A Guide to Ordering Drinks

[Frazerbob]

I'm sure any past or present bar workers will relate to this.....

A Guide To Ordering Your Drinks

1. Please remember to order your drinks one at a time as we like to keep fit by running back and forwards.

2. When ordering your drinks, please make sure that you have no idea what you want when you approach the bar as we like to stand about whilst you nip back and forward or shout across the room to find out.

3. Once you receive two drinks please take them back to your table and stop for a wee chat before coming back to pay. Your time is our time and we will happily wait for you, regardless of the other twenty people waiting to be served. We’re going nowhere and appreciate the time to rest.

4. Please order your Guinness last. We enjoy waiting at the bar with your other drinks for the additional 119.5 seconds it takes to pour and settle. We are especially pleased when you wander off and then reappear to remind us to top it up. Please feel free to assume we have done this on purpose!

5. Never put money into our hands as we like to pick it from the bar surface penny by penny from all the small change in your pocket. It keeps our fingers nimble, even more so if it is in a puddle of beer spilt from you relaying you’re other drinks back and forth.

6. Never say please or thank you, it only irritates us!

7. Always wait until you have been told how much your round is before asking for crisps, snacks etc and when you want ready salted crisps, always ask for the complete range of flavours before asking for “plain”.

8. When buying a drink for “Tom” or “Jim” or anyone else, don’t tell us what they are having, just point at them and we will guess. We love to try out our ESP skills. The game is so much fun and we get such a thrill when we get it right!

9. If you have been waiting one or two minutes to get served, please feel free to tell us you have been waiting for twenty. This keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time.

10. Finally, can we remind you that the last orders bell is really just to make sure that you are awake. We don’t actually want you to come to the bar until one minute before closing. Please also try to ensure that this is after we have removed the till drawer, drip trays and turned off the gantry lights so you can have the chance to remind us how unfair it is that we are closed.

[Scouse Hibee]

I'm sure any past or present bar workers will relate to this.....

A Guide To Ordering Your Drinks

1. Please remember to order your drinks one at a time as we like to keep fit by running back and forwards.

If you could remember the order we would order more than one drink at a time.

2. When ordering your drinks, please make sure that you have no idea what you want when you approach the bar as we like to stand about whilst you nip back and forward or shout across the room to find out.

Always helps if the bar doesn't run out of the most popular drinks on a busy night.

3. Once you receive two drinks please take them back to your table and stop for a wee chat before coming back to pay. Your time is our time and we will happily wait for you, regardless of the other twenty people waiting to be served. We’re going nowhere and appreciate the time to rest.

We do this as retaliation for the five people you served who arrived at the bar after us.

4. Please order your Guinness last. We enjoy waiting at the bar with your other drinks for the additional 119.5 seconds it takes to pour and settle. We are especially pleased when you wander off and then reappear to remind us to top it up. Please feel free to assume we have done this on purpose!

Must remind my mate who has just come in not to order Guinness.

5. Never put money into our hands as we like to pick it from the bar surface penny by penny from all the small change in your pocket. It keeps our fingers nimble, even more so if it is in a puddle of beer spilt from you relaying you’re other drinks back and forth.

Don't worry I won't, I don't know where your hands have been!

6. Never say please or thank you, it only irritates us!

I would if you weren't so obviously resentful to the fact that you are working while we're not!

7. Always wait until you have been told how much your round is before asking for crisps, snacks etc and when you want ready salted crisps, always ask for the complete range of flavours before asking for “plain”.

That;s just to make sure we have enough money to pay!

8. When buying a drink for “Tom” or “Jim” or anyone else, don’t tell us what they are having, just point at them and we will guess. We love to try out our ESP skills. The game is so much fun and we get such a thrill when we get it right!

Try and remember the previous round then!

9. If you have been waiting one or two minutes to get served, please feel free to tell us you have been waiting for twenty. This keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time.

Stop serving people who arrived after me!

10. Finally, can we remind you that the last orders bell is really just to make sure that you are awake. We don’t actually want you to come to the bar until one minute before closing. Please also try to ensure that this is after we have removed the till drawer, drip trays and turned off the gantry lights so you can have the chance to remind us how unfair it is that we are closed.

Just remember our right to drinking up time!

Remember you are paid to provide a service, if you're not up to the challenge find another job!

[Pretty Boy]

Having done my share of bar work that is brilliantly accurate.

Worst part is depsite knowing how.annoying it is when people do it, I do a few of the things myself.

The one drink at a time thing is so ****ing annoying though, I hated when folk did that. I'm not a goldfish and if you moan about how long it takes to get served its probably because other folk are ordering their drinks one at a time too!

[.Sean.]

Sounds like the Haddy Rugby squads nights out.

[hibsboy90]

Pet gripe has got to be the coins being placed on the bar counter, instead of our hands.

Also when customers all gather at one end of the long bar and then moan about the time to get served, spread out!

[jabis]

brother in law tells the story of sitting in a bar,possibly Dunbar (no pun),about a dozen yahoos come in......
head yahoo-"gin and tonic please"

barman-"anything else"

HY-"no,thats fine"

BM,handing over drink-"£2.15 please"

HY-"oh ! and a pint of guinness"

to cut a long story short,this goes on for the full 12 drinks,with the barman getting more and more "polite"

finally....

YH-"how much ?"

BM-"a kiss"

YH-"a kiss ?"

BM-"yeah,I like a bit of passion when I'm getting F***ED ABOUT"

true story !

[Dunbar Hibee]

brother in law tells the story of sitting in a bar,possibly Dunbar (no pun),about a dozen yahoos come in......
head yahoo-"gin and tonic please"

barman-"anything else"

HY-"no,thats fine"

BM,handing over drink-"£2.15 please"

HY-"oh ! and a pint of guinness"

to cut a long story short,this goes on for the full 12 drinks,with the barman getting more and more "polite"

finally....

YH-"how much ?"

BM-"a kiss"

YH-"a kiss ?"

BM-"yeah,I like a bit of passion when I'm getting F***ED ABOUT"

true story !

Gin and Tonic at £2.15 in Dunbar? **** knows where your brother in law has been going, but I have certainly not been in this particular pub :greengrin

[Viva_Palmeiras]

This is all based on the ability of the bar staff to keep a rough idea of who is in the queue so you get served in the first place!

[Hibrandenburg]

I'm sure any past or present bar workers will relate to this.....

A Guide To Ordering Your Drinks

1. Please remember to order your drinks one at a time as we like to keep fit by running back and forwards.

2. When ordering your drinks, please make sure that you have no idea what you want when you approach the bar as we like to stand about whilst you nip back and forward or shout across the room to find out.

3. Once you receive two drinks please take them back to your table and stop for a wee chat before coming back to pay. Your time is our time and we will happily wait for you, regardless of the other twenty people waiting to be served. We’re going nowhere and appreciate the time to rest.

4. Please order your Guinness last. We enjoy waiting at the bar with your other drinks for the additional 119.5 seconds it takes to pour and settle. We are especially pleased when you wander off and then reappear to remind us to top it up. Please feel free to assume we have done this on purpose!

5. Never put money into our hands as we like to pick it from the bar surface penny by penny from all the small change in your pocket. It keeps our fingers nimble, even more so if it is in a puddle of beer spilt from you relaying you’re other drinks back and forth.

6. Never say please or thank you, it only irritates us!

7. Always wait until you have been told how much your round is before asking for crisps, snacks etc and when you want ready salted crisps, always ask for the complete range of flavours before asking for “plain”.

8. When buying a drink for “Tom” or “Jim” or anyone else, don’t tell us what they are having, just point at them and we will guess. We love to try out our ESP skills. The game is so much fun and we get such a thrill when we get it right!

9. If you have been waiting one or two minutes to get served, please feel free to tell us you have been waiting for twenty. This keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time.

10. Finally, can we remind you that the last orders bell is really just to make sure that you are awake. We don’t actually want you to come to the bar until one minute before closing. Please also try to ensure that this is after we have removed the till drawer, drip trays and turned off the gantry lights so you can have the chance to remind us how unfair it is that we are closed.

Think if your customers piss you off so much, then maybe a career change is in order.

This post (even if tongue in cheek) sums up nicely all that's wrong with customer service today. At some point in the recent past we've moved from being the customer to becoming consumers. In your case we're there to fill your till at your convenience and not you being there to fill our glasses at ours.

Still that said, if folks are still willing to drink in pubs where the staff have obvious attitude problems, then more fool them.

[Speedy]

This is all based on the ability of the bar staff to keep a rough idea of who is in the queue so you get served in the first place!

Some staff are very good but some are terrible.

The worst ones are when you're in a pub with multiple staff who are serving certain areas of the bar and there no queueing system...and the staff go from left to right then work their way back (right to left) :grr:

And of course, there's the rule that no matter how long you've been standing there the bird that comes up and stands beside you is always first.

[Jack]

Think if your customers piss you off so much, then maybe a career change is in order.

This post (even if tongue in cheek) sums up nicely all that's wrong with customer service today. At some point in the recent past we've moved from being the customer to becoming consumers. In your case we're there to fill your till at your convenience and not you being there to fill our glasses at ours.

Still that said, if folks are still willing to drink in pubs where the staff have obvious attitude problems, then more fool them.

I think even if the post was serious the truth of the matter is that too many customers these days treat staff, who are there to help them, like *****. I would say even worse for emergency services and the likes of A&E, but its just as bad.

Common decency isn't as common as it should be.

[Hibs90]

Hate when youve been waiting for ages and some dick strolls along and gets served before you :rolleyes:

[HUTCHYHIBBY]

Seems to be a particularly English thing for people to be out in a group, but, everybody buys their own instead of just getting 1 big round. Are people really that scared they might end up buying an extra round? It soon balances itself out, but, if your experience is that it doesn't then you need to find new folk to get bevvied with!

[Hermit Crab]

I think even if the post was serious the truth of the matter is that too many customers these days treat staff, who are there to help them, like *****. I would say even worse for emergency services and the likes of A&E, but its just as bad.

Common decency isn't as common as it should be.


I get this everyday in my line of work. Love my Job though. :agree:

[Hibrandenburg]

I think even if the post was serious the truth of the matter is that too many customers these days treat staff, who are there to help them, like *****. I would say even worse for emergency services and the likes of A&E, but its just as bad.

Common decency isn't as common as it should be.

Couldn't agree with you more. Have worked nearly 10yrs for the German Emergency Services and its no different here. However I would also add that a certain amount of professionalism should ensure that the customer is treated with respect until such time as his behaviour deserves otherwise. Just because the last customer was a knobend doesn't mean that the next should be treated as such.

[Frazerbob]

Think if your customers piss you off so much, then maybe a career change is in order.

This post (even if tongue in cheek) sums up nicely all that's wrong with customer service today. At some point in the recent past we've moved from being the customer to becoming consumers. In your case we're there to fill your till at your convenience and not you being there to fill our glasses at ours.

Still that said, if folks are still willing to drink in pubs where the staff have obvious attitude problems, then more fool them.

Sense of humour bypass?

[Hibrandenburg]

Sense of humour bypass?

Not at all, I even smirked at a few on the list. Just thought it was worth mentioning the other side of the coin.

[jabis]

Couldn't agree with you more. Have worked nearly 10yrs for the German Emergency Services and its no different here. However I would also add that a certain amount of professionalism should ensure that the customer is treated with respect until such time as his behaviour deserves otherwise. Just because the last customer was a knobend doesn't mean that the next should be treated as such.



uberfans ..:agree::agree::agree::agree::agree::agree:

[jabis]

Gin and Tonic at £2.15 in Dunbar? **** knows where your brother in law has been going, but I have certainly not been in this particular pub :greengrin

:na na:....I was going to put £3.15,then realised he told me the story a few years ago.Picked a number out the air,and got shot down.

bugger

:greengrin

edit:the bull ?

[poolman]

Think if your customers piss you off so much, then maybe a career change is in order.

This post (even if tongue in cheek) sums up nicely all that's wrong with customer service today. At some point in the recent past we've moved from being the customer to becoming consumers. In your case we're there to fill your till at your convenience and not you being there to fill our glasses at ours.

Still that said, if folks are still willing to drink in pubs where the staff have obvious attitude problems, then more fool them.



Dearie me, you must be a very tolerable (or Lucky) person if you dont get pished off with your work now and again

[Scouse Hibee]

Seems to be a particularly English thing for people to be out in a group, but, everybody buys their own instead of just getting 1 big round. Are people really that scared they might end up buying an extra round? It soon balances itself out, but, if your experience is that it doesn't then you need to find new folk to get bevvied with!

:confused: Eh nah not in my neck of the woods! You must be meaning those folk from further down South :greengrin

[Hibrandenburg]

Dearie me, you must be a very tolerable (or Lucky) person if you dont get pished off with your work now and again

Get well pissed off with my work on a regular basis but don't take it out on the punters.

Don't think its a bad thing to try and think positive and make the best out of your lot. But hey, the world is full of different types.