My Beautiful Sue

[stu in nottingham]

A letter from Stu

I’m writing these words here because I’ve been a part of this community for many a year and have made dear and close friends through it, friends that have endured and showed kindness on so many occasions. I want my friends here and those I’ve yet to meet, to know how much I think of you all, a deep respect and caring. I’m here because I would like to speak about what has happened in my life. These words are, as well, inspired by the wonderful thread ‘Depression and Anxiety’ which has long resided on hibs.net.

On Wednesday of last week, 5th February, I lost my partner, my lovely Sue, when she took her own life and died shortly afterwards of her injuries in hospital in Nottingham. Sue had been suffering for some time with depression and anxiety which came to consume her life and left her in anguish and pain every single day. For a long time her illness has weighed heavily on my health too as I attempted to support her through those tough times.

I try hard with words, I’ve always attempted to contribute in that way here but on this occasion cannot find appropriate ones to describe my grief at losing her and particularly in this way by jumping to her eventual death. I am completely bereft and many times during these bleak days since have found myself not wanting to go on with life myself, so hard is the pain to bear, so great the anguish and so pointless does life feel.

I hadn’t perhaps envisaged writing these words here. I did feel though that I’d like the people on hibs.net who know me, and others too, to understand what has happened. I understand that many of my dear friends north of the border will already have heard this news. Those of you that know me will understand my high regard for all of my friends in Scotland and how grateful I am for the kindness and comradeship that has always been shown to me over so many years now.

I have support. My home has been full of visitors so far, the phone barely stopped ringing. I have a wonderful relationship with Sue’s children, a fine young man of twenty years training to be an actor and a bright and loving girl of twenty-three years studying to be a teacher – that’s too young to lose your dear mother. They constantly tell me they love me and that we must all support each other. They are right. The best thing that could happen would be that they prosper after this huge setback in their young lives and that I see my lovely Sue in them as they flourish and grow. I aim to help them become everything they can be as a promise to them and to my dear Sue.

I’m not sure where life leads from here, if at all. It is too early to say. We human beings try to make sense of things and this had made little enough of that to me so far. I know I am still in shock and I am seeking help for the feelings I am having of not wanting to go on at times. I hope for better and a release in the future from these dark days.

One or two friends in Edinburgh have mentioned that others wondered whether it was okay to contact me. I want to reassure you that it is. I am taking all the kind thoughts and holding them to me. They are a great help so if you were wondering, whoever you are, don’t hesitate. I am attempting to talk to everyone that contacts me and it is a considerable task so please bear with me.
I want to leave you by telling you to love those close to you and each other. It’s really all about love.

Thank you for reading.

Stu

[blackpoolhibs]

I am so sorry to hear this Stu, nothing anything i can say will help, but my thoughts are with you tonight.

[One Day Soon]

That's a hard, hard road you have walked Stu.

I don't know you but I will be thinking of you if that that counts for anything. I hope the world somehow sends you all the comfort and love you need to hold you up and let you find yourself again.

Stick in somehow bud, stick in.

[Baba O'riley]

Terribly sad news Stu. Thoughts are with you and your children. I'm sure you'll support each other through this difficult time.
Take care

[s.a.m]

I'm desperately sorry to hear about your loss, Stu. I can't really find the words - I'm sure you would be much more able to articulate this than i am(!), but I'd like you to know that you're in my thoughts. Please keep carrying on, and supporting each other through this terribly difficult time.
Susan

[Phil D. Rolls]

I'm so sorry to hear this news. I can't think of anything I can say to ease your pain, there probably isnt anything anyone can say, except my thoughts are with you Stu.

[sleeping giant]

Stu , I'm very saddened to hear this and nothing I could say will help your grieving process.

You mentioned Sue's kids telling you they loved you. Hang on to that and I hope the 3 of you can support each other with what is an unimaginable tragedy.

Even though I have never met you , my thoughts are with you at this terrible time.

Kind Regards
Jimmy

[Scouse Hibee]

Stu,

I don't know you but please accept my sincere condolences, words can't describe what you must be going through at the moment, please find the strength to get through this and support Sue's children through this massive turmoil in their lives.
Can I also add that the fact that you feel comfortable enough to share your emotions on this forum speaks volumes of the feeling of comradery that this board creates of which I feel privileged to be part of.

Be strong mate


Keith.

[Twa Cairpets]

Stu

A truly moving and clearly written-from-the-heart post. I hugely admire your resilience and focus on holding onto the love you clearly have for Sue.

I hope that the support you talk about sees you come through this terrible situation.

Genuinely, thank you for sharing how you are feeling.

[stu in nottingham]

A few words from me in response to the wonderful additions above and elsewhere. I would like to respond more fully and individually when I get a moment and feel up to that.

I need to tell you that I am completely overwhelmed by the kind, thoughtful and insightful words from each and every one of you. You are so kind and I guess I should have expected no less. I'd like you to know you make a difference. Thank you for the many personal messages too.

If I can just say one thing to you all in the meantime it is to keep loving. It really is all about love.

Stu

[Hibrandenburg]

Don't know you Stu but having read that post every part of me wants you to come out the other side of this into a good place. The warmth you expressed in that post is amazing and exactly what you need to hold onto. Love bridges death and children defeat it.

[barcahibs]

I don't know you Stu - except as a poster whose opinions I always read with interest - but, for whatever little good they do, my thoughts are with you. It took incredible bravery to write that opening post, I hope when I face adversity in life I can meet it with the same grace you have.

It's important to remember at times like this that none of us walk through this life alone - no matter how much it may feel that way at times. You are obviously loved by your and Sue's family but you are valued by many, many more - even by people who only know you via a keyboard.

There are so many people willing to listen to you - maybe your family, friends or a counsellor in person, maybe here via this forum, maybe on a phoneline to one of the many people who work with the various mental health charities. All of these people are willing to listen and willing to walk this path with you if you want them.

Community is one of our great strengths as a species and we build them wherever we go. You are not alone.

[stu in nottingham]

I am copying this update from the Private Members forum in order to say a big thank you to all the kind comments also on this thread.


This morning I went out for my customary run at Woodborough around the pretty lanes in the local countryside, followed by a bacon piece and a cup of tea at Timmermans garden centre there. I'm trying to keep going and, as advised, to 'normalise' my life - anchor it down in familiar things at this shocking and difficult time.

I came home afterwards to some beautiful flowers sent to me by hibs.net. I am so very touched and would like to convey my thanks to my friends and all at the site for this kindness. The flowers are so lovely, thank you so much; I hardly know what to say.

I'd like you all to know that I have read and re-read your beautiful and heartfelt messages many times over. I take a tremendous amount from the caring, thoughtfulness and kindness you have all shown and continue to show. I have always believed that in this life kindness is a much underrated trait. It is certainly in huge abundance on this thread.

Each and every one of these messages has something to offer me. I have also shown them to Sue's son, Christopher and daughter, Victoria who are taken aback at the huge compassion you have all shown to us. I only wish there was some way I could reply to you all individually to express my gratitude for the many postings, private messages, texts and cards you have forwarded. May you know that I'm thinking of you all and all the wonderful things you have said to me.

The days are long and nights often a little sleepless. I have stronger moments, especially when my sister, Anita, appeals to my sense of unity and loyalty to my family. ‘We Frews do not ever, ever give in’ she tells me. Anita knows well how to push my buttons; she understands my fierce loyalty to my name, my family and my heritage. As I’ve said to others, you could say that she played her trump card on me… She and my family are strong and will help me survive this.

I understand that progress will not travel upwards in a straight line. There will be setback days that take me back to places I don’t wish to go to. Yesterday was just such a day with the CID at my home talking to me regarding Susie’s background and the happenings of that dreadful day, some of which I wasn’t aware of as yet. The latter was very hard to hear. Additionally, in a cruel twist of fate, my dear Sue’s older sister passed away yesterday succumbing to cancer after a long, brave fight. It was expected but of course adds more agony to that family, sadly. To complete a difficult day there was a call from the coroner indicating that funeral arrangements could commence which, although I know is inevitable, still sends a shudder through me. Difficult thoughts.

I’ll just complete this thank you and update by saying I’m still very much here on God’s good earth. I have my strong faith and I have family and friends who care for me a great deal, that I can see clearly. My plan, when I get through this, is to be back in Edinburgh in the summer, like I was last year. I just wish I could shake the hand of each and every one of you when that happens. Thank you so much.

Keep loving.

Stu

[gillie]

I am copying this update from the Private Members forum in order to say a big thank you to all the kind comments also on this thread.


This morning I went out for my customary run at Woodborough around the pretty lanes in the local countryside, followed by a bacon piece and a cup of tea at Timmermans garden centre there. I'm trying to keep going and, as advised, to 'normalise' my life - anchor it down in familiar things at this shocking and difficult time.

I came home afterwards to some beautiful flowers sent to me by hibs.net. I am so very touched and would like to convey my thanks to my friends and all at the site for this kindness. The flowers are so lovely, thank you so much; I hardly know what to say.

I'd like you all to know that I have read and re-read your beautiful and heartfelt messages many times over. I take a tremendous amount from the caring, thoughtfulness and kindness you have all shown and continue to show. I have always believed that in this life kindness is a much underrated trait. It is certainly in huge abundance on this thread.

Each and every one of these messages has something to offer me. I have also shown them to Sue's son, Christopher and daughter, Victoria who are taken aback at the huge compassion you have all shown to us. I only wish there was some way I could reply to you all individually to express my gratitude for the many postings, private messages, texts and cards you have forwarded. May you know that I'm thinking of you all and all the wonderful things you have said to me.

The days are long and nights often a little sleepless. I have stronger moments, especially when my sister, Anita, appeals to my sense of unity and loyalty to my family. ‘We Frews do not ever, ever give in’ she tells me. Anita knows well how to push my buttons; she understands my fierce loyalty to my name, my family and my heritage. As I’ve said to others, you could say that she played her trump card on me… She and my family are strong and will help me survive this.

I understand that progress will not travel upwards in a straight line. There will be setback days that take me back to places I don’t wish to go to. Yesterday was just such a day with the CID at my home talking to me regarding Susie’s background and the happenings of that dreadful day, some of which I wasn’t aware of as yet. The latter was very hard to hear. Additionally, in a cruel twist of fate, my dear Sue’s older sister passed away yesterday succumbing to cancer after a long, brave fight. It was expected but of course adds more agony to that family, sadly. To complete a difficult day there was a call from the coroner indicating that funeral arrangements could commence which, although I know is inevitable, still sends a shudder through me. Difficult thoughts.

I’ll just complete this thank you and update by saying I’m still very much here on God’s good earth. I have my strong faith and I have family and friends who care for me a great deal, that I can see clearly. My plan, when I get through this, is to be back in Edinburgh in the summer, like I was last year. I just wish I could shake the hand of each and every one of you when that happens. Thank you so much.

Keep loving.

Stu

Hi stu, I think it's important for you to take time to grieve and not rush into normality it really is ok for you to feel whatever way you want to and at anytime, there is no right or wrong way to feel, it will take a very long time for you to heal, and sadly you will have to go through the healing process which will no doubt exhaust you at times, things will get better albeit slowly, you need to go through the healing process first, your going to feel a whole loaf of emotions, try not to fight them for its these emotions and feelings that will help you get through this difficult time
Sorry for your loss

[The Green Goblin]

Hello Stu. Like others on here, I have never met you, but I was deeply moved by your letter and my heart goes out to you. There is little sense to be made of sadness like this and I imagine that finding the strength to go on must feel feel like a huge task, but it also seems that this is not a burden you must bear alone. Your family sounds amazing and the other messages on this thread are just words, but if they tell you anything, it's that there are many other people who truly care when they hear something like this, even if, like me, they don't know you. Life is just impossible to understand at times and we must just try to do what we can when we face things that seem as if they will defeat us. Speaking as someone whose extended family is dealing with a very similar situation, allow yourself to grieve and to feel whatever you are feeling. Do whatever you need to do to be okay. I know my words are probably next to useless, but at the very least, you know there is one more person on your side thinking about you, even if it is just a poster on here. I hope that you and your children and family find peace once again. Heartfelt best wishes to you all.

[Jones28]

Dear Stu,

I don't know you, I am writing to you like most others on here are to simply convey my deepest, heartfelt condolences. An ordeal like yours is something that I have never experienced in my 21 years, and is something that nobody can understand unless they go through it themselves. Reading your letter has brought tears to my eyes.

Stay strong and know that you have friends here.

May your dear Sue rest in peace.

Kyle x

[NAE NOOKIE]

Stu.

I'm so sad for you and your children at this terrible time. Though like many many people I too have lived with tragedy, the main thing is that people not only live with it, they live through it. Its a hard hard road at times, nobody can tell you how to walk that road or should presume to do so. Each individual deals with loss and grief in their own way and at their own pace ... there is no right or wrong way to do that as far as I can see.

Its the worlds worst cliche' but also the worlds most accurate one: Time does heal, it never lets you forget and neither should it, but the pain does ease I promise you .... your partners children, who sound great, your friends and the faith you have alluded to are your greatest weapons. That and your ability to open up to your friends on here will I hope get you through.

I wish you and your family all the very best.

Martin.

[bad_news_boab]

All stupidness that I normally come out with aside. very sorry to hear about the passing of your wife Stu. Ive lost someone close to me with similar circumstances a few years ago & I still feel it to this day. I also had similar days where the pain would get too much for me & i felt like giving up. Please though I beg you to think about Sue's children at this time. They have already lost there Mother & wouldn't be good for anyone if they lost you too. It may not mean anything to you at this moment but you are not alone it's great that you have such fantastic support from friends/family. Not everyone has that. Im not good at writing these kind of posts as im used to typing "pish" but in my heart of hearts mate ill be thinking of you at these tough times & always here via PM if you need to chat about it.

All the best.

[Pete]

All stupidness that I normally come out with aside. very sorry to hear about the passing of your wife Stu. Ive lost someone close to me with similar circumstances a few years ago & I still feel it to this day. I also had similar days where the pain would get too much for me & i felt like giving up. Please though I beg you to think about Sue's children at this time. They have already lost there Mother & wouldn't be good for anyone if they lost you too. It may not mean anything to you at this moment but you are not alone it's great that you have such fantastic support from friends/family. Not everyone has that. Im not good at writing these kind of posts as im used to typing "pish" but in my heart of hearts mate ill be thinking of you at these tough times & always here via PM if you need to chat about it.

All the best.

I never had the guts to say this when I first posted but I couldn't agree more.

Stuart, you wished you could thank every one of us but you can do that by keeping us informed and more importantly, letting us know that you are coping. We're here for you as much as an internet community can be.

And boab...one mans "pish" is another mans gold. Start posting on the hearts threads and give us all a laugh:thumbsup:

[stu in nottingham]

I never had the guts to say this when I first posted but I couldn't agree more.

Stuart, you wished you could thank every one of us but you can do that by keeping us informed and more importantly, letting us know that you are coping. We're here for you as much as an internet community can be.

And boab...one mans "pish" is another mans gold. Start posting on the hearts threads and give us all a laugh:thumbsup:

Peter, thank you.

I am hanging in there thanks, getting though, one small step at a time. These have been dark days and now there are funeral arrangements which make it doubly hard and are also taking up my time but I just want you and all the other kind and caring people on this and the other thread to know that I am making the best I can of things. Giving in, no matter what, doesn't seem like a good option to me.

I will talk more along the way, especially if there is something that I can say that will help guide others though a devastating mess such as this..

Thanks for your thoughts and your caring.

[stu in nottingham]

The funeral notice in the local Nottingham Post is copied below. If anyone would like to make a small donation there are details of Home-Start, a charity that Sue worked for which helps struggling families bring up their children. Sue would go into people's homes and offer her wonderful mothering skills to young mums having challenging times.


http://s005-static.iannounce.net/static/1392728456/img/cliffe/theme/memorial/obit/small.jpg

GREEN Susan : Obituary (http://www.thisisannouncements.co.uk/37402293-obituary-green-susan?s_source=clmi_innn)

Published in the Nottingham Post on 20th February 2014 (Distributed in Mansfield, Nottingham)This notice has had 48 visitors and has one candle (http://www.thisisannouncements.co.uk/37402293?_fstatus=contribs_filter;item_type=candle s;s_source=clmi_innn#contribs_header).

GREEN Susan Passed away on 5th February 2014 Aged 49 years Funeral Service to be held at Bramcote Crematorium on Wednesday 26th February at 2pm No black please Feel free to wear splashes of colour to reflect the brightness of Sue's life Family flowers only Donations for Home-Start may be sent care of A W Lymn The Family Funeral Service St. Albans House 32 High Street Arnold NG5 7DZ 0115 967 6777 [email protected]

--

http://s004-static.iannounce.net/static/1392728456/img/cliffe/theme/memorial/obit/small.jpg

GREEN Susan : Obituary (http://www.thisisannouncements.co.uk/37416593-obituary-green-susan?s_source=clmi_innn)

*New today* Published in the Nottingham Post on 21st February 2014(Distributed in Mansfield, Nottingham)

GREEN Susan My lovely Susie. I am devastated at your passing and miss you so. When I think of you I will think of your beautiful smile and the love you always gave to me. Your heartbroken Stu xx

[down-the-slope]

With Stu due to come up tomorrow to goto Killie game I thought it was appropriate to refresh this post....Here's hoping Stu that you have a great time and you can remember with fondness some of the times you had with Sue...

For friends old and new.....see below

http://www.hibs.net/showthread.php?281963-Anyone-Want-To-Meet-Up-After-The-Killie-Game

[yeezus.]

With Stu due to come up tomorrow to goto Killie game I thought it was appropriate to refresh this post....Here's hoping Stu that you have a great time and you can remember with fondness some of the times you had with Sue...

For friends old and new.....see below

http://www.hibs.net/showthread.php?281963-Anyone-Want-To-Meet-Up-After-The-Killie-Game

Hi mate, I've been trying to message Stu to see how he is doing but I think his inbox is full. Hope everything is well and that Hibs can do it for everyone on Saturday.

Stay strong my friend.

[stu in nottingham]

Hi mate, I've been trying to message Stu to see how he is doing but I think his inbox is full. Hope everything is well and that Hibs can do it for everyone on Saturday.

Stay strong my friend.

I'm sorry about that, mate, I didn't realise. I've now cleared a bit of space and I'll look forward to hearing from you. I am okay and I hope this finds you the same.

[yeezus.]

I'm sorry about that, mate, I didn't realise. I've now cleared a bit of space and I'll look forward to hearing from you. I am okay and I hope this finds you the same.

Despite the result I hope you had a good day out Stu?