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View Full Version : Media Panda Sunshine declares himself a Hibbie fae Leith!!



ancienthibby
05-12-2011, 04:37 PM
Bamboo Corstorphine Nightmares
http://www.heraldscotland.com/ui/img/blank.gif (http://www.heraldscotland.com/comment/tom-shields/bamboo-corstorphine-nightmares-1.1138088#have-your-say)
Published on 5 Dec 2011http://www.heraldscotland.com/ui/img/columnists/tomshields.jpg
EDINBURGH'S giant pandas have been in the city less than a day but there’s trouble already.
There are reports of a scuffle near the monkey house after Charlie the chimpanzee, a refugee from the now defunct Glasgow Zoo, said he couldn’t see what the fuss was with the Chinese newcomers. “It’s typical Edinburgh, all fur coat and no knickers,” said Charlie, who was wearing a natty pair of red trousers in preparation for the chimps’ tea party.
Yang Guang, the male panda, dismissed the comment as “the sort of radge rubbish you’d expect from a soap-dodging weegie”. Yang Guang, whose name translates as Sunshine, said he took exception also to the statement from the zoo director that the expense involved in the panda transaction was similar to the cost of a Hearts player.
He said: “I’m a Hibbie, no’ a Jambo. Likesay, I’m planning my own range of Sunshine On Leith merchandise. Top gadgie Irvine Welsh is ghosting my memoirs, Bamboo Corstorphine Nightmares. He will also be writing some of the scripts for the mating webcams.”
Female panda Tian Tian, speaking through her publicist, was quick to dissociate herself from the statement about the webcam sessions. Tian Tian, which means Sweetie, said: “He’s nothing but a layabout. For contractual reasons I will have to go through with the mating. Luckily, according to panda tradition, the male then leaves the female alone to raise the cub. I’m told it’s much the same down in Leith.”
Tian Tian’s publicist revealed that her client had concluded sponsorship deals with Jenners and Harvey Nicks for the furnishings in her panda pad at the zoo.
Relations between the pandas deteriorated further when Sunshine On Leith revealed in his column in the Edinburgh Evening News that Tian Tian is Mandarin for Nippy Sweetie.
Meanwhile, the zoo’s daily penguin parade has been disrupted by sit-in protests over the pandas being given top billing. The shop steward for the polar bears said there was widespread discontent and many of his members were saying they wished they had never left East Kilbride.
A spokesperson for Edinburgh Zoo said: “We are just relieved that Mr Shields has got to the end of this article without using the phrase ‘you’ll have had your bamboo’.”

:top marks

hibee92
05-12-2011, 04:58 PM
:faf::faf::faf:

SteveHFC
05-12-2011, 05:00 PM
:hilarious:hilarious

xyz23jc
06-12-2011, 01:48 PM
:top marks:greengrin