The Underlying Psychology of Football Cliches

[Dashing Bob S]

When a manager tells the media that a gifted striker has to track back and "can't neglect his defensive duties" they always sound like your mum telling you that you have to tidy your room.

[Hibbyradge]

110% :agree:

[CropleyWasGod]

DefinATEly :agree:

[jodjam]

My mum is called pat. What a coincidence. :)

[Hibbyradge]

My mum is called pat. What a coincidence. :)

:tee hee:

And there's not a malicious bone in her body.

[nonshinyfinish]

I've always assumed that the phrase 'cultured left foot' is a disguised dig at Catholics, implying that while left-footers might be talented, they'll never be the committed, reliable, heidless-run-around type that you really need in Scottish football.

And also that they like culture and are therefore probably poofs.

[snooky]

It always amazes me how the word 'unlucky' can be used in place of 'crap'.
e.g. "Oh that was unlucky - he shot over the bar from 2 yards"

As Gary Player once said, "Yes golf is a game of luck and the more I practise the luckier I get"

[Carheenlea]

The boys worked thur socks off

[Iggy Pope]

I've always assumed that the phrase 'cultured left foot' is a disguised dig at Catholics, implying that while left-footers might be talented, they'll never be the committed, reliable, heidless-run-around type that you really need in Scottish football.

And also that they like culture and are therefore probably poofs.

Brilliant.

' He could peel a potato with that left foot, (the lazy tattle-howking @#%!)'

[nonshinyfinish]

Brilliant.

' He could peel a potato with that left foot, (the lazy tattle-howking @#%!)'

'Mercurial', i.e., can't be trusted in big games and no doubt was educated at St. Whoever's.

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

When a manager tells the media that a gifted striker has to track back and "can't neglect his defensive duties" they always sound like your mum telling you that you have to tidy your room.

Mate, I'm becoming increasingly concerned re your oddball posts over the last day or so!

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

:tee hee:

And there's not a malicious bone in her body.

She must've had a bone in her body at some point! :-o

[snooky]

"A slide-rule pass" (the auld yins ken what's goin' on)

Actually a slide rule was not that accurate when doing calculations. :cb

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Should "At the end of the day" comments be left to players who have just played in a 10pm kick-off game?

[Thecat23]

"We'll take one game and a time". Just for once I'd love a manager to say, we really should shaft the next two teams as they are *****. Maybe get beat the game after but we will give it a bash.

[lapsedhibee]

When the dickens did "ask" become a noun? :grr: :panic:

[nonshinyfinish]

When the dickens did "ask" become a noun? :grr: :panic:

Kudos on your non-capitalisation of 'dickens'. Too many people think that expression relates to Charles Dickens, when it is of course Shakespearean in origin and any capitalisation is spurious.

Chapeau, sir, chapeau.

[Hibby D]

"A seasoned pro" - That's surely just a polite term for a journeyman?

Or is a "journeyman" a disrespectful term used to describe a seasoned pro?

:greengrin

[snooky]

"A seasoned pro" - That's surely just a polite term for a journeyman?

Or is a "journeyman" a disrespectful term used to describe a seasoned pro?

:greengrin

Shirley a seasoned pro is any player who has been a-salted by Ian Black.
Sparky anyone?

[--------]

Brilliant.

' He could peel a potato with that left foot, (the lazy tattle-howking @#%!)'

Is this an example of racial stereotyping of Irish defensive midfield players? :devil:


"We need to make (stadium name) a fortress this season ..." (Land mines, barbed wire, and heavy artillery, anyone?)

"Could (player name) do a job for us?" (Yup - he could sort out the leak in the toilet in the away changing-room. But as a footballer he's wearing his feet on the wrong legs.)

"He's a player who wears his heart on his sleeve." (He's a raging bampot who loses the place at the first opportunity. Alternatively, he's just banjoed the opposition goalkeeper.)

"He has a good engine." (Heidless chicken.)

And Lawrenson's current favourite - "For me", as in "He's got the best left foot in the Premier League for me."

And his other one - "This guy's a bit of a mystery package for me", which translated means, "I couldn't be bothered to do any research at all before pocketing my over-generous fee to commentate on this game between two foreign teams neither of which I've ever heard of before and the result of which I really couldn't give a rat's backside about."

[ballengeich]

"A seasoned pro" - That's surely just a polite term for a journeyman?


Not quite - it's a polite term for a has-been journeyman.

To be fair, you've set your stall out early doors.

[Billy Whizz]

A utility player. Just a description for a player who isn't very good at one position, but can play badly in a number of positions!

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

"A seasoned pro" - That's surely just a polite term for a journeyman?

Or is a "journeyman" a disrespectful term used to describe a seasoned pro?

:greengrin

Is a seasoned pro not one of Wayne Rooney's birds?

[Holmesdale Hibs]

There's a player in there somewhere - could sometimes mean 'the player is pish but had a good game a few months ago'.

The word 'quality' is always overused in the SPL.

[Mibbes Aye]

Player breaks in the box, keeper comes out and he is described as 'making himself big' to put off the forward.

Damn straight if I was confronted by a keeper doing that then I would be put off my shot. It's meant to be a family game FFS......

[The Green Goblin]

Brilliant thread. Now can anyone tell me where I might find the mysterious "bag" managers seem to think their three points end up in after a win?

[The Green Goblin]

I'd also like to know where the secret footballer cloning facility is...the one where they make "your Zidane's, Platinis and Maradonas" of this world.

[jacomo]

I'd also like to know where the secret footballer cloning facility is...the one where they make "your Zidane's, Platinis and Maradonas" of this world.

Everyone would like a "world-class footballer" cloning machine... a licence to print money, especially in this day and age.

Incidentally, surely by definition there can only be 11 "world-class" players at any one time, because any more than that wouldn't get in the "world-class" team?

[jacomo]

Brilliant thread. Now can anyone tell me where I might find the mysterious "bag" managers seem to think their three points end up in after a win?

I assume they've taken it. I don't know where it is, but they've taken it.

"If you'd offered us the three points before kick off, we'd have taken it." (and put it in the manager's bag).

[joe breezy]

Why do players become plurals?

Your Rooneys and Ronaldos....

[LioNeilMessi]

Player breaks in the box, keeper comes out and he is described as 'making himself big' to put off the forward.

Damn straight if I was confronted by a keeper doing that then I would be put off my shot. It's meant to be a family game FFS......

Ba-dum-tiss :greengrin:

Sent from my GT-I8190N using Tapatalk 2

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

Why do managers say that difficult games sort out the boys from the men, but after these difficult games have been won, they say the boys have been superb?

[NORTHERNHIBBY]

Why do managers say that difficult games sort out the boys from the men, but after these difficult games have been won, they say the boys have been superb?

[nonshinyfinish]

Why do players become plurals?

Your Rooneys and Ronaldos....

Poor examples: your Rooneys are Wayne and Adam; your Ronaldos are Original and Cristiano.

[matty_f]

Poor examples: your Rooneys are Wayne and Adam; your Ronaldos are Original and Cristiano.

Fat and Cristiano, surely?

[WellingtonHibby]

I love how the Scottish meeeja refer to St Mirren second choice right backs as "stars" or, if they are a youngster "starlet". Overegging the pudding. You might say, to be fair.

[nonshinyfinish]

Fat and Cristiano, surely?

I have far too much respect for the, erm, big man.

[greenpaper55]

The keeper was beaten all ends up !, or the ball whistled past the post , colonel bogie maybe ?. We take every game as it comes but the game after this is very important, Five year plan !.

[Seekyit]

As far as i'm aware every ground in Britain is a "tough place to go".

Escpecially at the "business end of the season". :agree:

[GreenCastle]

Why do players become plurals?

Your Rooneys and Ronaldos....

This one drives me mad - the Barcelonas of this world - the Man Utd's - there is only one team with that name!

Others...

No disrespect to (Fill in player / manage / club) but we should have won that game. Basically No disrespect means the next thing I'm going to do is disrespect someone!!

Game of 2 halves...

Marathon not a sprint....

6 pointer

Every game is a cup final

1st and 2nd balls

Backs to the walls

relegation dogfight

We take every game as it comes

Your only as good as your last result

Bring the youngster on with fresh legs

[Stevie Reid]

I get annoyed by the sliding scale of decency that many commentators, especially Davie Provan, are fond of using. It seems to go: -

quite decent/pretty decent - decent - very decent

I'm just waiting for the day that Provan proclaims 'well it doesn't get much more decent than that'.

[ballengeich]

What would make someone a top player? All I hear about is top top players.

[Boyle89]

That had 0-0 written all over it.

[--------]

"It's going to be a long old night for the Notts County defence ..." Just after Liverpool went 2-0 up.

Then it became "a tough old night" for the County centre-backs. Grr!

Archie McPhoos-hun had a favourite word - "immaculate" - could be a pass, a header, a tackle, whatever. And any player above average height, especially if he played for Rangers, was "majestic".

Arthur Montford, on the other hand, just loved a "goalmouth stramash".

[bronca]

Have never heard the term 'half chance(s)' used outside football commentary.Find it especially annoying when nasally barked by Alan Preston,almost as grating as the way he would say 'Ryun Steev-en-sun'

[The Green Goblin]

"It's going to be a long old night for the Notts County defence ..." Just after Liverpool went 2-0 up.

Then it became "a tough old night" for the County centre-backs. Grr!

Archie McPhoos-hun had a favourite word - "immaculate" - could be a pass, a header, a tackle, whatever. And any player above average height, especially if he played for Rangers, was "majestic".

Arthur Montford, on the other hand, just loved a "goalmouth stramash".

Arthur Montford...quality presenter to grow up watching. "Stramash"!!!

[The Green Goblin]

MacPherson on the other hand.....terrible commentator.

[matty_f]

When did players replace their insides with "good engines"?

[Mibbes Aye]

When did players replace their insides with "good engines"?

:agree: It would suggest that players are seen as cars. This would fit with the idea of them being able to 'move up a gear', or for the fitter players towards the end of a match still having 'something in the tank'.

But then, it might be that they are more like ships. This would explain forwards getting into the channels and potentially why there's a desire to keep the ball on the deck.

Of course after a good result, the team are likely to be flying though one bad result will bring them back down to earth. And if they go on a bad run they may well have to dig deep...to get themselves out of a hole....:confused:

[Mibbes Aye]

And although they might be flying high, they also might be involved in a relegation dogfight. Now that could be a six-pointer but seemingly some teams would settle for a point beforehand!! That still leaves five on the table!! :confused:

[neilmartinrocks]

:agree: It would suggest that players are seen as cars. This would fit with the idea of them being able to 'move up a gear', or for the fitter players towards the end of a match still having 'something in the tank'.

But then, it might be that they are more like ships. This would explain forwards getting into the channels and potentially why there's a desire to keep the ball on the deck.

Of course after a good result, the team are likely to be flying though one bad result will bring them back down to earth. And if they go on a bad run they may well have to dig deep...to get themselves out of a hole..:confused:..

always been my fave piece of psycobabel from the commentators.:rolleyes:

[Mixu62]

Any team from a bigger league are Italian/Spanish/German giants. Regardless of how big or small the club is. They could have a smaller home support than us, but if they play in Serie A they're "Italian giants". FACT!!

[Hibby D]

:agree: It would suggest that players are seen as cars. This would fit with the idea of them being able to 'move up a gear', or for the fitter players towards the end of a match still having 'something in the tank'.

But then, it might be that they are more like ships. This would explain forwards getting into the channels and potentially why there's a desire to keep the ball on the deck.

Of course after a good result, the team are likely to be flying though one bad result will bring them back down to earth. And if they go on a bad run they may well have to dig deep...to get themselves out of a hole....:confused:


And although they might be flying high, they also might be involved in a relegation dogfight. Now that could be a six-pointer but seemingly some teams would settle for a point beforehand!! That still leaves five on the table!! :confused:

You're on a pretty decent run yourself there :top marks

However you're up against some strong competition so I guess it begs the question do you have what it takes to secure a top 6 finish? :wink:

[--------]

Arthur Montford...quality presenter to grow up watching. "Stramash"!!!


MacPherson on the other hand.....terrible commentator.



My thoughts exactly, GG. The sublime, and the ridiculous.

Of course, McPhoosh-Hun was a former primary heidie, which just about summed up his character. He had a put-down for any non-Rangers player who tried tried something didn't quite come off - "trying to be a Fancy Dan" which used to make me want to strangle the arrogant baboon.

Arthur, on the other hand, was ever the perfect gentleman on and off the screen.

For younger posters who might not know about THE JACKET (for which Arthur was deservedly renowned from John O'Groats to the Solway Firth) ...

http://www.scottishleague.net/images/Spt63Arthur.jpg (http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&docid=an3tv9bT2VeJRM&tbnid=oUp62r23PHJbVM:&ved=0CAUQjRw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.scottishleague.net%2Fforum%2F viewtopic.php%3Ft%3D1041&ei=kKUeUuvmK_OY0AXa_oHoAQ&bvm=bv.51495398,d.d2k&psig=AFQjCNE6Oe8SzgixCHGj3DNu42BG_CV4IQ&ust=1377826566153951)

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/T7lKP1vRuLI/hqdefault.jpg

And he never in his life began a sentence with "For me ..."

[Mibbes Aye]

You're on a pretty decent run yourself there :top marks

However you're up against some strong competition so I guess it begs the question do you have what it takes to secure a top 6 finish? :wink:

The key is having a solid spine to the team (as opposed to a wobbly spine I guess).

And most important is having a forward who knows where the goal is.

Given they're big, massive white contraptions, always located in the same position, you would think that should be straightforward enough.

[snooky]

A mate of mine has a girlfriend who knows absolutely nothing about football (ahem, like some of us posters I suppose :wink:).
Everytime she walks past a football match being played on a public park she shouts out "Play it wide!" and walks on.
She has no idea what it means.

[Fergos]

What's the option on 'taking every game one at a time'?

'Bad defensive mistake'...anyone seen a good defensive mistake?

is it only goalkeepers who indulge in 'food and drink'?

GGTTH

[steakbake]

"boyhood heroes"... as in xyz player is off to warm the bench and collect silly money at his "boyhood heroes".

Usually one of the OF...

[Treadstone]

I think nationality comes into the equation. If Scott Parker is guilty of a number of fouls he is a "midfield terrier". Javier Mascherano on the other hand "knows what he is doimg"

[Mixu62]

I think nationality comes into the equation. If Scott Parker is guilty of a number of fouls he is a "midfield terrier". Javier Mascherano on the other hand "knows what he is doimg"


Sounds like a case of the "latin temperament".

[The Green Goblin]

I think nationality comes into the equation. If Scott Parker is guilty of a number of fouls he is a "midfield terrier". Javier Mascherano on the other hand "knows what he is doimg"

Yes indeed...a dab hand at the "professional foul" in which he will "use all of his experience".

[matty_f]

Has anyone mentioned a square ball yet?

[green.and.white]

Why do players seem to keep their abilities in their so called 'locker'? If he has 'got that in his locker', he should bring it out on the pitch and do it more often.

[Pete]

Skillful players "slalom" through defences and teams hand things over "on a plate".

Working mans game...middle class commentators!:greengrin

[WellingtonHibby]

I would like a copy of the textbook from which all players can locate and utilise superior and technically excellent footballing moves and manoeuvres.

[Phil D. Rolls]

I would like a copy of the textbook from which all players can locate and utilise superior and technically excellent footballing moves and manoeuvres.

A schoolboy error, you can't teach them sort of things.