Five minute chat to Craig Levein

[Weegreenman]

There’s a thread over on kickback asking what Hearts supporters would say to Craig given five minutes with the cretinous idiot.

Same question to us Hibees! I’ll go first.

Where’s your natural order now you arrogant fool? Ha ha

[sleeping giant]

Why do you try to look like Rolf Harris ?

[hibsbollah]

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/318694.php

[007]

Would only need 5 seconds to say "Please stay at Hearts for as long as possible."

[Since452]

What actually happened in the Dens Park toilets in 1986

[O'Rourke3]

Any other occasions, apart from Dens, when you shat it?

[WoreTheGreen]

Hibs- natural order - hertz - un natural odour and laughing boy did you really have the skits at dens park

[hibbyfraelibby]

Any other occasions, apart from Dens, when you shat it?

Hampden the week after

[Jim44]

How are you getting on with your pal, Daniel? Did he enjoy your tour of the Pink Bus Shelter?

[Deansy]

Thank you for restoring the natural order - your help was invaluable ! (Well, that and financial-accounting !)

[WoreTheGreen]

And are proud to take a 2 wages one for dof and head coach

[cocteautwin]

Can I buy you a pint mate?


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[Pedantic_Hibee]

Do you prefer 9 til 5 or are your more comfortable with your current backshift?

[wpj]

Can you see the castle?

[hibbyfraelibby]

Would it even take 5 seconds never mind 5 minutes to say "gettae ya(insert expletive of choice)..."

[Pretty Boy]

Can I see your medal collection? Then I'd just stand and laugh for the remaining 4 minutes and 57 seconds.

[weecounty hibby]

Do you still believe that you are a football visionary and that 6-4-0 was the right thing to do? How does it feel to have been involved in over 1000 games as player and coach and to win **** all? Can you please take over the hahaharts job again

[Viva_Palmeiras]

How do you measure your success given the lack of it.

From that 86 team - who actually won anything whilst at Hearts ?

[Bostonhibby]

For you is Tynecastle like the Hotel California?

You can check out any time you want but you can never leave.

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[HibeeHibernian4]

Can I see your medal collection? Then I'd just stand and laugh for the remaining 4 minutes and 57 seconds.

Winner.

[Skol]

Show us yer medals.

[Viva_Palmeiras]

Does the conversation not start off with him saying “let me tell you about me...” and ends 5 mins later once monologue finished?

[Ozymandias]

I actually have had a 5 minute chat with Craig Levein at an event at Hampden.
I can confirm that he is absolutely one of the dullest human beings it has ever been my misfortune to meet. He asked how I'd got to Hampden (dull but fair opener) - I said "along the M8". He then preceded to tell me in excruciating detail, including the name and direction of every road "the A-whatever to Fudtown and B-whatever to Flumpville" he had taken, and how long each leg had taken.
I wanted to stab my face by the end of it just to make it stop.

[Bostonhibby]

I actually have had a 5 minute chat with Craig Levein at an event at Hampden.
I can confirm that he is absolutely one of the dullest human beings it has ever been my misfortune to meet. He asked how I'd got to Hampden (dull but fair opener) - I said "along the M8". He then preceded to tell me in excruciating detail, including the name and direction of every road "the A-whatever to Fudtown and B-whatever to Flumpville" he had taken, and how long each leg had taken.
I wanted to stab my face by the end of it just to make it stop.On that basis, margarine or butter Craig?, and give us all the pros and cons.

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[hibsbollah]

I actually have had a 5 minute chat with Craig Levein at an event at Hampden.
I can confirm that he is absolutely one of the dullest human beings it has ever been my misfortune to meet. He asked how I'd got to Hampden (dull but fair opener) - I said "along the M8". He then preceded to tell me in excruciating detail, including the name and direction of every road "the A-whatever to Fudtown and B-whatever to Flumpville" he had taken, and how long each leg had taken.
I wanted to stab my face by the end of it just to make it stop.

:faf: i can just imagine that.

[Kojock]

Any truth in the rumour that you only got the job cause yer pumping the Budge.

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

Who is going to play the straight man, when you and Stendel show the new Manager around Tynecastle?

[Springbank]

I had the pleasure of 5 mins chatting with Hearts matchday MC Scott Wilson earlier this year.
I asked him if he'd mind reading out my favourite seven words of his, in his inimitable downbeat tones, so I could record it for my ringtone

He was a really decent bloke but drew the line at my 7 word thing.

All I wanted him to say, just for old times, was

"Equaliser for Hibs, number four, Paul Hanlon"

[Carheenlea]

Do you prefer a FOBT or online from home?

Which one would you say eats your cash quicker?

[Smartie]

Whose idea was it to have a mutton vindaloo on the eve of a title decider?

[GoalsMcGinley]

What actually happened in the Dens Park toilets in 1986

Take it from me, he wasn’t even at Dens that day.


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[Sweet Left Peg]

On that basis, margarine or butter Craig?, and give us all the pros and cons.

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But can he say "Saskatchewan" without starting to stutter?

[H18 SFR]

So Craig, thoughts on this, in particular the first 15 seconds.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0juSJ6f3X24

[Peevemor]

:faf: i can just imagine that.Did you ask how he managed to get the car to work with nobody up front?

[Bostonhibby]

But can he say "Saskatchewan" without starting to stutter?[emoji16]

No, but he can understand why the thieves lie so lowly.

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[Sudds_1]

Wanna be our new tipster on donkeys.com?

[Carheenlea]

Is it true that you’ve made arrangements for your funeral (hopefully many years away) to request 10 pallbearers - 4 at the back, 6 at the side and none at the front?

[The 90+2]

What toothpaste do you use after a private moment with Budge?

[Northernhibee]

It’s all just a good laugh, isn’t it?

[The 90+2]

Is it true that you’ve made arrangements for your funeral (hopefully many years away) to request 10 pallbearers - 4 at the back, 6 at the side and none at the front?

:greengrin

[Jim44]

Maybe they could use the title of this thread as a sentence for serious criminal offenders. They would be pleading for 20 years hard labour instead.

[Aldo]

Why are you such a loser both as a player and manager?


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[Joe6-2]

Do you prefer 9 til 5 or are your more comfortable with your current backshift?

😂

[jacomo]

Would only need 5 seconds to say "Please stay at Hearts for as long as possible."


:agree:

Best to impersonate a Jambo (try dribbling down your chin before approaching him) and tell him what a wonderful person he is and implore him to undermine the new guy at every opportunity.

[Wilson]

:agree:

Best to impersonate a Jambo (try dribbling down your chin before approaching him) and tell him what a wonderful person he is and implore him to undermine the new guy at every opportunity.

Bring your sister :agree:

[Hibbyradge]

Bring your sister :agree:

He wouldn't be interested unless he was related to her.

[Topographic Hibby]

How will you define your life when Hearts are in a lower league than Hibs?

Pray for the League Cup and Scottish Cup draw?

#lifewithouthibs

[Wilson]

He wouldn't be interested unless he was related to her.

Well I meant it to help with passing yourself off as a jambo but you also make a good point.

[Pagan Hibernia]

I actually have had a 5 minute chat with Craig Levein at an event at Hampden.
I can confirm that he is absolutely one of the dullest human beings it has ever been my misfortune to meet. He asked how I'd got to Hampden (dull but fair opener) - I said "along the M8". He then preceded to tell me in excruciating detail, including the name and direction of every road "the A-whatever to Fudtown and B-whatever to Flumpville" he had taken, and how long each leg had taken.
I wanted to stab my face by the end of it just to make it stop.

:greengrin

He really is a caricature of a jambo

i know it’s a stereotype, but that’s how I imagine hearts fans at a party

[Stokesy's on fire]

Why did you bottle Dundee v Hearts in 1986?

[Northernhibee]

Craig, what route did you take to the bogs at Dens Park in ‘86?

[jacomo]

How will you define your life when Hearts are in a lower league than Hibs?

Pray for the League Cup and Scottish Cup draw?

#lifewithouthibs


He will tell anyone at the bookies who is listening that it would never have happened had he still be in charge.

[Kojock]

How the **** did you convince folk that you were the best candidate for the Scotland mangers job.

[Speedway]

What was the inspiration behind your chart topping smash, ‘Sk8tr Boy’ ?

[Radium]

Found anywhere with a decent brunch menu?


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[Bostonhibby]

Cardigan buttons.

Do you prefer those brown leather effect ones that blend nicely with acrylic maroon knitwear, or do you prefer jaunty, plastic faux gold with crowns on to exude an aura of wealth and class?

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[Eyrie]

When you look back at your achievements as player and manager, how does it feel when the likes of Michael Stewart and Gary Mackay treat you with the respect you deserve?

[Nicho87]

does Anne let you keep your socks on in bed yet?

[Sammy7nil]

I actually have had a 5 minute chat with Craig Levein at an event at Hampden.
I can confirm that he is absolutely one of the dullest human beings it has ever been my misfortune to meet. He asked how I'd got to Hampden (dull but fair opener) - I said "along the M8". He then preceded to tell me in excruciating detail, including the name and direction of every road "the A-whatever to Fudtown and B-whatever to Flumpville" he had taken, and how long each leg had taken.
I wanted to stab my face by the end of it just to make it stop.

:rolleyes:

[1875godsgift]

Any tips for the 3:25 at Musselburgh?

Just so I know what horse not to back, you ****ing loser.

[Sammy7nil]

How did you have such a great record as a player and a coach against Hibs ?

[greenlex]

Is it true that you’ve made arrangements for your funeral (hopefully many years away) to request 10 pallbearers - 4 at the back, 6 at the side and none at the front?

Spookily enough the only time I have personally met him was at a mutual friends funeral. Thankfully he didn’t say much.

[CraigHibee]

I'd like to shake him by the hand and thank him for the effort he has put in to make hearts a bigger laughing stock than they were previously

[BILLYHIBS]

As an ex Football Manager if your sweeper has a difference of opinion with your Centre Half do you still think it is OK for the sweeper to knockout the Centre Half?

Oh off the record what wins the 2.30 at Haydock?

:greengrin

[Hibs4185]

Who’s idea was it for you to become a double agent and royally *uck the hearts? Was it STF’s gift to hibs before selling up?

[LancsHibs]

Are you finally going back to Stark’s Park and becoming a Raith Rovers fan again now you have finally ruined the Hertz?

P.S show me your medals:greengrin

[One Day]

Why are you such a loser both as a player and manager?


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And Human being

[Eyrie]

As a Proper Hearts Man, do you treat Budge as the sister you always dreamed of having?

[Viva_Palmeiras]

Craigie-boy: “Is there any need for the boxing gloves”
Interviewer: “Just testing whether blood shows on a Maroon shirt”...