Favourite put downs

[Shezza]

One of my favourites comes from Brian Clough. He had dropped Martin O’Neil and was asked by O’Neil why he had been dropped to the second team. Clough said “because Martin, you’re too good for the third team”. I’m sure there are equally good if not better put downs out there.

[WoreTheGreen]

Manager to non trying winger “ right son get warmed up your coming off”

[weecounty hibby]

Ian Botham comes out to bat in an Ashes test. Rod Marsh behind the stumps welcomes him with " Hi Beefy. How's your wife and my kids" some of the cricket sledging is classic

[AltheHibby]

Ian Botham comes out to bat in an Ashes test. Rod Marsh behind the stumps welcomes him with " Hi Beefy. How's your wife and my kids" some of the cricket sledging is classic

My favourite is the time when an Aussie asked a Zimbabwean player why he was so fat and got the reply "because every time I **** your wife she gives me a biscuit ."

[Box 17]

Churchill was always good for a put down.

When accused of being drunk by a female MP he replied " And you my dear are ugly. But tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly."

[HappyAsHellas]

Many years ago a friend of mine was in court being charged with driving around with bald tyres. Obviously guilty, he tried to worm his way out by claiming he knew nothing about cars. Before fining him the judge observed, "I am not a plumber, but I know a toilet when I see one".

[Solonleith1]

My favourite is the time when an Aussie asked a Zimbabwean player why he was so fat and got the reply "because every time I **** your wife she gives me a biscuit ."

Beat me to it. Think it was Shane Warne being asked between bowling deliveries. Typical cutting response from Warne...

[Newry Hibs]

Ian Botham comes out to bat in an Ashes test. Rod Marsh behind the stumps welcomes him with " Hi Beefy. How's your wife and my kids" some of the cricket sledging is classic

Botham replied 'the wife's fine, but the kids are ******ed'.

[A Hi-Bee]

George Best, when he broke some guys leg playing in the lower English leagues, the guy had been trying to injure George all game.
"Dont **** with a truck" he said to him as he lay there screaming.

[Jack]

Last night on Beat the Chaser a lady judge who had been a teacher was sending down one of her former pupils. "You were a better teacher than you are a judge" he said to her as he was being taken away.

She was soundly beaten and as she was leaving one of the Chasers said "You are a better judge than you are a quizzer".

[Renton1875]

Beat me to it. Think it was Shane Warne being asked between bowling deliveries. Typical cutting response from Warne...

It was Eddo Brandes to Glenn McGrath.

[Mick O'Rourke]

Many years after the Zorro game, Jimmy O'Rourke was in a pub.
A jambo got chatting to him and said....

"Hey Jimmy, see the 7-0 game .Hearts could have been two up in the first 10 minutes"

To which jimmy replied "well,it would have been 7-2 then !"

[SideBurns]

A Jambo to an uncle of mine in the boozer after their '86 collapse: "At least we took 7 points off you Hibby b##tards"


My uncle: "Aye, pity it wisnae 8 - you would've won the league"

[PatHead]

Might have not been a put down but Ivan sproule response to Garry O'Connor's "what will he do?" was quite good. 😊

[danhibees1875]

Last night on Beat the Chaser a lady judge who had been a teacher was sending down one of her former pupils. "You were a better teacher than you are a judge" he said to her as he was being taken away.

She was soundly beaten and as she was leaving one of the Chasers said "You are a better judge than you are a quizzer".

Was she not the one who won £100k and Anne (I think) said "you're a better quizzer than you are a majistrate"?

Either way, the first one was pretty funny. :greengrin

[The 90+2]

Hearts to the championship eventually?

[Eyrie]

Clive Anderson to Jeffrey Archer "Is there no beginning to your talents?"

[scm70nyd1973]

One of my favourites comes from Brian Clough. He had dropped Martin O’Neil and was asked by O’Neil why he had been dropped to the second team. Clough said “because Martin, you’re too good for the third team”. I’m sure there are equally good if not better put downs out there.


My mate told me this one. Not sure if it was him or he knew the guy but I think he was at a reserve game at Tyne not long after Hibs had won the league cup in ‘91. On the way out a Jambo behind him was going on about how they were several points ahead of us in the league. My mate or whoever he knew turned round and said “aye but ye cannae polish points” 👍I just wish that I had been there at the time !

[Scouse Hibee]

I always liked this from Bill Shankly, I suppose you could call it a put down to fickle football supporters


"If you can't support us when we lose or draw, don't support us when we win"

[jacomo]

Churchill was always good for a put down.

When accused of being drunk by a female MP he replied " And you my dear are ugly. But tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly."


This is often attributed to the spat between him and Lady Astor. Here’s another one, where she is disgusted at regular drunkenness:

“Sir, if you were my husband I would poison your drink.”

“Madam, if you were my wife I would gladly drink it.”

[scm70nyd1973]

One of my favourites comes from Brian Clough. He had dropped Martin O’Neil and was asked by O’Neil why he had been dropped to the second team. Clough said “because Martin, you’re too good for the third team”. I’m sure there are equally good if not better put downs out there.

Not football related - but I suppose it could be - was Billy Connolly’s effort about someone - a tourist- visiting Glasgow and telling him it was a sh*#hole - then BC pointing out that the tourist was just passing through 😁

[Bishop Hibee]

The Labour politician Denis Healey compared an attack by Tory Geoffrey Howe to “being savaged by a dead sheep”.

[CropleyWasGod]

Oscar Wilde was always good for a one-liner.

My favourite of his was "I hope your next ****'s a hedgehog".

Or maybe that was Dorothy Parker?

[Wilson]

Oscar Wilde was always good for a one-liner.

My favourite of his was "I hope your next ****'s a hedgehog".

Or maybe that was Dorothy Parker?

No, it was definitely a hedgehog.

[MWHIBBIES]

Last night on Beat the Chaser a lady judge who had been a teacher was sending down one of her former pupils. "You were a better teacher than you are a judge" he said to her as he was being taken away.

She was soundly beaten and as she was leaving one of the Chasers said "You are a better judge than you are a quizzer".

She won 100k against 5 chasers and the and Paul Sinha said ''you're a better quizzer than you are a magistrate''

[Hibernian Verse]

She won 100k against 5 chasers and the and Paul Sinha said ''you're a better quizzer than you are a magistrate''I don't know which one of you is right as I didn't see the show but it at least shows the varying levels of how pished people are getting during lockdown.

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[SideBurns]

I don't know who it was aimed at, but:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt"

is a stoatir.

Mark Twain? Abe Lincoln? Whoever came up with the adage, probably a bit late for Ann Budge or Tom English to take it on board.

[Peevemor]

No, it was definitely a hedgehog.Haha. Brilliant.

[The 90+2]

To Dick Campbell when at Forfar:
“Right Dick I’ve had enough of this now it’s ducking shocking”
“Are you resigning, chairman?”
“Naw, you are” 😁

[MWHIBBIES]

I don't know which one of you is right as I didn't see the show but it at least shows the varying levels of how pished people are getting during lockdown.

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https://www.express.co.uk/showbiz/tv-radio/1276795/Beat-the-chasers-jean-100000-jackpot-Bradley-Walsh-itv-video

[Box 17]

I don't know who it was aimed at, but:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt"

is a stoatir.

Mark Twain? Abe Lincoln? Whoever came up with the adage, probably a bit late for Ann Budge or Tom English to take it on board.

In a similar vein and definitely appropriate for Budge and English, Plato said "Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something."

[AltheHibby]

Not a football one, but I once heard of a woman in Glasgow who saw a flasher, and without breaking stride told him to "put it away, I've seen a man's ".

[Scouse Hibee]

Asked a girl to dance once, she said “no thanks I’m fussy who I dance with” . I replied “I’m not that’s why I asked you”

[Bostonhibby]

Heard a cricket one where Ian Botham and some other ex cricketers were out and about in Australia during one of the Tests.

A guy approached Botham and asked if he'd mind doing a photo and Botham kindly agreed, the guy went over to his mates and returned with a camera which he handed over to Botham and said thanks, that's us over there just give's a minute before you take the photo.

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[delbert]

Churchill was always good for a put down.

When accused of being drunk by a female MP he replied " And you my dear are ugly. But tomorrow I'll be sober and you'll still be ugly."

Another couple of Churchill ones - Lady Astor having been cheesed off by him said ‘ you sir are very rude, if I were your wife, I would poison your coffee’ to which Churchill replied ‘and if you were my wife, I’d drink it !’

At a somewhat boring dinner party, a seemingly tipsy Churchill apparently asked a lady seated next to him if she would sleep with him for a million pounds, to which the lady replied she would. He then asked if she would sleep with him for ten pounds to which the lady most indignantly replied ‘No, what kind of woman do you think I am?’ Churchill then replied ‘ we have already established what you are, we are now just trying to find an acceptable price !!’

[Viva_Palmeiras]

“He though he had a pube til he pished through it” was used around 1/2nd year

The put downs in “So I Married an axe murderer” are legend - “heid, pants now! - honestly that boy’s got a held like Sputnik - a virtual planetoid - own weather system” “what a noggin! it’s like an orange on a toothpick” - “aw that was a bit off side he’ll be crying himself to sleep on his oversized pillow”.

[Monktonhall 7]

One of my favourites is from Bill Shankly. Everton’s game must’ve been on TV, and while being interviewed, Shanks was asked if he’d be watching the Everton match. His reply was, “son, if Everton were playing outside on my front grass, I’d get up and shut the curtains”.

I’ve used that several times when asked are you watching the Hertz game the night.😁

[Pinkie]

I remember a story about John Lambie though I may not have the detail perfect:

Lambie shouted something during a match either at the referee or one of the opposing players. The opposition player came back with "suck ma d*ck", to which Lambie replied "suck yer d*ck? I widna *****n winch ye".

[Sweet Left Peg]

What was the one with Mercer at the Hands Off Hibs time? Something about him saying that he would never understand football fans and the reply came back "that's why you got ***** through your letterbox"

[Peevemor]

I once read "Minder" - a paperback giving the back story to the TV series. There was a great put down for someone asking too many questions - "If your dick was as big as your nose you'd be famous"