MacGruber
26-05-2014, 06:51 AM
We could follow the Hearts model for getting out the Championship.
Start spending outwith our means - spend big, 10-15 million on players for next year should do it. Get finance loans given we've got a good credit history up to now. Throw money at players to tempt them in, not just spending big on transfers but on inflated wages. Include some players from The Rangers and Hearts (offer double wages to tempt) and also hijack some of their signing targets.
Loans will finance this and we can let the debt pile up. On top of loans there are lots of charities out there to rob, we could start our own charity, take money in for it and use it on the first team. We could also sell some world war memorabilia. Unlike any other organisation that would do this in order to raise funds for war related causes, just use it to fleece folk and keep the cash and chuck it at the first team. Raise a bit more with a share issue offer to anyone that will take it up - doesn't matter if it's our own fans or whoever else just get more cash in but don't issue the shares, save on the cost of paper for printing and bullet admin employees anyway, they are a cash drain.
Once we have our signings in place, save some operating costs by not paying the players every second month. We will get a signing ban but alas will already have our players in place so doesn't really affect anything.
Stop paying council rates. Stop paying taxes. There are other mugs out there who will keep paying. We'll get a bit stress from HMRC, just wait to the 11th hour and offer a deal or pay up - just add it to the debt.
Council rates will be ok. They will be more concerned that nobody finds out they are being shafted. Whilst robbing the council, put some pressure on them to pay for more facilities for us. We are an Edinburgh institution after all.
Start training at Herriot Watt. Save paying for maintenance at East Mains whilst refusing to pay Herriot Watt's rates - they are a soft touch.
If anybody questions the legitimacy of any of this - lie. Deny all accusations.
This spend should see us out the championship. Might also see us win a cup. Utterly deplorable way to do business but we can all celebrate success at least.
Next season, after running up 30 million odd debt. Wait until we are 15 points clear in mid table then get ourselves placed in administarion. Bearing in mind we are liable for footballing debt, take another 30 million loan out the week before admin and settle all football debt with the loan. The loan company can get shafted in the CVA.
Not only do we come out back in the SPFL with a trophy under our arms but a young team and debt free - don't worry about paying off the footballing staff that were on long expensive contracts - sacked without cost in the admin process.
We can add to the young team now we are debt free and although we have been disgusting cheats that the rest of Scottish football should no longer recognise - we will be media darlings because our squad has an average age of 19 and crowds are up. Brave young Hibby lions.
Just remember, no shame. Screw the rest of them.
.......................................
Sent tongue in cheek with apologies. I'm bitter as ******. If I read this rant back I would post '**** off ya p****' to myself so feel free to add your insults. Won't feel worse than I'm feeling now.
Start spending outwith our means - spend big, 10-15 million on players for next year should do it. Get finance loans given we've got a good credit history up to now. Throw money at players to tempt them in, not just spending big on transfers but on inflated wages. Include some players from The Rangers and Hearts (offer double wages to tempt) and also hijack some of their signing targets.
Loans will finance this and we can let the debt pile up. On top of loans there are lots of charities out there to rob, we could start our own charity, take money in for it and use it on the first team. We could also sell some world war memorabilia. Unlike any other organisation that would do this in order to raise funds for war related causes, just use it to fleece folk and keep the cash and chuck it at the first team. Raise a bit more with a share issue offer to anyone that will take it up - doesn't matter if it's our own fans or whoever else just get more cash in but don't issue the shares, save on the cost of paper for printing and bullet admin employees anyway, they are a cash drain.
Once we have our signings in place, save some operating costs by not paying the players every second month. We will get a signing ban but alas will already have our players in place so doesn't really affect anything.
Stop paying council rates. Stop paying taxes. There are other mugs out there who will keep paying. We'll get a bit stress from HMRC, just wait to the 11th hour and offer a deal or pay up - just add it to the debt.
Council rates will be ok. They will be more concerned that nobody finds out they are being shafted. Whilst robbing the council, put some pressure on them to pay for more facilities for us. We are an Edinburgh institution after all.
Start training at Herriot Watt. Save paying for maintenance at East Mains whilst refusing to pay Herriot Watt's rates - they are a soft touch.
If anybody questions the legitimacy of any of this - lie. Deny all accusations.
This spend should see us out the championship. Might also see us win a cup. Utterly deplorable way to do business but we can all celebrate success at least.
Next season, after running up 30 million odd debt. Wait until we are 15 points clear in mid table then get ourselves placed in administarion. Bearing in mind we are liable for footballing debt, take another 30 million loan out the week before admin and settle all football debt with the loan. The loan company can get shafted in the CVA.
Not only do we come out back in the SPFL with a trophy under our arms but a young team and debt free - don't worry about paying off the footballing staff that were on long expensive contracts - sacked without cost in the admin process.
We can add to the young team now we are debt free and although we have been disgusting cheats that the rest of Scottish football should no longer recognise - we will be media darlings because our squad has an average age of 19 and crowds are up. Brave young Hibby lions.
Just remember, no shame. Screw the rest of them.
.......................................
Sent tongue in cheek with apologies. I'm bitter as ******. If I read this rant back I would post '**** off ya p****' to myself so feel free to add your insults. Won't feel worse than I'm feeling now.