Uche Ikpeazu

[Since452]

Said it a few times that if he wasn't a man mountain he'd be playing non league. Terrible player. Our defence played a blinder and niggled away at him all game and he couldn't cope. Well and trully found out i reckon.

[calumhibee1]

Said it a few times that if he wasn't a man mountain he'd be playing non league. Terrible player. Our defence played a blinder and niggled away at him all game and he couldn't cope. Well and trully found out i reckon.

Awkward as **** which instantly makes him semi useful. Probably the kind of guy you’d want on your bench to throw on if plan A wasn’t working.

Would hate for him to start games for Hibs though. **** watching that every week.

[vuefrom1875]

Said it a few times that if he wasn't a man mountain he'd be playing non league. Terrible player. Our defence played a blinder and niggled away at him all game and he couldn't cope. Well and trully found out i reckon.

He's a quarterback 😂😂

[PatHead]

Don't think he has been found out, he is just a huddie.

[we are hibs]

Absolutely zero ability other than being a battering ram. Typical levein striker (when he decides to play with one)

[Killiehibbie]

A football player should be able to kick a ball.

[SouthMoroccoStu]

2 goals in 14 appearances in the league all season....

If he was to learn how to stay on his feet he would be fair more effective

His default position seems to be sat on his backside with his hands in the air complaining he didn't get a freekick

The commentators were very complimentary of him on Saturday - but what Craigan and Sutton know about quality football can be written on a stamp

[Hibeesmad]

Ryan Porteous is a better striker than him

[Stokesy's on fire]

Rowan Vine was a better striker than Ikpeazu what a waste of a jersey but he is the type of Non-footballer Levein loves

[Bostonhibby]

2 goals in 14 appearances in the league all season....

If he was to learn how to stay on his feet he would be fair more effective

His default position seems to be sat on his backside with his hands in the air complaining he didn't get a freekick

The commentators were very complimentary of him on Saturday - but what Craigan and Sutton know about quality football can be written on a stampExactly this, he's awkward in a bull in a China shop sort of a way and if the yam want to rejoice in a two goal striker who cheats a bit and has the balance of Bambi on ice that's great.

This must be further evidence of the gulf between us that I keep hearing about.

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[Monts]

How bad must that other big striker they were celebrating signing be?!

[Bostonhibby]

How bad must that other big striker they were celebrating signing be?!Here's what our family yam sent me about their strikers after I contacted him about our fine win.

"I know but what choice do we have? Only play one way and Levein has left us with McLean who must be his dominoes partner and the utterly hopeless Vanacek who was probably a basketball player that wasn't any good at basketball.

We're horrible to watch".

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[The 90+2]

Utter huddy that has been found out now he’s been sussed to play against. He would do a job though...for Vlads basketball side.

[Fife-Hibee]

Konte may have ducked out of headers, but at least he landed on his feet. This boy is utterly brutal. Would be utterly embarrassed as a Hearts fan to have him in the squad.

[ano hibby]

To prevent him scoring against us in 3 weeks time and this thread looking a bit silly I’d like to compliment him on his work rate, how well he uses his physique, his good third touch and his numerous attempts to swap jerseys with Daz mid game.

[My_Wife_Camille]

He’s exactly the kind of striker I’d love to see at Hibs an an option when Plan A or Plan B isn’t working.

He’s also exactly the kind of striker that Hearts fans love as a their ‘Plan A’ and that’s the reason why they haven’t seen a 20+ goal striker for the best part of 30 years.

[Hibbyradge]

Here's what our family yam sent me about their strikers after I contacted him about our fine win.

"I know but what choice do we have? Only play one way and Levein has left us with McLean who must be his dominoes partner and the utterly hopeless Vanacek who was probably a basketball player that wasn't any good at basketball.

We're horrible to watch".

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"Family yam"!

:faf:

[007]

He's a quarterback 😂😂

😂 True, though quarterbacks aren't the biggest guys on the pitch. Ikpeazu is more like an offensive guard which pretty much describes his role for Hearts.

[Since452]

To prevent him scoring against us in 3 weeks time and this thread looking a bit silly I’d like to compliment him on his work rate, how well he uses his physique, his good third touch and his numerous attempts to swap jerseys with Daz mid game.

Good 3rd touch haha. Brilliant.

[vuefrom1875]

😂 True, though quarterbacks aren't the biggest guys on the pitch. Ikpeazu is more like an offensive guard which pretty much describes his role for Hearts.

I sit corrected sir.

[MWHIBBIES]

He’s exactly the kind of striker I’d love to see at Hibs an an option when Plan A or Plan B isn’t working.

He’s also exactly the kind of striker that Hearts fans love as a their ‘Plan A’ and that’s the reason why they haven’t seen a 20+ goal striker for the best part of 30 years.

Spot on.

[007]

I sit corrected sir.

You made a good point, he is built like an American Footballer. Looking at the 2014 photo on his Wikipedia page he's beefed up a lot, presumably not with the help of steroids.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uche_Ikpeazu

[.Sean.]

Worth millions though, apparantly 😂😂

[Kojock]

He's a quarterback 😂😂

Ahh that explains his size it’s all padding under his strip 😂

[easty]

If he was a Game Of Tyrone’s character, he’d be Hodor.

[JimBHibees]

😂 True, though quarterbacks aren't the biggest guys on the pitch. Ikpeazu is more like an offensive guard which pretty much describes his role for Hearts.

Yep would be more of a linebacker. Absolute cert to now score a hat trick in 3 weeks time. :greengrin

[Bostonhibby]

"Family yam"!

:faf:Don't really like to call him family but he's an in law so as he's okay, rarely goes to a game and cancelled his DD within weeks of Budge "saving them" I tolerate him.

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[blackpoolhibs]

I would take him at Hibs, he is a bloody handful, and if played the right way in the right team he'd create lots of chances for us.

I said during the match, if he had any real football ability he'd be worth millions, but to ignore what he does bring to a team does him an injustice.

We had folk telling us how good Grant Holt was, when he would fart about out wide or in his own half. This guy actually puts a shift in in the right area's, and as i said with the right kind of football and team around him, i think he'd be an asset in plenty of games.

[Since452]

I would take him at Hibs, he is a bloody handful, and if played the right way in the right team he'd create lots of chances for us.

I said during the match, if he had any real football ability he'd be worth millions, but to ignore what he does bring to a team does him an injustice.

We had folk telling us how good Grant Holt was, when he would fart about out wide or in his own half. This guy actually puts a shift in in the right area's, and as i said with the right kind of football and team around him, i think he'd be an asset in plenty of games.

To be fair Grant Holt played EPL and Championship football for years. Uche couldn't tie his laces. His sheer size makes him a handful but now defenders are working him out he just seems to fall over a lot.

[Aim Here]

I think you're all being overly hard on Ikpeazu. I mean, sure, we have three defenders who've each scored more league goals than Uche, but just look at the guy. He's big. He runs at people, through people, or over people. If you're attuned to Jambo sensibilities, how can you NOT want someone who looks like that on your team? How can you not want to see defenders simply trampled underfoot? Think of all the fun you can have posting little gifs and video clips of him running over defenders on the internet! He's worth it for aesthetic considerations alone. If he ever manages to score more than 1 goal in 10 league games, that would be a bonus.

It's not all winning games and scoring goals you know. Jambos have other needs too, and Ikpeazu fulfils those to a tee.

[Clarence]

Worth millions though, apparantly 😂😂

Worth somewhere between nada and Nade.

[MWHIBBIES]

I would take him at Hibs, he is a bloody handful, and if played the right way in the right team he'd create lots of chances for us.

I said during the match, if he had any real football ability he'd be worth millions, but to ignore what he does bring to a team does him an injustice.

We had folk telling us how good Grant Holt was, when he would fart about out wide or in his own half. This guy actually puts a shift in in the right area's, and as i said with the right kind of football and team around him, i think he'd be an asset in plenty of games.
Holt was an asset in plenty games, Uche can be useful but he isn't going to achieve anything like Holt did in his career. Holt was a great player in his prime and done a really good shift for us in the championship.

[blackpoolhibs]

To be fair Grant Holt played EPL and Championship football for years. Uche couldn't tie his laces. His sheer size makes him a handful but now defenders are working him out he just seems to fall over a lot.


Holt was an asset in plenty games, Uche can be useful but he isn't going to achieve anything like Holt did in his career. Holt was a great player in his prime and done a really good shift for us in the championship.

I have no doubt a 24 year old Grant holt would have been great for us, and a 35 year old Ikpeazu would be a waste of time at Hibs.

[Hakim Sar]

He is what he is. He will be, at times, effective in the hustle and bustle of the Scottish game, he will occasionally pop up with a goal and he might even sometimes look borderline competent against the garbage at the bottom of the table such as Hamilton and Dundee.

He will be at said Hamilton, Dundee or a Partick type team within 18 months imho.

I was actually quite pleased with Rocky's save from his lob. We wouldn't be slagging him off if he scored that.

He scored a decent goal against Aberdeen but also, iirc, missed a horrible penalty recently. Sums him up I suppose.

Not the worst player ever.

[MWHIBBIES]

I have no doubt a 24 year old Grant holt would have been great for us, and a 35 year old Ikpeazu would be a waste of time at Hibs.

Okay. But 35 year old Holt was pretty good.

[NAE NOOKIE]

He is a handful, but you help him a lot if you try to compete with him for the ball as Aberdeen did. We played him exactly right with big Daz getting tight and to an extent slowing him up with Hanon backing him up. The only down side of that was that it left them with a free player or two around the box which is probably why Hearts got a couple of decent chances at either side of the goal and why David Gray was in there winning so many headers.

Would I want him at Hibs? As a plan B when the game is in the last 20 minutes possibly, but as a starter, no way.

[Greentinted]

Reminds me a bit of yon ‘robust’ journeyman striker Armand One.

[brog]

To be fair Grant Holt played EPL and Championship football for years. Uche couldn't tie his laces. His sheer size makes him a handful but now defenders are working him out he just seems to fall over a lot.

Aberdeen didn't work him out just 9 days ago & it was only a superb tackle from Paul H that stopped him being right through on goal at the end. He also turned Daz late on but luckily his goal attempt was pretty feeble. He'll never be the best of footballers to watch but I would rather he wasn't playing for them. Their alternatives are much worse.

[CRAZYHIBBY]

Hes not a bad player...keeps it simple and does loads of unseen work:rolleyes:

[dp00]

They nailed it on sport scene last night when they said if you don’t get in a wrestling match with him and let him think he struggles


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[madsen5]

He's a quarterback 😂😂

No quarterbacks have skill.

[Fisherrow Harp]

He's a quarterback 😂😂

He's more like an defensive tackle!

[jax67]

Okay. But 35 year old Holt was pretty good.

This.

[Baader]

Suppose he's a handful but he can't finish. Typical Levein striker. Without Naismith Herts are a very poor outfit.

Remember how this Vanacek guy was going to rattle them in? Two games or something and even Levein is saying he's useless. :faf:

[Onion]

He's a huddy who only someone like Levein would value enough to rest for the Sevco game so he could be his main weapon against Hibs. For that alone, Hearts deserved to lose both matches.

[brog]

He's a huddy who only someone like Levein would value enough to rest for the Sevco game so he could be his main weapon against Hibs. For that alone, Hearts deserved to lose both matches.

Not to defend Harry P but he didn't rest him for the Sevco game. Protocol now ensures you miss next game after being taken off with a head knock.

[calumhibee1]

Not to defend Harry P but he didn't rest him for the Sevco game. Protocol now ensures you miss next game after being taken off with a head knock.

I think protocol says you sit out 10 days does it not? Which would mean he should have missed the derby.

[Famous Fiver]

I am glad he was deemed fit enough to play.

If he hadn't all we would have got was 'we were understrength, yada, yada, yada.'

I hope both he and Vanacek are fit for the 28th.

[brog]

I think protocol says you sit out 10 days does it not? Which would mean he should have missed the derby.

That's rugby I think. Don't think there's any definitive rule yet for footy but I would imagine he would have had to get medical clearance.

[Northernhibee]

He's a player you can flummox by giving him the space to make a decision. Like any number of Levein strikers signed over the years.

[davemcbain]

Reminds me a bit of Carlton Palmer - remember a Wednesday supporting mate's assessment: 'it's nearly impossible to defend against someone who doesn't know what direction their own legs are going in' :greengrin

[Hibernia&Alba]

Don't think I've seen a player who does as much complaining and asking for fouls as him. Useless player.

[O'Rourke3]

Don't think I've seen a player who does as much complaining and asking for fouls as him. Useless player.

Coached by Levein. Wasn't in his game until Rumbletums got a hold of him....

[Eyrie]

He's more like an defensive tackle!

That was my thought, and one who only plays first and second down.

[The 90+2]

Worth millions though, apparantly 😂😂

One packet or two?

[Leith Green]

He is a useful player if he is played with the correct foil. Would be a poachers dream to play alongside.

[SouthMoroccoStu]

One packet or two?

Hee hee

[Jack Hackett]

Worth somewhere between nada and Nade.

Made me lol there :tee hee:

Ouche is the epitome of a Potter player... apart from not being of pensionable age

[ZAGREB RED]

He is built like a boxer, strong and powerful, no question, but he can't really play football. Concur with others on this thread who say he is they type of "physical specimen" player treasured by Levein. Even a 36 year old Steven McLean would possibly score as many goals as him, if not more.

[Bostonhibby]

He is built like a boxer, strong and powerful, no question, but he can't really play football. Concur with others on this thread who say he is they type of "physical specimen" player treasured by Levein. Even a 36 year old Steven McLean would possibly score as many goals as him, if not more.

In the Clash of the Titans Striker McLean is tied with the big wardrobe at 2 goals each for the league season so far. First to 3 is the winner.

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[Eyrie]

In the Clash of the Titans Striker McLean is tied with the big wardrobe at 2 goals each for the league season so far. First to 3 is the winner.

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With only five games left my money is on a tie.

[Col2]

With only five games left my money is on a tie.

👍👏👏👏

[hibbysam]

With only five games left my money is on a tie.

I’d put money on a tie scoring more than that pair as well tbf.

[ZAGREB RED]

In the Clash of the Titans Striker McLean is tied with the big wardrobe at 2 goals each for the league season so far. First to 3 is the winner.

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Jeez, four goals between so called "strikers", that really is poor. Still, if they push, shove and elbow their way round the pitch, then that is good enough for Levein I suppose :wink:

[Since452]

Uche was fantastic up until September when they were singing about not being moved but after winning the league he just looks like a huddy like the rest of the Hearts team. Little reminder to Hearts fans, don't shoot your load too quickly. Seasons doesn't end in early Autumn 👍

[Bishop Hibee]

He’s worse than Ngoo. He’s worse than Ngoooooo. He’s Ikpeazu, he’s worse than Ngoo..

[greenpaper55]

He was so good he was on loan to Didcot Town ! 33 goals in seven years is all he has scored !!!

[007]

In the Clash of the Titans Striker McLean is tied with the big wardrobe at 2 goals each for the league season so far. First to 3 is the winner.



Jeez, four goals between so called "strikers", that really is poor. Still, if they push, shove and elbow their way round the pitch, then that is good enough for Levein I suppose :wink:

Don't forget Wighton and Vanecek. What does that take their total up to? Oh, still 4.

[WeeRussell]

Okay. But 35 year old Holt was pretty good.

I’d take their boy every day of the week over another 35 year old Holt..

[Hibeesmad]

He must have a decent agent to have also got a new improved contract. What about this other boy they brought in during January, thought he was supposed to be a goal machine. God knows what their scouts are up to but whatever it is, please continue.

[Aldo]

Don't forget Wighton and Vanecek. What does that take their total up to? Oh, still 4.

Speaking of the later, what ever happened to him. Did they not sign him on a 3.5 year deal??


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[Bobby's Cinema]

I’d put money on a tie scoring more than that pair as well tbf.
:hilarious

[Diclonius]

He was ok, but we dealt with him pretty well.

2 league goals is extremely poor for the amount of money they spent on him.

[Northernhibee]

I’d put money on a tie scoring more than that pair as well tbf.

What’s twelve inches long and dangles in front of an arse hole?

Craig Levein’s tie

[Bostonhibby]

Don't forget Wighton and Vanecek. What does that take their total up to? Oh, still 4.Wigton? Is that the wee place on the Solway coast?

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[dchibs]

Jeez, four goals between so called "strikers", that really is poor. Still, if they push, shove and elbow their way round the pitch, then that is good enough for Levein I suppose :wink:

Push, shove elbow and Mclean grabbing players cock you meant.

[1van Sprou7e]

He was ok, but we dealt with him pretty well.

2 league goals is extremely poor for the amount of money they spent on him.

Don't know what his wages are like but he was a free transfer

[The 90+2]

What’s twelve inches long and dangles in front of an arse hole?

Craig Levein’s tie

😁😁

[J-C]

He's a player you can flummox by giving him the space to make a decision. Like any number of Levein strikers signed over the years.

I don't think he was concussed, just a simple head knock so missed the next game as a precaution.

[madsen5]

He's more like an defensive tackle!

Correct.

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

Our MD got corporate tickets for the game. He is not a football fan at all as cricket is his sport. He said to me on Monday that he didn't need to understand football to appreciate how good our second goal was. He said he didn't understand why the big Hearts forward kept falling over.

[Gloucester Hibs]

Speaking of the later, what ever happened to him. Did they not sign him on a 3.5 year deal??


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Isn't Vanacek the guy Levein referred to as "rubbish" after his debut? Some cutting-edge motivational man management right there.

[hibsbollah]

Isn't Vanacek the guy Levein referred to as "rubbish" after his debut? Some cutting-edge motivational man management right there.

Subbed him off after half an hour of his debut:greengrin Levein said he was 'rubbish' and that he'd received an apology from Vanacek for the state of his fitness.

How unfit do you have to be to be subbed off after half an hour because of it? I have this image of a 6'4" asthmatic Czech Andy Capp in a string vest.

[Stuart93]

Isn't Vanacek the guy Levein referred to as "rubbish" after his debut? Some cutting-edge motivational man management right there.

That’s the guy he bigged up from the summer until January and he’s absolute toilet

[Diclonius]

Subbed him off after half an hour of his debut:greengrin Levein said he was 'rubbish' and that he'd received an apology from Vanacek for the state of his fitness.

How unfit do you have to be to be subbed off after half an hour because of it? I have this image of a 6'4" asthmatic Czech Andy Capp in a string vest.

I imagine he thought he'd made the big time when he signed the pre-contract and didn't bother/underestimated the level of fitness he had to get to compared to his previous club.

[HFC93]

The amount of hype associated with that Czech guy was unreal.

[PatHead]

The amount of hype associated with that Czech guy was unreal.

And that was just on Hibs.net

[MSK]

Subbed him off after half an hour of his debut:greengrin Levein said he was 'rubbish' and that he'd received an apology from Vanacek for the state of his fitness.

How unfit do you have to be to be subbed off after half an hour because of it? I have this image of a 6'4" asthmatic Czech Andy Capp in a string vest.I thought fitness wise he had played for a Czech club right up until he signed for hearts

[Bostonhibby]

Something was probably lost in the translation. Doctor Football told his agent pal that the van load of random players he dumped on them last time didn't work, so this time could he just have a van load of Czechs.

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[hibsbollah]

I thought fitness wise he had played for a Czech club right up until he signed for hearts

...while on the famous Czech Sauerkraut, Dumplings and Pilsner diet:greengrin

[007]

The amount of hype associated with that Czech guy was unreal.

Initiated by himself. He said something like he was going to be the league's top scorer, and I think he meant for this season, even though he was only starting halfway through it.

[MWHIBBIES]

When was the last time Hearts had a forward that would get in our side over the one we had at the time? When did they even have one who outscored ours?

[007]

When was the last time Hearts had a forward that would get in our side over the one we had at the time? When did they even have one who outscored ours?

Not saying he'd have got in our side but Lafferty scored about 19 last season so he outscored our strikers but we did change Stokes and Murray for Kamberi and Maclaren in January. 6 or 7 of Lafferty's were in the League Cup so 12 in the league is fairly average.

[brog]

When was the last time Hearts had a forward that would get in our side over the one we had at the time? When did they even have one who outscored ours?


Naismith has 10 league goals. That's better than any of our players & he's missed plenty games through injury. He's a horrible, cheating scrote but he's effective.

[Zazu62]

Naismith has 10 league goals. That's better than any of our players & he's missed plenty games through injury. He's a horrible, cheating scrote but he's effective.

How many of them were penalties?

[Kojock]

How many of them were penalties?

3 pens, 10 goals over 7 games

[Smartie]

Some of our biggest lumps up front (Mixu, GOC) were far more effective playing in teams that played football. GOC in particular was pretty ineffectual when he had the ball hoofed up at him.

It can't be an easy shift being a Tynecastle hooffee. Straight long balls from the centre half all day long, battle and grasp all day long in the hope you knock something down for someone, whilst everyone gets on your back for not scoring more.

[Diclonius]

Naismith has 10 league goals. That's better than any of our players & he's missed plenty games through injury. He's a horrible, cheating scrote but he's effective.

Naismith is to them as Griffiths was to us in 12-13. Without him they are a significantly worse team.

If they don't get him back next season they'll have another rebuilding job on their hands, and without the money for it this time.

[Ozyhibby]

Naismith is to them as Griffiths was to us in 12-13. Without him they are a significantly worse team.

If they don't get him back next season they'll have another rebuilding job on their hands, and without the money for it this time.

I hope they do get him back and at the top of their wage structure. Naismith abilities are in decline and his ability to stay fit to play is rapidly diminishing. C’mon Hearts, push the boat out to get him signed up.


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[EI255]

Don't rate him at all. Big lurching runs but defences will quickly find him out, as was discussed on tv over the weekend. He's just what they need though. A typical Hertz player!

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