.

[mal]

i realise this is a tongue in cheek thread but It's uncomfortable to remember the abuse the likes of Davie Dodds & Steve Fulton used to take for their appearance. Less enlightened times with regard to mental health etc

To be fair, Stevie Fulton took the "booked for being ugly" thing in great sport and I always liked him after that. I cannot resist the temptation to say that it put a human face on him...

[nonshinyfinish]

I'm more disturbed by the number of players with double-barreled names. Did Croquet and Polo get banned at some point and they all drifted over to football?

I don't think double-barrelled names are the indicator of upper-class status that they maybe used to be – it's increasingly common for women to keep their own surname when they get married, and one of the options for the kids' surnames in that situation is combining both parents' surnames.

[MWHIBBIES]

Poor thread. Would be torn to pieces if it was about female athletes, men shouldnt be any different when speaking about their physical appearance. The recent Luke Chadwick article should have opened some eyes.

[Niffy]

i realise this is a tongue in cheek thread but It's uncomfortable to remember the abuse the likes of Davie Dodds & Steve Fulton used to take for their appearance. Less enlightened times with regard to mental health etc

The elephant man :)

[Caversham Green]

I don't think double-barrelled names are the indicator of upper-class status that they maybe used to be – it's increasingly common for women to keep their own surname when they get married, and one of the options for the kids' surnames in that situation is combining both parents' surnames.

As an extension to this, the Charlton player Jake Forster-Caskey's surname is a combination of two former Reading teammates, Nicky Forster and Darren Caskey. One is his biological father and the other is his stepfather.

[Frazerbob]

Just so I know, what can we slag opposition players about these days? Just want to ensure their feelings aren't hurt when we finally get back in to the grounds.

[Keith_M]

Poor thread. Would be torn to pieces if it was about female athletes, men shouldnt be any different when speaking about their physical appearance. The recent Luke Chadwick article should have opened some eyes.


Does that apply to supporters as well? Cos I get a lot of stick over my appearance.


It's nothing specific in my case, just a general sort of ugliness that's now getting worse with advancing age.

[Greenbeard]

I propose a ban on players using fake tan, moisturiser, face scrubs, plook cream and other grooming products, as well as visits to beauticians and hairdressers, only old fashioned overall-wearing barbers. This, allied with max once/weekly hair wash and compulsory mullets and moustaches.
I blame Bestie.

[Greenbeard]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N31xr5rTa4g

[bringbackbenny]

A few beautys here

https://twitter.com/80sAging?s=09

[HoboHarry]

I don't think double-barrelled names are the indicator of upper-class status that they maybe used to be – it's increasingly common for women to keep their own surname when they get married, and one of the options for the kids' surnames in that situation is combining both parents' surnames.
I wasn't being entirely serious.... :greengrin

[mal]

Does anyone else remember this incident? I remember it taking place in roughly the same era as the "booked for being ugly" incident but things are a bit of a blur.

Remember Billy Thomson, the goalkeeper who always wore trackie bottoms? There was a game against Dundee United at ER; Hibs were kicking down the slope, in theory, although the ball hadn't been in the United half for some time and everyone was bored. Some of the people around me decided to make their own entertainment and set about slagging Mr. Thomson, suggesting that his legs must be ugly and deformed, unlike the handsome, manly pins of our own players, if he had to keep them covered up all the time. Now, Mr. Thomson was also clearly bored and decided to participate in the banter ... in mime. He held his hands out in front of him a good 12 to 15 inches apart, in the manner of an angler trying to convey the magnificence of the prey that had just evaded him, and (my memory may have added this bit) mouthed the words "It's this big" in order to explain why he was "excused shorts". A case of a player getting the better of the fans' banter for once.

I think that's sort of on topic.

[Keith_M]

I propose a ban on players using fake tan, moisturiser, face scrubs, plook cream and other grooming products, as well as visits to beauticians and hairdressers, only old fashioned overall-wearing barbers. This, allied with max once/weekly hair wash and compulsory mullets and moustaches.
I blame Bestie.


Aside from the mullets and moustache, I'd be happy with that.

[nonshinyfinish]

I wasn't being entirely serious.... :greengrin

IMO the only thing better than a silly question is a serious answer to a silly question.

[Bostonhibby]

I propose a ban on players using fake tan, moisturiser, face scrubs, plook cream and other grooming products, as well as visits to beauticians and hairdressers, only old fashioned overall-wearing barbers. This, allied with max once/weekly hair wash and compulsory mullets and moustaches.
I blame Bestie.And none of this shaved head nonsense, if they're folically challenged, only Bobby Charlton or Ralph Coates style comb overs should be allowed.

So as as not to offend anyone that should apply to both men's and women's football.

Get it sorted Petrie.

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[superfurryhibby]

To be fair, Stevie Fulton took the "booked for being ugly" thing in great sport and I always liked him after that. I cannot resist the temptation to say that it put a human face on him...

Aye, right enough :greengrin. He flicked the vics after the so ****ing ugly chant and earned himself a booking, followed by the legendary "booked for being ugly" chant.

I know, without disclosing my source (lol). That one very close member of Stevie Fulton's family was definitely unimpressed by his treatment at Easter Road. He was, I hate to say it, a very good player and I think he reserved some of his best performances for matches against us. Incentivised performance probably describes it well enough.

[overdrive]

The McGinn brothers looks are inversely correlated to ability :greengrin

Definitely! I wonder if Stephen is the milkman’s son.

[The Count]

Many Moons ago on the old Easter Road Terracing Davie Robb of Aberdeen was near the touchline.Boy behind me shouted "See you Robb you have a face like a bucket of cold spew".Painted a picture and not far wrong.Football terracing banter is sadly missed at the moment.

[Phil MaGlass]

All the ugly players have been relegated

[hibby rae]

And none of this shaved head nonsense, if they're folically challenged, only Bobby Charlton or Ralph Coates style comb overs should be allowed.

So as as not to offend anyone that should apply to both men's and women's football.

Get it sorted Petrie.

Sent from my SM-A750FN using Tapatalk

I'm pretty sure Neil McFarlane tried to keep a similar look going strong this century.

[mal]

Aye, right enough :greengrin. He flicked the vics after the so ****ing ugly chant and earned himself a booking, followed by the legendary "booked for being ugly" chant.

I know, without disclosing my source (lol). That one very close member of Stevie Fulton's family was definitely unimpressed by his treatment at Easter Road. He was, I hate to say it, a very good player and I think he reserved some of his best performances for matches against us. Incentivised performance probably describes it well enough.

He was pissing himself laughing at the "Booked for being ugly" chant which I think shows him as a good sport.

[Lago]

i realise this is a tongue in cheek thread but It's uncomfortable to remember the abuse the likes of Davie Dodds & Steve Fulton used to take for their appearance. Less enlightened times with regard to mental health etc
I'm with you on your thoughts, remember sitting close to a guy giving Fulton dogs abuse & finishing his rant by shouting "I hope you get cancer Fulton" sad individual.

[Scott Allan Key]

The hair also... wtf is going on with the hair.He looks like an oily penguin.

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[Renfrew_Hibby]

Players also seemed so much older in days gone by.
When I was a kid someone like Alan Sneddon seemed like a 50 year old of today when in reality he was probably 29/30.

[Scott Allan Key]

A penny for the guy known as Lawrence Shankland. He looks like an extra from The Walking Dead, eyes of a zombie Husky.

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[CropleyWasGod]

I'm with you on your thoughts, remember sitting close to a guy giving Fulton dogs abuse & finishing his rant by shouting "I hope you get cancer Fulton" sad individual.

"Catch cancer, ya *******" was one I remember being launched at Alex Macdonald. Even as a teenager, with a Hibby's hatred of the guy, I winced at that.

[Logie Green]

Many Moons ago on the old Easter Road Terracing Davie Robb of Aberdeen was near the touchline.Boy behind me shouted "See you Robb you have a face like a bucket of cold spew".Painted a picture and not far wrong.Football terracing banter is sadly missed at the moment.

Perhaps he wasn’t the most handsome of chaps but he ‘kept company’ with Olivia Newton John and Stevie Nicks which is quite an achievement.

PS does anyone else think the man in the delivery driver advert which appears on here look like hertz player Peter Haring?

[Eyrie]

Perhaps he wasn’t the most handsome of chaps but he ‘kept company’ with Olivia Newton John and Stevie Nicks which is quite an achievement.

PS does anyone else think the man in the delivery driver advert which appears on here look like hertz player Peter Haring?

Not seen the advert but it doesn't surprise me that someone playing for a lower league team needs a second job.

[Skol]

I was in the old terracing many years ago pretty early and Rangers were out warming up. Davie Dodds was standing facing the terracing doing some stretches.

Guy down the front with his 2 kids hollers 'Haw Dodds'. Dodds looks over. The guy says 'Turn roond, yer scarin the weans'

[Fratelli]

A few beautys here

https://twitter.com/80sAging?s=09

Cracking link, some great and scary pics including our own Des Bremner and Arthur Duncan which seems a tad harsh although good to see a feature on Davie Dodds!

[CMurdoch]

I'm with you on your thoughts, remember sitting close to a guy giving Fulton dogs abuse & finishing his rant by shouting "I hope you get cancer Fulton" sad individual.

Would be forced to say the word arse loudly in the form of a cough after that. Mind you, such a person is brain dead and probably wouldn't make the link with them self.

[heretoday]

At least the old guys weren't covered in tattoos. Yuk!

[HoboHarry]

At least the old guys weren't covered in tattoos. Yuk!
Not to mention their wives.....

[greenlex]

Oily Lee at the Duncan’s qualifies.

[jgl07]

To be fair, Stevie Fulton took the "booked for being ugly" thing in great sport and I always liked him after that. I cannot resist the temptation to say that it put a human face on him...

I really admired Steve Fulton for his reaction to the abuse he received at Easter Road that day.

He took the abuse and blew a kiss to the crowd. Class, even if he got booked for it.

[stoneyburn hibs]

No players are ugly. I'm a trendy pc guy.

[Speedy]

Step up charlie adam

[jgl07]

Step up charlie adam

If you want to see a really ugly footballer, try Charlie George from the early 1970s.

[ehf]

If you want to see a really ugly footballer, try Charlie George from the early 1970s.

The boy White that has just come on for the yams is no oil painting.

[Jones28]

Craig Wighton is an ugly *******

[Hibby70]

The boy White that has just come on for the yams is no oil painting.

Last time I saw a face so scary I was in the Sawney Bean section of the old Edinburgh wax works.

[hibee-boys]

Craig Wighton is an ugly *******

I've got 2 young daughters, I'd never get them along to Tynecastle if, god forbid, I was a jambo, what a bunch of very average looking blokes. Thanks to Allan, Porteous, Hallberg, Mallan etc there's enough 'talent' to keep them interested at Easter Road👍🤣

[nonshinyfinish]

I've got 2 young daughters, I'd never get them along to Tynecastle if, god forbid, I was a jambo, what a bunch of very average looking blokes. Thanks to Allan, Porteous, Hallberg, Mallan etc there's enough 'talent' to keep them interested ay Easter Road👍🤢

Can't believe Joe Newell's dashing good looks have been relegated to an 'etc'.

[hibee_girl]

Can't believe Joe Newell's dashing good looks have been relegated to an 'etc'.

And Stevenson! :greengrin

[Speedy]

The boy White that has just come on for the yams is no oil painting.

I just knew when this thread was bumped that Aidy White would feature

[Inconsequential]

24064

Long, long ago Des Bremner was the best looking guy in the Hibs team. Then he spoiled things and grew a moustache.

[FilipinoHibs]

Is Morelos in the ugly bracket or is it just his haircut?

[Fergus52]

And Stevenson! :greengrin

Christian doidge is pretty handsome too imo.

[FilipinoHibs]

Christian doidge is pretty handsome too imo.

Yes he could be the new face of Brut.

[KingPat4]

There a right few howlers in that Hearts team last night.

[KingPat4]

<br>There were a right few howlers in that Hearts team last night.