How judgemental a person are you?

[Keyser Sauzee]

I’ll start by saying I’m starting this thread so I can read other peoples views and compare how judgemental I am as a person.

As the thread title states, how judgemental are you?

If I’m really honest with myself I think I’m very judgemental. Making snap judgements on people based on what they are wearing, how they look, how they act, what they like to talk about, everything really. I’ve never let it put me off people instantly but I always find myself making these judgements in my head, never saying them out loud.

In today’s world it’s becoming blatantly obvious how these judgements effect people and cause them harm and it’s something I want to change, I can only change my own behaviour and this is a big one I’d like to change. I’m now starting to Ignore these thoughts When they do come into my head, hoping I eventually won’t think of them initially.

Not sure this reads exactly how I’d like it too but I’m curious to hear others thoughts on this.

[Bangkok Hibby]

Since I moved to Thailand I'm learning to remove all judgemental thoughts. Not easy though. I did some research on this and from what Ive learned being judgemental is perfectly normal. Whichever site I was on (can't remember) basically said humans needed to have these thoughts so they could judge how much of a danger or otherwise the person you're judging is. They also said, again historically, if you didnt judge you were either supremely confident, which in some cases led to your undoing, or unaware of possible threat. What all that means in moderm times I don't know but its inbuilt in most of us.

[Hibrandenburg]

I’ll start by saying I’m starting this thread so I can read other peoples views and compare how judgemental I am as a person.

As the thread title states, how judgemental are you?

If I’m really honest with myself I think I’m very judgemental. Making snap judgements on people based on what they are wearing, how they look, how they act, what they like to talk about, everything really. I’ve never let it put me off people instantly but I always find myself making these judgements in my head, never saying them out loud.

In today’s world it’s becoming blatantly obvious how these judgements effect people and cause them harm and it’s something I want to change, I can only change my own behaviour and this is a big one I’d like to change. I’m now starting to Ignore these thoughts When they do come into my head, hoping I eventually won’t think of them initially.

Not sure this reads exactly how I’d like it too but I’m curious to hear others thoughts on this.

If that's the way your head is wired, then that's the way your head is wired. Humans have evolved to identify differences in an instant, it's been paramount in our survival and evolution. The question is how do you react when your brain is sounding an alarm that something/someone different is stood in front of you? At that point the choice is yours and how you react depends on how your conscious mind reacts to the subconscious emotional impulses.

[Dalianwanda]

We all experience judgemental thoughts thats how we function, make sense of the world, survive and thrive...Deciding if some thoughts and feelings are good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse..Were doing it all day & theres nothing we can do to stop that. What we can do is become more aware of & have acceptance of the fact that we have no control over what pops into our heads (we might think we do but we dont). If we are aware of the thoughts arising within our awareness then we have options. Seeing the thought rather than just believing it is the first step to freeing yourself up. Putting more awareness on awareness (the fact that theres something that cant be described witnessing all this) rather than what its aware of (ever changing thoughts and feelings) is the route to liberation from the chatter and peace...:agree:

The main problem is not the judgement we have in others but they judgement we have about ourselves...The person we think we are is just a jumble of thoughts that suit us at the moment..We are not that & basing anything else off that view is just setting ourselves up for a fall.

[WeeRussell]

I’ll start by saying I’m starting this thread so I can read other peoples views and compare how judgemental I am as a person.

As the thread title states, how judgemental are you?

If I’m really honest with myself I think I’m very judgemental. Making snap judgements on people based on what they are wearing, how they look, how they act, what they like to talk about, everything really. I’ve never let it put me off people instantly but I always find myself making these judgements in my head, never saying them out loud.

In today’s world it’s becoming blatantly obvious how these judgements effect people and cause them harm and it’s something I want to change, I can only change my own behaviour and this is a big one I’d like to change. I’m now starting to Ignore these thoughts When they do come into my head, hoping I eventually won’t think of them initially.

Not sure this reads exactly how I’d like it too but I’m curious to hear others thoughts on this.

Having initial judgemental thoughts like you isn't what causes harm.. its the words and actions people take before considering their thoughts any further.

Sometimes initial judgements can be very accurate, which is a useful trait.

[Scouse Hibee]

I’m a great believer in first impressions but lots of life experience dealing with people from all levels of society has taught me that the old saying of never judging a book by its cover is very apt. I admittedly have been proven wrong on my initial judgements but it equates to a very low percentage of people compared to those I have called right.
I have very few people in my life that I consider real friends rather than acquaintances even though I am sure some of them consider it differently.

[Cataplana]

I’m a great believer in first impressions but lots of life experience dealing with people from all levels of society has taught me that the old saying of never judging a book by its cover is very apt. I admittedly have been proven wrong on my initial judgements but it equates to a very low percentage of people compared to those I have called right.
I have very few people in my life that I consider real friends rather than acquaintances even though I am sure some of them consider it differently.

I used to work with a guy and we were polar opposites. He always had an optimistic outlook about situations and people, I didn't. We agreed that we both got it right about 50% of the time.

I suppose the saving grace for me was that I was never disappointed in people, and was often pleasantly surprised to be proved wrong. I took no satisfaction if my predictions turned out to be right.

[Viva_Palmeiras]

I try to fight against cognitive biases. I’m a “theory Y” guy -believe that folks are mainly out to do good to the best of their ability - as opposed to “theory X” - Machiavellian.
What I’ve found useful is situational awareness and management. Thinking about the circumstances surrounding assessing before acting - not jumping in - not always easy or possible.
I’m listening to an audio book at the moment on “non-violent communication” which helps understand and separate observation from evaluation of situations. At leAst being mindful of the problem is a step in the right direction...

[Jay]

I am probably one of the least judgemental people out there.
I was in HDU after major surgery last year and one of the nurses was helping me shower the following day (im very stubborn if not judgmental) when she went in to my toilet bag she brought out some pretty expensive toiletries and we got on to a discussion about judging people etc. I had been a blank canvas to her before that, hosp gown, no jewellery, no family or visitors etc It ended up being a really interesting discussion on how people were treated just on first impressions of dress etc , not just by nursing staff but by other professions .

[Peevemor]

We can't help but have first impressions when seeing/meeting someone, it's how much importance attributed to these that changes from person to person.

I like to think that I give everyone a chance but in saying that I'm always wary of newcomers who become everybody's best friend after 5 minutes.

It takes a looooong time for me to become proper friends with somebody, but once it's done it lasts.

[stu in nottingham]

This thread brings to mind the topic of 'Unconditional Positive Regard', the concept developed by humanistic psychologist, Carl Rogers.

It's a way of working for therapists which employs the acceptance and support of a person, no matter what the person says or does. I think of it as 'this person is as "good" as he/she can be in the cirumstances'.

i personally believe it's something that really helps when trying to support or counsel people with problems. In the case of working with people with addictions (as I do) then it can also be helpful for affected others in the situation in trying to comprehend an addict's problems and not being too judgmental and therefore assist in re-building damaged relationships.

I don't pretend that this lack of judgmentalness is easy for many of us. As others have pointed out, I think we all have at least an element of that. What I do find though is that it's a concept that can be liberating when trying to help others.