Nutsy's first session

[Mickey Edwards]

So how do you think the cones will be set out today ?.........possession, sprints, gym work, shooting, set plays ??

........or just a massive game of 20 a side with the youth team involved , first to 30 goals the winner.....what would you do ?

[Keith_M]

So how do you think the cones will be set out today ?.........possession, sprints, gym work, shooting, set plays ??

........or just a massive game of 20 a side with the youth team involved , first to 30 goals the winner.....what would you do ?


A swimming race for the first team, in the zoo beside the crocodiles.

[Andy74]

So how do you think the cones will be set out today ?.........possession, sprints, gym work, shooting, set plays ??

........or just a massive game of 20 a side with the youth team involved , first to 30 goals the winner.....what would you do ?

Sand dunes til they all puke their weekend bevvy.

[Groathillgrump]

Intensive training sessions on how to defend properly should be his first priority!

[The_Exile]

Boot every single one of them in the baws full force then shout at them in an army sergeant major tone "AHM THE F****** DADDY NOW AWRIGHT?" Then proceed to empty the jakeys and general bad influences on the team a la Mowbray with Brebner, no matter how well liked they are with the support, stamp your authority on the team straight away, no messing.

[CyberSauzee]

Nutsy's working on a new formation to help us start keeping clean sheets and build from the back. I heard it's a 10-0-0 when we're defending, reverting to an 8-1-1 when we have possession. He'll have us flying up the league in no time.

[Mickey Edwards]

Boot every single one of them in the baws full force then shout at them in an army sergeant major tone "AHM THE F****** DADDY NOW AWRIGHT?" Then proceed to empty the jakeys and general bad influences on the team a la Mowbray with Brebner, no matter how well liked they are with the support, stamp your authority on the team straight away, no messing.

:agree: I agree ; a nice arm-round -the -shoulder approach often pays dividends

[blackpoolhibs]

I heard the cones were set up in a 4-4-2 formation, and are leading 3-0 at half time.

[johnrebus]

Nutsy's working on a new formation to help us start keeping clean sheets and build from the back. I heard it's a 10-0-0 when we're defending, reverting to an 8-1-1 when we have possession. He'll have us flying up the league in no time.


Who let Levein in to our training ground, thats what I'd like to know?


:grr:

[DAVE1875]

Dock the wages of all that played in the game on Saturday. Then threaten to continue docking wages until they decide to pull their finger out and play at the level they are expected. If they threaten to leave, simply ask "Who will want you if you continue playing as rubbish as you have?"

[woodyloon]

I hope his first question was to ask any player who does not want to be there to go home, and the ones who stay should then be offered 30% of there wages guaranteed and the rest paid only if they win or draw or even a more realistic offer would be if they could just try and look like professional football players, and not some bunch of Sunday pub league players.

Then he should arrange a game against the under 19's and whatever team win becomes the 1st team squad. (my money would be on the under 19's winning comfortably)

[Franck is God]

I hope they are made to watch DVD's of the last few games and have everything they did wrong pointed out to them and what they will be working on going forward to improve things

Then some serious fitness conditioning has to be done while the weather and pitches at the training centre is still good enough to do it. The slackers will be easy to identify.

[JoeT_WasTheBest]

He should get the six-pack out.

[Pretty Boy]

He should get the six-pack out.

The only six packs at East Mains contain cans of Tennents.

[hibs0666]

He should get the six-pack out.

Do you think hair o' the dug works like?

[Gatecrasher]

I heard the cones were set up in a 4-4-2 formation, and are leading 3-0 at half time.

:tee hee:

[bingo70]

I think the first thing he needs to try and do is build their confidence and get them enjoying football again, its a clean slate with a new manager so I hope he isn't hard on them and they have a good fun session they all enjoy.

I then hope that as soon as someone crosses him he makes sure they know it'll be the last time and if there's no improvement come Friday nights game I hope he absolutely destroys them next week

[Disc O'Dave]

Boot every single one of them in the baws full force then shout at them in an army sergeant major tone "AHM THE F****** DADDY NOW AWRIGHT?" Then proceed to empty the jakeys and general bad influences on the team a la Mowbray with Brebner, no matter how well liked they are with the support, stamp your authority on the team straight away, no messing.

Ah, that's why he's called "Nutsy" then.....

[Speedway]

Dock the wages of all that played in the game on Saturday. Then threaten to continue docking wages until they decide to pull their finger out and play at the level they are expected. If they threaten to leave, simply ask "Who will want you if you continue playing as rubbish as you have?"

Just dock them full stop. Then send them out to the local job centre and make them apply for factory floor jobs, then take them to a homeless shelter and make them scrub floors, then send them on a run south and tell them just to keep on running.

Then tell SL that you've lost your players and need some new ones please.

[ALF TUPPER]

Double training sessions - get them in, in the afternoon

[Cropley10]

Double training sessions - get them in, in the afternoon

But won't they be round to Rod's house by Friday? :devil:

[.Sean.]

If I was in charge of that bunch of slackers they'd be at Gullane beach and ran into the ground.

[Golden Bear]

If I was in charge of that bunch of slackers they'd be at Gullane beach and ran into the ground.

Well said Jock

:wink:

[HNA6]

If I was in charge of that bunch of slackers they'd be at Gullane beach and ran into the SEA.My preferred option ..:agree:

[yekimevol]

But won't they be round to Rod's house by Friday? :devil:

that was a successful team that had a leg to stand on. this bunch dont have anything. :stirrer:

[blackpoolhibs]

that was a successful team that had a leg to stand on. this bunch dont have anything. :stirrer:

Not true, most have 2 left feet.

[Kaiser1962]

that was a successful team that had a leg to stand on. this bunch dont have anything. :stirrer:



A couple of days later they didn't. :whistle:

[Dashing Bob S]

Heard that Scott will never kick a ball again after stacking the new manager with the traffic cones.

[Mickey Edwards]

Personally I'd get everyone in the club, directors, players, cleaners, security , catering , office staff and coaches and have a massive game of goalie-rush in Pilrig Park all day with a bouncy castle and burger van so the families can come. After that I'd take the entire first team squad to the Jinglin' Geordie and we'd all get leathered in full view of the Edinburgh meeja. We need the feelgood factor back at the club.
Carlsberg don't do first days at work , but if they did.....

[steakbake]

Well? Anyone know on authority how it went?

[frazeHFC]

I heard the cones were set up in a 4-4-2 formation, and are leading 3-0 at half time. :hilarious

[Dashing Bob S]

Heard it started off at the Rutland and ended up in Tiger Lilly's.

[Sergeant Hibs]

Give hussein bolt a call and get him to chase them all round the pitch with a fly swatter

[Wotherspiniesta]

So how do you think the cones will be set out today ?.........possession, sprints, gym work, shooting, set plays ??

........or just a massive game of 20 a side with the youth team involved , first to 30 goals the winner.....what would you do ?

A squad of 26 (3 GK'S)


An early morning rise, everyone to report to East Mains by 9am sharp. Anyone who's not there on time gets fired.

Breathalyser for all players. Anyone failing will be immediately fired and sent back home.

A nutriotional breakfast for our early risers informing them of the events of the day ahead. Breakfast should last no longer than 20 minutes.

1) Gym work. Gentle workout for half an hour, flexing joints, building muscle. Nothing overtaxing, simply warming them up. Anyone caught trying to bench their own body weight will be punished and anyone refusing to take part gets fired

2) Start off with an hour of cardio. Shuttle runs and then the bleep test.

a player will be fired if:
a) They are the first or 2nd to quit
b) a player refuses to take part

a player will be rewarded if:
a)They are the winner of the bleep test

10 minute interlude to catch their breath

3) Passing. 3 groups of 8 players, one touch, each passing to a different player each time, calling the players name before passing the ball. Including all 24 remaining players. Goalies will be allowed 4 misplaced passes. Passing must be sharp and incisive and anyone caught playing trundling slow passes will by punished. one coach who will watch a group of 8. A coach each picks a player who they feel had the best passing skills. And his name will be mooted to the the manager for a reward later. First 2 to misplace 2 passes get fired. A player will be fired if he refuses to take part.

4) Defending crosses/ crossing the ball.

Defenders: Palsson, Stephens, O'Hanlon, Hanlon, Booth, Murray, Hart, Towell, Wotherspoon, Sodje, Smith, Taggart, Stack, Brown, Antell.
Forwards: Galbraith, Griffiths, Osbourne, Scott, Thornhill, Stevenson, Sproule, Welsh, O'Connor, Crawford, Agogo.

Forwards each get 30 opportunities to cross the ball into the box where 3 defenders and a goakeeper line up. One in the centre of goal, one at the front post and one at the back. Each defender indicated will get 30 attempts at being on the defending side. Goalkeepers getting more attempts than the outfield players as this should be nothing more than catching practice for them.

A player is fired if:
a) The cross fails to beat the 1st man on 7 or more occasions.
b) The ball is beyond the reach of the man at the back post on 7 or more ocassions.
c) The defending player fails to clear the ball at least 15 yards with a free header/clearance.
d) A goalkeeper spills a cross which he has shouted for.
e) A goalkeeper chooses to punch and can't clear the the 20 yard mark.
f) Any own goals.
g) breakdowns in communication between goalkeeper and defender.
h) a player refuses to take part

a player will be punished if:
a) a cross fails to beat the first man or 3 or more occasions.
b) a cross goes beyond the last man on 3 or more occasions.
c) a A defending player fails to clear the ball at least 20 yards with a free header/clearance.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) all crossed balls clear the first man without going over the head of the last man.





A break for lunch. Lunch will take place between 12 and 2pm in order to let the body recover fully. Players can spend their lunch at East Mains, which will provide them with various meals, each meal desgined on a healthy, balanced diet, with a vegan option. Anyone caught sneeking off to McDonalds or wandering off premises will be fired. Players do not have the use of the games room. Anyone found to be playing call of duty will be fired.




2pm: Afternoon session begins.

5) Shooting pratice. Each of the outfield players will take it in turns to test Stack, Brown, or Antell. Each player will be given a ball and each will be given 20 shots on their stronger foot and 25 shots on their weaker foot. Each shot will consist of the following:

Step 1) Players will be gathered in single file at either corner flag, facing away from the goal they are shooting towards.

Step 2) a coach will be positioned, on the corner of the edge of each box. (right side of the box if the player is taking a left footed shot and right side of the box if a player is taking a left footed shot)

step 3) 2 cones will be lined up, 10 yards before the half way line, seperated by 10 yards in distance.

Step 4) at the sound of the coaches whistle, the player will run towards the half line, dribbling round the cone nearest to them, then dribbling back towards goal. The player will then pass to the coach who will lay it on a plate at the edge of the box for the shooting foot depending on which corner flag they have ran from. (again, players running from the right corner flag as they face away from goal, will be shotting with their left foot, and vice versa)

A player/goalie will be fired if:
a) one of the 45 attempts comes close to hitting the corner flag.
b) 15 of the 45 attempts are off target
c) a player dribbles round the wrong cone.
d) a player attempting to dribble round the cone crosses the half way line.
e) a player falls over whilst dribbling with the ball.
f) a player passes to the wrong coach.
g) a goalie fails to save at least 5 of the 45 attempts
h) a player refuses to take part.

A player/goalie will be punished if:
a) 10 of the 45 attempts are off target.
b) a cone is knocked over.
c) a goalie fails to save at least 10 of the 45 shots on target.

a player/goalie will be rewarded if
a) 35 or more of the 45 attempts end in a goal.
b) a goalie makes 35 or more saves. Shots off target do not count.

6) More dribbling. 30 cones will be set up at various points around the pitch, each marked 1 to 30. All players will be allowed to dribble with their strongest foot on the first occasion. Running with the ball on their strongest foot, the player will make his way towards cone number one. At that point the coach will shout the number of the next cone in a random order, making sure each player has dribbled round all cones marked 1 to 30. The player will be timed and will then be told to dribble this time on their weaker foot. The same random order will be shouted out by the onlooking coach. The player will be timed.

On this occasion a player will be fired if:
a) More than 4 cones are knocked over.
b) The player has the slowest time of all the remaining players, either on their weaker or stronger foot.
c) A player takes at least twice as long to complete the session on their weaker foot than they did with their stronger foot.
d) a player refuses to take part

A player will be punished if:
a) more than 2 cones are knocked over.
b) A player is loud mouthed whilst waiting their turn.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) they completed the fastest time on their stronger foot, without knocking any cones over
b) they completed the fastest time on their weaker foot, without knocking any cones over.

Whilst this is taking place, each remaining goalkeeper will be practicing catching crosses. 100 crosses a piece.

goalkeepers will be fired if:
a) the drop more than 25 crosses
b) they refuse to take part

goalkeepers will be punished if:
a) they drop more than 15 crosses

goalkeepers will be rewarded if:
a) they catch all but 5 crosses or less.


7) Those brave players and goalkeepers who still remain to this point will be doing muscle stretching. 50 start jumps, 50 press ups and 50 sit ups.

players will be fired if:
a)they fail to finish all 150 simple tasks.
b) they refuse to take part

8) Those left will now be on a punsihment/reward ratio. For each player who has been punished on each individual task, they will be forced to do one lap of East Mains. EG. If they've been punished 3 times and rewarded once they will have to do 2 laps etc. If a player has finished with as many punisments as rewards, the player is free to go home.Those who have finished with a reward on each task will be rewarded with a contract extentsion of a year. Eg, if a player has recieved no punishments and 3 rewards, he will be rewarded with a 3 year contract etc.



Once this is done all remaining players can shower and leave. Anyone who shows up the next day without bitching gets to start against Motherwell.

[Northumberland Hibee]

A squad of 26 (3 GK'S)


An early morning rise, everyone to report to East Mains by 9am sharp. Anyone who's not there on time gets fired.

Breathalyser for all players. Anyone failing will be immediately fired and sent back home.

A nutriotional breakfast for our early risers informing them of the events of the day ahead. Breakfast should last no longer than 20 minutes.

1) Gym work. Gentle workout for half an hour, flexing joints, building muscle. Nothing overtaxing, simply warming them up. Anyone caught trying to bench their own body weight will be punished and anyone refusing to take part gets fired

2) Start off with an hour of cardio. Shuttle runs and then the bleep test.

a player will be fired if:
a) They are the first or 2nd to quit
b) a player refuses to take part

a player will be rewarded if:
a)They are the winner of the bleep test

10 minute interlude to catch their breath

3) Passing. 3 groups of 8 players, one touch, each passing to a different player each time, calling the players name before passing the ball. Including all 24 remaining players. Goalies will be allowed 4 misplaced passes. Passing must be sharp and incisive and anyone caught playing trundling slow passes will by punished. one coach who will watch a group of 8. A coach each picks a player who they feel had the best passing skills. And his name will be mooted to the the manager for a reward later. First 2 to misplace 2 passes get fired. A player will be fired if he refuses to take part.

4) Defending crosses/ crossing the ball.

Defenders: Palsson, Stephens, O'Hanlon, Hanlon, Booth, Murray, Hart, Towell, Wotherspoon, Sodje, Smith, Taggart, Stack, Brown, Antell.
Forwards: Galbraith, Griffiths, Osbourne, Scott, Thornhill, Stevenson, Sproule, Welsh, O'Connor, Crawford, Agogo.

Forwards each get 30 opportunities to cross the ball into the box where 3 defenders and a goakeeper line up. One in the centre of goal, one at the front post and one at the back. Each defender indicated will get 30 attempts at being on the defending side. Goalkeepers getting more attempts than the outfield players as this should be nothing more than catching practice for them.

A player is fired if:
a) The cross fails to beat the 1st man on 7 or more occasions.
b) The ball is beyond the reach of the man at the back post on 7 or more ocassions.
c) The defending player fails to clear the ball at least 15 yards with a free header/clearance.
d) A goalkeeper spills a cross which he has shouted for.
e) A goalkeeper chooses to punch and can't clear the the 20 yard mark.
f) Any own goals.
g) breakdowns in communication between goalkeeper and defender.
h) a player refuses to take part

a player will be punished if:
a) a cross fails to beat the first man or 3 or more occasions.
b) a cross goes beyond the last man on 3 or more occasions.
c) a A defending player fails to clear the ball at least 20 yards with a free header/clearance.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) all crossed balls clear the first man without going over the head of the last man.





A break for lunch. Lunch will take place between 12 and 2pm in order to let the body recover fully. Players can spend their lunch at East Mains, which will provide them with various meals, each meal desgined on a healthy, balanced diet, with a vegan option. Anyone caught sneeking off to McDonalds or wandering off premises will be fired. Players do not have the use of the games room. Anyone found to be playing call of duty will be fired.




2pm: Afternoon session begins.

5) Shooting pratice. Each of the outfield players will take it in turns to test Stack, Brown, or Antell. Each player will be given a ball and each will be given 20 shots on their stronger foot and 25 shots on their weaker foot. Each shot will consist of the following:

Step 1) Players will be gathered in single file at either corner flag, facing away from the goal they are shooting towards.

Step 2) a coach will be positioned, on the corner of the edge of each box. (right side of the box if the player is taking a left footed shot and right side of the box if a player is taking a left footed shot)

step 3) 2 cones will be lined up, 10 yards before the half way line, seperated by 10 yards in distance.

Step 4) at the sound of the coaches whistle, the player will run towards the half line, dribbling round the cone nearest to them, then dribbling back towards goal. The player will then pass to the coach who will lay it on a plate at the edge of the box for the shooting foot depending on which corner flag they have ran from. (again, players running from the right corner flag as they face away from goal, will be shotting with their left foot, and vice versa)

A player/goalie will be fired if:
a) one of the 45 attempts comes close to hitting the corner flag.
b) 15 of the 45 attempts are off target
c) a player dribbles round the wrong cone.
d) a player attempting to dribble round the cone crosses the half way line.
e) a player falls over whilst dribbling with the ball.
f) a player passes to the wrong coach.
g) a goalie fails to save at least 5 of the 45 attempts
h) a player refuses to take part.

A player/goalie will be punished if:
a) 10 of the 45 attempts are off target.
b) a cone is knocked over.
c) a goalie fails to save at least 10 of the 45 shots on target.

a player/goalie will be rewarded if
a) 35 or more of the 45 attempts end in a goal.
b) a goalie makes 35 or more saves. Shots off target do not count.

6) More dribbling. 30 cones will be set up at various points around the pitch, each marked 1 to 30. All players will be allowed to dribble with their strongest foot on the first occasion. Running with the ball on their strongest foot, the player will make his way towards cone number one. At that point the coach will shout the number of the next cone in a random order, making sure each player has dribbled round all cones marked 1 to 30. The player will be timed and will then be told to dribble this time on their weaker foot. The same random order will be shouted out by the onlooking coach. The player will be timed.

On this occasion a player will be fired if:
a) More than 4 cones are knocked over.
b) The player has the slowest time of all the remaining players, either on their weaker or stronger foot.
c) A player takes at least twice as long to complete the session on their weaker foot than they did with their stronger foot.
d) a player refuses to take part

A player will be punished if:
a) more than 2 cones are knocked over.
b) A player is loud mouthed whilst waiting their turn.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) they completed the fastest time on their stronger foot, without knocking any cones over
b) they completed the fastest time on their weaker foot, without knocking any cones over.

Whilst this is taking place, each remaining goalkeeper will be practicing catching crosses. 100 crosses a piece.

goalkeepers will be fired if:
a) the drop more than 25 crosses
b) they refuse to take part

goalkeepers will be punished if:
a) they drop more than 15 crosses

goalkeepers will be rewarded if:
a) they catch all but 5 crosses or less.


7) Those brave players and goalkeepers who still remain to this point will be doing muscle stretching. 50 start jumps, 50 press ups and 50 sit ups.

players will be fired if:
a)they fail to finish all 150 simple tasks.
b) they refuse to take part

8) Those left will now be on a punsihment/reward ratio. For each player who has been punished on each individual task, they will be forced to do one lap of East Mains. EG. If they've been punished 3 times and rewarded once they will have to do 2 laps etc. If a player has finished with as many punisments as rewards, the player is free to go home.Those who have finished with a reward on each task will be rewarded with a contract extentsion of a year. Eg, if a player has recieved no punishments and 3 rewards, he will be rewarded with a 3 year contract etc.



Once this is done all remaining players can shower and leave. Anyone who shows up the next day without bitching gets to start against Motherwell.

I'm guessing you've given this a bit of thought!!! :not worth

[Irish_Steve]

A squad of 26 (3 GK'S)


An early morning rise, everyone to report to East Mains by 9am sharp. Anyone who's not there on time gets fired.

Breathalyser for all players. Anyone failing will be immediately fired and sent back home.

A nutriotional breakfast for our early risers informing them of the events of the day ahead. Breakfast should last no longer than 20 minutes.

1) Gym work. Gentle workout for half an hour, flexing joints, building muscle. Nothing overtaxing, simply warming them up. Anyone caught trying to bench their own body weight will be punished and anyone refusing to take part gets fired

2) Start off with an hour of cardio. Shuttle runs and then the bleep test.

a player will be fired if:
a) They are the first or 2nd to quit
b) a player refuses to take part

a player will be rewarded if:
a)They are the winner of the bleep test

10 minute interlude to catch their breath

3) Passing. 3 groups of 8 players, one touch, each passing to a different player each time, calling the players name before passing the ball. Including all 24 remaining players. Goalies will be allowed 4 misplaced passes. Passing must be sharp and incisive and anyone caught playing trundling slow passes will by punished. one coach who will watch a group of 8. A coach each picks a player who they feel had the best passing skills. And his name will be mooted to the the manager for a reward later. First 2 to misplace 2 passes get fired. A player will be fired if he refuses to take part.

4) Defending crosses/ crossing the ball.

Defenders: Palsson, Stephens, O'Hanlon, Hanlon, Booth, Murray, Hart, Towell, Wotherspoon, Sodje, Smith, Taggart, Stack, Brown, Antell.
Forwards: Galbraith, Griffiths, Osbourne, Scott, Thornhill, Stevenson, Sproule, Welsh, O'Connor, Crawford, Agogo.

Forwards each get 30 opportunities to cross the ball into the box where 3 defenders and a goakeeper line up. One in the centre of goal, one at the front post and one at the back. Each defender indicated will get 30 attempts at being on the defending side. Goalkeepers getting more attempts than the outfield players as this should be nothing more than catching practice for them.

A player is fired if:
a) The cross fails to beat the 1st man on 7 or more occasions.
b) The ball is beyond the reach of the man at the back post on 7 or more ocassions.
c) The defending player fails to clear the ball at least 15 yards with a free header/clearance.
d) A goalkeeper spills a cross which he has shouted for.
e) A goalkeeper chooses to punch and can't clear the the 20 yard mark.
f) Any own goals.
g) breakdowns in communication between goalkeeper and defender.
h) a player refuses to take part

a player will be punished if:
a) a cross fails to beat the first man or 3 or more occasions.
b) a cross goes beyond the last man on 3 or more occasions.
c) a A defending player fails to clear the ball at least 20 yards with a free header/clearance.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) all crossed balls clear the first man without going over the head of the last man.





A break for lunch. Lunch will take place between 12 and 2pm in order to let the body recover fully. Players can spend their lunch at East Mains, which will provide them with various meals, each meal desgined on a healthy, balanced diet, with a vegan option. Anyone caught sneeking off to McDonalds or wandering off premises will be fired. Players do not have the use of the games room. Anyone found to be playing call of duty will be fired.




2pm: Afternoon session begins.

5) Shooting pratice. Each of the outfield players will take it in turns to test Stack, Brown, or Antell. Each player will be given a ball and each will be given 20 shots on their stronger foot and 25 shots on their weaker foot. Each shot will consist of the following:

Step 1) Players will be gathered in single file at either corner flag, facing away from the goal they are shooting towards.

Step 2) a coach will be positioned, on the corner of the edge of each box. (right side of the box if the player is taking a left footed shot and right side of the box if a player is taking a left footed shot)

step 3) 2 cones will be lined up, 10 yards before the half way line, seperated by 10 yards in distance.

Step 4) at the sound of the coaches whistle, the player will run towards the half line, dribbling round the cone nearest to them, then dribbling back towards goal. The player will then pass to the coach who will lay it on a plate at the edge of the box for the shooting foot depending on which corner flag they have ran from. (again, players running from the right corner flag as they face away from goal, will be shotting with their left foot, and vice versa)

A player/goalie will be fired if:
a) one of the 45 attempts comes close to hitting the corner flag.
b) 15 of the 45 attempts are off target
c) a player dribbles round the wrong cone.
d) a player attempting to dribble round the cone crosses the half way line.
e) a player falls over whilst dribbling with the ball.
f) a player passes to the wrong coach.
g) a goalie fails to save at least 5 of the 45 attempts
h) a player refuses to take part.

A player/goalie will be punished if:
a) 10 of the 45 attempts are off target.
b) a cone is knocked over.
c) a goalie fails to save at least 10 of the 45 shots on target.

a player/goalie will be rewarded if
a) 35 or more of the 45 attempts end in a goal.
b) a goalie makes 35 or more saves. Shots off target do not count.

6) More dribbling. 30 cones will be set up at various points around the pitch, each marked 1 to 30. All players will be allowed to dribble with their strongest foot on the first occasion. Running with the ball on their strongest foot, the player will make his way towards cone number one. At that point the coach will shout the number of the next cone in a random order, making sure each player has dribbled round all cones marked 1 to 30. The player will be timed and will then be told to dribble this time on their weaker foot. The same random order will be shouted out by the onlooking coach. The player will be timed.

On this occasion a player will be fired if:
a) More than 4 cones are knocked over.
b) The player has the slowest time of all the remaining players, either on their weaker or stronger foot.
c) A player takes at least twice as long to complete the session on their weaker foot than they did with their stronger foot.
d) a player refuses to take part

A player will be punished if:
a) more than 2 cones are knocked over.
b) A player is loud mouthed whilst waiting their turn.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) they completed the fastest time on their stronger foot, without knocking any cones over
b) they completed the fastest time on their weaker foot, without knocking any cones over.

Whilst this is taking place, each remaining goalkeeper will be practicing catching crosses. 100 crosses a piece.

goalkeepers will be fired if:
a) the drop more than 25 crosses
b) they refuse to take part

goalkeepers will be punished if:
a) they drop more than 15 crosses

goalkeepers will be rewarded if:
a) they catch all but 5 crosses or less.


7) Those brave players and goalkeepers who still remain to this point will be doing muscle stretching. 50 start jumps, 50 press ups and 50 sit ups.

players will be fired if:
a)they fail to finish all 150 simple tasks.
b) they refuse to take part

8) Those left will now be on a punsihment/reward ratio. For each player who has been punished on each individual task, they will be forced to do one lap of East Mains. EG. If they've been punished 3 times and rewarded once they will have to do 2 laps etc. If a player has finished with as many punisments as rewards, the player is free to go home.Those who have finished with a reward on each task will be rewarded with a contract extentsion of a year. Eg, if a player has recieved no punishments and 3 rewards, he will be rewarded with a 3 year contract etc.



Once this is done all remaining players can shower and leave. Anyone who shows up the next day without bitching gets to start against Motherwell.


Our lot would be blowing oot their erse`s just reading that - and that`s the ones who can read

[Andy74]

I know Palsson was golfing this afternoon so there was no afternoon session.

[RickyS]

I heard the cones were set up in a 4-4-2 formation, and are leading 3-0 at half time.

:faf::faf::faf:

superb! made me choke on a cup of tea

[SteveHFC]

I heard the cones were set up in a 4-4-2 formation, and are leading 3-0 at half time.

:faf:

[calumb]

A squad of 26 (3 GK'S)


An early morning rise, everyone to report to East Mains by 9am sharp. Anyone who's not there on time gets fired.

Breathalyser for all players. Anyone failing will be immediately fired and sent back home.

A nutriotional breakfast for our early risers informing them of the events of the day ahead. Breakfast should last no longer than 20 minutes.

1) Gym work. Gentle workout for half an hour, flexing joints, building muscle. Nothing overtaxing, simply warming them up. Anyone caught trying to bench their own body weight will be punished and anyone refusing to take part gets fired

2) Start off with an hour of cardio. Shuttle runs and then the bleep test.

a player will be fired if:
a) They are the first or 2nd to quit
b) a player refuses to take part

a player will be rewarded if:
a)They are the winner of the bleep test

10 minute interlude to catch their breath

3) Passing. 3 groups of 8 players, one touch, each passing to a different player each time, calling the players name before passing the ball. Including all 24 remaining players. Goalies will be allowed 4 misplaced passes. Passing must be sharp and incisive and anyone caught playing trundling slow passes will by punished. one coach who will watch a group of 8. A coach each picks a player who they feel had the best passing skills. And his name will be mooted to the the manager for a reward later. First 2 to misplace 2 passes get fired. A player will be fired if he refuses to take part.

4) Defending crosses/ crossing the ball.

Defenders: Palsson, Stephens, O'Hanlon, Hanlon, Booth, Murray, Hart, Towell, Wotherspoon, Sodje, Smith, Taggart, Stack, Brown, Antell.
Forwards: Galbraith, Griffiths, Osbourne, Scott, Thornhill, Stevenson, Sproule, Welsh, O'Connor, Crawford, Agogo.

Forwards each get 30 opportunities to cross the ball into the box where 3 defenders and a goakeeper line up. One in the centre of goal, one at the front post and one at the back. Each defender indicated will get 30 attempts at being on the defending side. Goalkeepers getting more attempts than the outfield players as this should be nothing more than catching practice for them.

A player is fired if:
a) The cross fails to beat the 1st man on 7 or more occasions.
b) The ball is beyond the reach of the man at the back post on 7 or more ocassions.
c) The defending player fails to clear the ball at least 15 yards with a free header/clearance.
d) A goalkeeper spills a cross which he has shouted for.
e) A goalkeeper chooses to punch and can't clear the the 20 yard mark.
f) Any own goals.
g) breakdowns in communication between goalkeeper and defender.
h) a player refuses to take part

a player will be punished if:
a) a cross fails to beat the first man or 3 or more occasions.
b) a cross goes beyond the last man on 3 or more occasions.
c) a A defending player fails to clear the ball at least 20 yards with a free header/clearance.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) all crossed balls clear the first man without going over the head of the last man.





A break for lunch. Lunch will take place between 12 and 2pm in order to let the body recover fully. Players can spend their lunch at East Mains, which will provide them with various meals, each meal desgined on a healthy, balanced diet, with a vegan option. Anyone caught sneeking off to McDonalds or wandering off premises will be fired. Players do not have the use of the games room. Anyone found to be playing call of duty will be fired.




2pm: Afternoon session begins.

5) Shooting pratice. Each of the outfield players will take it in turns to test Stack, Brown, or Antell. Each player will be given a ball and each will be given 20 shots on their stronger foot and 25 shots on their weaker foot. Each shot will consist of the following:

Step 1) Players will be gathered in single file at either corner flag, facing away from the goal they are shooting towards.

Step 2) a coach will be positioned, on the corner of the edge of each box. (right side of the box if the player is taking a left footed shot and right side of the box if a player is taking a left footed shot)

step 3) 2 cones will be lined up, 10 yards before the half way line, seperated by 10 yards in distance.

Step 4) at the sound of the coaches whistle, the player will run towards the half line, dribbling round the cone nearest to them, then dribbling back towards goal. The player will then pass to the coach who will lay it on a plate at the edge of the box for the shooting foot depending on which corner flag they have ran from. (again, players running from the right corner flag as they face away from goal, will be shotting with their left foot, and vice versa)

A player/goalie will be fired if:
a) one of the 45 attempts comes close to hitting the corner flag.
b) 15 of the 45 attempts are off target
c) a player dribbles round the wrong cone.
d) a player attempting to dribble round the cone crosses the half way line.
e) a player falls over whilst dribbling with the ball.
f) a player passes to the wrong coach.
g) a goalie fails to save at least 5 of the 45 attempts
h) a player refuses to take part.

A player/goalie will be punished if:
a) 10 of the 45 attempts are off target.
b) a cone is knocked over.
c) a goalie fails to save at least 10 of the 45 shots on target.

a player/goalie will be rewarded if
a) 35 or more of the 45 attempts end in a goal.
b) a goalie makes 35 or more saves. Shots off target do not count.

6) More dribbling. 30 cones will be set up at various points around the pitch, each marked 1 to 30. All players will be allowed to dribble with their strongest foot on the first occasion. Running with the ball on their strongest foot, the player will make his way towards cone number one. At that point the coach will shout the number of the next cone in a random order, making sure each player has dribbled round all cones marked 1 to 30. The player will be timed and will then be told to dribble this time on their weaker foot. The same random order will be shouted out by the onlooking coach. The player will be timed.

On this occasion a player will be fired if:
a) More than 4 cones are knocked over.
b) The player has the slowest time of all the remaining players, either on their weaker or stronger foot.
c) A player takes at least twice as long to complete the session on their weaker foot than they did with their stronger foot.
d) a player refuses to take part

A player will be punished if:
a) more than 2 cones are knocked over.
b) A player is loud mouthed whilst waiting their turn.

a player will be rewarded if:
a) they completed the fastest time on their stronger foot, without knocking any cones over
b) they completed the fastest time on their weaker foot, without knocking any cones over.

Whilst this is taking place, each remaining goalkeeper will be practicing catching crosses. 100 crosses a piece.

goalkeepers will be fired if:
a) the drop more than 25 crosses
b) they refuse to take part

goalkeepers will be punished if:
a) they drop more than 15 crosses

goalkeepers will be rewarded if:
a) they catch all but 5 crosses or less.


7) Those brave players and goalkeepers who still remain to this point will be doing muscle stretching. 50 start jumps, 50 press ups and 50 sit ups.

players will be fired if:
a)they fail to finish all 150 simple tasks.
b) they refuse to take part

8) Those left will now be on a punsihment/reward ratio. For each player who has been punished on each individual task, they will be forced to do one lap of East Mains. EG. If they've been punished 3 times and rewarded once they will have to do 2 laps etc. If a player has finished with as many punisments as rewards, the player is free to go home.Those who have finished with a reward on each task will be rewarded with a contract extentsion of a year. Eg, if a player has recieved no punishments and 3 rewards, he will be rewarded with a 3 year contract etc.



Once this is done all remaining players can shower and leave. Anyone who shows up the next day without bitching gets to start against Motherwell.

well that probably the whole first team squad fired then, anyone left is still doing laps of East Mains

[PaulSmith]

I know Palsson was golfing this afternoon so there was no afternoon session.

Same guy that said he'd work hard to get back into squad... Liverpool game on Sunday, 9 hour round drive and then game of golf this afternoon.

Maybe harsh to pick on Pallson here but talk is cheap IMO and you've got to walk the walk

[007 Mickey Weir]

I hope his first question was to ask any player who does not want to be there to go home, and the ones who stay should then be offered 30% of there wages guaranteed and the rest paid only if they win or draw or even a more realistic offer would be if they could just try and look like professional football players, and not some bunch of Sunday pub league players.

Then he should arrange a game against the under 19's and whatever team win becomes the 1st team squad. (my money would be on the under 19's winning comfortably)


Would love this to happen. They should all be competitive and playing against a younger winning team will be a big challenge.

[PISTOL1875]

Surely firing them if they are first or second to quit the bleep test is a tad harsh ???

[Wotherspiniesta]

Surely firing them if they are first or second to quit the bleep test is a tad harsh ???

Nope!

[Gerard]

But won't they be round to Rod's house by Friday? :devil:

Dont allow them to use the team bus to get to matches, make them train on public parks with """ poo, dont pay wages until they start winning games. :greengrin
g

[Andy74]

Same guy that said he'd work hard to get back into squad... Liverpool game on Sunday, 9 hour round drive and then game of golf this afternoon.

Maybe harsh to pick on Pallson here but talk is cheap IMO and you've got to walk the walk

Correct!