Toxic Co-workers

[Sylar]

Curious to hear how many on here have experienced working alongside truly nasty pieces of work and how you cope/coped with it.

I had a thoroughly unpleasant interaction this morning with someone who works for the same institution but a different department. After some pretty horribly, unprofessional email exchanges with two of my colleagues about a request I had made for a schedule change on something, this guy demanded a meeting this morning with one of my colleagues (which she asked me to sit in on, as she didn't feel comfortable being 1 on 1 with this guy). Immediately, he starts off agitated, with his voice raised and his tone downright hostile. He begins pointing in my colleagues face and tries to dictate the entire "solution", before eventually storming out of the office muttering about the nasty nature of the conversation we'd all just had.

We've (my colleague and I) agreed to do proper complaint escalation through the hierarchy, but passing him at any point in the next wee while is going to be an interesting experience. He's apparently notorious for behaving like a total cock to everyone he encounters, and his MO is winding people up until they snap and having them taken to task for it. This part worries me, as my fuse is incredibly short at the best of times!

Anyway, I doubt I'm alone and I'm guessing my story is tame compared to many in the working population. But being in that hostile, argumentative environment for even a short space of time really got my adrenaline going this morning and it's pissed me off most of the day since. It's horrible working with such ****my co-workers.

[NAE NOOKIE]

I've been lucky in so much as that in 36 years in the same job until I retired and working with probably over a thousand people in that time I haven't come across too many people who could be described as 'toxic' .. having said that I've worked with a few assholes mostly section or office managers with all the man management skills of a concentration camp guard.

They fell into two categories ,,, folk who were promoted above their abilities, certainly so far as inter personal skills were concerned, and folk who thought the way to manage an office was to micro manage, pressurise, and bully the staff, with one spectacular standout in that category … her continuing presence as my office manager was certainly one of the items in the 'pros' column when I was deliberating whether or not to take early retirement … she was so bad my section manager at the time would literally shake with fear when she entered the room.

I've worked part time with the NHS for 15 months now and I've yet to meet a nasty person … touch wood :greengrin

One of my all time most hated expressions was and still is … 'aye, but he / she is really nice outside of work' …. well if that's true then it shouldn't be too hard to stop being a prick in work, should it?

Sorry mate … all of that isn't much help to you I suppose, but it gave me an excuse for a rant so cheers :aok:

[Scouse Hibee]

So far in my working career of 36 years I can honestly say I have never encountered another employee in any company I could remotely describe as toxic. I can however describe as toxic, several members of the public who I had the misfortune to deal with involving my job role over the years.

[Mon Dieu4]

I've worked with a few in the past, how I've dealt with it has changed depending on my reading of the situation, I've dealt with a few by being aloof as **** and showing them that I won't raise to the bait as I knew exactly what they are up to

Others I have questioned there and then and asked them who they thought they were talking to

We once had someone who was a grade above us come in to check our work even though she knew nothing about our job, she had been checking the work of the guy who sat beside me, she tells him that he had made a mistake (which he hadn't as she knew **** all) he politely tells her that she was wrong and that he'd always done that work the same way, he was quite a shy guy and she says to him well you have two choices, you either accept that you've done this wrong or I go back and find everytime you've done this job and mark that you've done it wrong, he didn't know what to say and she was getting nastier and nastier

I had heard enough and erupted and told her A she was wrong and B who did she think she was speaking to like a piece of ****, she was taken aback that someone had picked her up on it

She then said I'm telling your manager about the way you have spoken to me, fast forward 10 minutes and we are in a meeting, my boss who didn't suffer fools backed me to the hilt, the boot didn't last too long after

Before I took her to task people just let her away with that's "just the way she is"

[calumhibee1]

I've worked with a few in the past, how I've dealt with it has changed depending on my reading of the situation, I've dealt with a few by being aloof as **** and showing them that I won't raise to the bait as I knew exactly what they are up to

Others I have questioned there and then and asked them who they thought they were talking to

We once had someone who was a grade above us come in to check our work even though she knew nothing about our job, she had been checking the work of the guy who sat beside me, she tells him that he had made a mistake (which he hadn't as she knew **** all) he politely tells her that she was wrong and that he'd always done that work the same way, he was quite a shy guy and she says to him well you have two choices, you either accept that you've done this wrong or I go back and find everytime you've done this job and mark that you've done it wrong, he didn't know what to say and she was getting nastier and nastier

I had heard enough and erupted and told her A she was wrong and B who did she think she was speaking to like a piece of ****, she was taken aback that someone had picked her up on it

She then said I'm telling your manager about the way you have spoken to me, fast forward 10 minutes and we are in a meeting, my boss who didn't suffer fools backed me to the hilt, the boot didn't last too long after

Before I took her to task people just let her away with that's "just the way she is"

That last line does my tits in. There's a guy at my work, and to be fair I wouldn't go as far as describing him as toxic, he's just a knob and can be incredibly rude to the quieter people especially. I picked him up on it not long after I started and he was incredibly taken aback and couldn't be nicer to me now. Still a dick to others though. When I pulled him up on it though, people were actually sticking up for him afterwards, agreeing I was right to do it and that he was out of line but then told me I'd need to get used to it as "that's just *insert name here*" and it's just the way he is so you just have to accept it. I told them I'd pull him up on it every single time I heard him speaking to me or someone else like that and I wasn't going to just sit back and accept it.

They'd obviously been putting up for it for a long time and probably felt it had went on to long for any change to be made. Thankfully we've now got a lot more staff with the back bone to put him in his place so he doesn't get away with it nearly as much. I don't work anywhere near him anymore in the office but I do still hear him speaking to folk like **** sometimes but there's a guy in his section now who usually deals with it very well. God knows how he's still in a job though.

[Pretty Boy]

I've been fairly fortunate that for most of my working life I've avoided really toxic people, there was a significant culture change in a previous job which I've mentioned on the bus driver strike thread but that wasn't really the fault of an individual co worker.

There are a couple of people in my current job who are very difficult to deal with though. The 1st is the 'class clown', she loves to play daft, act the dizzy blonde and pretend she's a bit naive but she's actually anything but. She's coniving very good at passing the buck, fobbing off work on to other people, strolling in 5 minutes late, taking long lunches and so on but the act means it's all a big joke rather than the blatant piss take it is. In itself that's bearable, every office in the world probably has a 50 something who realises their days of promotion and so on is over and are just counting the days until retirement. However there is another lady in the office who is lovely but very private and very quiet, reading between the lines I think she has had a tough life and has her guard up because of that. The 1st woman absolutely hounds her about this, constantly questioning why she doesn't talk about her private life, asking what she is doing outside of work and wanting to get into every little detail, slagging her about trivial matters and bitching behind her back about her not joining in with gossip and tittle tattle. It's verging on bullying and is excruciating to watch. In a separate incident she also went into my desk drawer, on the pretence of looking for a stapler, and opened an envelope that contained a few of my payslips. She then broadcast to the office what I was getting paid and made a few comments about how it was more than her and so on. I told her in no uncertain terms she was totally out of order and if she was unhappy with her wage then she should take it up with management and that I had negotiated my pay at my appraisal based on what I believe I'm worth and the boss obviously agrees.

The second lady is far more in the toxic colleague bracket. She holds back information and uses it as a weapon to keep her in, in her own mind, a position of power. She involves herself in everyone's work and as such has created an environment of fear that has people on edge about making decisions and leaves issues paralysed for unnecessarily long periods of time. Whenever she is on holiday the whole atmosphere changes as people feel empowered to actually make decisions without worrying about someone looming over their shoulder. She's also an expert at instructing people to do things in a certain way then if it goes wrong denying all knowledge of ever having said anything and leaving someone else to deal with the fallout. I've started refusing to do anything under her instruction unless I get it in writing so I have a comeback if things go wrong. Finally she takes no responsibility for her own errors, everyone makes mistakes at work, but she will highlight other peoples mistakes and hassle them in a very aggressive manner. She loves to copy people in on emails, often when they have no reason to be involved, just to make them aware someone has made an error. Again it's all aimed at keeping her on her pedestal whilst dragging others down. She really hates me because not long after starting I told her in no uncertain terms that no one spoke to me the way she had whether they be my boss, equal or a customer and I just walked away when her reasoning was 'it's because I'm passionate about my job'. Like others have mentioned above she gets the 'it's just the way she is' or 'she's really nice outside work' treatment from some. I got grief for basically cold shouldering her at a night out a couple of years ago; I wasn't rude, I was polite but removed myself from the conversation as quickly as I could. I now refuse to go to work nights out as I'm not going to have people reporting back who I decide to talk to or dictating who I have to engage in conversation.

[Smartie]

My most toxic employee handed in her notice last week.

She's one of those who is gushingly pleasant to your face, outwardly co-operative and then as soon as your back is turned undermines everything you do and attempt to stand for.

We've had countless staff issues over the years, normally involving her either directly or indirectly and her "contribution" has led to us losing some very good employees. She has also turned potentially good employees into other toxic allies for her.

I didn't think it would be possible to get rid of her so I can't tell you how overjoyed I was when she told us she had another job elsewhere (with a rival no less).

If you have a toxic co-worker - don't tolerate it. It is in nobody's interests other than theirs for you to do so. Tell bosses, tell management. It doesn't need to be a sneaky "grassing" and it doesn't need to be formal. Even just a quiet word about what bothers you might chime with other reports they've been receiving and they might need to act in the interests of everyone. If you're in the bosses ear every 5 minutes then it might suggest that you're the problem, but if you have a genuine concern once in a while and they value you as a co-operative part of their team then they'll normally back you up.

You spend too much time at work to tolerate too many ********s (although sometimes there is no choice).

I've got a spring in my step this week - mainly because I'm off, but also because I think we've got the head of the snake.

[pontius pilate]

Years ago we used to call it a toilet de brief for those who were toxic and bringing down morale and those who just never mucked in and were out for themselves. Nowadays and I learnt from a superb manager that it's always best to log everything down and if possible always have a witness to what was said and by whom. Sounds like this guy is just a tosser well bully throws his weight about then cries wolf

[Jones28]

My most toxic employee handed in her notice last week.

She's one of those who is gushingly pleasant to your face, outwardly co-operative and then as soon as your back is turned undermines everything you do and attempt to stand for.

We've had countless staff issues over the years, normally involving her either directly or indirectly and her "contribution" has led to us losing some very good employees. She has also turned potentially good employees into other toxic allies for her.

I didn't think it would be possible to get rid of her so I can't tell you how overjoyed I was when she told us she had another job elsewhere (with a rival no less).

If you have a toxic co-worker - don't tolerate it. It is in nobody's interests other than theirs for you to do so. Tell bosses, tell management. It doesn't need to be a sneaky "grassing" and it doesn't need to be formal. Even just a quiet word about what bothers you might chime with other reports they've been receiving and they might need to act in the interests of everyone. If you're in the bosses ear every 5 minutes then it might suggest that you're the problem, but if you have a genuine concern once in a while and they value you as a co-operative part of their team then they'll normally back you up.

You spend too much time at work to tolerate too many ********s (although sometimes there is no choice).

I've got a spring in my step this week - mainly because I'm off, but also because I think we've got the head of the snake.

Just out of interest Smartie, why didn’t you get rid of her if she was such an issue?

[allmodcons]

Just out of interest Smartie, why didn’t you get rid of her if she was such an issue?

Possibly because the process is fraught with difficulties and can easily end up as a constructive dismissal case :dunno:

[Cataplana]

I wonder how many of the people who objected to the Sick Kids being opened were described as toxic by colleagues?

I am not advocating that bullies should be accepted, or that threats of violence, or initmidation be accepted in workplaces. Just that toxic can often be used to describe people who won't toe the line.

In short, some of the most toxic people I have come across in my career have occupied management positions. One in particular springs to mind, who operated a well orchestrated, system of bullying and controlling subordinates by psychological means. She was one hell of a bitch to get rid of, as her poison had spread wide and those in her "gang" would stop at nothing to protect her.

I now understand the term "sociopath", but at the time, it was hard to believe that anybody could be so wicked. It took one brave employee to jeopardise his future by instructing lawyers to act against the company.

Some of her senior managers described her evil as "robust management" right up until the end. The term toxic wasn't around then, but it was the company viewed that guy as toxic, until the full extent of what was going on came out.

[NAE NOOKIE]

I've been fairly fortunate that for most of my working life I've avoided really toxic people, there was a significant culture change in a previous job which I've mentioned on the bus driver strike thread but that wasn't really the fault of an individual co worker.

There are a couple of people in my current job who are very difficult to deal with though. The 1st is the 'class clown', she loves to play daft, act the dizzy blonde and pretend she's a bit naive but she's actually anything but. She's coniving very good at passing the buck, fobbing off work on to other people, strolling in 5 minutes late, taking long lunches and so on but the act means it's all a big joke rather than the blatant piss take it is. In itself that's bearable, every office in the world probably has a 50 something who realises their days of promotion and so on is over and are just counting the days until retirement. However there is another lady in the office who is lovely but very private and very quiet, reading between the lines I think she has had a tough life and has her guard up because of that. The 1st woman absolutely hounds her about this, constantly questioning why she doesn't talk about her private life, asking what she is doing outside of work and wanting to get into every little detail, slagging her about trivial matters and bitching behind her back about her not joining in with gossip and tittle tattle. It's verging on bullying and is excruciating to watch. In a separate incident she also went into my desk drawer, on the pretence of looking for a stapler, and opened an envelope that contained a few of my payslips. She then broadcast to the office what I was getting paid and made a few comments about how it was more than her and so on. I told her in no uncertain terms she was totally out of order and if she was unhappy with her wage then she should take it up with management and that I had negotiated my pay at my appraisal based on what I believe I'm worth and the boss obviously agrees.

The second lady is far more in the toxic colleague bracket. She holds back information and uses it as a weapon to keep her in, in her own mind, a position of power. She involves herself in everyone's work and as such has created an environment of fear that has people on edge about making decisions and leaves issues paralysed for unnecessarily long periods of time. Whenever she is on holiday the whole atmosphere changes as people feel empowered to actually make decisions without worrying about someone looming over their shoulder. She's also an expert at instructing people to do things in a certain way then if it goes wrong denying all knowledge of ever having said anything and leaving someone else to deal with the fallout. I've started refusing to do anything under her instruction unless I get it in writing so I have a comeback if things go wrong. Finally she takes no responsibility for her own errors, everyone makes mistakes at work, but she will highlight other peoples mistakes and hassle them in a very aggressive manner. She loves to copy people in on emails, often when they have no reason to be involved, just to make them aware someone has made an error. Again it's all aimed at keeping her on her pedestal whilst dragging others down. She really hates me because not long after starting I told her in no uncertain terms that no one spoke to me the way she had whether they be my boss, equal or a customer and I just walked away when her reasoning was 'it's because I'm passionate about my job'. Like others have mentioned above she gets the 'it's just the way she is' or 'she's really nice outside work' treatment from some. I got grief for basically cold shouldering her at a night out a couple of years ago; I wasn't rude, I was polite but removed myself from the conversation as quickly as I could. I now refuse to go to work nights out as I'm not going to have people reporting back who I decide to talk to or dictating who I have to engage in conversation.

Ye gods mate … that 2nd example is a 100% accurate pen picture of a lassie I used to work beside … an utterly useless, lazy and spiteful individual whose ability to talk a good game and give an impression of competence propelled her to a managerial position … a position she was singularly unsuitable for. Just shows, you get folk like that everywhere sadly.

Oh and PS … If I ran a business and one of my employees did what that one in the first example did to you regarding your payslips I would sack them on the spot.

[lapsedhibee]

Curious to hear how many on here have experienced working alongside truly nasty pieces of work and how you cope/coped with it.

I had a thoroughly unpleasant interaction this morning with someone who works for the same institution but a different department. After some pretty horribly, unprofessional email exchanges with two of my colleagues about a request I had made for a schedule change on something, this guy demanded a meeting this morning with one of my colleagues (which she asked me to sit in on, as she didn't feel comfortable being 1 on 1 with this guy). Immediately, he starts off agitated, with his voice raised and his tone downright hostile. He begins pointing in my colleagues face and tries to dictate the entire "solution", before eventually storming out of the office muttering about the nasty nature of the conversation we'd all just had.

We've (my colleague and I) agreed to do proper complaint escalation through the hierarchy, but passing him at any point in the next wee while is going to be an interesting experience. He's apparently notorious for behaving like a total cock to everyone he encounters, and his MO is winding people up until they snap and having them taken to task for it. This part worries me, as my fuse is incredibly short at the best of times!

Anyway, I doubt I'm alone and I'm guessing my story is tame compared to many in the working population. But being in that hostile, argumentative environment for even a short space of time really got my adrenaline going this morning and it's pissed me off most of the day since. It's horrible working with such ****my co-workers.
Is this in America? Could you not just shoot him? :confused:

[Smartie]

Just out of interest Smartie, why didn’t you get rid of her if she was such an issue?


Possibly because the process is fraught with difficulties and can easily end up as a constructive dismissal case :dunno:

Getting rid of people isn't always easy.

I think her main problem was that the business needed to change to survive and she was very resistant to change - I acknowledge that it must have been difficult for her.

The person in question has been with the business for ages, so paying her off would involve a sum that I simply do not have.

I actually did have the opportunity to sack her on the spot once (she had been encouraging clients to leave our business and go to see a former colleague who no longer worked for the business, a person she had loyalties to over her own employer) but I was weak in the face of extreme remorse and quite spectacular waterworks - a weakness I went on to regret on many occasions.

For the size of business we have, the amount of time and money spent on getting our HR issues right is quite incredible. With every "high maintenance" employee who leaves (and we've had a few) that burden gets a bit less.

I've had to sack a few people over the years and it is absolutely the most horrible thing you can ever have to do, even when it is entirely justified.

[Jones28]

Getting rid of people isn't always easy.

I think her main problem was that the business needed to change to survive and she was very resistant to change - I acknowledge that it must have been difficult for her.

The person in question has been with the business for ages, so paying her off would involve a sum that I simply do not have.

I actually did have the opportunity to sack her on the spot once (she had been encouraging clients to leave our business and go to see a former colleague who no longer worked for the business, a person she had loyalties to over her own employer) but I was weak in the face of extreme remorse and quite spectacular waterworks - a weakness I went on to regret on many occasions.

For the size of business we have, the amount of time and money spent on getting our HR issues right is quite incredible. With every "high maintenance" employee who leaves (and we've had a few) that burden gets a bit less.

I've had to sack a few people over the years and it is absolutely the most horrible thing you can ever have to do, even when it is entirely justified.

Thanks for the reply, it was genuinely just out of curiosity rather than being critical.

[Sylar]

Is this in America? Could you not just shoot him? :confused:

I'm currently in Glasgow, but you still make a valid point :greengrin

[mjhibby]

My most toxic employee handed in her notice last week.

She's one of those who is gushingly pleasant to your face, outwardly co-operative and then as soon as your back is turned undermines everything you do and attempt to stand for.

We've had countless staff issues over the years, normally involving her either directly or indirectly and her "contribution" has led to us losing some very good employees. She has also turned potentially good employees into other toxic allies for her.

I didn't think it would be possible to get rid of her so I can't tell you how overjoyed I was when she told us she had another job elsewhere (with a rival no less).

If you have a toxic co-worker - don't tolerate it. It is in nobody's interests other than theirs for you to do so. Tell bosses, tell management. It doesn't need to be a sneaky "grassing" and it doesn't need to be formal. Even just a quiet word about what bothers you might chime with other reports they've been receiving and they might need to act in the interests of everyone. If you're in the bosses ear every 5 minutes then it might suggest that you're the problem, but if you have a genuine concern once in a while and they value you as a co-operative part of their team then they'll normally back you up.

You spend too much time at work to tolerate too many ********s (although sometimes there is no choice).

I've got a spring in my step this week - mainly because I'm off, but also because I think we've got the head of the snake.

My last couple of jobs have had the very same character. Both times the atmosphere at my work changed from toxic to tolerable. It was easier before to move jobs if there was someone you couldn't stand or were an ******** boss. All most people want to do is to do their work in a reasonable atmosphere and then forget about work after their finished. Toxic folk have a huge effect on those they backstab. Horrible folk who I loathe with a passion. As the old cliche says if you can't say something nice about somebody don't say anything.

[Mixu62]

Last place I worked in NZ, the difference in the place between day 1 and my last day was incredible. When I joined, everything about the place was toxic, from the CEO (a 50's throwback lunatic, who insisted on shirts & ties for the men and banned brown shoes and wanted to be addressed as "sir" - in the 21st century!?) to the HR Manager who was basically the CEO's attack dog. The CEO had referred to the HR Mgr as such, and the HR Mgr was actually proud of that. Well eventually the CEO retired, and a new guy was promoted from within, who didn't put up with the HR Mgr's s*** for long. In the space of 6 months we had a new CEO, GM and HR Mgr and what a difference. It was like the sun coming out after a storm.

[matty_f]

Good thread, toxic staff are hugely destructive.

As I post under my own name, rather than going into details I’ll just confirm that yes, I have dealt with toxic colleagues. Life gets immeasurably better when they **** off somewhere else.

[lord bunberry]

Reading this thread makes me glad I’ve never had to work in that sort of environment. I was a baker before becoming self employed and any problems were very quickly sorted out and the idea of a toxic member of staff just didn’t exist. Heated arguments happened now and again, but nothing was left to fester. Some days were a bit awkward after a big set too, but everyone knew the score and it was quickly forgotten about.

[Hibrandenburg]

Never had that problem in the army, or not for long at least. Toxic colleagues would quickly be shown the error of their ways.

In Germany there are laws that allow the removal of Toxic colleagues from the workplace if the works council deem it necessary.

[One Day]

I've been lucky in so much as that in 36 years in the same job until I retired and working with probably over a thousand people in that time I haven't come across too many people who could be described as 'toxic' .. having said that I've worked with a few assholes mostly section or office managers with all the man management skills of a concentration camp guard.

They fell into two categories ,,, folk who were promoted above their abilities, certainly so far as inter personal skills were concerned, and folk who thought the way to manage an office was to micro manage, pressurise, and bully the staff, with one spectacular standout in that category … her continuing presence as my office manager was certainly one of the items in the 'pros' column when I was deliberating whether or not to take early retirement … she was so bad my section manager at the time would literally shake with fear when she entered the room.

I've worked part time with the NHS for 15 months now and I've yet to meet a nasty person … touch wood :greengrin

One of my all time most hated expressions was and still is … 'aye, but he / she is really nice outside of work' …. well if that's true then it shouldn't be too hard to stop being a prick in work, should it?

Sorry mate … all of that isn't much help to you I suppose, but it gave me an excuse for a rant so cheers :aok:

Mine to, its the same as the obnoxious drunk who is apparently a great guy when sober. No good if you only see them in the pub

[lyonhibs]

I've had/have incompetent and annoying workmates, but mercifully nobody who was through and through toxic, apart from my first ever boss, a beady eyed scrote at the Morrison Street Sainsbury's some 15 years ago.

A flat track bully who clearly couldn't accept the fact he was in his 40's and hadn't got any further than store manager (a state of affairs that is absolutely fine IMO but he thought he was good enough for higher places whereas in fact he was a grade a throbber)

Once he sodded off and a competent store manager who lead through actions and not fear came in, the atmosphere completely changed for everyone, including management.

[Northernhibee]

I worked in a sales environment for five years and in the last year toxic colleagues were actively encouraged. A sales ‘coach’ who, from speaking to a colleague, would criticise that person in front of their customer. I made a sarcastic comment about the fact I’d worked a huge amount of unpaid overtime that was blatantly in jest but was pulled up and given a dressing down by an area manager. Another manager chose to belittle at every turn. Tens of stories from that period.

I left and took a big pay cut so I could enjoy work again, I had been physically sick every morning with the thought of going into work. Last time I spoke to a former colleague who I trusted six of their seven sales staff were working their notice as they’d had enough.

[McD]

I worked in a sales environment for five years and in the last year toxic colleagues were actively encouraged. A sales ‘coach’ who, from speaking to a colleague, would criticise that person in front of their customer. I made a sarcastic comment about the fact I’d worked a huge amount of unpaid overtime that was blatantly in jest but was pulled up and given a dressing down by an area manager. Another manager chose to belittle at every turn. Tens of stories from that period.

I left and took a big pay cut so I could enjoy work again, I had been physically sick every morning with the thought of going into work. Last time I spoke to a former colleague who I trusted six of their seven sales staff were working their notice as they’d had enough.


I can completely relate, very similar experiences, and similar outcome. I took an almost 50% pay drop just to get away, and ended up working for a far far better company, and within that, found a job I love doing. Many of the good people had or shortly after left in their droves.