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View Full Version : Write the Hibernian FC sales pitch



Spike Mandela
13-05-2011, 11:08 AM
On another thread I was tounge in cheek when I posted the Hibs sales pitch......

"We have no money, we don't play attractive football, we don't challenge in any competition, we will generally only sign Bosmans unless we can negotiate 150 k deals or less to get a player, we will not pay a high wage for a star player, if we rear a good player we will sell as soon as his value peaks, we will let other teams pass us off the park, our manager lacks any kind of infectious charisma, we will change our manager every 18 months, we will contrive to lose to our bitter rivals as often as possible, we will keep comments from the board to a minimum and generally strive to make Hibernian football club the most BORING on the planet......now give us your £400"

So, I was wondering if anyone could write a sales pich for Rod (either genuine or comedic) that might perhaps persuade the waverers to part with their hard earned cash and get therselves down to ER.

Sammy7nil
13-05-2011, 11:29 AM
On another thread I was tounge in cheek when I posted the Hibs sales pitch......

"We have no money, we don't play attractive football, we don't challenge in any competition, we will generally only sign Bosmans unless we can negotiate 150 k deals or less to get a player, we will not pay a high wage for a star player, if we rear a good player we will sell as soon as his value peaks, we will let other teams pass us off the park, our manager lacks any kind of infectious charisma, we will change our manager every 18 months, we will contrive to lose to our bitter rivals as often as possible, we will keep comments from the board to a minimum and generally strive to make Hibernian football club the most BORING on the planet......now give us your £400"

So, I was wondering if anyone could write a sales pich for Rod (either genuine or comedic) that might perhaps persuade the waverers to part with their hard earned cash and get therselves down to ER.

I have signed up :greengrin

heretoday
13-05-2011, 11:38 AM
"There is a barry football team...."

Get yourself down to Easter Road where you will encounter Leith's Finest.

We have a long and illustrious history, not just as a football club, but as a force in the local community of Leith - an ancient port close to Edinburgh.

RIP
13-05-2011, 12:07 PM
Are you a fan of fine, attacking football? Do you revel in the flair of the finest exponents of the beautiful game - George Best, Johann Cruyff, Pele? Do you like to see a team play with 100% commitment, courage and a never-say-die attitude? Do you want to enjoy regular sporting success, see your team win trophies, compete at the top end of the league and enjoy European Travel?

No?

Don't worry. We've got the perfect alternative! For just £40 a month you can meet your mates in a smelly Leith pub, walk over broken pavements full of dog dirt to our Family Home, enjoy an overpriced slice of pizza, climb 40 stairs to your seat in our new East Stand, regularly watch your team getting beat by bottom 6 SPL teams, wait fifteen minutes to get back out onto the streets and then slope off home avoiding Sportscene, radio programmes and newspaper back pages before doing it all again in 2 weeks time

Cocaine&Caviar
13-05-2011, 12:11 PM
We have the best stadium outside Glasgow, featuring no Bigotry

Last season we've seen the biggest crowds at times for years

Theres some exciting young prospects in the squad, Palsson, Booth, Hanlon & Wotherspoon

We have a more than competetive wage budget with our immediate rivals Utd, Well, Adn etc

Things can surely only get better than last season

We have a manager who although is restrained in his public image, does come across as a dribbling idiot who loves the limelight.

sambajustice
13-05-2011, 02:39 PM
"Help!"

iwasthere1972
13-05-2011, 02:51 PM
We have the best stadium outside Glasgow, featuring no Bigotry

Last season we've seen the biggest crowds at times for years

Theres some exciting young prospects in the squad, Palsson, Booth, Hanlon & Wotherspoon

We have a more than competetive wage budget with our immediate rivals Utd, Well, Adn etc

Things can surely only get better than last season

We have a manager who although is restrained in his public image, does come across as a dribbling idiot who loves the limelight.

If me and Theo can agree an equity share of 60% (30% each-we dinnae want to be greedy) then you have a deal. Otherwise I'm out.

Geo_1875
13-05-2011, 04:00 PM
Tesco or ER?
You know it makes sense!!!

PC Stamp
13-05-2011, 04:09 PM
Come watch a team in transition, a team building for the future .....

Ooops that was last season's pitch. And the year before, and the year before and .....

:wink:

Jones28
13-05-2011, 04:26 PM
Do you hate shopping at Fort Kinaird on a Saturday? Are looking for an alternative to church/children/formula 1/family days out/going to see the in-laws?

We at Hibernian FC have the perfect solution!

What will £40 a month get you?

As well as alternative to the above, you have the opportunity to get pished and shout abuse at people you have never spoken to in a half empty stadium!
Enjoy the extra legroom because the season ticket holders that usually sit infront of you didnt bother turning up!

1two
13-05-2011, 04:36 PM
Do you hate shopping at Fort Kinaird on a Saturday? Are looking for an alternative to church/children/formula 1/family days out/going to see the in-laws?

We at Hibernian FC have the perfect solution!

What will £40 a month get you?

As well as alternative to the above, you have the opportunity to get pished and shout abuse at people you have never spoken to in a half empty stadium!
Enjoy the extra legroom because the season ticket holders that usually sit infront of you didnt bother turning up!

:greengrin

For an extra £50 a month, upgrade to our Family Package allowing you to bring the kids along. Let them try some of the finest cuisine in the SPL, including the world famous half Pizza slice drowned in brown sauce.

Jones28
13-05-2011, 04:44 PM
:greengrin

For an extra £50 a month, upgrade to our Family Package allowing you to bring the kids along. Let them try some of the finest cuisine in the SPL, including the world famous half Pizza slice drowned in brown sauce.

:greengrin

Feeling extra generous? Kit them in out in Nylon and polyester in club colours!
Only an additional £50* PP PK!

(*purchase of home, away and third kits necessary)

Danderhall Hibs
13-05-2011, 05:19 PM
Are you a fan of fine, attacking football? Do you revel in the flair of the finest exponents of the beautiful game - George Best, Johann Cruyff, Pele? Do you like to see a team play with 100% commitment, courage and a never-say-die attitude? Do you want to enjoy regular sporting success, see your team win trophies, compete at the top end of the league and enjoy European Travel?

No?

Don't worry. We've got the perfect alternative! For just £40 a month you can meet your mates in a smelly Leith pub, walk over broken pavements full of dog dirt to our Family Home, enjoy an overpriced slice of pizza, climb 40 stairs to your seat in our new East Stand, regularly watch your team getting beat by bottom 6 SPL teams, wait fifteen minutes to get back out onto the streets and then slope off home avoiding Sportscene, radio programmes and newspaper back pages before doing it all again in 2 weeks time

:thumbsup:

hibee92
13-05-2011, 05:42 PM
Buy a season ticket or we'll kill this puppy.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/39/sad-puppy.JPG

R'Albin
13-05-2011, 05:44 PM
Buy a season ticket or we'll kill this puppy.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/39/sad-puppy.JPG

:faf:

NAE NOOKIE
13-05-2011, 07:18 PM
Buy a season ticket or we'll kill this puppy.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/39/sad-puppy.JPG


:faf: ......... Brilliant ....... :not worth

Kaiser1962
13-05-2011, 07:39 PM
Buy a season ticket or we'll kill this puppy.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/39/sad-puppy.JPG


Classic! :thumbsup:

zlatan
13-05-2011, 07:45 PM
We are Hibernian FC
We only sign players that are guff and free
And we will fight, to squeeze out every penny
So dig down deep and give us your *****ing money

iwasthere1972
13-05-2011, 08:10 PM
Buy a season ticket or we'll kill this puppy.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/39/sad-puppy.JPG


:thumbsup:

iwasthere1972
13-05-2011, 08:11 PM
We are Hibernian FC
We only sign players that are guff and free
And we will fight, to squeeze out every penny
So dig down deep and give us your *****ing money

Here jump in :taxi I don't think anyone noticed.

zlatan
13-05-2011, 08:29 PM
Here jump in :taxi I don't think anyone noticed.

I like jelly babies