Unhelpful and Unofficial World Cup 2018 Thread

[One Day Soon]

So with time on my hands and inspired by the Argentina ’78 thread here is a completely unhelpful personal perspective on the competitors in the 2018 world cup finals.

Argentina:

Not quite a one man band, but good as that one man is he tends to struggle at international level without the Barca machine wrapped around him. Don’t often do tournament travel well outside of South America. Most likely to: go down playing glorious football or completely damp squib it.

[One Day Soon]

Australia:

It’s a bit like the Vinnie Jones era Wimbledon qualified for the World Cup. Don’t go there.

[One Day Soon]

Belgium:

Chocolate aside, this team may be the first decent thing this country has produced in its entire history. Can a country that feels like Europe’s motorway service station on the way to somewhere else win it? Ask supporters of Man C, Man U and Napoli.

[One Day Soon]

Brazil:

Ooh, it’s Brazil. Flair, swoon, samba. Boll***s to that, never forgiven them for the 1970 finals – which I can STILL remember watching as a five year old - where heat and altitude was in their favour and frankly one of their goals looked suspiciously offside to me. The most important thing about Brazil? Horsing them in the greatest World Cup game ever in Spain in ’82 on route to winning it. Stick that right up your Rio de Janeiro. Good enough to beat us in three out of four world cup meetings.

[One Day Soon]

Colombia:

Mate, you’ve got some talcum powder all over your nose. You can certainly play, but then again you’re just as likely to start a gunfight on the pitch if it’s all going a bit Escobar for you.

[One Day Soon]

Costa Rica:

Basically a country straight out of the magical surrealist writing of Gabriel Garcia Marquez that I’m not entirely sure really exists. I’m still not really sure what the Carabao Cup is but Costa Rica should probably be in that instead. Good enough to beat us in our 1990 world cup encounter though.

[One Day Soon]

Croatia:

The Guns and Roses of World Cup football, but mostly the Guns part. They’re that guy on a night out who should have no chance with the girls but who somehow keeps clicking. One of those nations where the mullet is still revered.

[One Day Soon]

Denmark:

It’s as if someone has taken bits of Germany, Sweden and Norway and created a deeply unsatisfying amalgam of the dullest parts of all three. What can you say about Denmark that hasn’t been not worth saying before? Good enough to beat us in our 1986 world cup encounter though.

[One Day Soon]

Egypt:

Mo Salah, camels, dictatorships and pyramids. But only one of those will be playing for Egypt (maybe). A brilliant player but can he win it for them all on his own? Can he fu**.

[One Day Soon]

England:

There is only one serious question to be asked about England’s chances - if England triumph would Gareth Southgate be the most plug manager ever to win the World Cup. Yes, yes he would. Can they do it? Let’s hope so, Putin would **** cacti if they did. Thankfully we’ve never had to play them in a world cup.

[One Day Soon]

France:

Hey Zizou, Marco Materazzi says hello. :wink: Good enough to beat us 2-1 in the 1958 finals.

[One Day Soon]

Germany:

Ah Germany. The old enemy. The eternal foe. Impossible not to have a sneaking admiration for their relentless organisation, tournament guile, methodical application. It’s a bit like Italy decided to play in white, without swagger, with no epic squad/football association scandal - and made a point of trying to wind up the Dutch. When Germany come to play every other country in Europe should be nervous…Never beaten us in the finals.

[One Day Soon]

Iceland:


Totally barking mad Vikings. I think they actually still use longships. Possibly the best international crowd chanting of all time. Garbage pizza though.

[One Day Soon]

Iran:

Definitely there on merit. Nothing at all to do with a ludicrous group system that guarantees some utterly chronic football nations get to qualify. Will totally not play an ultra defensive, dull Greek style of non-football. Ouzo-tastic. Do NOT mention 1978.

[One Day Soon]

Japan:

Traditionally a nation that is capable of fielding only one kind of tournament haircut. It’s that slightly weird vertical boy band big hair. Most closely associated with co-hosting THAT World Cup with South Korea in which the worst ever finals refereeing performance took place. Extra time and the golden goal rule kicks in for Italy v South Korea. Tommasi scores for Italy. Game over, except the ‘referee’ rules it offside, which it wasn't. He starts looking shifty. He gives a second yellow to Totti for diving, except he had clearly been fouled. Totti is sent off and with three minutes left, the Koreans score. All of which is to say that the ref was a cheat, the Koreans were cheating and Japan are lumped in with them in my book for just being there.

[One Day Soon]

Mexico:

Nope. Not going to happen. A team that will always, always ultimately choose siesta over fiesta when it comes to doing it in a major competition. Nice food but no staying power.

[One Day Soon]

Morocco:

Wait, what? Morocco FFS? Play it again Sam, because you’ll need to. This team is going nowhere ever, maybe not today or tomorrow but soon and for the rest of their footballing lives. Good enough to humiliate us 3 –0 last century though which was when we were most recently in a world cup finals.

[One Day Soon]

Nigeria:

Does this side want to offer you a share of a $6,000,000 fortune that was left to them by their late father before he was wrongly imprisoned and died and for which all they need is your bank details? No, no they don’t. Because they’d prefer to play you’re a** off in the old Brazilian style. Very capable of doing it but just as capable of going all Mission Impossible and self-destructing within 5 seconds of kick off.

[One Day Soon]

Panama:

It’s a canal. It’s a cigar. It’s a hat. It’s a Van Halen single. It’s not a serious football side. Thank God we’ve never played them in the finals otherwise I’d probably be typing that they were still good enough to beat us 4-0 …

[One Day Soon]

Peru:

Teofilio Cubillas. I’ll be lying down in a dark room and twitching if you need me. Ally Fu**ing MacLeod. Who puts fu**ing Lou Macari on the end of a wall for Christ’s sake? Or even anywhere in it? Good enough to…well, you know the rest.

[One Day Soon]

Poland:

Poland playing in a World Cup hosted by Russia, what could possibly go wrong? This is a country that’s been waiting decades and decades to shove it up both its Eastern and Western neighbours – with some decent players who is to say they won’t manage to cause some serious grief?

[One Day Soon]

Portugal:

Ronaldo plays for them, let’s hope they lose very game 10 nil.

[One Day Soon]

Russia:

Their main striking threat is the newly emerged Novichok. He doesn’t have a club but he’s pretty deadly in attack. Knows how to take out opponents and brilliant at calming referees with lines like” I didn’t go in studs up, Britain did it.” As tournament hosts they will have the natural advantage that their legions of para-military football thugs can get home for dinner most evenings.

[One Day Soon]

Saudi Arabia:

Oh aye, every one of those under 16 year old team players were definitely totally under 16 in that Hampden World Cup final versus Scotland. And no way was one of your team a married father of three and a Saudi Army Captain. Let’s hope all your players are sent off in every game.

[One Day Soon]

Senegal:

I know literally nothing about Senegal. So they’ll probably win it.

[One Day Soon]

Serbia:

Generals. Colonels. It’s not pretty. More mullet lovers. Can beat anyone when they feel like it though.

[One Day Soon]

South Korea:


Mother-******s. See Japan above.

[One Day Soon]

Spain:


Since I regard Spain as basically being Real Madrid in drag I can only wish ill for them. Love, absolutely love, a dive. One day Italy will avenge that 2012 Euro final – I hope I’m around to see it. They could win this, all decent minded people must surely hope not.

[One Day Soon]

Sweden:


Any more than one Nordic nation in a World Cup finals is essentially, in my view, just pointlessly keeping a better international side from gracing the field. What can we say about Sweden? Well at least they’re not Denmark. That’s pretty much it. But wait a minute, bugger me. We’ve found the one team in these finals that Scotland have actually previously managed to beat. At Italy ’98 with a 2-1 victory. IKEANNY believe it!

[One Day Soon]

Switzerland:

A nation to be welcomed to any tournament if only for the outstanding work of Theodor Tobler and his masterful creation in 1902 of the world’s greatest chocolate bar. Possible dark (also available in milk and white) horses for the later rounds. William Tell, neutrality, hidden wealth and cheese - none of which suggest a great football pedigree. Can yodel the hell out of anything though.

[One Day Soon]

Tunisia:

For some reason I’m associating Laurel and Hardy, French Foreign Legion, dates and palm trees. What I’m not associating is any kind of decent World Cup performance. Could they surprise us though? Yes they could, if by surprise we mean crash out at the group stage having achieved little. I don’t know though, just one England slip-up and maybe, just maybe, they can squeeze out of their group…

[One Day Soon]

Uruguay:

Always a good principle to save the worst ‘til last. And these are among the very worst. What a bunch of anti-football, dirty, hacking, low life thugs. Yes, it’s Mexico 1986 and Scotland’s opening game against Uruguano in the group of death with West Germany, Denmark and Uruguay. Charlie Nicholas literally booted off the park, Jose Batista red carded in just 56 seconds for violent conduct and every passage of play punctuated by flying Uruguayan elbows. Never forgiven them and never will. It should be brought up with every Uruguayan you may meet – including the ones who don’t follow football. Can they win it? I don’t know, can Satan rule heaven?

[One Day Soon]

And breathe...

[Billy Whizz]

Great work ODS, enjoyed reading it

[Hibernianinc]

That's very good. :applause:

[Bostonhibby]

Senegal:

I know literally nothing about Senegal. So they’ll probably win it.

It's where France gets all it's good footballers from.

Bloody funny thread:aok:

[Off the bar]

reading this thread is the first time I've been remotely excited about this world cup!

[Liberal Hibby]

Top work!

[PatHead]

Love the thread.

[Future17]

I may be reading between the lines, but do you have a soft spot for Italy?

[JeMeSouviens]

Germany:

Ah Germany. The old enemy. The eternal foe. Impossible not to have a sneaking admiration for their relentless organisation, tournament guile, methodical application. It’s a bit like Italy decided to play in white, without swagger, with no epic squad/football association scandal - and made a point of trying to wind up the Dutch. When Germany come to play every other country in Europe should be nervous…Never beaten us in the finals.

The game where Strachan couldn't get over the ad board.

[JeMeSouviens]

Belgium:

Chocolate aside, this team may be the first decent thing this country has produced in its entire history. Can a country that feels like Europe’s motorway service station on the way to somewhere else win it? Ask supporters of Man C, Man U and Napoli.

Ahem ...

https://www.wishbeer.com/1430-large_default/duvel-330-ml-85.jpg

[PatHead]

The game where Strachan couldn't get over the ad board.

That was West Germany. Bit like Rangers, doesn’t exist any more

[One Day Soon]

I may be reading between the lines, but do you have a soft spot for Italy?

Does it show? :wink:

[One Day Soon]

The game where Strachan couldn't get over the ad board.

You're talking about West Germany, not The Germany. The Germany have never beaten this particular country in a world cup finals.

[One Day Soon]

Ahem ...

https://www.wishbeer.com/1430-large_default/duvel-330-ml-85.jpg


OK, I'll give you chocolate and whatever that is.

[JeMeSouviens]

That was West Germany. Bit like Rangers, doesn’t exist any more

Oh yeah. Mind you, it might have a different name for us, but I think pre and post unification is all "Deutschland", under the same constitution, to them.

[JeMeSouviens]

You're talking about West Germany, not The Germany. The Germany have never beaten this particular country in a world cup finals.

I think "West Germany" in English is a bit like "Southern Ireland". To German and Irish people there's just "Germany" and "Ireland", albeit they might not be in control of all they consider their territory at a particular time.

[One Day Soon]

I think "West Germany" in English is a bit like "Southern Ireland". To German and Irish people there's just "Germany" and "Ireland", albeit they might not be in control of all they consider their territory at a particular time.


Oh well in that case we won a world cup in 1966 too because England are just part of the UK.

[CropleyWasGod]

OK, I'll give you chocolate and whatever that is.

Their contribution to the lexicon of British satire:-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrvXoin9NcA

[CropleyWasGod]

Oh well in that case we won a world cup in 1966 too because England are just part of the UK.

So we were World Champions in 66 AND 67? Cool. :greengrin

[One Day Soon]

Their contribution to the lexicon of British satire:-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrvXoin9NcA


Might need to add Poirot to the list too. Mind you, it's all getting a bit 'What have the Romans ever done for us?'.

It's all been downhill since Clovis if you ask me.

[One Day Soon]

So we were World Champions in 66 AND 67? Cool. :greengrin

Absolutely.

Though in reductivist terms I think if we argue that we won the World Cup in 1966 by virtue of my theory then it means that we only won it in 1967 too by beating ourselves...

I think it's just simpler for all concerned if we agree that West Germany and The Germany are two different things.

[JeMeSouviens]

Absolutely.

Though in reductivist terms I think if we argue that we won the World Cup in 1966 by virtue of my theory then it means that we only won it in 1967 too by beating ourselves...

I think it's just simpler for all concerned if we agree that West Germany and The Germany are two different things.

If you can get some Germans to agree to that, fine. :greengrin

[CropleyWasGod]

Might need to add Poirot to the list too. Mind you, it's all getting a bit 'What have the Romans ever done for us?'.

It's all been downhill since Clovis if you ask me.

Plastic Bertrand.

He's fine by me.

[One Day Soon]

If you can get some Germans to agree to that, fine. :greengrin


You've got a decision to make here by the (i) logic of this line of debate.

Either we won the World Cup jointly with England and we should celebrate 1966 or there have been two Germanies.

Either way I'm not having it that Germany have beaten us at a World Cup Finals. Have you seen our record? We need all the help we can get. :greengrin

[One Day Soon]

Plastic Bertrand.

He's fine by me.

Presumably you think he's the King of the divan?

[CropleyWasGod]

Presumably you think he's the King of the divan?

:greengrin:greengrin:greengrin

Ohh, ohh, ohh.....

Jacques Brel. :not worth

[Hibbyradge]

That was an excellent read. Very amusing, clearly well researched and profoundly accurate.

I think my favourite line was, "What can you say about Denmark that hasn’t been not worth saying before?".

:top marks

[JeMeSouviens]

You've got a decision to make here by the (i) logic of this line of debate.

Either we won the World Cup jointly with England and we should celebrate 1966 or there have been two Germanies.

Either way I'm not having it that Germany have beaten us at a World Cup Finals. Have you seen our record? We need all the help we can get. :greengrin

I'm not saying there haven't been 2 Germanies, I'm saying that the current one is the same as the 1949-1990 "West" one.

England/Us/UK is as the French would say, a different pair of sleeves altogether.

[One Day Soon]

I'm not saying there haven't been 2 Germanies, I'm saying that the current one is the same as the 1949-1990 "West" one.

England/Us/UK is as the French would say, a different pair of sleeves altogether.


The current one has the whole of East Germany added to it, meaning it's a lot more like the one prior to 1946...

So now we're talking about three Germanies. Or is it four?

Don't start bringing the US into FFS, it's complicated enough already.

[JeMeSouviens]

The current one has the whole of East Germany added to it, meaning it's a lot more like the one prior to 1946...

So now we're talking about three Germanies. Or is it four?

Don't start bringing the US into FFS, it's complicated enough already.

Aha, I was wondering when to bring the US into it. There were 2 Americas in the 1860s, but the USA claimed the territory of both and everyone* considers it the same country as the current USA now.

Have they ever beaten us at the World Cup? :confused::wink:


* almost.

[CropleyWasGod]

The current one has the whole of East Germany added to it, meaning it's a lot more like the one prior to 1946...

So now we're talking about three Germanies. Or is it four?

Don't start bringing the US into FFS, it's complicated enough already.

Just think if there had been a World Cup in 1942. They'd have had Austria and the Sudetenland to choose from an aw.

[One Day Soon]

Aha, I was wondering when to bring the US into it. There were 2 Americas in the 1860s, but the USA claimed the territory of both and everyone* considers it the same country as the current USA now.

Have they ever beaten us at the World Cup? :confused::wink:


* almost.


I cant' find any record of us playing against the United States (pre civil war), the Confederacy or the United States (intra civil war), the United States of America (post civil war) or any of the non United States mainland Territories during the period up to 1889 in either home, away or unofficial World Cup fixtures. So I'm saying no, no version of the US has ever beaten us at the World Cup.

[CropleyWasGod]

I cant' find any record of us playing against the United States (pre civil war), the Confederacy or the United States (intra civil war), the United States of America (post civil war) or any of the non United States mainland Territories during the period up to 1889 in either home, away or unofficial World Cup fixtures. So I'm saying no, no version of the US has ever beaten us at the World Cup.

So we're one-up on the Republic of Englandshire then?

[Ryan69]

Ahem ...

https://www.wishbeer.com/1430-large_default/duvel-330-ml-85.jpg

There are some excellent Belgian Beers.
Chimay Blue is my favourite..:)

[One Day Soon]

So we're one-up on the Republic of Englandshire then?

Well, we're always that. That's the line regardless of anything else.

[blackpoolhibs]

There are some excellent Belgian Beers.
Chimay Blue is my favourite..:)

And of course their most famous export.

https://www.bustle.com/articles/149456-why-is-tintin-a-symbol-of-brussels-the-belgian-cartoon-has-a-long-history-as-a

[CMurdoch]

Uruguay:

Always a good principle to save the worst ‘til last. And these are among the very worst. What a bunch of anti-football, dirty, hacking, low life thugs. Yes, it’s Mexico 1986 and Scotland’s opening game against Uruguano in the group of death with West Germany, Denmark and Uruguay. Charlie Nicholas literally booted off the park, Jose Batista red carded in just 56 seconds for violent conduct and every passage of play punctuated by flying Uruguayan elbows. Never forgiven them and never will. It should be brought up with every Uruguayan you may meet – including the ones who don’t follow football. Can they win it? I don’t know, can Satan rule heaven?

Uruguay was our last match in the group.
An extra player for the whole match and still we couldn't break them down to qualify.
A very sad day.

[Eyrie]

Outstanding work, and probably more entertaining than the World Cup games I'll sit through waiting for our season to start.

[One Day Soon]

Uruguay was our last match in the group.
An extra player for the whole match and still we couldn't break them down to qualify.
A very sad day.


A very violent day.

It was like 11 footballers against 10 street thugs. In fact the most galling thing in some ways was the referee managing to book only three of them.

I've been nursing 32 years of rage about that game.

[JeMeSouviens]

A very violent day.

It was like 11 footballers against 10 street thugs. In fact the most galling thing in some ways was the referee managing to book only three of them.

I've been nursing 32 years of rage about that game.

Imagine a S Korea v Uruguay final. You might explode. ;-)

[One Day Soon]

Imagine a S Korea v Uruguay final. You might explode. ;-)

Impossible final to referee. I mean, who would they choose to cheat for?

[JeMeSouviens]

Impossible final to referee. I mean, who would they choose to cheat for?

Rangers, nap.

[AZhibee]

Bravo 👏 👏 👏

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

It's all been downhill since Clovis if you ask me.

Was that the advert with the guy trying to get up a hill on his bike?

[stantonhibby]

I may be reading between the lines, but do you have a soft spot for Italy?

I also have a feeling ODS is not a huge fan of Ronaldo.

[matty_f]

I can't believe I've not read this thread until now!

Brilliant stuff!

[One Day Soon]

I also have a feeling ODS is not a huge fan of Ronaldo.

Plays for Real, planet sized ego, plays for Real. Easy decision.

[jacomo]

Plays for Real, planet sized ego, plays for Real. Easy decision.


:agree:

Many more reasons could be added to the list, including the observation that his own team mates seem to loathe him.

I think his ludicrous touch line antics at Euro 2016 - where he went off injured and then started barking out instructions from the technical area - pushed me over the edge.

[Newry Hibs]

A very violent day.

It was like 11 footballers against 10 street thugs. In fact the most galling thing in some ways was the referee managing to book only three of them.

I've been nursing 32 years of rage about that game.

All I can think of about that game is 'Steve Nicol. Steve bloody Nicol'

[One Day Soon]

:agree:

Many more reasons could be added to the list, including the observation that his own team mates seem to loathe him.

I think his ludicrous touch line antics at Euro 2016 - where he went off injured and then started barking out instructions from the technical area - pushed me over the edge.


I somehow managed to forget about that buy you're absolutely right. That whole episode was farcical. Shakespearean tragedy meets football match. Plus there's that utterly ridiculous advert for the stomach muscle exercising gizmo.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Plays for Real, planet sized ego, plays for Real. Easy decision.

I think you're just Galacticos intolerant. :-)

[jacomo]

England:

There is only one serious question to be asked about England’s chances - if England triumph would Gareth Southgate be the most plug manager ever to win the World Cup. Yes, yes he would. Can they do it? Let’s hope so, Putin would **** cacti if they did. Thankfully we’ve never had to play them in a world cup.


Off the pitch, England face a tricky away fixture. The Russian lads have apparently been told to reign in their natural aggression, but it’s a bit much to expect them to remain on the defensive through out.

Expect the real battle to happen on the flanks, as each side tries to find weaknesses in their opponent without drawing too much attention from the officials.

[One Day Soon]

I think you're just Galacticos intolerant. :-)


Completely. It's the club where the spirit of football goes to die.

[HoboHarry]

Just think if there had been a World Cup in 1942. They'd have had Austria and the Sudetenland to choose from an aw.
They probably would have chosen French and Polish players anaw.......

[One Day Soon]

Today's cheeky wee World Cup bit of colour. The Guardian has features on all time 1st 11s for various countries and they can be found here: https://www.theguardian.com/football/series/world-cup-all-time-xis Warning! Contains some Spain content.

For those with broader tastes they also have a handy guide to all 736 individual players participating in the tournament. Hands up everyone who knew that Iceland and Udinese midfielder Emil Hallfredsson imports red wine from the Valpolicella valley into Iceland as a hobby? Or Colombia's Luis Muriel who apparently splits his non footballing time between learning accordion and looking after horses on his farm. "As soon as I had the chance to build a farm I didn't think twice about it, I just wanted to get some horses." https://www.theguardian.com/football/ng-interactive/2018/jun/05/world-cup-2018-complete-guide-players-ratings-goals-caps

I may have to update some of my original national assessments as new information comes to light. Uruguay and Spain needn't wait anxiously by the letter box for love letters however.

[jacomo]

Here’s a question: which squad is most likely to get caught in a golden shower blackmail operation organised by the FSB?

Or are they reserving that for match officials?

[jacomo]

Mexico:

Nope. Not going to happen. A team that will always, always ultimately choose siesta over fiesta when it comes to doing it in a major competition. Nice food but no staying power.


With stories coming out about the squad enjoying a 24hr party with 30 hookers after their recent game, could Mexico be the most likely to be black mailed by the FSB following a golden shower with prostitutes?

Or is the Russian secret service focusing on framing the match officials instead?

[One Day Soon]

With stories coming out about the squad enjoying a 24hr party with 30 hookers after their recent game, could Mexico be the most likely to be black mailed by the FSB following a golden shower with prostitutes?

Or is the Russian secret service focusing on framing the match officials instead?


Anything is possible.

It's a World Cup - which means FIFA are involved so there probably won't be too many meetings that don't begin with rolled up notes, white powder, used banknotes and a weekly pass to the nearest expensive knocking shop.

Throw in Putin's Russia and you can easily see 'surprising' refereeing decisions, unexpected outbreaks of food poisoning, night before game hotel disruptions, etc.

And then there's the question of order and Russia's reputation - which Putin will have strong views about. So we can expect to see Russian paramilitaries armed to the teeth, trained ruthlessly, deployed tactically and intervening swiftly and with aggression. And that's just their casuals. Who is going to police the streets?

I'm not saying that this will be the most corrupt World Cup in history, but there's a fair chance that this will be the most corrupt World Cup in football history.

'Mon the Peru.


By the way lads, I made the mistake of watching the highlights again of THAT Italy v South Korea game earlier today followed by the next round game of South Korea against Spain. I'm more or less back up to DEFCON 1 with the Koreans again because of it. They're right in the mix again with the Uruguayans for most despised football shame.

[Eyrie]

I'm looking forward to One Day Soon's running commentary right up to the final on 15 July.

[jacomo]

By the way lads, I made the mistake of watching the highlights again of THAT Italy v South Korea game earlier today followed by the next round game of South Korea against Spain. I'm more or less back up to DEFCON 1 with the Koreans again because of it. They're right in the mix again with the Uruguayans for most despised football shame.


Po’ wee Italy.

The chivalrous gentlemen of International football, who would simply never resort to the dark arts to gain an advantage, and abhor cheating in all its forms.

:wink:

[Diclonius]

Are Radio Times doing a wall chart this year? It wouldn't feel right if they weren't.

[Stranraer]

England won't make it past the 2nd round. That's both my hope and prediction.

[One Day Soon]

Po’ wee Italy.

The chivalrous gentlemen of International football, who would simply never resort to the dark arts to gain an advantage, and abhor cheating in all its forms.

:wink:

That's Korean talk. Fool.

[jacomo]

That's Korean talk. Fool.


Can’t speak Korean. But I’m partial to a bit of kimchi and hot barbecue if that helps?

[One Day Soon]

Can’t speak Korean. But I’m partial to a bit of kimchi and hot barbecue if that helps?


I think you'll find you can create an excellent Korean/Ecuadorian fusion. It's fairly straightforward:

Ingredients:

One bent ref
A suitcase of used cash (dollars are best but other currencies can be used to taste)
Hookers (optional)

Method:

First catch your ref.
Slowly marinate your referee in a climate of 'no-one will ever know' but make sure not to over cook it otherwise it is liable to become grasping and greedier.
Next you will need to place the carefully washed cash into either a bank account or better still just leave it to infuse in a hotel room with the referee, allowing the seductive smells to circulate. You can, if you wish, garnish with hookers at this point but it's not essential. If you don't garnish your referee with hookers it could separate from the deal while cooking but its much more likely to just self garnish afterwards using the cash provided.
Finally you will need to serve the referee in a high pressure situation. This may require the further application of 'coca' but again it will probably just self administer.

However this cannot be cooked in a conventional oven. You will need one of those special giant blind eye ones that FIFA supply. I believe they're about $1 million and widely available from any disreputable FIFA General Secretary.

Note: This version will provide one disallowed completely onside goal, an unlimited number of unpunished violent assaults and of course a farcical red card. Should you however wish to cook the more complicated advanced version which is a Korean/Egyptian fusion for a next round Spanish audience you will need to allow for two outrageous disallowed goals plus automatic offside decisions for all Spanish forwards in almost every situation. This will probably require a Blatter but I'm not sure that particular ingredient is still available and even if it was it needs to be soaked in cash for many, many years before it can be used.

[therealgavmac]

It's all been downhill since Clovis if you ask me.

Ive never liked that whole meal bread.......

[One Day Soon]

I'm looking forward to One Day Soon's running commentary right up to the final on 15 July.


You literally asked for it so this seems a good time to take cynical stock with the match reports that matter.


Russia 5 Saudi Arabia 0

A great result. Only a beginning in terms of the utter ignominy that needs to be heaped upon the Saudis for their past indiscretion. Not quite the 'all of their players being sent off in every game' I was hoping for but certainly losing 5 nil to the wall of underachievement that is Russia is a satisfying start.


Egypt 0 Uruguay 1

Much more difficult territory. There's just no circumstance in which Uruguay winning is a good thing. They were pi5h all game and then they steal a win when Egypt deserved at least a draw. That thug Ramos is to blame. Gutted not to be able to celebrate a headline of Gauchos Horsed by Camels but you can't have everything. On the plus side Suarez looked like Barry Lavety minus the pace. Barring the chompy one going all Walking Dead on his squad mates during the night it's hard to see how they won't make it out of their group.


Morocco 0 Iran 1

What the actual ****?


Portugal 3 Spain 3

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah. Could Iran somehow benefit from the remaining games in their group and pick up a draw against either Portugal or Spain to put one of them out? Oh I hope so, I sincerely hope so. Oh and there was a game with some goals in it apparently.


Tomorrow's schedule of games look pretty promising and I am sure that like me you will all be honorary Peruvians when the time comes for the biggest match of the tournament so far.

Plus there's every hope that France will splutter incoherently against the football version of beige that is Australia.

[Eyrie]

You literally asked for it so this seems a good time to take cynical stock with the match reports that matter.


Much obliged :not worth

[Craig_HFC]

I love this thread.

[Cardinal Hibernian]

Now I know that Hibernian had a great season but bloody hell I missed the bit where they qualified for the World Cup. Not a great start though ...https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180616/b53dd6fdf5f054921bc2444d69a1c96e.jpg

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[One Day Soon]

Now I know that Hibernian had a great season but bloody hell I missed the bit where they qualified for the World Cup. Not a great start though ...https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180616/b53dd6fdf5f054921bc2444d69a1c96e.jpg

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Completely unacceptable from Lennon. The Russians were there for the taking and we literally did not show up. I can't be the only one who didn't see the likes of McGinn, Allan or Kamberi touch the ball even once.

If they think I'm renewing my season ticket for Saudi Hibernian next year on this performance they're kidding themselves.

[One Day Soon]

Well France v Australia was pretty much what was to be expected there.

The Gallic flair is talked up, the expectations are high, everything is in place to deliver excellence and then it turns out they're just French. Like a sniffy surly waiter in a Parisian restaurant - the job's done but not in any way that's enjoyable.

With some of the names in that game it should have been an entertainment fest. "I'm just going to Nabbout for a Kruse, hoping to pick up some Umtiti." That sort of thing.

Instead we get a match where the high points are all about body hair. The splendid barking beardiness of Jedinak and the bald shackling of Didier Drogba. He seems all Drog and no ba without his locks.

And finally, Australia fielded Sainsbury. Perfect, a name that sums up the bland overrated Kangaroo boys just right. Oh well, as The Kooks once sang: "moving on to better things..."

[One Day Soon]

Wow. Peru have really upped the off the pitch game spectacularly having seen their twitter post to Australia as just shown on the BBC. That's the first football thing to make me go wet-eyed since any 21 May related coverage. Truly a thing of some beauty and a must watch if you've not seen it already.

Here it is: https://twitter.com/seleccionperu/status/998964294137143296?lang=en

Mon the Peru. I think they're translating that in their post to Arriba Peru!

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

And finally, Australia fielded Sainsbury. Perfect, a name that sums up the bland overrated Kangaroo boys just right. Oh well, as The Kooks once sang: "moving on to better things..."

Bundy over proof drinking gallahs! :-)

[jacomo]

Completely unacceptable from Lennon. The Russians were there for the taking and we literally did not show up. I can't be the only one who didn't see the likes of McGinn, Allan or Kamberi touch the ball even once.

If they think I'm renewing my season ticket for Saudi Hibernian next year on this performance they're kidding themselves.


Gubbed.

And what was that with Petrie and the weird robes he was wearing? Smirking away with Putin like he didn’t have a care in the world. GTF.

[One Day Soon]

And now for today's World Cup briefing.

I had been looking at the ball they're using - it vaguely reminded me of my favourite one from the 1970 finals.

It turns out that Adidas designed this one deliberately to echo the first one they made, produced for Mexico '70. That version was the gorgeous black and white panelled 'Telstar', a ball that seemed to fly through the air with a beauty not since matched.

If you are as sad as me and want to know more you can find it here: http://www.soccerballworld.com/HistoryWCBalls.htm

Sometimes there's more to the World Cup than the football........like the football for example. :confused:

[blackpoolhibs]

Well France v Australia was pretty much what was to be expected there.

The Gallic flair is talked up, the expectations are high, everything is in place to deliver excellence and then it turns out they're just French. Like a sniffy surly waiter in a Parisian restaurant - the job's done but not in any way that's enjoyable.

With some of the names in that game it should have been an entertainment fest. "I'm just going to Nabbout for a Kruse, hoping to pick up some Umtiti." That sort of thing.

Instead we get a match where the high points are all about body hair. The splendid barking beardiness of Jedinak and the bald shackling of Didier Drogba. He seems all Drog and no ba without his locks.

And finally, Australia fielded Sainsbury. Perfect, a name that sums up the bland overrated Kangaroo boys just right. Oh well, as The Kooks once sang: "moving on to better things..."


Crap game, made even worse with Lawrensons rambling, if i hear that prick one more time i swear Aldi time.

[One Day Soon]

Gubbed.

And what was that with Petrie and the weird robes he was wearing? Smirking away with Putin like he didn’t have a care in the world. GTF.


I know right? Those SFA blazers have really taken the pomp way over the top with that get up.

[One Day Soon]

Sweet. More Gauchos, this time versus Vikings.

Come on The Argentine. Mind you those strips are minging. Borges would be disgusted. On the other hand the Argie flag is one of the world's best.

To be honest I think Iceland are significantly under-bearded in this tournament and Messi's one looks to me like an attempt to play mind games with the longship men on that score. Though it is a weird mixture of Alf Tupper hair and half developed beard.

Iceland of course famously have a national anthem that sounds like a composer started work on it and lost interest after half an hour cos there was footie on the telly instead.

Let's see.

[One Day Soon]

Right lads, I'm adding a new feature from Argentina v Iceland onward: Christian name first elevens.

Argentina: Willy, Nicolas, Nicolas, Marcos, Eduardo; Javier, Lucas; Maximiliano, Lionel, Angel; Sergio

Iceland: Hannes; Kari, Birkir Mar, Ragnar, Hordur Bjorgvin; Johann Berg, Aron, Emil; Bikir, Alfred, Gylfi.

So, Argentina fielding the cast of a Che Guevara biopic against an Icelandic lineup that sounds like it knows how to break down a monastery door if it really needs to.

Verdict: Che has guns and a motorbike but, Vikings have Berserkers. Draw.

[One Day Soon]

More on Peru. Is there a more compelling World Cup story? The link below is to the BBC's report yesterday on their captain.

Cocaine, the captain & the frozen mummies: Paolo Guerrero's World Cup journey (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44415647)

[JeMeSouviens]

More on Peru. Is there a more compelling World Cup story? The link below is to the BBC's report yesterday on their captain.

Cocaine, the captain & the frozen mummies: Paolo Guerrero's World Cup journey (https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44415647)

They’ve made a video introducing themselves to France, brilliant stuff.


https://youtu.be/M1t3AO__lTM

[One Day Soon]

Right lads, I'm adding a new feature from Argentina v Iceland onward: Christian name first elevens.

Argentina: Willy, Nicolas, Nicolas, Marcos, Eduardo; Javier, Lucas; Maximiliano, Lionel, Angel; Sergio

Iceland: Hannes; Kari, Birkir Mar, Ragnar, Hordur Bjorgvin; Johann Berg, Aron, Emil; Bikir, Alfred, Gylfi.

So, Argentina fielding the cast of a Che Guevara biopic against an Icelandic lineup that sounds like it knows how to break down a monastery door if it really needs to.

Verdict: Che has guns and a motorbike but, Vikings have Berserkers. Draw.


:greengrin

[One Day Soon]

Peru v Argentina Christian names first eleven

Peru: Pedro; Christian, Miguel, Luis, Alberto, Edison, Andre, Renato, Yoshimar, Christian; Jefferson

Denmark: Kasper; Simon, Jens, Andreas, Henrik; Yussuf, Christian, William, Pione, Thomas; Nicolai

This one has the feel of a Peruvian line-up drawn from the male characters in magical surrealist fiction novel, while the Danes have gone for a much more straightforward gigantic boy band 11.

Verdict: The surrealists can produce spontaneous tigers and other fabled creatures, the boy band have pretty haircuts and ultra white t-shirts. Peru win.

[Mixu62]

Now I know that Hibernian had a great season but bloody hell I missed the bit where they qualified for the World Cup. Not a great start though ...https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180616/b53dd6fdf5f054921bc2444d69a1c96e.jpg

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Come on Saudi Hibernia, gie yersels a sheik.

[One Day Soon]

Colombia:

Mate, you’ve got some talcum powder all over your nose. You can certainly play, but then again you’re just as likely to start a gunfight on the pitch if it’s all going a bit Escobar for you.

Ahem...

[Hibrandenburg]

The Japanese are nippy wee players. You can see by their well organised pass and move game that the 7 players with clubs in Germany are having a big impact on their style of play.

[Eyrie]

Hopeful bump.

[Is It On....]

Come on Saudi Hibernia, gie yersels a sheik.

And Rock the Casbah..

[CropleyWasGod]

The Japanese are nippy wee players. You can see by their well organised pass and move game that the 7 players with clubs in Germany are having a big impact on their style of play.Nippy aye? [emoji38]

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[One Day Soon]

Hopeful bump.

A bucket of bile stream of consciousness will be along shortly - at the end of the group stages. No quarter will be given to any nation with a track record of consistently finishing somewhere between 15th and 30th in the last 9 consecutive World Cups - apart from the one they b̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ hosted. Hint: it's South Korea.

[One Day Soon]

Panama:

It’s a canal. It’s a cigar. It’s a hat. It’s a Van Halen single. It’s not a serious football side. Thank God we’ve never played them in the finals otherwise I’d probably be typing that they were still good enough to beat us 4-0 …

:wink:

[jacomo]

A bucket of bile stream of consciousness will be along shortly - at the end of the group stages. No quarter will be given to any nation with a track record of consistently finishing somewhere between 15th and 30th in the last 9 consecutive World Cups - apart from the one they b̶o̶u̶g̶h̶t̶ hosted. Hint: it's South Korea.


You’ve gotta feel for the South Koreans here Jim.

They’ve been under the cosh from the first minute!