Praying This Was Stubbs' Pre Match Team Talk

[Roxyhibee]

.."ok lads - I've hidden the decent signings I made that can help us this season in the physios room, so today is all about giving our enemy a completely false sense of their own superiority so we can catch them unawares in far more important and worthy conflicts.. Defence ---- Oxley, look as if you've no idea where to position yourself or where your line is and when one of them is going to take a pop at goal, look disorientated...give me weak hands Mark, weak hands ...... Hanlon - every single ball that comes in, around or across goal, I want you to look completely uncommitted to stop it and view any dangerous ball as someone else's problem... let me see nice clean shorts at full time Paul and I've given you an inexplicable forward role to fool them even more, so use it......Stevenson, let's make sure you consistently get caught out of position and on the wrong side of the attacker and have your legs bouncing off them as you attempt brave looking tackles - and when you do get into a forward position to cut a ball across their goal, let's not let them think you can put a consistent dangerous one in, remember - whatever you do, do not let them think you are not our left back...Gray, I want an aggressive lively start but want you to drastically run out of energy and leave that flank completely exposed in the second half...in fact, I want both those flanks looking as if they could easily be breached by two daleks coming down them carrying heavy shopping, - I want injuries, - I want the same mistakes as last season - I want them to think we have learned nothing men, NOTHING.!! ---Now go out and make that bloated, overrated pile of Hun p!sh look good..!! Now ----- Midfield and attack, I have some Groundhog Day moments from last season I want replayed today involving multiple missed opportunities and slow thinking forward passes that will have the bigots thinking this league campaign is going to be easier than winning the glorious Petriefat Cup......."

[Jim44]

.."ok lads - I've hidden the decent signings I made that can help us this season in the physios room, so today is all about giving our enemy a completely false sense of their own superiority so we can catch them unawares in far more important and worthy conflicts.. Defence ---- Oxley, look as if you've no idea where to position yourself or where your line is and when one of them is going to take a pop at goal, look disorientated...give me weak hands Mark, weak hands ...... Hanlon - every single ball that comes in, around or across goal, I want you to look completely uncommitted to stop it and view any dangerous ball as someone else's problem... let me see nice clean shorts at full time Paul and I've given you an inexplicable forward role to fool them even more, so use it......Stevenson, let's make sure you consistently get caught out of position and on the wrong side of the attacker and have your legs bouncing off them as you attempt brave looking tackles - and when you do get into a forward position to cut a ball across their goal, let's not let them think you can put a consistent dangerous one in, remember - whatever you do, do not let them think you are not our left back...Gray, I want an aggressive lively start but want you to drastically run out of energy and leave that flank completely exposed in the second half...in fact, I want both those flanks looking as if they could easily be breached by two daleks coming down them carrying heavy shopping, - I want injuries, - I want the same mistakes as last season - I want them to think we have learned nothing men, NOTHING.!! ---Now go out and make that bloated, overrated pile of Hun p!sh look good..!! Now ----- Midfield and attack, I have some Groundhog Day moments from last season I want replayed today involving multiple missed opportunities and slow thinking forward passes that will have the bigots thinking this league campaign is going to be easier than winning the glorious Petriefat Cup......."

.................... and PS. Scott, at the end of the match make a point of hugging every Sevco player, giving them false hope that you'll be going along the M8 in a couple of weeks.